Passover, Mother's Day, and Memorial Day

So, here we are in June!! Although I've been posting a lot, I haven't been keeping up with our holiday happenings! SO, here are a a "few" pics from Passover, Mother's Day, and Memorial Day! :)

We had Passover at my mom's house this year, and Sam and Banner had second Seder at Zaide's house (after Quinn and I left after a 20 minute visit due to his early bedtime).

One of Quinn's favorite places to be - 7 months

Tasting the salt water on the parsley

Uncle Barry leading the Seder

Aunt Jacque with Levi at his first Passover

Fourth cup! :) hehe

Reading the Haggadah with Daddy

Lilly, Grandma, and Banner

Jackson holding Levi for the first time

NaNa making Quinn laugh

Kisses for Aunt Gayle

Aunt Debbi and Sam

Banner with candy "boils"

Uncle Marc & Banner

For Mother's Day, Sam let me sleep in - always a perk of the day! :) Then, we got dressed and ready to go to Grandma's for brunch. Well, I treated myself to a make-up-less day, so getting ready didn't take long! And, Sam dressed the boys in overalls since overalls are my favorite! I mean, really, a little boy can only get away with wearing overalls for so long, so I dress them in overalls a lot at this time in their lives. :)

Mommy and her babies

My Mommy with her baby and her babies

Uncle Brock and Quinn - 8 months

Uncle Brock showing off to Banner, Brycen, and Nami

The yummy spread

"Happy Mother's Day, Aunt Mischelle!"

My baby sister's first Mother's Day!

Grandma & Quinn

Uncle Brock made Banner FLY!

Our gift to Mom

New drinking glasses!

I love this picture!

Brycen with his aunts

My two boys in their overalls! :)

Levi and his Mommy! :)

Kira, Grandma, and Levi (almost 3 months)

Happy First Mother's Day, Kira!

Theo and Nami

Banner giving me a gift he made at school

My sweet boy!

Sam asked for a picture with my mom - just the two of them. He said they never get to take pictures of just them. Oh, how I love this picture! Two of my most favorite people, my bestest friends, in the whole world.

Then, we headed to the cemetery to "see Bubbie." This is always so hard. Tears flow every time I'm in this special place, sitting with the reality that Sam's mom is not here to celebrate Mother's Day with. I miss her. I miss her for him. I miss her for my kids. But, I talk to her when I'm there - telling her what a wonderful mom she was to raise this strong man I'm married to and how wonderful he is with his children. These pictures were almost lost when I tried to upload them to the computer when we got home. I deleted them from my camera once I uploaded them, but then the computer showed an error in the process. An hour later, Sam found them, and I cried. They turned out so beautiful. I wanted him to see them, and I wanted a record of Quinn's first "visit." They speak for themselves.

Right before we left, Banner told me he needed to poop. Luckily, I had a little potty in the back of my car. Unluckily for Sam, he got to clean it out when we got home - another Mother's Day gift to me! :) He LOVED that I captured this photo!

And, I just love this cutie! He's getting so big!

On Memorial Day, we went to my aunt and uncle's house. We also celebrated Landry's 3rd birthday!

Mara & Me

Uncle Brock, Levi, Grandma, and Aunt Kira

Banner on a balance bike

Grandma & Quinn

Quinn like a big kid! (8 months)

Quinn and Landry - LOVE this picture

Ban, Marin, and Caden

Aunt Kiki and Mara

"Happy Birthday to Landry!"

Father & Son

Father & Son

Night Night, Sweet Boy (Age 2, almost 3!)

When Banner was an infant, I wrote this post about our good night rituals. Here we are almost 3 years later, and I still say those same things every single night as I leave his room: "Night night, sweet boy. I love you. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning." Sometimes, there's a variation of some kind to personalize it - an "Angel Baby" slipped in, or I love you "so much," etc. But, pretty much, same words every night. Now, Banner chimes in with his own "Sweet dreams!" or "I love you, too!" or "Goodnight, Mommy!" And my heart smiles.

