30 Things in 30 Days (#16: Accomplishments)

Day 16: What are Your Five Greatest Accomplishments?

1. Motherhood. This one takes the cake for sure. Everything else is second to being a mom. Being pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy twice has been the greatest thing I've ever done - both for myself and for my kids. I was a nervous wreck while pregnant, but I loved almost everything about it. I used to wonder, with everything that could go wrong, how any of us survived being in the womb and how we all made it out alive. I would remind myself that more of us actually make it out without complications than don't, but it's still so daunting. This miracle of life that I got to help with - I just can't believe I did it, and that I did it twice. And, every moment after my boys were born, I've kept them alive, I've kept them thriving. It's a huge undertaking, and not one part of it is easy - except loving them so much. Man, I love my babies, and both Banner and Quinn are the best things I've EVER, EVER done!

And, in no particular order:

2. Getting my Masters: I started off my graduate program not knowing whether I wanted to be a teacher or a psychologist. I, honestly, only went to grad school because I had just finished college and was still in "student" mode, my dad was willing to pay for it, and it couldn't hurt to apply and see what happened. While interviewing for grad programs the fall and spring before finishing college, I was also interviewing for teaching positions back home. I just didn't know what I wanted for sure. When I got accepted to the Ph.D. program at the current college I went to, I was ecstatic. Less change, I knew the school, it was a great program, and I was one of only 12 doctoral candidate students admitted that year. My decision was made. BUT, a year into the program, I decided I was really missing the school system, and I was not interested in any of the counseling psychology internships for the following year. After much contemplation and meetings with my graduate advisor, I switched to the school counseling M.Ed. program (and, luckily, most of my credits from my first year in the Ph.D. program counted toward the masters degree). It was a hard decision. My dad once said that getting into the Ph.D. program was the hardest part of the program (I would beg to argue that writing and defending a dissertation at the end was leaps and bounds more difficult, and I think my Ph.D. friends would agree, but I digress...), and he was puzzled as to why I would give this up. I just wasn't loving what I was doing - and I was really missing my days as a student teacher. I was so proud of myself for making this change and following my heart. And, I don't at all regret it. I went on to finish my program and learn SO much about what I really wanted to do.

3. Career: Related to the above... I got a job teaching and later counseling in the same elementary school I went to when I was younger. I loved being a part of the same community I grew up in, and I felt like I was really making an impact - both in my own classroom and in the building as a whole. It was such an accomplishment for me to have people coming to me for advice, guidance, help, support, answers. And, as each group of seniors graduates and comes back to visit for their senior breakfast, I am there, and I love seeing the young men and women that "my" kids have become! I feel like maybe they'll remember me, but more importantly, I know they'll remember things I taught them.

4. Buying my house: When I was 26, I bought my first house. I think that's pretty cool. Since then, the house has been a home for me, my sister, my brother-in-law, my husband, and my kids - luckily, not all at the same time! ;) It's also been the place of many gatherings, including my sister-in-law's wedding, a place for grieving after my mother-in-law passed away, birthday parties, graduation parties, and other events. The porch has been adorned with Halloween decorations, been the backdrop of Banner's first-day-of-school pictures, and has welcomed many guests. The garage opened up to welcome my two babies home on each of their fourth days. The yard has seen its fair share of play dates, games, splash parties, and "construction sites." I love that this home is truly that for me, and for so many others. And, I love the memories we are creating. Although I can't wait to move into a larger, roomier house, it will be so hard to move from this little haven.

5. "Raising" for a Cure: When my mom had just finished her treatments for her second round with breast cancer, my sister and I created and led a team in her honor for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in our area. We helped design t-shirts for our team called Saving Second Base; we invited friends and family from around the U.S. to walk with us and/or donate to the team, and we raised over $10,000! That was 4 and a half years ago, and each year, we have continued to raise over $2,000 at least. This cause is important to my family, to my mom, to me. And, even if we don't raise money each year, I feel a sense of accomplishment just being there to support so many people who have beat this nasty disease. It's my mom's accomplishment to have beaten cancer - twice! But, it's always my greatest privilege to get to watch her stand amongst her peers as a fellow survivor. And if any of the money we raise each year helps save another person's life, then I think we're doing a damn good thing!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11, Day 12, Day 13, Day 14, Day 15

30 Things in 30 Days (#15: Spouse..again)

Day 15: Describe When You Knew Your Spouse Was "The One" or How We Fell In Love

Day 15. Half-way through this 30 Day challenge. . . And, since I pretty much already wrote about this topic back here, I'm going to take a break today! :) 

30 Things in 30 Days (#14: Strengths/Weaknesses)

Day 14: Describe 5 Strengths and 5 Weaknesses You Have

Strengths: I'm going to "toot my own horn" to stick to the prompt, but I have to say that stating my strengths is not one of them! Like many people, I tend to focus on my areas where I can improve. But, I like this question; it gives me a chance to model (for my kids who I hope will read this one day) how to look for the positive and be proud of abilities.

