Losing Control, Continued

So, after I published my last blog post, my pregnant friend emailed me to tell me how much she liked what I had to say. She wanted to make sure, also, that I didn't think she was being silly for saying what she said about feeling out of control. Of course, her comments are not silly in the least! She is dead-on... right on target as she embarks on this parenting journey! Here is what I emailed back to her:

"Glad it made you feel better… you just made me think of how I really haven’t posted about this topic, and it’s an issue I tackle every day. In fact, a teacher friend of mine who has 2 kids -one in elementary school, one in preschool – told me she loved my post and that control is an issue for her on a daily basis still. We had a 5 minute venting session, and she told me that no matter how old Banner is, it will always be an issue, but that the reasons for it just change. Where I’m waiting for him to finish a bottle so I can keep getting ready for work, she’s arguing with her daughter about keeping her hair fixed that morning. It’s always going to be something, and as a new mom in the early days of Banner’s life, I would almost have panic attacks recognizing that my “old life” was completely gone. . . Banner wasn’t going anywhere (not that I wanted him to, of course!!) and he would be in my life FOREVER. I couldn’t undo any of it even for a moment. A couple nights ago, I pulled the sheets over me and Sam – completely over our heads, and said, “Look, it’s just us again!” I love my baby, and I love being a mom, but sometimes I miss having control, having time for Sam, having alone/me time, and certainly having worry-free days/nights. It’s a huge transition, and it’s good to ask questions, vent, and pick others’ brains. If anything, it reminds you that everything you’re feeling is normal and NOT crazy!! I like you MORE for saying what you said because you’re being real about your feelings and thoughts. I can’t stand moms who won’t talk or act like everything is perfect. It’s one thing to be optimistic, hopeful, or excited about your baby and mommyhood, but it’s another to act like it’s not hard. I’m always here for you, and I know you are for me, too!"

I thought this response was publish-worthy because it speaks to how Moms can really help each other if we just open up and discuss our honest emotions. It is SO.NOT.EASY, so why go-it alone? Why not support each other? This blog has been an outlet for me, but it has also opened up conversation between my friends and family to help me (and them!) through any rough patches and certainly through transitions that we are all facing. Just like I used to (and still do) go look at blogs of moms whose kids are older than my child, I have become a sounding board for moms of kids younger than Banner. And, even though we're all putting this information out there in cyberland, I'm feeling so much better about knowing that we're creating a community for safe disclosure and of supportive guidance where no question or concern is too crazy, silly, or unshared. So, keep blogging, keep talking, and keep being authentic about your feelings. After all, I'm not so sure when they say, "It takes a village," that the village isn't there to also help keep Mommy sane!

Losing Control

Once upon a time, I was very much in control of my life. I felt pretty confident in knowing that I had things pretty neat, tidy, and contained right where they needed to be. No, I'm not talking about physical things or space (although that applies here, too). I'm talking about my mind and my feeling of "togetherness" that I've usually felt pretty secure with. In psych classes in college, we learned about locus of control - external and internal. I'm very much an "internal" locus of control person. I firmly believe that if I am prepared, if I do my part, if I think ahead, if I plan and stay focused, if I initiate, if I perform to the best of my ability, if I focus on my behavior, thoughts, and actions, etc... then I will be just fine. And, if I fail at something, then it's my fault. As opposed to those who have an external locus of control, I do not blame others, I don't leave things to chance, and I don't blame a higher power or the environment when things go wrong. So, very much feeling like I have control in my life, you can imagine how difficult it is for me to give up control with a baby in my life now. I knew before becoming a parent that I'd have to adjust to this, but I guess I never realized to what extent.

Sam has an external locus of control. When he was in college and would do poorly on an exam, he would blame the teacher. He'd say the test questions were unfair. He had to put up with me griping at him because I felt that HE could control things better and that he should be blaming himself, not outside factors. I still believe that, and there's no changing my mind on how absurd I believe his thinking was and can be. But, that's the control freak speaking... and honestly, sometimes I wish I could let go and share some of his mentality that I can't control everything. Because, Lord knows, I am not in control of SO much of my life.