But tonight, at almost three years old, I just wish I had a camera inside my eyes to capture the exact image I'm seeing and hearing, and I want to hold on to it and play it back in 20 years and remember being right there with him. Our faces so close; our hands embraced in each others', our breaths synchronized, his eyes glazing over and eyelids starting to get heavy, his paci bouncing up and down in his mouth, his hair damp from a bath and how fine and silky it feels in my fingers, how he feels so soft and tender.

Tonight, I laid in bed with him for a few minutes, then he started picking his nose... which he does a lot in bed right before falling asleep. It's a habit I'd love to break! But, I got up and offered him a Kleenex. He picked his "boogie," and after wiping it on the tissue, he asked if I'd get back in bed with him. Most nights this keeps him up longer, so I decided not to tonight, even though it broke my heart to disappoint him, and I so badly wanted to crawl right back in to lay beside him and just snuggle til he (or we) fell fast asleep. But, I chose not to tonight. It's always such a tough call - teaching him to soothe himself, letting him put himself to sleep, or savoring the moment and climbing right back in to his bed so we can share all those peaceful moments together. I want them so badly, but I don't want him to need me in order to fall asleep. So, instead, I just leaned over his bedrail with my arm on his chest. He put his hand on my arm, and we grasped each other, with our other hands holding each other as well. I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see the tears forming, and I was trying to etch this feeling, his image, this feeling in my heart forever. But, it occurred to me that I probably won't remember this exact moment. It made me so incredibly sad, because I know it's true. In 20 years, I won't remember this exact night, this exact instance - just like so many other nights. I hope when he's 5 years old, we're still doing this same thing, and at 10 and 15... but even if we are, I won't probably remember what he's like at 2. Oh, how I want to remember it.

He asked me to get back in bed with him. I said, "No, baby, I don't want to disturb you." He whispered, "You won't." And my heart squeezed a bit more, knowing he really wanted me to be with him. So, I settled for staying with him just like I was - us holding hands and embracing while he laid perfectly peacefully in his snug bed. I stayed until he was mostly asleep, and then I whispered, "Night, night, Angel Baby. I love you. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning." And, I came out to this blog immediately - to try my best to capture it immediately. Yet, tears stream down my face because I want more than that, and I want to let go of the fear that I won't remember. And, in the case that I don't, I am at least so incredibly grateful to have these moments and to have this very special boy.

8-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
You are 8 months old today! Time is moving - and so are YOU! The big event of the month is that you learned to crawl, and you are slowly learning to pull-up! Once up, you are starting to cruise around just a bit. You are a man on a mission these days - wanting to get a toy, follow Banner or me or Daddy, wanting to see what all the fuss is about somewhere. You have no interest in your baby toys; it's all about Banner's toys or what things you can pull up on or pull yourself over. Look out world! This boy is busy!

So, what else have you been up to this month?

