And Another Year Makes 14!! (Banner's Newsletter)

Dear Banner,

Happy 14th Birthday, Son! What a year this has been! I definitely feel like it flew by; it feels like your bar mitzvah was just yesterday. I've been told that after your child's bar mitzvah, you feel like the next day you're moving them into college. And after this fast year, I can definitely understand why that is certainly a valid feeling! You are an incredible kid, Banner. I want to tell you about yourself at this age. SO...

Here are 14 things about you at 14!

• Passion for Percussion and Pitching: Never before have we seen such excitement and commitment to pursuing something. We love that you have these interests! You are determined to improve and to practice, which is something we rarely have seen in your childhood. You joined your very first baseball team this year, and you took a chance going "potluck" with a team. Luckily, you knew Mason, and his dad was the coach, and you made a few new friends this season! You started private lessons with Coach Leo, who you admire and listen to very well. You've also decided to continue band next year - which means you will have to be a part of the marching band. You secured your first choice on the drumline - tenor drums - and you've already been to the first session of band camp where you're learning to carry the weight of this huge instrument. The heat, the early mornings, the late games, the exhaustion of marching with these big drums - none of that seems to deter you. It will be interesting to see what happens in August as you adjust to the reality, but for now, you are excited about band and baseball in high school!

• FOMO: Oh, my Angel Baby, you are so afraid you will miss out on something ALL THE TIME. I didn't think of it like this when you were younger, but it all makes sense as you've gotten older. The way you would HATE when someone would leave our house, the way you would leave circle time to see what was going on somewhere else in the classroom, the way you always wanted to invite someone to join us for dinner when we were literally on our way to a restaurant - I think it all amounts to the fear of missing out on something. As BBYO has begun and as your friends have gotten more social, you are struggling with figuring out how to manage your time and not miss out on anything. We try to say YES as often as possible, but when we can't get you to a game to watch your friends play, can't drop you at the mall, can't make a sleepover happen, can't schlep you from here to there and back again - you seem to think we say no all the time. That simply isn't so, but your deep desire to be everywhere, all the time, with every friend, is exhausting! Sometimes it's hard to express to you that each said event won't be the last, and it's okay to miss a game, to miss a BBYO project, to miss a birthday party... but that is a very hard lesson for you to accept.

• Attitude but Affectionate: You're a little bit Jekyll and Hyde. During the day, you want us to leave you alone; any task requested of you is met with attitude, eye rolls, or sarcastic remarks. But by the end of the day, you want our time, you want us to tuck you in, stay with you, give you lots of attention. You want me to scratch your back, crack your back, tend to any acne, use the head scratcher on your scalp, hold your hand, and answer a gazillion questions. You'll still ask if you can sleep in our bed, stay up and watch a show with us, or talk about whatever is on your mind. This delay tactic is nothing new for you, but as you're getting older, it is certainly hard to walk away from your desire to connect. 

• Want for Effortlessness: This, too, is nothing new. With the new exception of percussion and baseball, you don't really like to work for what you want. You want high grades, but you don't like to study. You want clear skin, but you don't want to wash your face. You want to earn money, but you don't really enjoy working (madrichim, babysitting, or coming up with other means to make some bucks). Once you get past the dread of it, you're fine, but you are not quiet about your disdain for mundane chores or effort you'll need to put into something. Of course, most people are like this. You're just really vocal about it. Luckily, I think that is only true at home and not with other people - teachers, administrators, counselors, etc.

• ADHD: You're taking Adderall right now, and while sometimes you feel that it makes you "less fun," you know it helps you focus at school and maybe make some less impulsive choices with friends. This is the first year your friends have started calling you out on your inattentiveness. One night, I heard Cruz trying to play some online game with you, calling your name while you were on FaceTime with him, and yet, you weren't engaging at all. He was calling to you, "Banner, what are you doing? Banner! Banner!! Dude, where are you?" When he and I talked about it the following day (I was at school volunteering for 8th grade Celebration), he says you often have a hard time listening. I thanked him for holding you accountable while also understanding that it isn't personal. 

• Friends, Phone, and Fun: These are the things that occupy your mind all the time. See FOMO above! :)

• Moral Compass: You continue to be passionate for others, want to do the right thing, and feel immense guilt if you stray from the rules. You got a LOT out of your civil rights trip with Temple this year, and you wanted to learn more about slavery, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, the mistreatment of the Black community during the civil rights era, and what we can do to increase equality today. I love that you asked questions, took interest, paid attention, and were excited about the places and people you saw. 