A pregnant friend of mine asked me today if I ever felt out of control when I was pregnant. She really opened a can of worms with that question, as I hashed out all my feelings about how I have never felt more out of control in my life - starting with pregnancy and continuing every minute of the day now! Yes, there are things I can control, but so much of life since Banner has been a learning curve for me as I try to accept that I can't control everything. Even when we were trying to conceive, I did everything in my power to get pregnant sooner. . . but there's only so much you can do, right?! That was a big lesson in leaving my dreams, prayers, wishes, and hopes up to biology and/or God's hands. Pregnancy was one of the most amazing, yet one of the scariest times in my life: not knowing how the baby was doing. . . not being able to see him and "check on" him. And, of course, labor and delivery - no control over that!

We don't get to control when we get pregnant, the baby's gender, when we'll go into labor, how labor will go, how well breastfeeding progresses, how healthy our babies are, etc. I did everything in my power to make the right decisions and control what I could by listening to my doctor, reading what I could, talking to experienced moms, staying healthy, eating right, etc.... but at some point, you have to breathe and just let it go. Banner has taught me that I have no idea what's coming! I can plan all I want, but ultimately, I have absolutely no control over what happens.

Want examples? Well, I can't control his sleep. I can't control when he gets sick. I can't control his development, his curiosity, his growth, his schedule even! I can't control how loudly he cries or if he's going to fall asleep in the car. I can't control how much or where he spits up. It's all just out of my hands. Please don't misunderstand... I'm not trying to control HIM or his life; I don't want to be that kind of parent. But, it's really amazing that this little baby, before he was even born, could make a grown, educated, successful woman feel so entirely out of control! It's remarkable how this tiny creature has wreaked havoc on 30+ years of feeling in control. So much of his life, his needs, his schedule dictates my life now, and letting go of knowing my own life now is going to be a major work in progress for a long time.

So what CAN I control in this chaotic new lifestyle? It helps to be organized, to stay on top of chores around the house, and to have a diaper bag ready for any number of issues. It helps to read up on my baby and his development. I can call the doctor when I need to. I can give up on the idea of ever getting a really good night's rest, even when Banner sleeps soundly through the night! I can recognize that he will get sick, he will hurt himself, and he will hurt another baby sometime before he's one... and I can just accept it. I can take a day off if I need to, and I can be okay with the fact that I haven't been on time to work since winter break. . . yes, I admit it... write me up. (See? Look at me letting go of perfection!) It helps to have a schedule in my mind as a tentative, yes TENTATIVE, guideline. I can give up expectations of any kind! It helps to order-in every now and then! I can rely on Sam, and I can always vent to friends or pick their brains for help. Most importantly, I can be patient with myself and my need to feel in control in an uncontrollable life. And, then, I can blog about it!

Losing Track

You've heard the term "pregnancy brain" before, and maybe you don't really buy into the fact that being pregnant and having crazy hormones rush through your system can cause memory lapses and bouts of forgetfulness. I'm not sure what it is - hormones or not - but it certainly exists, and it certainly does not end with pregnancy. People always told me, when I would comment about my pregnancy brain, that it continues long after pregnancy, and I totally did not believe that! I thought they must be just making an excuse for being forgetful, or maybe they were just having a good laugh about getting older. Whatever their reasoning, I knew they were lying, exaggerating, or just making stuff up! Well, I was wrong. What started with just a few mindless acts such as forgetting to close the door to my gas tank or not being able to come up with a familiar word has turned into a full-blown inability to keep track of dates, time, situations, conversations, etc.

Ask any of my friends or family members and they will tell you that I have a great memory. I remember the most random of things from every birthday in my family to who my friends went to prom with and what they wore. People will even call me to ask a question about any given memory that they know I hold for them. This used to annoy me when it came to Sam because he wouldn't remember things that I thought were really important - special dates, what we did on certain occasions, etc. But, I've come to learn that not only is having a better memory a female trait more than a male trait, but, in my case, I'm quite talented at this memory thing, so I shouldn't blame him for not being able to keep up with my gift of memory. (This does not, however, excuse him from forgetting easy stuff like when I asked him 1000 times to write thank you notes or remembering to call someone back!)