• You hold your own bottle now. We have to hold you and lay you back, but you pretty much prefer to feed yourself. It's the same with your sippy cups; you can handle them yourself, but you need a little help tilting backward or you just suck air. I'm loving watching you feed yourself!
• Separation Anxiety is in FULL force these days. If I walk out of the room, you cry. If Daddy comes home from work and doesn't say hello right away, you get fussy. It's so hard to see you like this - crying for us. But, I'm glad you feel so attached! Typically, just picking you up does the trick to calm you down immediately!
• You're reaching for whatever you want - and my favorite part of this is reaching for ME! I love when you're sitting and will reach your arms way up for me to come get you.
• New this month: you're eating watermelon, avocado, cherry, pineapple, and parsnips! You LOVED avocado - you're the only one in our little family who likes it. You're also finally eating Puffs, Wheels, and Lil Crunches (Gerber products), as well as Cheerios. We've been trying it out for a while, but only in the past couple weeks have you stopped spitting them out. 
• You're still spitting up, but WAY less than before. I still see a lot of reflux-y behaviors (choking or spitting up in your mouth), but way less to clean up lately.
• Just a few days ago, you figured out how to go from crawling to a sitting position. 
• The pulling up is getting you into some trouble. Only a couple days ago, you were trying to pull up on a dining room chair and toppled over - with the heavy chair too! Poor baby, you ended up with three bruises on your face (two on forehead, one on cheek/eye - see below!). I'm sorry I didn't get to you faster. Oh, these growing pains of your new development. . . please be careful, sweet boy!
• Your favorite toys are Scout (LeapFrog Puppy Pal) and the Fisher Price Laugh & Learn activity table. You could stand at that activity table all day if I let you!
• Just like Banner at this age, you are ALL over the changing pad. You do not like to sit still for diaper changes or clothing changes. We need to up our game on the distractions!!
• I worried about your babbling all month until this past Sunday. At 6-months, you were babbling with at least four different consonant sounds (b, d, l, and m). We hadn't heard those (or any) consonant sounds since a few weeks after your 6-month check-up. You made lots of vowel sounds ("ahh," "ooh," "uuhh") but no consonants. I called the nurse to ask if this is something I should be concerned about only a couple weeks ago; she had never had this question before so she had to ask Dr. B and get back to us. He said to bring you in right away if we notice other issues, but you seemed fine otherwise. Perhaps because you were working on your physical development so much, your language development had paused. You had been making the sounds - and literally, there were NONE anymore - for probably 6 weeks! Everyone says I need to stop comparing you to Banner - but I wasn't. I was comparing you to YOU! You once made these sounds a lot, and then, nothing. But, finally, last Sunday - we heard consonants for the first time again - lots of /w/ and /y/ and /b/ and even /r/! Oh, how those sounds are music to my ears! I want to hear more! Thank you, for relieving my fears and bringing back that sweet chattering!
• The only time we have heard anything close to a "word" is when acknowledging that someone has entered the room, you say "haaaa!" Once this month, Banner walked in, and you immediately said, "Haaaaaaaaa" as if to say "HI!" And, when Brittney and Blakely came over, you said it to them. Since then, we hear this a lot when greeting someone. I'm pretty sure it's your "hello!" And, just a couple days ago you consistently said "dada" when Daddy entered your room, and "baba" when Banner would come around. We'll see if there is real meaning behind this in the coming weeks. Banner was so cute; he said, "That's right, Quinn! I'm "baba! My name is 'baba.'"
• We had an amazing morning together a couple weeks ago!
• Your schedule pretty much looks like this: wake between 6-7am, get 7.5 ounce bottle; nap around 9ish (or slightly earlier if you got up around or before 6:30); you wake anytime between 9:45-10:30, and sometimes later if I'm lucky! :) 6 ounce bottle, "lunch" of oatmeal and fruit or veggie along with some water in a sippy around 11:30-12:00; nap around 1:15 and sleep til 2:15-3:15. 6 ounce bottle upon waking; "dinner" at 5:15ish (usually veggie and fruit or maybe some rice or barley and more water in cup); bath at 6:30 (either in tub in kitchen sink or in big bathtub in ring or with Mommy holding you on her lap), 8 oz bottle, asleep by 7-7:15. 
• Still level 3 nipples, just started size 4 diapers yesterday, and mostly 9 month clothes (but starting to move to 12 month; they just look more comfortable on you)
• I'm awaiting those teeth any day now! And, I'm hoping for everyone's sake that their arrival is not too hard on you! 
• We had Levi's naming, Passover, a play date with Andrew and Blakely, and a play date at Jenny and Eli's house this month. And, you have been so patient as Banner has begun potty-training. You quietly sit (or crawl around) in the hallway while he uses the potty and Mommy has to help him. You don't mind when we have to make a pit-stop at the grocery store bathrooms. I'm hoping you'll learn vicariously through Banner, and maybe you'll use the potty early! :) No rush, though. I'm totally cool with diapers!

Quinn, you are such a gentle, sweet baby. You are fairly easy to please and have developed such a predictable routine. You get fussy as you get tired and generally only want to be held at that time. You usually go down for nap very well now (except this week, when you've developed a little cold), just laying your head on our shoulder as soon as you hear your Kenny Loggins play list. I turn the music off once you are asleep, and you seem to really enjoy nap time now. You SO want to be able to walk and move about freely. You're happiest when propped up to stand, and soon I know you'll be a master crawler! You and Banner have been able to play together more and more, and you owe him a big thank you - because he is so great with you! On occasion he will grab your hand a little too tightly or pretend he's going to bonk you over the head with something. And, sometimes his "help" isn't really helpful, like when he takes your arms and tries to drag you to wherever he thinks you want to go. But, you are such a trooper. You still just crave any kind of his attention, so even when he's knocking his head into yours, you just beam and want more!

