There Once Was a Time: 2nd Edition

Dear Quinn,
A little less than two and a half years ago, I wrote this blog post to your big brother. I was feeling very nostalgic about the time he had spent as an "only child," and I wanted him to have notes from me about the time he wouldn't ever remember when there was no you. Even though I remember Banner's "only child" days and the time before you... it's hard to imagine life without you, My Love. You are so much of my heart, and I am so grateful for you. I used to worry about Banner as his days with our full attention dwindled and your birth day approached. I used to think I'd be sad for him that he wasn't an only child anymore. But, you know what? Something so weird happened instead. I look at pictures of Banner from before you were born, and I think he looks sad. It's almost as if he was lonely for you before he ever met you. No one could have known how much love and joy you would bring to all of us, and we are so very blessed that you are here.

So, I know that your newest brother we have yet to meet will bring you so much joy and love as well. BUT, that doesn't mean I'm not feeling a little nostalgic for you. Your days as my youngest baby are coming to an end, and that makes me a little teary to think about. You're about to become a "middle child." (And, no, to me, that doesn't mean you are destined to be needy, jealous, or neglected. I'm a middle child and have never felt that way. That is a silly stereotype that does not have to be the case for every middle child. I promise you will always have my attention and my love!) I'm soaking in these days with you as my littlest one, cuddling you close, rocking you lots, but still helping you grow into the little boy you are becoming so quickly! Your vocabulary, sentence structure, connections, and insights are so grown up, and we are loving the little big personality you have!

I want to promise to try my best to not rush you into being a bigger boy than you are ready to be. I know I'm guilty of that with Banner, and sometimes I forget he's still only four years old. In contrast, sometimes, I forget you are already two (and almost a half!) and can do so many big boy things. I underestimate you sometimes, and for that, I'm sorry. But, as this littler boy comes into our lives, I want to promise that I will sincerely try not to push you into things you aren't ready for or to expect you to be bigger than you are.

Every one of my children will always be my "babies," and you are no exception. You will ALWAYS be my "baby!" But, as your time as the true "baby" of the family ends, I want you to know,

there once was a time:

-when it was YOU we brought home from the hospital, after days of cuddling you and snuggling through the night
-when I bathed YOU in the kitchen sink
-when you had the itty bitty diapers and peed all over us in the middle of the night when we changed them (and then your pajamas and your sleep sack and your sheets!)
-when you didn't even know how to play with Banner yet
-when you were at home with Mommy all the time and didn't have to go to school at all, when you wore pajamas to drop Banner off at camp or school, when you fit snugly against my chest in my wrap and I wore you wherever I went
-when you got to stay up past Banner's bedtime or had midnight wakings with special one-on-one time with Mommy & Daddy
-when you didn't have to wait as long or share as much or be as quiet
-when we scheduled so much of our day around your naps and your feedings
-when it was YOUR hands, YOUR feet, YOUR clothes, YOUR cries that were the tiniest 
-when no one else littler than you needed my attention
-when no one else littler than you snuggled in my arms when you wanted them to yourself

These times are quickly coming to an end, sweet boy. But, I also want you to know that there are so many amazing things coming your way.

There will soon be a time:

-when someone littler than you will look up to you in a way you've never imagined
-when you'll feel so proud of someone as they accomplish things the way you can
-when you will know how Banner feels about you when you want to spend time with him or cuddle with him or play with him or clap for him
-when you will become a teacher, a leader - not just a follower
-when you and Baby gang up on Banner to piss him off - or better yet, to cheer him on
-when you will have another sibling to share toys with, to play with, to chase, to sneak up on and scare, to have secrets with, to build forts with, to knock down blocks or Legos with, to dance with and joke with and watch movies with and trick-or-treat with and sing with and splash with . . .
-when you will be a role model to someone who wants to be JUST like you
-when you will have a big brother AND a little brother, and you'll think it's pretty cool that you're the only one in the family who has both!
-when you realize that becoming a big brother is perhaps the best gift Daddy & I could have ever given you