It's been a running joke that the ultimate irony in my life would be for me to develop Alzheimer's or some other memory-loss problem. I really hope that doesn't happen, as I know how scary that can be - and it's really nothing to joke about. But, from the beginning of pregnancy, I realized my memory would never be the same. At first, I started losing words that I knew well. My vocabulary was shot, and I couldn't come up with the names for items any Kindergartener would know. I started to be unable to think quickly like I could in days past. My principal would ask for my help on a project, relying on me to be the quick, clever thinker she always praised me for being. But, I began to let her down slowly throughout the pregnancy. As I said earlier, other moms would joke that not only is this common but that it doesn't get any better after delivery. I'm finding out - they're right!

Sam has texted me twice in the past week to ask me when we ate a certain meal for dinner - making sure that the left-overs he took to work are okay to eat. I have not been able to answer either question, even though the meals were made quite recently. Someone asked when Banner first slept through the night and I knew the date, but I couldn't remember how old he was at the time without calculating it. Then, they asked what we had done differently that night, and I had no recollection. (It's all written down, but I couldn't remember without my notes.) Not only am I forgetting everything, I'm losing track of time altogether. I'm aware of time, but I can't keep it in perspective. I can tell you to the day how old Banner is. I know the date of every day, and I'm very aware of the clock because Banner's "schedule" revolves around it (and I can't wait for Sam to come home each night!). But, I can't tell you how long ago something happened, and everything in the past 7+ months just runs together as if it's been one long day since we left the hospital. My perspective of time has completely been shot.

If you were to ask me when something happened, I would have no idea. I might think it was a week ago, when it was just yesterday. I might think it happened three days ago, and it was three weeks ago. My friend asked me when I saw a particular movie... no idea. I was referring to a date night the other day, and I couldn't remember when the heck it was. I keep a calendar, but it's not helping me much these crazy days. I just hope it passes soon, or maybe I'll develop a new way of functioning to deal with this problem. I'm worried it's not going to change.

I had a long talk with a parent of two adolescent girls this past weekend. She mentioned that her girls make fun of her for not remembering things. She thought maybe it was just aging that was taking a toll on her memory. In talking with me and some other new, younger moms, she realized that it's not age, it's the stress of caring for and remembering so many events for your child(ren). The human brain is capable of many things - but when on overload, it's hard to remember so many little things.

The biggest challenge has been at work. My memory issues are causing me to have to write everything down, place Post-Its all over my desk and computer monitor, and do as much as I can in one day so that I don't have to remember to do it later! I can't remember if I've given that teacher the forms to fill out; I can't remember which kids I'm supposed to meet with without my calendar; I can't remember what that parent said in that meeting without referring to my notes; I can't remember that student's perspective of a discipline issue without really thinking hard before reporting my findings to the principal. . . etc. I'm flying by the seat of my pants on a daily basis as I try to remember everything at work ... in addition to everything at home: what time Banner woke up, when he ate last, when he's due to eat again, how many ounces he finished at his last feeding, what new food we're trying and how many more days we need to feed it to him before we introduce a new food, which birthday party we have coming up this weekend, if we got a gift for the baby shower we have coming up next weekend, and the list goes on! Luckily, my boss is well aware of my new faulty memory and just laughs with me when we are trying to reflect on and remember a situation or conversation as I look at her with "I have no recollection of this at all!" eyes. I am hopeful that things will get easier or better, or at least I hope to accommodate my new memory (or lack thereof) in an efficient way. In the meantime, I'm just trying to be patient with myself and my new life with Baby, and I'm really hoping I haven't already blogged about this and forgotten!

Another Great Read

So, my good friend, Randi, sent me the link below earlier this afternoon. Her message in her email said, "We needed to read this today." She was so right! Last night was just awful, so I needed a good reminder that I'm not alone, that parenting is hard work, and that I'm probably doing this exhausting thing right. So much of what this author writes could have come from me. She's got it exactly right, in my opinion, and I love how honest she is.

