Spit-Up, Hiccup, Clean-Up, Fed Up

Disclaimer: In most of my previous postings, when I need to vent, I usually say something like, "Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining..." Well, in this post, I AM COMPLAINING! I'm whining and I'm letting you know it!

Banner has reflux. Like many babies experience, reflux is when the stomach hasn't started a normal squeezing pattern that gets the stomach into a digestive rhythm. This allows milk to sit in the baby's stomach longer than normal and causes the baby to spit up or have reflux. A great deal of what we feed him makes its way back up and out of Banner's mouth at any point after a feeding. ANY.POINT... 10 seconds to 2 hours to right before his next feeding. Yet, he has never really minded the fact that partially-digested formula cascades out of his mouth and down his chin like a running faucet. He doesn't mind the wetness of his clothes or the foul odor of sour formula. He doesn't seem to mind having to wear a bib almost constantly, and he doesn't appear to be bothered by the 20 minutes or longer that he must stay upright before we can go play after eating. He's a trooper, and he's certainly more patient than I am. I feel badly for him that he has to deal with such an annoying problem all day (and all night!) long. It has to be frustrating to constantly have wet clothing or have to be changed out of them numerous times a day; it has to be frustrating to never know when your previous meal is going to pop back up - in the car, on the play mat, in your sleep, in the bathtub, in your swing, while someone is holding you, having a diaper changed, etc. It just never goes away! I feel so badly for him that his eating experience is ruined by this problem; he has to continue to eat his formula all day long as it gets stuck in his mouth or reappears throughout the day.

Sounds appetizing, right? Ugh! I feel so badly for him, and I have to remember it's worse for him. BUT, it's really frustrating for me, too! I am so fed up (no pun intended) with having to clean my carpets, do more laundry, change Banner's clothes, have extra burp rags on hand, clean the furniture, pull my hair back, change my own clothes, etc. It's unnerving! I also have to worry about him choking on his spit-up - a fear that keeps me from sleeping deeply at night. Poor baby can spit up at any time at night, choking on his previous meals or having it stream out of his nose. If Banner coughs at night, Sam and I are immediately out of bed, peering over Banner's pack-n-play making sure he's not spitting up and choking on it. It's the main reason we haven't moved him out of our room yet. . . I'm too paranoid to have him any farther from us at night.

Banner also gets the hiccups after every meal. EVERY.SINGLE.MEAL since he was born! If we did the approximate math on this, he has had hiccups about 498 times so far. I absolutely hurt for him! The thing is, though, he LOVES to eat. I don't know if that's because he would have loved to eat anyway or if it's because he's never full after spitting up so much between feedings. He's got a strong suck, taking his bottles in about 10 minutes! He's a fast eater, which is part of the problem, I'm sure. We try to take breaks, trying to elicit a (hopefully dry) burp while also trying to slow the feeding down. We know he's getting enough to eat, because he is putting on weight appropriately, and he's filling out nicely. He's a very strong boy - as EVERYone has mentioned to us. I sometimes wonder if his muscles are so strong that they squeeze so tightly inside that food is projected out. He spits up more often before he hiccups, he spits up more often when he's excited (like if someone makes him smile or laugh), and he spits up more if he hasn't been burped in the middle of a bottle. We know we're not overfeeding him, either, as he's only in the 30th percentile for weight. He can spit-up even just the smallest amount, like the 2.5mL of reflux medication we give him twice a day. When this (rarely) happens, I think it's funny and ironic - spitting up the medicine that's supposed to help you from spitting up. Apparently, though, the medicine is not supposed to help with the spitting up - it's supposed to keep the acid level down so that Banner is not in pain when it happens.

And he's not - not in any pain at all. That's the most amazingly weird part. I'd be so pissed if I were puking all day - but not my little baby! He's just a "happy spitter," as the doctor calls him. He will happily go about his day, barfing here and there and everywhere. He's even spit up into his eye before and did not seem to mind. (I was rocking him to sleep, he spit up a LOT, and it went all over his face. I tried to hurry to wipe it away, but he opened his eyes and in went the spit-up!) I'm glad he doesn't seem to mind. Thank goodness he's handling this daily/nightly frustration so well! He's definitely doing better than his mama! I am constantly worried and annoyed - both for him and for me! We're on our 4th formula right now - and I'm ready for a fifth because this one is worse than before. We spend about $140 every two weeks on his reflux medicine that I'm not sure he really needs - as he's never really been in pain from the reflux. It's a specially-mixed medicine that our insurance won't cover, and it's only good for up to 15 days after it's made. So even if we didn't finish the bottle, we have to continue to refill the prescription. Each formula we try gets increasingly more expensive than the last. Currently, the formula we're trying costs $10 per quart. He goes through a little less than a quart each day, so we're spending approximately $70 a week on formula. If things don't improve somewhat soon, we'll be taking him to a GI doctor, and I'm sure that won't be cheap, either. But, all of this is worth it if Banner needs it - I just haven't seen much of a difference with all these interventions (new formula, medicine, holding him upright for a while after eating, elevating his changing pad, etc.). Given that Banner seems to be otherwise healthy, I'm grateful that this is all we're dealing with. Things could be so much worse. I also know we're in good company, since so many of my friends and family have shared other woes of reflux with us. I feel badly that not many people want to hold Banner, for fear of barf rolling down their clothing. I feel badly that he's puked on so many people's carpeting and furniture. I feel badly that I practically gag at the smell of his new formula (but Banner understands, he gagged, too, the first few feedings!). I feel badly that I won't pick him up without a (somewhat) trusty burp rag nearby or on my shoulder. I feel badly that I have to pull my hair back before I can pick him up - and I'm starting to think he doesn't recognize me with my hair down...seriously! (This act is getting harder because I've broken all of my hair clips this summer. I broke my only one left yesterday, so I HAVE to go get more today!) I hate that when I walk into Banner's room, I can smell his awful-smelling formula immediately! Sam used to not mind the smell of formula on him at work, because it reminded him of Banner - but now, he can't stand it. This new formula has robbed us of that sweet baby smell!

We're hoping we find a "cure" soon. I know this is such a common problem; there has to be a formula for Banner out there! It will just take time and patience for us to find it. I just hope it's sooner than later for everyone's sake - especially my little bulimic baby.