These past few months, you've really grown into your own. You antagonize Banner and stir the pot a little from time to time. You push buttons to see where our boundaries are - or where Banner's are. You take initiative to help - or to purposefully NOT help. You seem to really think through your actions and decide how you want to respond to things you are asked to do. You so enjoy school and learning and your sweet friends there. You are typically such a sweet boy who wants to please, but you are willing to test us and pay the consequences. You still LOVE to cuddle and be held and figure out exactly how to nestle into our arms whenever you want. You are funny and silly and so exceptionally happy and full of joy most of the time. You are sensitive and caring and concerned. And, I have no doubt that you are going to be the best big brother, Quinn-Quinn. I am so excited to have front row seats to the whole journey you are about to begin, and I can't wait to watch you bloom into a fantastic big sibling while still being the little brother Banner loves so much.

There once was a time when Mommy and Daddy catered to you as our youngest little boy. Those times are coming to a close, but our love for you will never stop or fall short. We love you so big, and I will forever cherish these past 29 months with you as the baby. But, forever and always, you still are my Baby.

I love you, "Quinn Redding Name." :)
Love,
Mommy

On the Other Side of Disease

The Real Rheumatoid Disease

Fact: Remission is Rare. Daily pain is Not.

(This post is part of a blog carnival in recognition of Rheumatoid Awareness Day.)

Three and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Disease. I was lucky, though. Very, extremely, rarely lucky. From July 2012 until March 2013, I was in miserable pain, but that was a blink of an eye in time compared to what it could have been. Once I rounded the corner into the second trimester of my second pregnancy, my symptoms alleviated, and since that time, I've been mostly symptom-free. In November 2013, my doctor officially said the "R" word: Remission. My miracle baby #2 was a blessing not only to my life but also to my body - and not a day - not one freakin' day - goes by when I don't think about how lucky I am that I'm on this side of the disease now.

I think about how lucky I am - and I think about how that could change any minute. As I draw closer to the birth of our third baby, I am terrified that the prison of a body I was caged in when my first child turned one will return after I deliver this child in a couple short weeks. What if I've "undone" remission? What if hormones or something about pregnancy and post-partum healing resets my body to a state of disease after 3 years of increased mobility, painless joints, freedom from stiffness, full range of motion, and never feeling flulike? What if this lucky break was just that - a break? What if my ability to squat, to kneel, to jump, to open a jar, to lift my babies - what if it's all taken away again?

This Tuesday, February 2nd, is the 4th annual Rheumatoid Awareness Day. I can recall the very first one - the year I was on the verge of remission and had no idea that the pain, anguish, and misery was coming to a closer for me so soon. Those days were dark - not knowing if I'd ever run and play with my toddler how I wanted to, not knowing if I'd have a pain-free body again, not knowing how much longer I'd have to deal with the isolating feeling of the invisible illness I was having to manage on the inside all alone. I wish I had known then that relief was coming, but all I really care about is that it did come! And thank God it did. But, we are so far from a cure for this disease. What made me lucky? Why did a pregnancy help me so much? Why can't we tap into that and find a cure for everyone? How can I be sure it won't come back again?

Remission. A word I worried I'd never hear once I began my heavy research about RA and rheumatoid diseases. A word I longed to hear and - thankfully - got to - unlike so many invisible sufferers. Being on this side of the the disease is a relief, a blessing - one I don't take for granted! But, without more research and a cure for this puzzling and misunderstood disease, this word is one I'm terrified won't always describe me. Even though I'm in remission and fully enjoying the benefits of being on this side of my disease, in a way, it still has a hold on me. I live in both gratitude and fear. I appreciate the time I've had of being in remission, and I pray that it will continue... but that comes with the understanding that it may not, I may be back on the other side one day, and that haunts me. The truth is that no matter how long I'm in remission, I'm never truly free from the disease. I'm never really unaffected by the threat of disease return.

