Day 24: What's Your Favorite and Least Favorite Thing About Parenthood?
To narrow these areas both down to a single favorite and least favorite is a chore I'm not willing to take on, so I'll give a few ideas that come to mind. And, I'm going to start with the negatives and end with the positives.
Least Favorite:
- Sleep deprivation: I haven't had a sound sleep since the days before Banner was born. First it was just pregnancy (although I'm one of the lucky ones whose sleep isn't terribly interrupted by a big belly or a compressed bladder), then it was being in the hospital for three days before labor was induced, then it was having a newborn, then it was midnight wakings because of separation anxiety . . . or teething... or facing a milestone... or he's overtired or hungry or sick or cold or hot or uncomfortable or scared or knew I had just fallen asleep... or any other number of reasons a baby/toddler just can't sleep. And then it was because I had another newborn AND a toddler. And, soon, we'll be potty training at night, so it's a whole NEW reason we won't get uninterrupted sleep. Even when I do get a full night's rest, it's not a sound sleep because I hear every noise or I think I heard the boys or I'm anxious they're going to wake up.
- Being out of control: I'm used to being able to control so much of my own life, but having little people in your charge can be daunting when there's so much you just don't have any say over: their eating (what, when, how much), their sleeping (see above!), when and where they potty, where they decide to have a tantrum, and what is going on with them when they are away from me. I can control how I react to these things, and I can set as many parameters in place (like only serving healthy meal choices or offering a chance to use the potty before we leave the house), but it's up to the kids to take it from there. I've learned to let so much of this go, but it's a constant lesson. I know I won't be able to control SO much more in the future, too - when they lose their virginity, how they respond to peer pressure or an offer to use drugs, whether they turn in their homework or not, or how fast they drive... Being a parent is so hard because you want the best for your little humans, but they are, in fact, their own little selves, and there's not a whole lot you can control.
- Not knowing what the hell I'm doing: Just when I feel like I've figured it out, I have no idea. Motherhood does NOT come naturally, and whoever coined that phrase sucks.
Most Favorite:
- The affection: Oh, the hugs, the kisses, the smiles, the hand-holding, the giggles, the snuggles and cuddles. SO worth everything I mentioned up there. Giving love, getting love, showing love... it's just pure joy. One of my favorite memories is picking Banner up from his first day of school. I stood in the hallway waiting for the teacher to let the kids out one-by-one. When Banner saw me, he lit up and said, "MOMMMMMYYYYY!!!" as he ran to give me a hug. From that moment on, I decided I'm not going to do carpool unless absolutely necessary. So even when it's raining, Quinn is sleeping, and/or it is pretty darn cold out, I've been known to drag myself and my infant into the building just to have the joy of that sweet boy's excitement in seeing us at the end of his time away from us. I don't even know the number of parents who have said, "Why don't you do carpool!??!" And now they know why! Quinn has been giving great hugs and open-mouth kisses and cuddling up to us so tight. THE BEST! And, Banner's been really into hand-holding lately, and I just LOVE this. He wants to hold our hands when he's falling asleep, and if we try to pull away too soon, he grasps tighter. My immediate reaction: "I love you, too, sweet boy! I don't want to let go either."
- Watching them accomplish something: My heart is so full when I watch them meet a milestone or be able to do something on their own that is really important to them. Whether it's their first roll or putting his shoes on all by himself, it's amazing to watch the lightbulb go off and see the pride in their faces! In just the past two weeks, we've had a lot to celebrate around here. Quinn has been crawling and trying to pull up. Banner has been potty training (and at the time of this writing has gone 6 and a half days so far accident-free!). They are so very proud of themselves, and it's just a great place to be to see their faces light up with an expression of "Look at me! I did it!!" It makes me want to shout it to the world, too! (So I did - just now, on this blog!)
- Memories: Being a parent brings a different kind of fulfillment to my life now. And, I'll have these memories forever. I cherish them already - yes, already - in the not-even-3 years I've been a parent. Some memories are tangible: the little bib with Banner's initials that he wore so many days as a reflux-y baby; the onesie both boys wore to their first Race for the Cure; the artwork Banner brings home; the curly lock of hair we saved from Banner's first haircut; the sleepsack Quinn wore at the hospital and peed on I don't know how many times! Some of them are visual: pictures, scars, videos, marks on the wall, fingerprints. Sometimes it's a sound or a smell - a whiff of the soap we used to use when they were newborns or a recording of the way he used to say "more" or the way he'd giggle at his reflection or hearing another newborn cry. But, most of these memories are just stuck inside my mind - stories and images I'll have with me forever, so when they are older, bigger, taller... I will still have my little babies tucked safely away inside my mind for whenever I need a little visit from them.
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