Oh, how I just love you my baby! You are doing so great. Thriving and developing and learning and being so, so sweet! Daddy and I are so very proud of you and all your hard work this month. These months are so exciting to watch you become more mobile and to watch you comprehend the world even more. And, of course, we are thrilled to hear those sweet babbles again. Keep talkin', sweet boy!

I love you so much!
Happy 8 Months!
Love,
Mommy

Here are some pictures from this evening... keep in mind, you are not feeling well at all (very congested and snotty), and you had a fall the other day trying to pull up on a dining room chair and got a bruise on  your forehead and a black eye! But, this is a snapshot of your life the day you turned 8-months!

"Mommy, enough! I feel like crap, and I want my dinner!"

Bear Crawl

Smiling and laughing at Daddy behind the camera - even though you feel icky!

Passed out on Mommy before bed - hoping you will sleep through the night!

The Mess Among Us

While I get frustrated at the state of my once-uncluttered home, it's sometimes refreshing to just stop getting so upset over the chaos of the toys and embrace that little people live here. This is their home, too, and they have made their presence VERY known. There are times when they spend the night at my mom's house, when Sam and I have a break from the bedtime routine and the midnight wakings and the early mornings. On those nights, even after a nice date or evening with friends, I want to come home and clean it all up without little hands getting in the way or undoing everything I've just done. But, ironically, it's on those nights that I most crave the mess - when the boys are gone and I have a glimpse into what it will feel like when they aren't here in this house anymore. I miss them like CRAZY when they're not here, and I get nostalgic for these days already - yes, the days that I'm still living in! So, tonight, even though the boys are here at home and soundly sleeping, I'm missing them and embracing their mess. We had a night tonight when the toys didn't get cleaned up before bath and bedtimes. So, their toys and things are exactly how they left them, and each little area tells a story. Like I said before, I often cannot STAND this mess... but look at this. Just look at their mess. It's playful, it's memory-making, it's creative, it's beyond cute, and it's evidence that little boys and their play are alive and well in this house! And, I wouldn't want it any other way! Oh, thank God for my babies and their little messes.

While my boys sleep soundly,

Quinn sound asleep

Banner all played-out

their house is still wide awake:

Dino eating some bouncy balls

Rain boots resting, sippy cup discarded

Digger ready to go - sheltering some turned-over trucks

Train tracks and hard hat awaiting assembly

Dino just hangin' in the net

Crossing guard still at work, and a tourist walks around

A baby doll freezing his butt off, a sleepy elephant, and a dying roach?

Remnants of fun with Play Doh

A lone Lego and a forgotten oven mitt

An eager frog, waiting for the fridge door to open

A tool kit waiting for its shapes, and a poor airplane needing to be rescued

Monster truck will have to wait to be towed until tomorrow

Shoes left on the couch . . . they'll surely be looked for tomorrow

Truck depot. . . you can barely see the fire truck in the far back left, then a bulldozer, a school bus, and another fire truck, and of course the Truck Book open to the Mail Truck page

A bathtub presents a masterpiece - which will be cleaned and redecorated . . .  tomorrow.

30 Things in 30 Days (#30: Remember Me)

I did it! I accepted a challenge to blog about 30 things my kids should know about me in 30 days. Well, as it turns out, they probably will learn WAY more than 30 things about me. I'm proud of myself for writing each day, even though it was challenging some days to fit it all in! But, here we are at the end of our list - and I'm grateful to have been given and to have accepted this challenge. I might even miss it! :) So, without further delay, here is post number 30!