This coming Tuesday, as we await the news of the groundhog (or in my husband's case, watch Groundhog Day again and again!), take some time to make yourself aware of Rheumatoid Disease, of how it might feel to have this disease, of how we need to find a cure for this disease, of what a cure would mean to so many people, or of how lucky you are that you don't have it. I know I will!

90% Baked: BBJ3

This morning, we had our 36-week appointment with my OB. It included a sonogram for which I've been extremely excited and even counting down weeks. I was proud of myself for even waiting as patiently as I did. And, finally, this big day got here. As the time of my appointment drew nearer, my heart raced a little more and my tummy fluttered with butterflies as I was anxious to just hear that this baby still looks healthy! Thank God, that was definitely still the case. Fluid level is great, cord looks good, Baby is measuring about a week ahead (which he has the whole pregnancy pretty much), seems to be about 6 pounds, 9 ounces as best they can estimate, and even has some itty bitty rolls we could see when he was all scrunched up in there! Quinn was with us today, and I asked the sonographer if we could try to show him the 3D images to show him what the baby looks like. The sonographer said that at 36 weeks, it's generally too hard to really see much because the baby is so crowded in the womb that it can be difficult to see past arms and legs. Well, she was spot on about that, because Little Man wouldn't let us see his face at all. We got peeks of his nose . . . . so we know he has one! But, we couldn't really make out the image of whose it looks like or what shape it is, etc. We saw he has a full lip, and we could see tiny distorted glimpses of his eyes, but he was being exceptionally stingy with the view. Sam and I had even talked about waiting to "see" him at this sonogram to know which name to go with... but no luck since Baby was not AT ALL cooperative in this endeavor. Both hands and both feet were completely covering his face - even an ankle and leg were blocking our view. No matter how the sonographer tried, no matter how many times she probed and pushed and completely abused the left side of my belly, no matter how active he was - he never moved those limbs away. The one thing he was NOT shy about in the least was his "boy parts." With all extremities successfully and busily obscuring his face, his penis and scrotum were in wide-open view. We got a great 3D image of it in all its glory, but nope - not the face. The occupant inhabiting the womb is, without question and without a doubt, a boy.

We know he is head down, he was facing my left side, and I was able to distinguish what body parts I was feeling pushing out on my right side... the back of his head and his spine. The sonographer kept commenting on how very active he is - and yes, he is. But, she also commented on how shy he was being about letting us get a good sneak peek of him! Oh, and another very cool thing to note at this stage that we got to see was Baby swallowing and practicing breathing. Pretty neat! Anyway, the appointment continued with a visit with my doctor. She said everything looks exactly as it should, which is great news as always! I'm relieved my blood pressure has continued to stay normal and healthy - since it started elevating at 37 weeks when I was pregnant with Banner. I'm also happy to report that my weight gain has been the least with this kiddo so far. I've only gained 19.5 pounds with him at this point, so I'm pretty stoked about that - although I'm not sure how that is happening. I didn't gain a pound in the last two weeks - and that just seems impossible after what I know I've eaten this past week! I'm also not sure how that's true when I feel SO heavy! But, I digress. My OB was pleased with everything and we are on track for a C-section date of February 16th. In short, the appointment went very well, but while I was beyond grateful that he is healthy and that all looks great still, I was disappointed I didn't get to see his precious face yet. I quickly got over it, though, because, well - less than 3 weeks from now, I will be able to actually see him!

Eek! 3 weeks! Three little weeks left with my family of 4. Three short weeks of sleeping through the night (well, let's be honest... with Banner and Quinn, it's usually interrupted sleep, and usually shorter-than-I'd-like sleep, but "through the night" by definition). Three weeks to tie up loose ends and get as much done as I can at work and at home before there's another little human to tend to. And, at the same time - still 3 more weeks to deal with this awful reflux, to feel the insane pressure of this little boy's head down south, to waddle around feeling like my water could break at any moment, to try holding my big boys on my lap with complete failure as neither of us is ever comfortable, to lift and bend and squat in complete discomfort, to try to get comfortable in bed after hoisting a big belly and a body pillow when turning over, to try to shave and bathe and dress with very little ease. Sounds like quite a bit of time left still when I put it that way!