• Patience: While it doesn't always feel like it on the inside, I am pretty good with at least appearing calm and having patience. My former coworkers used to always comment on my ability to maintain composure at times of highest stress - whether it was working with a difficult student, dealing with irate parents, tackling testing conflicts, or any other crazy situation that would arise. In dealing with my own children, I definitely have a limit that is pushed more than ever, but I feel that, at least outwardly, I can maintain my patience. 
• Time Management: I get things done, and I multi-task fairly well. Having children, especially two now, has taught me how to manage my own time and schedule to get the most done in the shortest amount of time. Planning and scheduling are very helpful for me. I like structure, and I'm not a procrastinator. I don't like to waste others' time or put something on them last minute, so I plan in advance as much as I can. And, I try not to take on more than I can handle. I've been planning Banner's June birthday party since March, and I've already started getting the wheels turning for Quinn's September party. Camp Mommy calendars for this summer are already in progress, too. Nerdy? Sure. But, it works for me. Even day to day - it's about managing time to be as productive as possible.
• Memory: I have a great long-term memory. In fact, Sam calls me "The Memory" since it's not uncommon for me to remember something that other people can't.
• Writing: I like to write. It's my outlet, my therapy. While I'm not perfect at it, grammar is my forte. Poor grammar would have been my 11th pet peeve. I've gotten better at making up stories with Banner, I've been asked to proofread term papers, proposals, and college entrance essays, and one day, I'll write a children's book. 
• Following Through: If I say I'm going to do something or be somewhere, you can depend on it. In the rare case that I can't, it's valid. 

Weaknesses Challenges: I don't like saying these are "weaknesses," because they can always be changed into strengths with a little nurturing. I may not necessarily be unable to do them, but they "challenge" me. So, these are my challenges these days:

• Listening: Normally, this is a strength. But, this has definitely become a challenge in the past couple years when I have an infant or a toddler running around/fussing/demanding my attention. I notice that I'm struggling with this more and more. When my kids are not with me, I'm much better, obviously, but I had to list this because it's something I know I need to work on. I'm extremely ADHD-feeling when my children are around - just trying to maintain their safety, tend to their needs, answer questions, etc. Having a conversation with anyone can be a challenge.
• Cleaning: I've given up trying to keep up with my house. I've surrendered to the fact that while my children are young, I will have a messy house. With a baby who puts everything in his mouth, I am aware of what is around him, and I definitely want to keep things "clean." But, clutter will remain. You would never be able to tell how much I do try to clean up; my efforts are constantly thwarted by a rambunctious almost-3-year-old! who uses a variety of toys in various rooms throughout the day. Most days, I just can't keep up. But, honestly, I would much rather spend my energy playing with them than getting all worked up over the mess. 
• Masking my feelings: I think this may also have it's perks and be a strength since we really shouldn't hide our emotions. BUT, with young kids, it's hard for me to pretend I don't feel a certain way to try to shield/protect them from anxiety. Last week, Sam went on a quick business trip. I just did NOT want him to go. I was fearful, I had this awful feeling, and I cried when he left. Even the night before, I just felt nauseous and removed Quinn from his lap so I could sit in it and just cry with my face hidden in Sam's neck. Or, there was the time my cell phone was stolen at a store, and I had to not panic or freak out in front of Banner. And, a couple times, when Banner starts asking me about his Bubbie, I wanted to cry for missing her and wanting him to know her, but I don't want to upset or scare him. When something is very much on my mind, I'm distracted by it, and as a mom, the challenge of being brave or showing that we are confident or not burdening the kids with something scary can be difficult. I'm usually such an open book, but when it comes to the kids, I know I need to work on delivering information/news or being in the moment and not ruminating about something that is irrelevant to them. As they get a little older, I will be more forthcoming about my own feelings - because I want them to know it's normal and acceptable to have whatever feelings they have.
• Letting it Go: I'm a worrier. As my mom told me the other day, "The first step is acknowledging it!" She told me that when I told her I was worried that Quinn isn't eating his finger foods well (Cheerios, Puffs). He just spits them out after nearly gagging on them. Jokingly - but with a hint of seriousness - I said, "What if he won't eat? What if he needs a feeding tube?" Okay, the kid is 7-months old - he'll be fine. I know. But, I don't like not being in control, not being able to know the answers. And, if you have read my blog for a while, you already know that about me! 
• Saying No: It's like the shortest word - but I can't say it well to others who ask something of me. I recently told my sister-in-law "No!" very quickly when she asked if I was interested in training for races with her. That was easy - I hate running. I only do it when someone's chasing me (or I'm chasing Banner!). :) But, I was proud of myself for being able to say it. I reflect often on a statement that one of Oprah's guests once taught her to say: "That doesn't work for me." What a classic line. 