• Puberty: This started a while ago, but it's definitely more and more obvious. You need a razor pretty soon! I've been using my little eyebrow razor to "shave" your stache and little chin hairs, but they're getting thicker and fuller, so soon, we will teach you how to shave. Your voice is getting deeper and deeper - with the occasional crack. 

• Your Loves: Chinese food, Reese's, rap music, sushi, gum, hibachi, watching any sports game, especially during championships

• Your Shoves:washing your face, getting up early, eating breakfast, when Quinn sits in the front seat, studying, being reminded to do things - will result in an "Oh my GOD!" with an exaggerated head/eye roll that you seemingly have no control over or notice you're doing; going to bed

• What Made This Year Special: BBYO, Civil Rights Trip, Yom Kippur reader, joining The Athletics baseball team, getting a very thoughtful award from Mr. Gabel (Jake) - "The Certified Legend" Award; NJHS; joining YMSL; dating Jillian

• School: You had a great school year, but it wasn't without it's frustration and challenge. Your favorite teacher was by far Mr. Rooklidge, but you adored Ms. Chamness and Mr. Ziegler as well. I think the biggest challenge was Algebra, and getting Mrs. Swearingen to tutor you was a big help. Sometimes you were the one to teach her, though! (Still a great way to learn!) You continued to love going to Frankford for the friends you have, but I'm anxious you're not totally prepared for what's to come in high school. We will see! You did VERY well on your STAAR tests and EOC (Algebra), so hopefully I'm wrong. I just wish I would see you study and prepare more. Very often you still had no idea that you had a test coming or something due soon. Thank goodness for your friends who would keep you in the loop! We also added extra time for tests this year because you were often feeling anxious you wouldn't finish and couldn't concentrate. That was a fight we had to pick with admin, and they finally allowed it for math only. Ridiculous, since even Mr. Ziegler said you could use it in science as well. We might have to press for that in the coming year, but we will see. You really want to do well, and if you get a score that disappoints you, you take it very hard. I'm hoping you will see that you have to put in the hard work before the assignment/test/project in order to be happy with the result. 

• Name Brand Desires: We are all learning just how expensive your taste is. You want to have the things your friends have. All totally normal and age-appropriate, but not always reasonable. From fragrance to shoes to clothes to backpack... you want whatever everyone else has, and often times that is the most expensive! You're learning how to save up and budget your money, and we're trying to learn when to let you spend it or not! 

• Messy: You don't seem to notice the mess you leave in your wake! You forget to flush, forget to hang your wet towels, even forget to turn off the running water sometimes! You don't seem to notice the plate or cup you used is still sitting on the counter or the trash you generated hasn't made it to the trash can. You forget where you put something, often blaming everyone but yourself for why you can't find it. 

We celebrated your birthday by going to Benihana with the family on your actual birthday. Then, a few days later, we had a group of friends meet at Battle House for some laser tag fun. Then, we walked over to CiCi's for some pizza. Your well-check with Dr. B is after you get home from camp. I'll post your stats after that... 

Banner Boone, as I wrap up this letter and even reread what I've written to make sure I captured you at this age, I can't help but think that you're the stereotypical teenager. I remember when you were a toddler, and Dr. B told us you were doing your job perfectly - testing boundaries and trying to figure out how to be in the world. I've often thought back to these words when I get frustrated with you - at any age - because you ARE doing exactly what you're supposed to do. You push buttons, try to get away with things, test waters and boundaries. This is what adolescence is about. There's nothing wrong or bad about it. But - parenting it is difficult, and I keep hoping that I'm doing it right. I don't have the answers, and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. When you are a parent, you will learn this. As Dad and I always tell you, our number one job is to keep you safe. It's hard when you have more and more freedom and are away from more often. The cell phone, the getting in cars with new drivers, the sleepovers, the dates, the hanging out at the mall, the staying up later - it's all normal, but it's just harder and harder to protect you. High school will only be more intense than this year, and I'm holding on for dear life as we start this journey. We want you to hold on to US while we get you through it, but your job seemingly is to push us away. This is the time when we need each other most! Be patient with Dad and me; be patient with yourself. I promise to try to be, too! 

I wish you the best birthday, Angel Baby! I love you so very much!

Love,
Mom