But, it will be here in what feels like tomorrow, I know. So, I'm trying to savor this time and give BBJ3 more time to bake in this ever-growing oven of mine. I'm trying to enjoy these last weeks of his rolling and jabbing because I know, without a doubt, that I will definitely miss that part of being pregnant. So, with these coming weeks, we will continue to just nest and get things in order. Although, I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with how "ready" we are - if a family or a person could ever truly be "ready" for such a life-changing event of adding another person to your family. I have his baby book, we have his clothes washed and put away, we have blankets and swaddles and diapers and wipes... and an infant carrier ready to be added to the mix of carseats in my back seat, we have bottles and pacis to be sanitized, we have frozen meals in the freezer (thank you, Mom & Kira!), we have the date and time of his (private) bris set, we had a sibling class and a "Babymoon" (more on that in another post) and a baby "Sprinkle," we had maternity pics taken, we have sheets and crib and bouncer and Moses basket all ready and waiting, we have gifts for the boys to give Baby and (probably more important) for Baby to give to boys, we have hospital bag (mostly) packed, we have the big boys settled in their big boy bunk, and we have two big brothers who seem to be ready to meet their little brother!

My belly button is closer to popping out with this pregnancy as it ever has been (it never did before, and it just might this time!). I feel like it's an oven timer just waiting to pop out: "DING! All done!" So true. So very close to being "all done" and meeting this little fellow - who may or may not actually have a name now! (No really... I don't even know.)

"Interesting Chicken" & Rosemary Chicken & Potatoes

Several years ago, I came across the Kraft prepackaged chicken mixes. All you had to do was toss chicken in the bag of pre-measured ingredients, and voila, your meal was ready to cook. There was a bacon and cheddar mix that we LOVED, and we called it "Interesting" chicken because bacon flavor mixed with chicken flavor was . . . . well, interesting. But interesting in a great way. So when Kraft stopped making this mix, we were upset. Luckily, the company posted ways to make this recipe on their website, and it's pretty yummy! We also loved the little packets McCormick seasoning used to prepare for costumers with pre-measured seasonings so all you had to do was mix in some olive oil and boom - chicken was seasoned! Again, our favorite one stopped being sold at our local grocers, so we checked out the McCormick website, and again, we were in luck! So, here are two of our favorite recipes that took a little bit of research to recreate!

"Interesting" Cheddar Jack & Bacon Chicken

Ingredients:
-1.5 pounds boneless, skinless chicken
-1 pouch Shake 'N Bake seasoned panko seasoned coating mix
-1 cup shredded colby & Monterey Jack cheese
-2 teaspoons Oscar Mayer real bacon bits
-1/4 tsp smoked paprika

*Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray baking sheet with cooking spray. Combine all ingredients in a bag or bowl, lay out chicken on baking sheet, then bake 28-30 minutes.

Rosemary Chicken & Potatoes

Ingredients:

-1 teaspoon minced garlic

-1 teaspoon paprika

-1 teaspoon crushed rosemary

-1 teaspoon salt

-2 tablespoons olive oil

-1/4 teaspoon black pepper

-1 to 1.5 pound boneless, skinless chicken tenders

-1 1/2 pounds red potatoes, cut into 1-inch cubes

*Preheat oven to 425. Mix oil and all seasonings in large bowl. Add chicken and potatoes; toss to coat well. Arrange chicken and potatoes in single layer on foil-lined baking sheet (15x10x1) sprayed with no stick cooking spray. Roast for 30 minutes  or until chicken is cooked through and potatoes are tender, turning potatoes occasionally.