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11, Day 12, Day 13

30 Things in 30 Day (#13: Growing Up)

Day 13: What's the Hardest Part of Growing Up?

Oh, man, another hard question. So many answers to give here - since growing up is SO hard in and of itself. I think it's really hard to narrow it down to the one hardest thing, so I'll list a few in no particular order:

• Finding yourself. What I mean by this is figuring out who you really are - and not being terribly influenced by everyone around you. Learning to stand up for yourself, learning to separate from your family and friends to be your own person, learning what really motivates you, finding your own interests and skills and beliefs. Mostly, it's about being true to yourself, trusting that you are enough on your own. You don't need the approval of others or to fit right in. It takes time to learn that just being exactly who you are is the best version of yourself, and if you are who you are, you will always win.
• Accepting reality of all the scary things. To quote Dakota Fanning's character, Ray, in Uptown Girls, "It's a harsh world." She's right. And, it sucks to learn this. It's so hard to learn that you're not as safe as you thought, that you're not going to live forever, that people get hurt and die, that terrorism exists, that anything can happen to any of us at any time. It's still hard for me to take this in and not freak out, especially now that I have children. You have to keep fears and anxieties at bay, but it can be a scary world to live in - and it's hard to accept it without ruminating on it.
• Paying bills and being solely responsible for your well-being. This one is pretty self-explanatory. But, just to elaborate a little: once you leave your parents home, you are the only one who is going to look out for you (your health, the contents of your fridge and pantry, your bank statements). I always look back at my youth and wish I had appreciated the lazy days of not worrying about things like this - when now, I constantly feel like we've got this juggling act going on. Whether it's needing to tend to the lawn or remembering the last time we cleaned out the gutters, there's always something. Each day, each night, each weekend can be easily filled with "to-do's" that really aren't that fun: paying bills, filing taxes, grocery shopping, reorganizing the kids' clothes, making that doctor appointment, getting a haircut... it goes on and on. Oh, how I wish someone would still do all these things for me. (Gotta give a huge shout-out to my mom for always being that person when I was little - and sometimes still doing them to this day!)
• Losing loved ones. We have to learn to let go of so many things we had when we were younger, but the hardest will always be letting go of a person we dearly love. My Papa died when I was 8 years old, then my uncle when I had just turned 10, my cousin at 13, my Granny at 17, my Grandma at 23, my mother-in-law at 31, and my Grandpa right before my 32nd birthday. It never gets easier. The inevitable truth is that as we grow up, we will lose more loved ones. It scares me.  It's easy to take people for granted, but remembering that every day is a gift and that it won't always be like this is imperative. As I get older, I definitely get more existential, especially because time starts to go by faster, years pass more quickly, and I feel it all slipping away too soon. 

Life is truly amazing, but growing up sure can suck sometimes!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11, Day 12

30 Things in 30 Days (#12: Typical Day)

Day 12: Describe a Typical Day in Your Life

Every day is different around here, but for the most part, I guess this is what it looks like:

Around 5:30-6:00 we hear Quinn playing in his crib. He usually goes back to sleep within about 20 minutes or so. Then, Banner comes in our room any time between 6:00 and 7:00. We usually pull him into our bed to rest more (normally he just pops up every few minutes asking if it's morning yet and not resting at all!). Then, at 7:00, if Quinn is still sleeping, Banner is allowed to play on our phones watching YouTube videos about ice cream trucks, fire trucks, trains, or whatever else he's interested in these days or playing games. When Quinn starts to get fussy, one of us gets up to feed him (usually around 7:15-7:30). We typically feed him in our bed - so the whole fam is just hanging out in our bed - and then Sam gets ready for work.

If it's a school day for Banner, then I will get him fed, dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, and lunch made while Sam gets ready for work. By 8:40, they leave for the day. If it's not a school day, then we get to just hang out and play. Either way, Quinn goes to down for his first nap around 9:00ish. Assuming I'm not already dressed and ready (because some days I am the one to take Banner to school), then I get ready while Quinn sleeps. Once he wakes up, anywhere from 9:45-10:30, he gets a bottle and some solids before we venture out for errands or play dates or fun activities or to Grandma's.

