Things No One Should Say to a Pregnant Woman

I love being pregnant. There's something so amazingly special about having this little baby of ours move around inside me, having him with me all the time, watching my body change in order to take good care of him, and awaiting the arrival of my son to enter the world! It really is pretty darn miraculous, and I don't ever want to come across as complaining about something I have wanted since I was a little girl. Waiting for that positive pregnancy test for months and then the grueling minutes that special day was rewarded with the fabulous outcome I had been wanting, so why would I possibly complain about being pregnant at all? The truth is, though, in addition to these excited, grateful, appreciative feelings, there ARE ailments and annoying side-effects of being pregnant. I can completely tolerate those frustrations. What is difficult, though, is the comments I hear - or my friends have heard - that just kinda get under our skin. Specifically, I'm referring to comments made by a) people we don't know at all, b) people who think they know us but don't really, c) people who think they know everything. Typically, the "bothersome-ness" of the below statements is greatly decreased or non-existent if made by best friends, sisters, mothers, a fellow pregnant lady, AND if it's said with concern or curiosity. Those people seemingly get a pass. Sorry, but that's the truth. Why is that? Well, because best friends tell you like it is anyway, sisters and mothers share common genetics so they are more curious or interested in your body as it might pertain to their own, and fellow pregnant people make themselves vulnerable to the same kinds of comments, so it's all okay.

I am not trying to sound bitter or rude in any way, but I wouldn't be true to my purpose in creating this blog if I didn't voice my honest opinions - you know, those opinions that we all really have but don't say or are too afraid to admit. So, dedicated to my original goal of starting this blog, I'm going to be completely honest and forward about what we pregnant individuals can't stand from non-pregnant people in an incomplete list entitled....

Things No One Should Say to a Pregnant Woman:

• "You're enormous!" (This one's pretty obvious to me.) Other comments in this category include: "Are you sure you're not having twins?" or "You sure are getting rounder/pudgier/bigger.")


• "You won't be able to wear THAT for much longer." (And YOU won't be able to talk much longer! No, really.... what's this comment about, anyway? I can't stand people telling me what my future holds - like how much bigger I am going to get, how I'm going to have to do things differently, or "just you wait until . . . " comments. No one knows how big I'm going to get or how difficult it's going to be. Every person's different. My experience will be different than yours, and my experience this time around will be different than my own experience next time. People have warned me about my stretch marks that are on the way, my belly button that will pop soon, and so many other things about doctor's appointments or other physical ailments. So far, they've been wrong. I know I still have 3 weeks, which is a long time at this point, but still... predicting the future is a difficult task; let's just wait and see what happens without your input.)


• "You must be having a girl. Your hips are huge/you have so much acne." (Not really a compliment, huh?)


• "Did you use fertility treatments?" (Many women will just tell you if they want you to know this. If not, it's really none of your business, nor does it matter.)


• "I feel so fat! I'm so out of shape." (You're saying this to ME?!)


• "Your boobs are huge!" (Yep! And, they're gonna get bigger... and uglier.)


• "You're still pregnant?"


• "It's way too early for you to be waddling." (Someone once said this to me and I wanted to hit her. Not only was I probably NOT waddling, but who is she to tell me when it's an appropriate or inappropriate time to walk in a way that is more comfortable for my changing gait?)


• Any horror stories about labor and delivery.


• "How much weight have you gained?"


• "Should you really be eating that?"


• "Aren't you worried about pushing that baby out of you?" (Well, NOW I am!)


• "You look miserable!" or "You look like you can't walk." (Well, growing a person inside you can take lots of hard work. What's YOUR special talent? And, at least I'll be back to "normal" after I push him out of me! )


• "It must be pregnant brain!" (No, really... it's not my hormones making me forget. You really never told me that story before... or asked me to run that errand...or asked me that question. Don't try to get away with remembering something wrong by blaming ME!)


• "You weren't trying, were you?" (I have a good friend who recently told me, about her second pregnancy, "I like to keep my sex life relatively private and having gone through this before I know that my body, medical choices and most things that were once deemed private become very public." Keep this in mind when your reaction to a second/future pregnancy seems a little too shocked.)


• "There's no way you're 8 months along; you're barely showing." (I get this one a lot, and it pisses me off. One person has told me in the same day that I look "only four months pregnant," and then later "you look about six months pregnant" when I was really 8 months. Well, which is it? People probably think they're being nice because it's not like the obviously rude "You're so big" comments, but it only makes me think the person saying it believes there is something wrong with the growth of my child. I'm becoming a mother - code for "worrier." Don't give me a reason to think you think my baby's not growing right. I'll trust my doctor to tell me that my baby and my belly are growing just fine.)
  

I realize this covers a wide variety of topics that should be off limits, and it makes it hard to know exactly what to say to a pregnant person, but I've included these items just as a "heads-up" to protect the innocent. I'm not saying that every person will find these comments offensive; in fact, there are some comments listed above that I'm not really upset by. I'm also not suggesting that pregnant people are entirely too sensitive to handle any of these statements, but you just never know how someone will interpret them, so it's best not to say them at all. Of course, many of these comments were ones I never thought anything of until I, myself, was a pregnant lady, and then I "got it." It's hard to know what goes through the mind of a person who is worried about her baby, worried about her changing body, or worried about how others view her new form without having gone through that experience. I'm sure there will be more for me to learn along the way, later in this journey. . . like the ever-popular complaint many postpartum moms hear, "When are you due?" months after their babies are born, or the comments I know many new moms get right after birth: "You still look pregnant." I'm sure those will annoy me like they annoy those other mothers - I mean, think about it... it took months to get to be this round, it's going to take just as long or longer to get remotely back to the size you were before, right?

Anyway, I just wanted to reflect on some of the interesting comments heard by so many of my friends and me. Do you have anything to add to this list? Oh, and I'd like to thank the ladies who also contributed to this post, whether they explicitly told me comments they heard or if we talked about it in various conversations. So, thank you fellow pregnant ladies: Logan, Lisa, Randi, Julie, Casey, Jenny, Kristi, Laura, and Lindsay. And, well, since this blog is entitled "Journey to the Knot" and has mostly been about marriage and family - I'll also thank my most amazing husband for helping me reflect on why these comments can be so bothersome, agreeing with me, and empathizing when he hears them, too! I love you, Sam! :)