The Empathy and the Empathy Belly

Every Thursday in April, Sam and I participated in a Prepared Childbirth Class which took place at our hospital. Each class started with a lecture segment led by our instructor, Jessie. Then, we would watch a video of some kind, and then we would practice relaxation techniques from breathing to massage. Sam and I both learned a great deal about various topics from the stages of labor to postpartum care. We got a chance to talk to other couples, to hear about the hospital policies and procedures, and to voice our concerns and fears. We had a chance to really discuss our hopes, desires, and expectations with each other, as well. One assignment was to delegate percentages of responsibilities for various household and baby care chores after the baby is born - like who is mostly responsible for laundry, yard care, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, feeding baby, bathing baby, house maintenance, etc. Another assignment was to discuss our fears about medical intervention with another couple in the class. During class discussion, we talked about our expectations for who we wanted to be allowed in the labor room, what should happen immediately after the baby is born, and how we wanted to handle guests at the hospital ( as well as how to share that information with our family and friends). I, personally, liked the videos we would watch. Even though they would scare the ba-jeesus out of me (and the other women as we watched women give birth and nurse their babies - both completely natural activities that looked entirely unnatural!), it was really Sam's first experience seeing anything like this. Oh, you should have seen his face - more specifically his eyes - when he'd see such sights - especially just how much of the breast goes into a baby's mouth! Too priceless! :)

I would come home from these classes with a better understanding of what we've gotten ourselves into, and I'd feel understood by the instructor, by the other women in the class, and most importantly, by Sam. Some people have told us that these classes are worthless, and that, in the heat of the moment of labor and delivery, you forget everything you've learned. Well, my response to that is that I don't really care. There's a lot I DIDN'T get out of the class; for example, I already know how I handle pain - and having Sam tell me a funny story will NOT help me in the moment, or having him touch me if I'm hot and sweaty will NOT be beneficial for either one of us. Yet, the discussions and assignments we had during these classes have, at the very least, opened up more conversation for Sam and me to understand each other better.

Throughout my pregnancy, my dealings with the medical professionals has been just that - medical. It's been very black and white, very unemotional. Our classes have allowed us to handle our emotional reactions to the medical side of being pregnant. Honestly, there have been very few emotional supports from doctors in my life during this emotionally charged time. I'm not saying they are un-feeling or not supportive, but no one has really validated my fears and concerns about sustaining pregnancy, about labor, and about delivery with words of encouragement and understanding like, "I know you're worried, but most babies are born healthy," or "I can understand your concerns, but there will be so many people to help you through this," or "I will be right there with you helping you when you're scared." Maybe it's my counseling background that makes me just wish these medical professionals would be a little more empathic to the fear and worry of this scary, new event in a woman's life.

Sam agrees with these comments, as once I have voiced them to him, he nods and mirrors my concerns. He has told me he is just as scared and worried as I am. He worries about me, and he worries about our baby. He doesn't want to see me in pain, and he wants to know what he can do to help me through it all. I'm so grateful that he seems to get it all; even if he doesn't have to be the one to go through it all personally, he certainly seems to empathize with what I'm saying and sees my perspective as best he can.

One additional way that Sam was able to see my point-of-view, even if not exactly the same way, was the Empathy Belly experience in our last class last week. I've posted some pictures below, so you can see how he was given the opportunity to wear a weighted belly and breasts to feel the cumbersome pregnant body. Most of the men in the class put the belly on, tried to pick something up off the floor, and then passed it along. I asked Sam to just experience what it's like to lay down, try to turn over, and then to get up on your own. He had quite a reaction to this experience - saying, "Oh, wow! That kinda hurts my back!" The other women in the class laughed a little, too. And, although these activities don't hurt my back like he experienced, he got to experience the awkward change in maneuvering your body a different way when you're pregnant. Sam has always been helpful, and he's been even more helpful while I've been pregnant - even more than I really need him to be. I can bend over, I can reach things, I can carry things, I can get off the couch, etc., but it's just more difficult now. So, it's nice to know that he's there to help, and now, after the Empathy Belly, he's even more understanding of just how awkward my body feels for me - without thinking I'm weak or "playing the pregnancy card."

So, whether or not others think these classes will benefit us on B-Day, they were certainly well worth it in the meantime and in helping both of us understand the process, the body, and the emotions we are both feeling. And, well, we got these great pics, too! Thanks for being such a great sport, Sam! Baby will love these pictures one day - of his mommy and daddy being "pregnant" at the same time! :)