On school days, we have to get Banner around 12:45, so I've been trying to keep Quinn up til about 1:00. This is a challenge if we are in the car. It's awesomely helpful if he can nap at my mom's while I go get Banner on my own. If it's not a school day, Banner eats lunch around noon. He naps around 1:30, and I wake him by 3:15 if he's gone to bed on time. He could sleep until 4:00 if I let him, but then he has a horrible time going to sleep at night.

Quinn generally sleeps until 2:15-2:30, and when he gets up, he gets his third bottle. During the (usually short) time I have to myself while the boys are napping, I blog, plan, make dinner, clean up, shower, do laundry, watch General Hospital, or talk on the phone. If I'm lucky, I can do more than one of those!

Once the boys are up, we usually just play more - or start dinner or go on quick errands, and then Quinn eats his own little dinner around 5:00. Usually Sam gets home around 5:40 unless Banner has swim lessons, then he comes home earlier to be with Quinn. We eat dinner at 6:00ish. Quinn usually gets fussy around 6:15, but I try to hold him off until 6:30 for his bath so I can eat a little something. Sam usually holds Quinn during this time, eating dinner with one hand. :(

Then, the nightly routine begins: I give Quinn his bath, bottle and bed, while Sam starts to clean up from dinner and Banner plays. Then, they play a little bit or watch TV together while I finish with Quinn, usually around 7:00.  Around 7:10, Banner starts bath, we get him ready for bed, and we trade off who reads him three books. Then, we both lay with him for a few minutes, one of us tells a story, and then he says goodnight to one of us. The other tells Banner about his day, and that parent stays with him for a few minutes before leaving his room. Banner likes for us to sit just outside his bedroom door (against the wall, so he can't even see us, but we do it anyway!). After a few quiet minutes, that parent joins the "free" parent on the couch to finally catch up about each others' day. Usually, we watch a show, or I blog, or Sam works, or we just talk. Then, I try to head to bed around 10:30ish. . . usually failing miserably at meeting this curfew. Depending on how much work Sam has, he heads to bed when I do or way later. And, then, we hope (pray/beg/bargain) that everyone sleeps through the night and well past at least 6:30... and  do it all over again the following day!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10, Day 11

30 Things in 30 Days (#11: Pet Peeves)

Day 11: Describe 10 Pet Peeves You Have

This might be one of the easier topics to have fun with since starting this series. However, it was kind of difficult to come up with these. The first couple were easy, but then it got more difficult! I guess if you catch me on the wrong day, these things will really tick me off:

1. Putting laundry away. I don't mind doing laundry, and I've even gotten over the frustration of actually folding it. But sometimes I'd pay someone JUST to put my laundry away. It often ends up on my bathroom counter - if it even makes it off the couch where I folded it. Or, it's just piled up against my bedroom wall. Unfortunately, Sam doesn't enjoy the "putting away" part either, so our room can get cluttered with clean clothes pretty easily! Similarly, unpacking after a trip is a pet peeve as well - so my bags may still be packed for weeks after a trip. Embarrassingly, my hospital "toiletry bag" from when Quinn was born is still packed and on my bathroom counter. Since it was mostly just sample sizes and extras of things I didn't really need, it's just sitting there. Yeah, it's been 7 months. I realize it would take all of 5 minutes to unpack it, but I just can't stand unpacking.
2. Drying my hair. My hair is wavy, and more than that - it's ridiculously thick. It's neither terribly curly or very straight, and no matter what it is, it's always big. So, everyday, I have to decide what to do with it. I can either curl it, and have it go frizzy and be uncontrollable. Or, I can straighten it and have it be a little more predictable. Personally, I like it better straight, and it's a little less "big" that way. But, that requires a lot of time and effort, and it is one of the things I cannot stand. It's a 25-30 minute process, and it's hot and boring. (And if you read my day one post (#20), you know I don't like to be hot.) :)
3. PowerPoint presentations. I hate going to a meeting or conference, and the speaker only uses a PowerPoint presentation. Worse than that, is when they give you a handout of the presentation and read it word-for-word to you. It bores me to no end. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of presenting them to my coworkers for training purposes, but I try to use them as references rather than my entire presentation. 
4. When my order is wrong. And this happens to me all the time! It's so frustrating; I order very simple meals - where everything is always plain and dry. You'd think is would be simple. Apparently not. 
5. Flakers. When people cancel plans or don't show up, it can be so annoying. More and more, my friends with kids flake on me/us. I get it - the kids are sick, it's hard to get out with them, maybe you feel like staying in your pjs, or your sitter canceled. I'm not saying I haven't done it before. But, I try really hard not to! I wish more people would as well.
6. Phone numbers at the end of a long message. Especially if they slurred the number or said it really fast - then I have to repeat the whole long-winded message. This happened so often when parents used to call me at work; I learned pretty quickly not to do this to people; I leave my phone number at the beginning of a message and/or repeat it again so the listener doesn't have to repeat my message.
7. Not RSVPing. I need a count, I need to know how many to get food/favors/materials for, so I need to know if you're coming or not. Again, I know I've forgotten to RSVP a time or two, but when it's my event I'm planning, I'm easily reminded that I need to RSVP in a timely fashion, the way I hope others will to our parties. 
8. Facebook posts that don't tell the whole story. "He makes me so mad," "I am shocked!," "On our way to the ER," or "So thankful that's over!" - just a few made-up examples of what I'm talking about. Usually, these people just need attention, and it definitely makes me not want to give it to them, no matter how curious I am!
9. Splitting the bill with a large group of people. I realize it's easier for the waiter, and maybe even for the group, but Sam and I don't usually order appetizers or drinks with the rest of a big group. It can be frustrating to pay for food we didn't order and end up spending lots more in the end.
10. Not turning right on red. The main intersection that I use almost everyday on the way home has only two lanes (plus a left turn lane). More often than not, when I need to turn right to get home, the car(s) in front of me are going straight. This is so annoying. Get out of my way! Usually, I'm on my way home when my kids are needing to eat or sleep, and I'm in a rush to get them there... and those drivers frustrate me! The MOST annoying part is when they are the only car at the intersection. Did it not occur to them to get over in the left lane to allow other drivers the chance to turn right at a red light? It always occurs to me, and I will do everything I can to NOT be in that right turn lane when I'm not turning.  If I can't make that happen, I spend the entire light feeling horrible and guilty. 