Day 30: List 10 Things You Hope to be Remembered For:

1. My writing: Obviously I do this for a reason. I want my kids to know I was always keeping their history, that I was record-keeping and note-taking. Of course I do this for myself and my memory (and to later look back on what my kids were up to at certain ages and stages, especially if we have more children and I need to guide myself). But, I write for them and for them to know me, see themselves, know our family, remember us. I hope to be remembered for having a way with words, how to capture a moment in time with some well-written prose. I want to be remembered for being grammatically correct and for really thinking through what I wanted to say. This is all that may be left of me one day, so it better be good!
2. My kindness: If my own children are polite and respectful people, then I have done THE most important part of my job in raising them. Their grades, their accomplishments, their knowledge - it's all icing on the cake if they are well-mannered and kind people toward others. I expect this from them, and I expect it of myself. As a school counselor, we focused on The Essential 55, which taught kids 55 rules for how to be successful, well-mannered, accomplished individuals. I expected my students to be exceptionally kind to each other and themselves. Hearing the "thank yous" and the "excuse mes" and the "Good morning, Mrs. So-and-So's" in the hallway brightened the day, and I hope others will remember me for these values.
3. Being Fun: I hope people believe I'm fun and enjoy their time with me, and I hope they remember all the fun times we had together - whether it was belting it out to Martina McBride's Independence Day with Kira or licking the carpet that crazy night at Sara's house with Cherie or bathtub pictures at Stan and Marsha's in high school or Mom's Ta-Ta Titties Party. . . or whether it was just the silly jokes or the funny dances or eating raw cookie dough or watching TV shows or movies or any other random fun things. I hope I'm remembered for being really fun!
4. Being smart: I hope I'm remembered for good thinking, creativity, and resourcefulness. I hope I'm remembered for being smart, a critical thinker, a problem solver. Whether it's knowing my family history and genealogy or just being great with handling my time wisely or being the one everyone calls for grammatical help or having advice for a mom whose kid won't do his homework, I hope they think of me as pretty sharp. I want them to remember how much I valued learning and education and how I was a life-long learner. I hope when there's a homework assignment I can't help my kids with - that we are learning together, and I want them to know it's okay to say, "I don't know, but I'm gonna find out," that it's okay to keep learning no matter how old they are. I want them to think it's cool to be a brainiac and to know a lot of stuff!
5. Empowering others: I hope I'm remembered for helping others believe in themselves. I hope my kids will know and remember how I believed that each person should be accepted and empowered. Whether it's women's issues or gay rights or religious freedom - I hope my kids know what I stand for and will remember to have an open heart and mind to all people. I want to be remembered for supporting the rights of all. 
6. My cooking: I will remember my mom's cooking forever. And, Sam remembers how his mother's Cream of Wheat was the best. He misses it. I want my kids to remember how well I made something and, when I'm gone, I hope they think, "I wish Mom were here to make __ the way she always did." There's something about a mama's cooking and how no one else will ever take her place, especially when it comes to how she feeds her babies. Although I have my mom's recipes and she taught me well how to navigate and create in the kitchen, it's never the same unless she makes it. And, even if it pains them just a little, I hope my kids feel that way one day.
7. My smile: I hope this doesn't come off as conceited: I have to admit that people often tell me how beautiful my smile is. I find flaws in it from time to time, but when my own kids smile and light up a room, I finally understand why others tell me this. . . and sometimes I see my smile in theirs - and that's when I agree - it's pretty special. I hope others will see me in their smiles, and I hope I light up the room as much as they do when they grin or laugh. In my own mind, I see my children with their beautiful, deep dimples, beaming smiles, and brilliant light in their eyes. Man, that's a bright light - and I hope I'm remembered for something like that! 
8. Being a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend: I want to be remembered for always being there for my family and friends. I want to be remembered for being sensitive to their feelings and supportive of their needs. I hope they see me as loyal and thoughtful and respectful. I hope they remember that I was there for them in times of need; that they could trust me, count on me, and depend on me.
9. My voice: We're not talking about my childlike, soft but audible voice here. Nor are we talking about my singing voice. We're talking about the things I say, my advice, my words of wisdom. When Mom left my dorm room right before sorority rush my freshman year in college, I was sad, nervous, anxious, and already homesick. I knew I was going to miss her. Mom handed me 26 cents, held my hands, looked in my eyes, and told me to pretend she's there on my shoulder, to listen to her voice. There were times during rush and the first few days of college when I wasn't sure I was making the right choices, didn't enjoy the company around me, or just wanted to go home from the overwhelming "rush" of rush! At one point, I literally pretended she was sitting on my shoulder, and I could hear her tell me she loved me and she was proud of me. I teared up a little and had to force myself to STOP thinking about it or I'd lose it! I hope people who love me and whom I love will have that connection to me long after I'm gone. I can still hear Farra's laugh, Grandma's voice, Leslie's reactions, Grandpa's giggle . . . and whether it's the actual sound of my voice or the things I'd say, I hope I'm still around that way long after I'm gone. I want to be that little angel on my boys' shoulders long after I'm gone - guiding them to make the right choices, to think through their big decisions, to celebrate their successes or support them in times of need. I want them to think, "What would Mom tell me?" and be able to just know because they remember me and my essence. 
10. How deeply I loved: I hope my loved ones remember me for loving them fiercely and fully. I hope they remember the hugs and embraces, the adoring looks, the hand-holding, the kisses. I hope my children remember the cuddles and the snuggles and the gentle caresses and tickles. I hope they remember how I whispered my "goodnights" in their ears each night, how I tucked them in, how my day didn't start until I got to give them hugs and kisses, how I fed them with love and creativity, how I cared about their appearance and dressed them with respect, how I fostered their friendships, how I nurtured them when they were sick, how I tend to their wounds or even their hurt egos, how I set the boundaries even when it made them mad at me, how I let them make mistakes even when it was hard to let them fail, how I rooted for them always, how I teach them and push them to be the best they can be. I hope they know that I'd give anything and everything to make them happy and to make them feel loved . . . and to feel MY love.