A little background from last night: Sam was out of town on a business trip. He was gone for two nights, so I decided I'd spend those nights at my mom's house since I had work both days and, since Banner spends those days at my mom's anyway, it would save me the frustration of getting both of us ready for the day and out the door on time. The first night was great. Banner slept like a champ, and the two short "paci-interventions" lasted only seconds when he did wake-up. The second night was a disaster. I decided to go to bed early - (ha! that should have been my first indicator that the night would be a failure... I've learned that God laughs when I try to get sleep!). Anyway, about an hour after I fell asleep, Banner woke up crying and was inconsolable. I paci-ed, I rocked, I patted, I back-rubbed, I even decided to try a few ounces of formula. I rocked him back to sleep twice, and both times he woke up the moment I put him back in the crib. Finally, frustrated and hoping not to wake everyone else in the house, I went to my mom's room for MY mommy! She and I decided to give some Tylenol to relieve what we thought might be teething pain, even though Banner had already had a dose four hours earlier. We changed his diaper, thinking that might be the issue - something I am totally against if you can avoid as the cold air might wake a tired baby more. Two hours into the crying fit, Mom suggested I leave and try to get some sleep. She said she'd handle the crying. Reluctant to leave her since I hated to leave her with MY child, my responsibility, I went ahead to try to sleep. 10 minutes of screaming later, I went back into Banner's room to help. He reached for me, and when I held him, he calmed just a bit but didn't stop altogether. Mom said she thought maybe he was having some separation anxiety since he got much more upset when I left the room. We finally decided to just let him lay in bed with me, and after a few minutes of calming himself down and looking around the dark room, Banner smiled and cuddled with me. I told Mom to go on to bed, and I just decided to cuddle Banner all night. I hate "caving" and allowing him to sleep in my bed, but it was rough for both of us to put up with the crying/screaming. I hated hearing him like that, I had work the next morning, and he seemed to really need me. We both snuggled up together - warm and cozy (which may have been the problem to begin with... maybe he was cold?) - and before I knew it, I was crying as I enjoyed the close cuddles with my baby. Hours before, I was frustrated, angry, anxious, and annoyed, but in this calm, peaceful moment when the crying had subsided and all Banner wanted was to be close to me, I just took it all in and loved being with my little guy.

This article reminded me that it's THESE moments that I need to embrace, that will pass all too quickly, that make all the hard times worth it. I've been feeling very much like I need to "Carpe Diem" like the author of this article explains, and I get annoyed when I get annoyed - because I know how fast time will pass (and IS passing) by. I want to embrace every moment, memorize every face, touch, smell, and sound of my baby, and soak up each passing day with great excitement, happiness, and joy. But, it's just so damn hard sometimes, and I get so frustrated, annoyed, anxious, tired, stressed, etc. Yet, just like Tom Hanks' character says in A League of Their Own, "The hard is what makes it great!" Amen! Now, read on:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

7 Month Ins and Outs

In honor of Banner turning 7 months old, I thought I'd just pick 7 things that are IN and 7 things that are OUT in Banner's world:

IN:

1. Peek-a-Boo - shortly after turning 6-months, Banner started really giggling at this game. He's got quite a sense of humor, too, when we change it up and move sideways or make a funny face as we play it with him. He likes for us to hide his face, as well.

2. Being Outside - I can't believe I really haven't included this favorite of Banner's in any of my previous "What I Know about BBJ"-type posts! Banner LOVES nature - hot or cold, rainy or sunny, windy or dry, he is in awe of nature's wonders. He loves to watch the trees, feel the breeze, listen for birds, etc. During Christmas time, he loved the bright lights that lit up neighborhoods, and even at his six month photo shoot, our photographer's tricks couldn't get his attention when Banner was staring out the window at the trees outside. Sam and I have often talked about how we can't WAIT to show him the vast ocean one day! We know he will love it as much as we do!