And with that, I will step off my soap box and stop complaining. But, hey, I answered the prompt! :)

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10 

30 Things in 30 Days (#10:Embarrassed)

Day 10: Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment

I don't have a most embarrassing moment. Perhaps there are 2 memories that stand out more than other embarrassing times, though:

-the time I fell down the last two stairs trying to hurry to my 9th grade English class at my junior high. Luckily, because it was only a few seconds before the bell, there weren't many students in the hallway to see it - maybe 2 or 3 people only. But, I twisted my ankle and felt like a complete klutz!

-when I got caught with my 10th grade boyfriend breaking curfew in the park. We had been making out (just kissing), and when we were trying to leave the park, my boyfriend's car wouldn't start. He called his mother to come help us... so embarrassing. When he saw (what he thought was) her coming, he flashed his lights to signal where we were. Unfortunately, it was a police officer. We got warnings, and then when my boyfriend's mother showed up, she found us with the police. She had to drive me home, and it was very awkward. When I got home, I was honest about what had happened with my own mother. Luckily, she was understanding, and I received no further punishment since I was just so humiliated already.

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9

30 Things in 30 Days (#9: Influences)

Day 9: List 10 People Who Have Influenced You & Describe How

Oh, now this is a tough question. Some were easy and came to mind right away. Others, I had to give more thought to - to being honest about, to going public with, to coming up with 10, to limiting to 10! But, here's what it boils down to:

• Mom. She taught me everything I know about being a good person. She's an amazing mom, and she is my inspiration when I don't know what I'm doing as a mother - I think of what my own mother would do, and what I'd want as her daughter. She was my nurse, my counselor, my chef, my hair dresser, my lawyer, my teacher, my friend - and she still is all those things. She is, without a doubt, the number one person who has influenced me. She taught me to be strong, to speak up, to be patient, to be kind, to listen, to use my words (and how to have a way with words), to believe in myself. I am so blessed that I was born her daughter.
• Dad. We don't have the best relationship at this point in my life, but he still has been a huge influence on the person I was and am today - and he continues to have an influence. He, like mom, taught me to value education, health, and family. He hasn't always put his family first, but I know he loves each of us deeply. His mistakes have taught me to be honest, to be committed, to be truthful and forthcoming. And, even the actions that have hurt me taught me something, even if it's what not to do. On a more positive note, he taught me how to drive like a maniac but to be safe while doing it. He taught me how to work extremely hard and to manage money efficiently. He's provided for me financially, and he's a part of some really great childhood memories. 
• Sam. Well, the love of my life has certainly influenced me. He made me a wife and a mother. He's my best friend, and he makes me like myself more. This life is so much better with him by my side. 
• Banner & Quinn: My kids have influenced me to be the best person I can be. They challenge me every single day - to be a better role model, a better person. I can't even begin to list all the life lessons they have taught me. Everything I do, I do for them and with them in mind. They amaze me daily, and the deep love I have for them brings me to tears almost as often. 
• Brock & Kira: My first friends. My siblings have been there by my side every step of the way. There's nothing we wouldn't do for each other. They lift me up and encourage me. Having siblings is perhaps the best gift my parents gave me - teaching me how to be patient, share, cooperate, live with others peacefully! And it never hurts to have someone to laugh with - usually at all the wrong times!
• Jeana: I wavered on whether or not to write about this, but I have to say, my therapist has greatly impacted my life and my outlook on it. I no longer see her regularly, but we do keep in touch with text messages every now and then. I started seeing her a couple years after my dad's divorce from my stepmom. The day after I made my appointment with her, my sister-in-law decided to separate and subsequently divorce my brother. The end of their marriage shook me - probably more than the shenanigans with my dad. I was, all of a sudden, scared and terrified about my future with Sam, about commitment, about how to trust others, about how unpredictable life is. Jeana taught me specific lessons throughout our work together. I learned how to better protect myself by knowing that I cannot control others, that I often just need to focus on how I react to others' actions. Not that I didn't know some of these things, but the help she gave me through it all was incredibly beneficial for me  - personally and professionally. She's the reason I could say "Yes!" when Sam proposed! And, I love that I got to text her on my wedding day and thank her for helping me get to that point. 
• Farra: My cousin, Farra, committed suicide at the age of 19. Her death profoundly impacted my life - and perhaps my career choice. Why she couldn't talk to someone or find a way out of her darkness I will never know. Her death changed my extended family, and I will always wonder about her and what it would be like if she were still living. I'm angry at her. I don't understand. And, I would do anything to go back in time and change the way it all unfolded. 
• Teachers: I could sit here and list everything I've learned from each one of them - and I DO remember all my teachers. But, a few stick out in my mind - for various reasons. Some of them were mean, strict, and downright scary sometimes! But, they turned out to be some of the best teachers and instilled life-long lessons. They demanded organization or superior writing. They  wouldn't accept 99% - it had to be everything or nothing. Some of them saw something in me that other teachers didn't - and got me on track for higher level classes. Some of them brought out the best in me, teaching me that I could, in fact, be a leader or head-of-the-class. Some of them taught me to believe in myself. All of them, though, influenced me in some way to become the person I am today - and for all of them I am grateful! So, here's to Ms. Moehle (1st), Mrs. Young (5th), Mrs. Hewitt (8th English), Mr. Phillips (9th math), Ms. Black (10th English), Ms. McFarland (11-12th Spanish), Mrs. Prater (12th English), Ms. Eisenmann (Chemistry), Ms. Wonderly (Biology), Dr. Bob (Psychology/Peer Helper), Mrs. Hodge (7th math), Mrs. Slaton (7th math), Mrs. Dixon (6th Reading/LA), Mrs. Quisenberry (Resource), Professor Singh (Motivation), Dr. Underwood (American English), Mrs. Beachum (supervising teacher in student teaching cohort), and Dr. Sherry (Graduate Advisor).
• My bosses: Nicole and Staci were my two professional bosses/principals. I learned so much from both of them, and they certainly impacted my day-to-day while I was a teacher and school counselor. Together (because I am SO not about to delineate which one taught what!), they taught me how to stand my ground, how to have fun on the job, how to think on the spot, how to handle difficult situations, how to not take everything so personally, how to truly listen to all sides, how to "cover my ass!", how to stay patient when I really wanted to scream, or how to be ready for anything! These ladies are SO different from each other, but they were equally important in helping me grow professionally and personally. I learned life-lessons from them that I carry with me now!
• Oprah: Go ahead - laugh at me at how cliche this response is. But, I grew up watching her shows and interviews, and I definitely learned a lot from her. So many of the shows she aired were about trusting your instincts, listening to the whisper before it becomes a brick wall in your face, to believe who someone is the first time, and so many other lessons. I often think back to her shows to learn vicariously through other people she interviewed. She had a way with taking their stories and presenting them so others could benefit. Whether it was her gratitude journals or her vision boards or advocating "the secret," I took those ideas very seriously and find that I think back to her shows often. I have to admit - I love Oprah radio - much to Sam's (and sometimes Banner's) frustration! :)

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8

30 Things in 30 Days (#8: Passions)

Day 8: What are 5 Passions You Have?

I'm going to be a little different here and refuse to write out all my friends and family. Those are the people I am passionate about, and I could list each one and tell reasons why. BUT, I feel like I've given a lot of attention to the same people over and over again. (Not that I'm sick of them in any way...) I just feel like there's more to me than my husband, my kids, my family, my friends. . . . So, I'm going to stick to ideas and issues I'm passionate about:

1. Learning. I love learning new things, finding out more about certain topics that interest me. I love watching my kids discover new ideas and watching them get more curious about something. The Internet has made learning so much easier these days - with online references to check out more about things around us.

