Journey to the Knot: 30 Things in 30 Days (#30: Remember Me)

I did it! I accepted a challenge to blog about 30 things my kids should know about me in 30 days. Well, as it turns out, they probably will learn WAY more than 30 things about me. I'm proud of myself for writing each day, even though it was challenging some days to fit it all in! But, here we are at the end of our list - and I'm grateful to have been given and to have accepted this challenge. I might even miss it! :) So, without further delay, here is post number 30!

Day 30: List 10 Things You Hope to be Remembered For:

My writing: Obviously I do this for a reason. I want my kids to know I was always keeping their history, that I was record-keeping and note-taking. Of course I do this for myself and my memory (and to later look back on what my kids were up to at certain ages and stages, especially if we have more children and I need to guide myself). But, I write for them and for them to know me, see themselves, know our family, remember us. I hope to be remembered for having a way with words, how to capture a moment in time with some well-written prose. I want to be remembered for being grammatically correct and for really thinking through what I wanted to say. This is all that may be left of me one day, so it better be good!
My kindness: If my own children are polite and respectful people, then I have done THE most important part of my job in raising them. Their grades, their accomplishments, their knowledge - it's all icing on the cake if they are well-mannered and kind people toward others. I expect this from them, and I expect it of myself. As a school counselor, we focused on The Essential 55, which taught kids 55 rules for how to be successful, well-mannered, accomplished individuals. I expected my students to be exceptionally kind to each other and themselves. Hearing the "thank yous" and the "excuse mes" and the "Good morning, Mrs. So-and-So's" in the hallway brightened the day, and I hope others will remember me for these values.
Being Fun: I hope people believe I'm fun and enjoy their time with me, and I hope they remember all the fun times we had together - whether it was belting it out to Martina McBride's Independence Day with Kira or licking the carpet that crazy night at Sara's house with Cherie or bathtub pictures at Stan and Marsha's in high school or Mom's Ta-Ta Titties Party. . . or whether it was just the silly jokes or the funny dances or eating raw cookie dough or watching TV shows or movies or any other random fun things. I hope I'm remembered for being really fun!
Being smart: I hope I'm remembered for good thinking, creativity, and resourcefulness. I hope I'm remembered for being smart, a critical thinker, a problem solver. Whether it's knowing my family history and genealogy or just being great with handling my time wisely or being the one everyone calls for grammatical help or having advice for a mom whose kid won't do his homework, I hope they think of me as pretty sharp. I want them to remember how much I valued learning and education and how I was a life-long learner. I hope when there's a homework assignment I can't help my kids with - that we are learning together, and I want them to know it's okay to say, "I don't know, but I'm gonna find out," that it's okay to keep learning no matter how old they are. I want them to think it's cool to be a brainiac and to know a lot of stuff!
Empowering others: I hope I'm remembered for helping others believe in themselves. I hope my kids will know and remember how I believed that each person should be accepted and empowered. Whether it's women's issues or gay rights or religious freedom - I hope my kids know what I stand for and will remember to have an open heart and mind to all people. I want to be remembered for supporting the rights of all.
My cooking: I will remember my mom's cooking forever. And, Sam remembers how his mother's Cream of Wheat was the best. He misses it. I want my kids to remember how well I made something and, when I'm gone, I hope they think, "I wish Mom were here to make __ the way she always did." There's something about a mama's cooking and how no one else will ever take her place, especially when it comes to how she feeds her babies. Although I have my mom's recipes and she taught me well how to navigate and create in the kitchen, it's never the same unless she makes it. And, even if it pains them just a little, I hope my kids feel that way one day.
My smile: I hope this doesn't come off as conceited: I have to admit that people often tell me how beautiful my smile is. I find flaws in it from time to time, but when my own kids smile and light up a room, I finally understand why others tell me this. . . and sometimes I see my smile in theirs - and that's when I agree - it's pretty special. I hope others will see me in their smiles, and I hope I light up the room as much as they do when they grin or laugh. In my own mind, I see my children with their beautiful, deep dimples, beaming smiles, and brilliant light in their eyes. Man, that's a bright light - and I hope I'm remembered for something like that!
Being a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, friend: I want to be remembered for always being there for my family and friends. I want to be remembered for being sensitive to their feelings and supportive of their needs. I hope they see me as loyal and thoughtful and respectful. I hope they remember that I was there for them in times of need; that they could trust me, count on me, and depend on me.
My voice: We're not talking about my childlike, soft but audible voice here. Nor are we talking about my singing voice. We're talking about the things I say, my advice, my words of wisdom. When Mom left my dorm room right before sorority rush my freshman year in college, I was sad, nervous, anxious, and already homesick. I knew I was going to miss her. Mom handed me 26 cents, held my hands, looked in my eyes, and told me to pretend she's there on my shoulder, to listen to her voice. There were times during rush and the first few days of college when I wasn't sure I was making the right choices, didn't enjoy the company around me, or just wanted to go home from the overwhelming "rush" of rush! At one point, I literally pretended she was sitting on my shoulder, and I could hear her tell me she loved me and she was proud of me. I teared up a little and had to force myself to STOP thinking about it or I'd lose it! I hope people who love me and whom I love will have that connection to me long after I'm gone. I can still hear Farra's laugh, Grandma's voice, Leslie's reactions, Grandpa's giggle . . . and whether it's the actual sound of my voice or the things I'd say, I hope I'm still around that way long after I'm gone. I want to be that little angel on my boys' shoulders long after I'm gone - guiding them to make the right choices, to think through their big decisions, to celebrate their successes or support them in times of need. I want them to think, "What would Mom tell me?" and be able to just know because they remember me and my essence.
How deeply I loved: I hope my loved ones remember me for loving them fiercely and fully. I hope they remember the hugs and embraces, the adoring looks, the hand-holding, the kisses. I hope my children remember the cuddles and the snuggles and the gentle caresses and tickles. I hope they remember how I whispered my "goodnights" in their ears each night, how I tucked them in, how my day didn't start until I got to give them hugs and kisses, how I fed them with love and creativity, how I cared about their appearance and dressed them with respect, how I fostered their friendships, how I nurtured them when they were sick, how I tend to their wounds or even their hurt egos, how I set the boundaries even when it made them mad at me, how I let them make mistakes even when it was hard to let them fail, how I rooted for them always, how I teach them and push them to be the best they can be. I hope they know that I'd give anything and everything to make them happy and to make them feel loved . . . and to feel MY love.