Another Great Read

So, my good friend, Randi, sent me the link below earlier this afternoon. Her message in her email said, "We needed to read this today." She was so right! Last night was just awful, so I needed a good reminder that I'm not alone, that parenting is hard work, and that I'm probably doing this exhausting thing right. So much of what this author writes could have come from me. She's got it exactly right, in my opinion, and I love how honest she is.

A little background from last night: Sam was out of town on a business trip. He was gone for two nights, so I decided I'd spend those nights at my mom's house since I had work both days and, since Banner spends those days at my mom's anyway, it would save me the frustration of getting both of us ready for the day and out the door on time. The first night was great. Banner slept like a champ, and the two short "paci-interventions" lasted only seconds when he did wake-up. The second night was a disaster. I decided to go to bed early - (ha! that should have been my first indicator that the night would be a failure... I've learned that God laughs when I try to get sleep!). Anyway, about an hour after I fell asleep, Banner woke up crying and was inconsolable. I paci-ed, I rocked, I patted, I back-rubbed, I even decided to try a few ounces of formula. I rocked him back to sleep twice, and both times he woke up the moment I put him back in the crib. Finally, frustrated and hoping not to wake everyone else in the house, I went to my mom's room for MY mommy! She and I decided to give some Tylenol to relieve what we thought might be teething pain, even though Banner had already had a dose four hours earlier. We changed his diaper, thinking that might be the issue - something I am totally against if you can avoid as the cold air might wake a tired baby more. Two hours into the crying fit, Mom suggested I leave and try to get some sleep. She said she'd handle the crying. Reluctant to leave her since I hated to leave her with MY child, my responsibility, I went ahead to try to sleep. 10 minutes of screaming later, I went back into Banner's room to help. He reached for me, and when I held him, he calmed just a bit but didn't stop altogether. Mom said she thought maybe he was having some separation anxiety since he got much more upset when I left the room. We finally decided to just let him lay in bed with me, and after a few minutes of calming himself down and looking around the dark room, Banner smiled and cuddled with me. I told Mom to go on to bed, and I just decided to cuddle Banner all night. I hate "caving" and allowing him to sleep in my bed, but it was rough for both of us to put up with the crying/screaming. I hated hearing him like that, I had work the next morning, and he seemed to really need me. We both snuggled up together - warm and cozy (which may have been the problem to begin with... maybe he was cold?) - and before I knew it, I was crying as I enjoyed the close cuddles with my baby. Hours before, I was frustrated, angry, anxious, and annoyed, but in this calm, peaceful moment when the crying had subsided and all Banner wanted was to be close to me, I just took it all in and loved being with my little guy.

This article reminded me that it's THESE moments that I need to embrace, that will pass all too quickly, that make all the hard times worth it. I've been feeling very much like I need to "Carpe Diem" like the author of this article explains, and I get annoyed when I get annoyed - because I know how fast time will pass (and IS passing) by. I want to embrace every moment, memorize every face, touch, smell, and sound of my baby, and soak up each passing day with great excitement, happiness, and joy. But, it's just so damn hard sometimes, and I get so frustrated, annoyed, anxious, tired, stressed, etc. Yet, just like Tom Hanks' character says in A League of Their Own, "The hard is what makes it great!" Amen! Now, read on:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html