2. Motherhood. Since Banner was born, I have found myself in a whole new world. A world that can be puzzling, daunting, frustrating, and challenging. It's a world that will always be new to me as my kids meet new developmental stages, as my boys experience new dilemmas, as we enter new grade levels or make new friends. I will never be an expert, and that intrigues me in some way. It's a roller coaster that I have a new appreciation for. And, I have become passionate about this whole topic with other moms. Whether it's reading a mom blog or connecting with my mom friends, I love discussing motherhood and knowing I'm not alone, others have been where I am, and we're all in this together.

3. Feminism. I'm passionate about women's rights and women's issues. I'm not a male-basher, and I don't think women are better than men. I'm all about equality - for both sexes. I believe what is best for women is best for men as well, so it's in everyone's best interest if women around the world had as much respect as men, have as many opportunities and open doors as men, and were free to say, think, feel, earn, learn, believe, love, vote for whatever they want!

4. Gay rights. Next to women's issues, this is the other political issue that I cannot believe is a political issue. It baffles me that anyone, anywhere can dictate what rights are given to someone simply because of who they love. LOVE. Gay people choose to love someone, and they are denied marital rights? Or even worse, the right to be safe? I just can't understand it. I am SO open-minded about gay marriage and gay people living as openly and safely as heterosexual people that I have become close-minded to those who don't share the same opinion. No bible verse or religious opinion could persuade me otherwise, and every counter-opinion I have heard doesn't stand a chance against my logic. It is SO easy to support love, and it angers me when people think this is any of their business and say nasty things about gay people. I just don't get it. Have we not learned from history? Do we not look back at how "we" (society/ancestors) mistreated women or blacks or Native Americans and think "What were we thinking? How ignorant were we!?" I am certain that in 5, 10, 15 years and on down the road, we will look back at a time when homosexuals were mistreated and think, "What were we thinking?"

5. Capturing this time. As I mentioned above, I'm not going to list family as a passion. BUT, I will say that documenting this time we have together is! I am very passionate about capturing my kids' childhoods, to be their memory, to be the keeper of all the things they did/do when they aren't able to do it themselves. We keep artwork (or at least take pictures of it!), I have my blog that I publish into books for them, I keep their baby books (relatively) up-to-date, I try to take my camera wherever I can, and I make our anniversary videos each year. I just know that time goes so fast, and I want to try to capture what I can now. I know I can be annoying with the camera - and honestly, it kinda annoys me too! I'd love to just be in the moment more and not worry about the freakin' pictures! With two kids, carrying my big camera around is getting too cumbersome. And, there are times I purposefully leave it at home so I can just be there and just enjoy! But, I'm always glad that I had it with me to get some good shots of a fun time. I want the kids to see all the cool stuff they did when they were little - and who was there, and what they looked like - and what they wore - and how fast they grew - and... the list goes on. One of my favorite lines from a (very sad) song I heard recently is this: "I'll tell you everything. My heart wrote it down. I know every word." It's how I feel about being their mom - about being the one with all their history, their stories. It's a great responsibility, and it's one I'm passionate about!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7

7-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
You, my love, are one fun little boy! You are definitely one happy baby, but I want to tell you something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't get the kind of undivided attention that your big brother received when he was your age. I'm sorry that sometimes you have to wait your turn - to eat, to get a nap, to start your bath and bedtime routine, to play, to get you out of your crib. I'm sorry you don't get every ounce of our attention all the time. A good deal of the day, you are either having to wait your turn OR you are getting the attention you need while Banner bellyaches in the background (for a snack, for a favor, for me to play, for me to stop doing whatever I'm doing with you). While I, too, am a second-born, I never really understood how divided my parents' attention had to be to take care of two kids (and later, three). Like me, you don't really seem to notice or care much - of course because you don't know any different. But, I do. I do, my love. I know that Banner never had to be as patient as you. He never had to sit for long periods of time at someone's swim lesson; he never had to wait for someone else to finish a meal before getting his bath; he never had to wait for his bottle because I was putting his older sibling to bed; he never had to wait for his nap because I couldn't leave an older child alone to finish lunch by himself. We're making this work - and it's working really well! But, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you being so understanding, patient, and laid back. I love our mornings when Banner is at school, and you get ALL the attention for a change. You crave attention, and I love being able to give you my best, my all.