3. Music and Singing - So, I've always played music for Banner, even before he was born. I'm so glad he likes music. He often tries to "sing" along with familiar tunes like "The Wheels on the Bus," "I've Got the Whole World in My Hands," or "Pat-a-Cake." He loves his lullabies at night, and he calms when we listen to certain songs on the Glee soundtracks. He especially loves when I sing along to them in the car - he stops babbling to listen, and he often falls asleep. (Or, maybe he hates my singing and he's putting himself out of his misery!) :)

4. Giggling -Like I said before, the boy has quite a sense of humor. He giggles at so many things, and he has the best giggle (I know I'm biased, but so many other people have commented on his belly laughs and how much fun they are). Some things that make him giggle: a quick upside-down view of the world, when we pretend to drink his bottle, saying "Cheeeese!," Peek-a-Boo, sitting on Daddy's head, zerberts, tickles.

5. Babbling - "dada," "mama," "baba," "haaa" are the sounds of the month. I've heard a few /n/ and /l/ sounds, but the d, m, and b sounds are most often produced throughout the day. If you say, "Hi!" to Banner, sometimes he will reply with a "haaaa" that almost sounds like "Hi" and Sam, my mom, and I firmly believe he is trying to say "hi," at least in response. On New Year's Eve, he was crawling towards Sam, and quite distinctly he said, "Haaaa, dada!" My mom, Sam, and I all three looked at each other and said, "Did you hear that?!" I'm sure he had no idea what he was saying, but it sounded pretty cool!

6. Crawling - He's all over the place now. Army crawling still gets him there faster, but he's definitely a crawler now - perfectly maneuvering where he wants to go on hands and knees.

7. Sleeping, Eating, and Bathing - (okay, I cheated... I made #7 three things) Banner is a great sleeper (still a poor napper, though). He sleeps very well through the night and doesn't like to deviate from his nightly routine. He's also a great eater, even though he's not as interested in his mid-day bottles. We're still having a great time introducing new foods to him. We've added lots this month - broccoli, pumpkin, spinach, corn - to name a few. He loves mango, apple, broccoli, squash, sweet potatoes the most, but he tolerates pretty much everything we give him. Again, still need to try peas a third time now, but it's been the only food that really makes him gag. And, bathing is a highlight of our day... he loves to splash the water, loves to relax in it, and loves talking to me when I'm bathing him. He is so good in the tub - lets me wash him, his hair, even tolerates getting out of the tub. He is so giggly even knowing a bath is on the way, as we start the water and undress him. I think both of our favorite parts is the last rinse right before turning the water off - it helps keep him warm, and it's a signal that bath time is over. Sam comes to hold him up, and I use the sprayer to rinse one last time. His naked little body is so cute, and he just smiles or squeals with delight knowing he has all of our attention!

OUT:

1. Staying In One Place - The kid is on the move - all the time! The worst is the changing table - we have to find something to distract him (usually a book he can hold... which is really cute because it looks like he's reading a magazine or newspaper very casually), and we have to keep hands on him at all times or he'd flip off the table. It's much harder to change him now!

2. Being Put in the Car Seat -We've gotten rid of the infant seat/carrier, and Banner is now in a convertible car seat. He hates having to be strapped down in it, but usually, a good distraction like a toy or a pacifier will stop the whining. I think when we could put him in his carrier and then simply drop the carrier into the base in the car, he was happier. Now, it's cold outside, and having to work with Mommy or Daddy to get him settled in there is just frustrating. Hey, I don't like it either - I much preferred getting him situated while in the warmth of the house, but that seat was too damn heavy to lug around at this point!

3. Napping (at least at home): Don't know how she does it, but Grandma still gets Banner to nap well. But, when he's at home, he refuses to nap. If he does, by some miracle, decide to fall asleep, he won't stay asleep long (30 minutes max). But, I can't complain because he sleeps so great at night, and I much prefer that!