82.5% Baked: BBJ3

When I was 34 weeks pregnant with Quinn, I barely complained. Check it out for yourself... that post is back here. But, even though I'm finally "very pregnant" in winter and not dealing with three-digit temps of summer while in the later part of pregnancy, and I've not gained as much weight as I had at that point with Quinn (only 18 pounds now compared to 25 at that time), I'm singing a different tune this go-round. I've come to think of the end of the third trimester as an unraveling. My most recent analogy of the third trimester is that of a visit to a restaurant with my children. It goes a little something like this:

It all starts off okay. We are excited to be at the restaurant, a place where we are happy to be and ready for a great meal. We are seated at our table, everyone is happy and calm, we are considering what to order while the boys happily color on a children's menu or speak quietly about what they want to eat. Then, we wait, and wait, and they start getting louder and more impatient. They whine and complain; they tug on our arms asking when will the food be there. They push away from the table; they need to go to the bathroom, again; they change their mind about what they ordered. Then, the food finally arrives, but chaos continues to ensue: they drop their food on the floor; they spill their drink; they refuse to eat what they ordered; they want what the other brother ordered; they interrupt adult conversation; they start crying or yelling or both. Other patrons are staring, and the waiter is not coming fast enough with the check. Sam and I look at each other with frustration thinking: "Why did we even come here?!" or "This sucks!" as the scene continues to fall apart, tantrums begin or continue, and not one word of thanks is given for a "fun night out."

I know, it's a weird analogy, but in the past couple of weeks, especially throughout winter break when we've had ample opportunities to go out with the kids and chaos prevails, I find myself thinking, "This is what pregnancy is like - right here!" Everyone's been asking how I've been doing lately - how I'm feeling and if I'm hanging in there. And, with Banner & Quinn, both pregnancies had me barely complaining, so when the stereotypes of the third trimester have started seeping their way in to my current status, I was not thrilled. I feel like my body IS chaos, a complete disaster right now.

True, things could be worse, and true, we are both happy and healthy right now, so I won't complain about that at all! I'm grateful that I feel my baby moving inside my belly ..... all the time and with such force! I'm also grateful for every day he chooses to stay inside it, grateful that my body hasn't given out when it so feels like it could any second! So, yes, thankful and gracious for this beautiful time.

At the same time, I'm gonna go ahead and start complaining. That's what I said to my OB last week at my appointment. When she walked in, she said, "How are you doing?" I said, "I'm good, but I'm ready to start complaining." She said, "You've been so good this whole time; I think it's about time you start complaining. Tell me." So, I went on to tell her about my sciatic pain on the left side of my lower back that shoots down my bottom with every step. Luckily, this pain comes and goes from one day to the next, but it's there about every other day. I told her about the severe pressure I've been feeling way low and how this little nugget doesn't utilize his full space. She agreed I'm carrying low, and we discussed some options for belly support, but nothing's helped so far. My uterus comes up way higher than I've ever felt him, so while he has the space, he's not stretching up that way. I'd actually welcome a jab in the rib cage or a difficult deep breath because he's up so high... because BBJ3 is hanging out a little too low for my liking. He's head down, and he pushes out to the sides rather often, but never upward. Most every day I imagine this little guy is going to just fall right out of me. And finally, we talked about the frequency of my Braxton Hicks contractions... several times an hour, but never painful. They do take my breath away and I often have to stop what I'm doing to just breathe through it - but mostly just "uncomfortable." My OB says all of this is completely normal, that everything I'm describing is pretty common for a third pregnancy at this point, and that most women in my same position complain much earlier. I was actually relieved to hear this. I like words like "common" and "normal" when I feel like things are wrong or unusual. It's reassuring I'm not the only one.