That's not to say that I don't love watching you and Banner play together. More and more, you two are developing your own relationship that is a joy to watch grow. You idolize that boy. If he comes near you, kindly or otherwise, you light up - even if your head is the road for his firetruck or if you are his patient and the doctor is poking and prodding you. More often than not, though, Banner wants to kiss and cuddle you. I can't wait til you two can play together . . . although I am kind of dreading when sharing becomes an issue. Our rule right now is that Banner has to give you a toy before he takes one from you. It works for everyone right now - but I'm sure once you demand your toy back or you want one HE has, that will be another story. Til then, we are in great shape because you don't really care about your toys. What you really want is Banner near you, giving you ANY kind of attention.

In other news:

• You are eating so many new foods! Every three days, we introduce a new food to you, and you have loved everything! New this month: you're eating zucchini, mango, spinach, apricot, pumpkin, butternut squash, blueberry, peaches, broccoli, and corn.
• We offered you the little teething nets this past week. We put a pear or apple in it for you to chew on, and you are in heaven. This is perfect while we are eating dinner - you can "participate" in eating with us while you are happily going to town on biting all over your little treat.
• You are slowly getting up on all fours. While you are making your way around a play area pretty well with turning, pivoting, rolling, and tiny scoots, you are nowhere near crawling yet. I'm perfectly fine with this! Stay put as long as possible! :) 
• You are most happy sitting and playing with your toys. Some favorite toys are: your FisherPrice puppy piano (that Aunt Mischelle is letting us borrow), Playskool Poppin' Pals, vibrating zebra pull-toy, your crinkle book, and teething rings are getting more attention these days
• Perhaps your favorite place to be is on Daddy's shoulders, often pulling on what little hair he has left! :) 
• You enjoy playing in your crib - just hanging out and putting your feet up on the slats of the crib watching the fan. 
• Your schedule looks a bit like this now... (we said goodbye to your third nap this month!)
• 5:30-6:00ish in the morning - you wake up and play in your crib, toss around a bit, experiment with your voice, and then go back to sleep
• 7:00-7:30 wake up and have first bottle (7.5 ounces usually)
• 9:00-9:15ish nap (sometimes earlier if you woke up around 7)
• 9:45-10:30 you wake up sometime in here... then I try to hold you off on getting next bottle til closer to 11
• 11:00ish - 2nd bottle (usually around 6 oz) and cereal and/or fruit
• 1:00ish - 2nd nap
• 2:15ish - 3rd bottle (usually around 5-6 oz, your mid-day bottles are much harder for you to finish than the first and last bottles)
• 5:00 - dinner (whatever new food you're trying and maybe a rice or a barley if you didn't get oatmeal earlier in the day)
• 6:00 - Daddy, Banner, and I eat dinner, and you sit at the table with us in the high chair enjoying picking at some Puffs or Cheerios or sucking on pear/apple
• 6:30 - we start your bath, you get your meds (Zyrtec and Gripe Water)
• 7:00ish - your 4th bottle (7.5 ounces) and I rock with you til you're very drowsy - usually right away!
• You're reaching for us. I.LOVE.THIS! You are still big on wanting to be held, especially as nap time approaches and you are getting more tired. You much prefer to reach for and lean toward us instead of your toys as you get more and more exhausted. I just feel badly when you reach for us and we can't lift you at that time (like when I'm cooking dinner or trying to help Banner with something). 
• Still no teeth - but lots of drooling, lots of stuff in your mouth. I don't really see any signs of them approaching yet either. Banner didn't get his first tooth until 8 months, so we'll see how similar you might be to him or not. I am just enjoying your gummy grin (and inability to bite me!) while it lasts!
• Still level 3 nipple, size 3 diapers, size 4 Overnite diapers, and mostly 9 month clothes. 
• The hair right on top of your head is still very much there. It's getting curlier, so it looks like a little curly mohawk. My favorite is this tiny little curl you have right behind your right ear. Sticks out so cute!
• Nicknames that are surfacing: "Mr. Quinn" has become a popular one for me and Banner to call you, as has "QuinnQuinn," and Daddy has taken to "Quinston." Others have called you "Quinny" - which isn't my favorite, but maybe it will grow on me. And just the other day, Papa and I teased Grandma for making your name two syllables: "Qui-en"

Mr. Quinn, we are just so in love with you! You are such a little love - liking tight hugs and giving them in return. I hope I always remember the feel of your tight squeeze as you burrow in to my neck and press your head against mine with the sweetest grin on your face (if only you wound't pull my hair while you're doing this!). I love your belly laugh when we tickle you and how your face just lights up when we talk and play with you. You're so easy to please - just wanting US. And, in general, you are such a happy little boy. 

I love you so much, Cuddlebug! 

Happy 7 Months!

Love,

Mommy

This is your "Mom, I'm getting tired!" face. Taken today at Banner's school seder.

So ready to take off soon!