4. Taking a Toy Away - If you take something away from him that he really wants to play with, he will let you know! Luckily, those distractions are helpful still. Just show him something else that pleases him or takes his attention from the taken-toy, and he's fine.

5. Getting Dressed for the Day - Mostly, the hardest part is the long sleeves that Banner hates. Once he's in them, it's fine, but he will complain as we try to quickly maneuver his arm through the fabric. We do it very gracefully at this point, but he still hates it for a few seconds.

6. Keeping an Entire Meal Down -Yes, the reflux issue is still very much an issue. It's not letting up at all. While some days are better than others, the answer to "Is the reflux any better?" is definitely "No!" Luckily, Banner is still a "happy spitter," and the Prevacid helps keep him comfortable when anything comes back up, but he's still spitting up all over the place. Eating solids hasn't helped, and we often see different colors coming out of his mouth now that he's eating things like carrots, green beans, squash, prunes, etc. I have been told by numerous people that "it will get better," but I keep wondering when. I was told 3 months, then 4 months, then 6 months, and now a year. I was told it would be better when he started rice cereal. I was told it would be better when he could sit up. Oh well, it is what it is! Lots of laundry, bib-wearing, and stocking up on burp rags are still a major part of our daily agenda, and I can't wait for my little boy to know that it is not normal for liquid to pour out of your mouth at any given moment.

7. Our Shy Boy - Once upon a time, I thought Banner was going to be shy. I'm not entirely sure he's not a little bit shy, at least when he is first getting used to a person. But, the past few times we've had friends over, he has been quite the entertainer and wants to laugh, make someone else laugh, and get lots of attention. I think the "shy" factor is out - or at least goes away after a while of being around him in his own space.

So, there you have it - 7 "Ins" and 7 "Outs" as we celebrate 7 full months with our little man. Oh, Banner Boone, we love you so much! I can't wait to keep getting to know you, getting to know what you love and what you hate, and getting to watch you learn and grow! Happy 7 Month Birthday, Sweet Boy!

25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

http://studerteam.blogspot.com/2011/11/25-rules-for-mothers-of-sons.html?m=1

I got this link from my friend, Gretchen, and not only did I cry reading it thinking of my relationship with Banner, but I cried thinking of my own mother and her relationship with my brother, and mostly I cried thinking of my mother-in-law and her relationship with Sam. It's emotional to think about how Leslie continues to affect Sam's life posthumously and how my relationship with Banner is just beginning and that everyday I have the chance to impact his life. It's ironic to think that their relationship is still so "active" even after her death because her life lessons, her teachings, her support, her encouragement, her cheerleading, her words of wisdom, etc. continue to affect Sam now - whereas my relationship with Banner has so much potential being so new. In reflecting on these rules, I'm glad Leslie taught Sam all the things she did, and I can't wait to teach Banner so many things. Leslie was "home" for Sam, and I already feel like I'm "home" for Banner. And, I love the rule about a mother teaching her son that he is never alone. Leslie is with us every day, and Sam is never alone even without her here anymore. I hope Banner knows that one day, and when I'm gone, I hope he'll still be able to feel my love, that he'll have amazing memories of me and our times together, and that he'll remember how much I'm still here with him.

Thank you, Gretch, for reminding me how fabulous it is to be the mother of a son.
Here's to you, Leslie, for knowing how to raise an amazing son.
And, here's to you, Banner, for being my amazing son!

FLASHBACK!!!!!

Here's a FLASHBACK  post I wrote at the end of a summer break - and I still feel the same way this winter!! Just add in the fact that now I want to stay at home with Banner and play, watch him learn, tend to his needs, etc. I don't wanna go tomorrow!