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11, Day 12, Day 13, Day 14, Day 15, Day 16, Day 17, Day 18, Day 19, Day 20,Day 21, Day 22, Day 23, Day 24, Day 25, Day 26, Day 27, Day 28, Day 29

30 Things in 30 Days (#29: Hopes/Dreams)

Day 29: What Are Your Hopes and Dreams for Your Prosperity?

At first, I thought this prompt was pretty much asking the same thing as Day 22. I thought it was a redundant question, but in fact, maybe it isn't. Of course I have goals and ideas of where I'll be in 5, 15, 20, 30 years, but my dreams and hopes are far greater. I don't have dreams or hopes that are far beyond reach or unrealistic. All I can possibly hope for is that my friends and family are safe, healthy, and happy. Of course, I'd like to fall into these categories as well! If my kids grow up and feel fulfilled, comfortable, and happy with their upbringing, with their own choices, and with the lucky people in their lives, then all my biggest dreams will be fulfilled. I will feel like I succeeded as a mother if my children are ready to participate in the world as productive, responsible, confident individuals. And, I'll feel successful as a wife if my husband and I are still connecting and still wanting to spend as much time together as we currently do.

And, if we're going to have a little fun here - I'll go ahead and reach more deeply than that. I dream of being able to vacation more often - maybe once a year as a couple and once a year as a family would be awesome. A get-together with my girlfriends every year or so would be fantastic too! I hope to be living in an updated, spacious home with a lot of storage in a nice, warm, safe neighborhood. I hope we are able to financially provide a college and graduate education for all of our children. I dream of each of my children finding a nurturing, loving relationship with whomever makes them happy and respects them (and wants to live in the same town as I do!). I hope they find someone who makes them think, who brings out the best in them, and who they truly admire and adore. I hope they have strong friendships like I do, and I hope they are great friends to those people! I dream of many grandchildren who I get to see often and with whom I have strong connections. I hope I live long enough to meet my great-grandchildren and that I'm healthy enough in mind and body to enjoy them and really know them. I hope Sam is by my side through all of it. And, I hope I have my memories still, because the people in my life - my mother, my sister, my brother, my nieces and nephews, my best friends, my aunts and uncles and cousins and steps and halves and in-laws, and of course my Sam, my Banner, and my Quinn...oh my goodness I love them all so much! I can't imagine life without them, and I hope and dream and pray that they are with me as long as possible! THEY all are my prosperity!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11, Day 12, Day 13, Day 14, Day 15, Day 16, Day 17, Day 18, Day 19, Day 20,Day 21, Day 22, Day 23, Day 24, Day 25, Day 26, Day 27, Day 28