Day 13: What's the Hardest Part of Growing Up?
Oh, man, another hard question. So many answers to give here - since growing up is SO hard in and of itself. I think it's really hard to narrow it down to the one hardest thing, so I'll list a few in no particular order:
- Finding yourself. What I mean by this is figuring out who you really are - and not being terribly influenced by everyone around you. Learning to stand up for yourself, learning to separate from your family and friends to be your own person, learning what really motivates you, finding your own interests and skills and beliefs. Mostly, it's about being true to yourself, trusting that you are enough on your own. You don't need the approval of others or to fit right in. It takes time to learn that just being exactly who you are is the best version of yourself, and if you are who you are, you will always win.
- Accepting reality of all the scary things. To quote Dakota Fanning's character, Ray, in Uptown Girls, "It's a harsh world." She's right. And, it sucks to learn this. It's so hard to learn that you're not as safe as you thought, that you're not going to live forever, that people get hurt and die, that terrorism exists, that anything can happen to any of us at any time. It's still hard for me to take this in and not freak out, especially now that I have children. You have to keep fears and anxieties at bay, but it can be a scary world to live in - and it's hard to accept it without ruminating on it.
- Paying bills and being solely responsible for your well-being. This one is pretty self-explanatory. But, just to elaborate a little: once you leave your parents home, you are the only one who is going to look out for you (your health, the contents of your fridge and pantry, your bank statements). I always look back at my youth and wish I had appreciated the lazy days of not worrying about things like this - when now, I constantly feel like we've got this juggling act going on. Whether it's needing to tend to the lawn or remembering the last time we cleaned out the gutters, there's always something. Each day, each night, each weekend can be easily filled with "to-do's" that really aren't that fun: paying bills, filing taxes, grocery shopping, reorganizing the kids' clothes, making that doctor appointment, getting a haircut... it goes on and on. Oh, how I wish someone would still do all these things for me. (Gotta give a huge shout-out to my mom for always being that person when I was little - and sometimes still doing them to this day!)
- Losing loved ones. We have to learn to let go of so many things we had when we were younger, but the hardest will always be letting go of a person we dearly love. My Papa died when I was 8 years old, then my uncle when I had just turned 10, my cousin at 13, my Granny at 17, my Grandma at 23, my mother-in-law at 31, and my Grandpa right before my 32nd birthday. It never gets easier. The inevitable truth is that as we grow up, we will lose more loved ones. It scares me. It's easy to take people for granted, but remembering that every day is a gift and that it won't always be like this is imperative. As I get older, I definitely get more existential, especially because time starts to go by faster, years pass more quickly, and I feel it all slipping away too soon.
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