Ringing In 2012

Reflecting on A Life-Changing Year

Last year at this time, I was about 16 weeks pregnant and so looking forward to 2011, the year our baby would be born. What a year it has been! I just wanted to reflect on it before it's over!
This year:

• Sam got a new job
• We emptied, painted, and prepared a baby nursery
• I had more doctor visits, sonograms, and hospital stays than I've had my entire life
• We had more snow/ice days than ever before
• We celebrated Colby, Marin, Sydney, Bryce, and Emma's first birthdays
• I made an amazing new friend, Randi, who I couldn't live without - or at least function as a pregnant-person-turned-new-mom without
• Kira, Brock, and Shelby got engaged - not to each other, of course! :)
• Mara graduated Kindergarten, and Kindle graduated high school
• I said goodbye to the idea of a little girl in my belly and began falling in love with my son moving around in my pregnant bump
• We picked a NAME for our little nugget! 
• I mourned with Cherie when she lost her grandmother, and I mourned with Robyn when she lost her uncle
• I celebrated with Laura when she married Ben
• Sam and I took several childbirth classes, and Sam got to experience being "pregnant!"
• We interviewed and chose a pediatrician for our baby
• I was awarded a PTA Lifetime membership by my school community
• We met Landry, Taryn, Theo, and lots of other friends like Ella, Myka, Shayna, Adam, Sami, Zeina, Emma, Everett, Micah, and Brayden
• Sam and I welcomed Banner into our lives
• I learned that I can't control everything, not everything goes my way or as planned, but everything can still turn out amazing
• I also learned not to judge others, that I can function on very little sleep, that I can always learn to be (even) more patient, and that eventually you don't care if you have spit up running down you or your clothes
• I ordered my blog-to-book, and now I want to post even more!
• I got to see Robyn 3 different weeks between May and July - and that was awesome - but I miss her everyday as I'm figuring out the whole motherhood thing.  (Rob-- when you coming to see us again!?!?)
• Sam and I celebrated our second anniversary, had an amazing time at Gaylord, and bought a new bed
• We Raced for the Cure and raised over $2500 to Save Second Base Again! :)
• Although we haven't solved the reflux dilemma, the eczema dilemma got solved
• Sam had his first Father's Day
• Banner had a bris and a naming, and he celebrated his first July 4th, Labor Day, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and New Year's Eve
• I washed more bottles, bought more formula and pacifiers, changed more diapers, read more about sleep training, washed more toys, cleaned more spit-up, sucked more snot, and went to the baby stores more than I care to count. . . the good news is that I got peed on way less than I expected (thanks to my baby who, unlike most baby boys, rarely pees without a diaper on)
• I enjoyed 5 full months with Banner as a stay-at-home mom, and then I successfully went back to work while Banner loved spending time with his Grandma (Thank you, Grandma!!!)
• We lost my mother-in-law suddenly and unexpectedly, and we're still figuring out a way to move on without her
• We sat Shiva at our house, and even though it was a sad time, we got to spend time with lots of out-of-town relatives
• We learned that several of our friends are expecting babies in 2012: Gretchen, Laura, Bari, Mischelle, Julia - we can't wait to meet all of these little BOYS!
• Banner learned to hold his head up, smile, laugh, coo, grab for objects, sleep through the night, eat solids, roll over, sit up, creep, say Mama and Dada (even though we know that has no meaning to him yet), tolerate his shots, drink from a sippy cup, interact with his play date friends, squeal, reach for us, and love!

We can't wait to see what's in store for 2012! Happy New Year, Everyone!
Here's hoping it's a good, safe, healthy, and happy one!

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

Most of my winter break, I was sick... again... as usual during this time of year. As I've already discussed in a previous post, being a sick parent is awful, but I still made some amazing memories during the past couple weeks, and I want to document them here. These are some of my favorite things that happened over my winter break:

• Every morning, I took Banner's first nap of the day with him in our bed. I have missed these naps since being back at work, so it's been nice to reunite with my sleeping baby, watching him doze off snuggled up in our big bed, and catching some Z's of my own. But one morning in particular stands out. I was in a deep sleep, and Banner woke up before I did. I woke up to the soft touch of his hand on mine. When I opened my eyes, I saw him looking at me, and he was just sweeping his hand across mine as if to say gently, "Mommy. It's time to wake up, please."
• When I'm getting ready to leave the house (getting dressed, made-up, and hair done), Banner plays in his Pack-n-Play and seems to love his time in there. On a couple of occasions, I've put the TV on the "Toddler Tunes" channel so he and I can both listen to children's music. One day, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," came on. This was a favorite of Caden & Mara's when they were itty bitty, so it was fun to pick Banner up and introduce him to this song. He just smiled and giggled as I swayed and bounced him to the "weema weh" song!
• Now that Banner can sit up unsupported, we have experimented with the bath ring (a bath seat he can sit upright in). One day, I took Banner into the shower with me, placed the bath ring on the shower floor, and I washed my hair on the floor of the shower. Now, that sounds gross, but the detachable shower head became quite the entertainment, providing a sprinkler/fountain effect for him to play in. He loved it, and I was able to shower and watch him at the same time (a challenge for any new mom, right?!).
• Baby Boy has gotten to be so animated and fun this past month or two. He's got an incredible sense of humor, and he's so fun to interact with. When our friends, Gretchen & Avi, came over one day, he was quite the entertainer! He was cracking up - and cracking us up! I loved watching Avi get Banner to just giggle away with delight. High pitched squeals, giggles, and belly laughs were abundant, and I don't think I've ever seen Banner have SO much fun before for such an extended period of time! 
• Speaking of animated, Banner's face when Sam gets home from work is priceless! Most days, when Sam makes his appearance from the garage, Banner starts bouncing and smiling. I love watching this!
• I recently took Banner on his first trip to the mall. Not only did we go to one mall, but we also went to a second mall - and the grocery store - and the baby store - and Sam's club! Yes, all in one day. I hate shopping, and I was on a roll and in the mood, so Banner was my captive helper, and he did great!! This was a fun day for both of us, as he sat in his stroller like a big boy for the first time, taking in the sights, venturing from one store to the next while Mommy tried her best to shop fast. It was the perfect day to shop - after the holidays - and we got a lot done! During the last stop, I knew I was pushing my luck, but Banner did great. The best part, for me at least, was when he was reaching for me while in the cart. I promised him I'd hold him soon, and since he fell asleep on the way home, when we got back to the house, he just slept in my arms and had a great little nap on me.
• I got in the mood one day to do some major cleaning... you can't tell now that my house was once immaculate because it doesn't stay clean long around here, but I digress. . . and I decided to vacuum. Banner used to vacuum with me as I would have him in the Bjorn, and I'd wear him around the house as I tackled the floors all over the house. Now, he loves to watch me. This particular day, he was on his play mat, and his head moved back and forth as I vacuumed around him. It was too funny as I lifted the play mat and vacuumed all around Banner. He looked fascinated with this machine, and I was fascinated watching him watch me!
• One final favorite was after another morning nap. Banner woke up after 30 minutes, much to my frustration because I was really wanting to continue my snooze. I told him I would wake up in a minute, and he just smiled at me like he always does when he wakes up. Finally, I just pulled him over the body pillow that separates us and he snuggled up close to me. Within minutes, both of us passed out again! We slept for another hour like that - just holding each other and cuddling in bed. Seriously - best cuddle ever!

I had a lot of other favorite things happen over break - including becoming addicted to the Family Feud app on my iPhone, times with family and friends, amazing holiday memories, celebrating the victory of Banner's newborn picture in a photo competition, cooking because I actually have time and desire to do it, and staying in pajamas way too long during the day! Even being sick and at times feeling like I wouldn't make it through the day feeling so icky - I have really enjoyed my time with my little family of three. My heart is so full - ready to burst open so much of the time - and I love spending these great moments every day with these special boys in my life. I just want to soak up what I can of these tender days with Banner as I feel them running away from me all too fast. I try to memorize his face, his hands, his voice, his laugh, his touch, his smell... and I miss him already... but I look forward to each new day with him, learning all about him. I continue to pray for his health, his safety, his growth, his development, his learning, his sense of security and love, his happiness. I'm pretty sure this kid knows he is so loved, but I hope he knows how proud of him we are, how happy he makes us, and how much fun we're having with him. And, if he feels even the smallest amount like we do, then he is one happy boy!