Since that visit last week, lower leg cramps are starting to get to me, even if I eat a banana every day. Last night was the worst. It started with my left calf cramping up. Once I woke up enough to realize what was happening, I was able to work it out by flexing my foot up. As that was resolving, my right shin started cramping, so I needed to point that foot for relief. So, I've got one foot flexed and the other pointed, and then my right big toe started cramping as I pointed it. I used my hands to pull it toward me while pointing the other toes down, and that's when my right hip decided to trigger the fire of a thousand suns. On my one day to "sleep in" (whatever that means now!) because I don't have to rush off to work, I was up long before the boys were, standing over the edge of my bed trying to uncramp myself without waking Sam.

I then got back in bed and tried not to move too much, so I wouldn't set off another round of Charley horses. But trying to get comfortable when 33 weeks pregnant is not an easy feat. There's a bit of "hoisting" that goes on between the large belly and the body pillow. But, I did finally get comfortable... and then Quinn came in our room, and sleep time was over.

Yesterday, the day winter break ended and I returned to work for staff development day, I am pretty sure I had a touch of food poisoning. I started feeling pretty crummy Sunday afternoon out of the blue. My tummy felt uneasy, I was nauseous, and nothing sounded appealing to eat at all later in the evening. I was up every other hour with a belly ache and chills, and by the morning, I was severely nauseous and faint feeling. I pushed through it because I wanted to get to work and not miss a day before my leave starts in February. And, when I finally threw up like I've never thrown up before, I felt so much better. But, being sick while pregnant - not fun, and certainly not an easy way to welcome the new year or the new semester.

Like I said, chaos. Unraveling. Reflux, leg cramps, Braxton Hicks, sciatic issues, shooting pains, occasional nausea, kick counting, bending down to help dress my kids or clean a spill, trying to rock a Quinn who can't get comfortable on my disappearing lap or to lay with Banner on the top bunk of his bed, trying to name this baby - and who he's named after and who his Godparents are, all while returning to work (where the mere idea of standing up from my chair to go make a copy or go check my mailbox makes me cringe) and trying to keep up with these two big boys of mine, it all makes 6 more weeks sound like a really, really, really long time! I know it will fly by, and later I'll miss the feel of the jabs and hiccups and twists and turns, or the (relative) quiet of the night. But, I'm just being honest. This is 33 weeks pregnant, and it ain't gonna get any easier. So 6 more weeks until B-Day... 41 days to go... it's so soon...it's so far away.

2015: Year in Review

I always hate saying goodbye to a great year. 2015 was one of those years - and while I'm so excited to welcome 2016 as we prepare to meet our littlest son (in less than 7 weeks!), the "not knowing what's coming" can always be a little frightening. So, I'm tentative about this new year and leaving my old friend 2015.

2015 was a big year. Not one of the milestone ones where I got married or welcomed a child or moved or anything like that - but so much happened this year that will always hold a special place in my heart:

-My boys turned 4 and 2, great ages for both of them.
-I started a part-time job that I am loving.
-Sam's business got really busy.
-We took our first family trip.
-Banner had his first plane ride and enjoyed a big role at Michael & Bre's wedding.
-Zaide and Bee Bee got married, Kindle graduated UT, Colby started Kindergarten, and Sari was born.
-Sam's first short story got accepted for publication (coming April 2016)!
-We found out we were pregnant!
-Quinn started school, and both boys started a new school program at which they are thriving!
-We paid off our car!
-Levi, Graham, & Greenley all turned one!
-We found out we will have a new nephew in April and another niece or nephew in June!
-We went new places and tried out some really fun things this summer.
-Quinn started swim lessons and is doing great, and Banner is becoming quite the little fish, too!
-Sam and I celebrated our 6th anniversary.
-Banner started soccer.
-We said goodbye to pacis and hello to a big boy bunk.

And in addition to these "isolated" events, we learned to balance family and work and friends as we fell into a great routine for our family of four. We loved each other so well, and we became more comfortable and confident in our parenting skills. We shared so many amazing times just savoring our little boys while they are just that - little.

As we welcome a new year with so much potential and so much to look forward to, I am hopeful that 2016 will not disappoint. We survived this year of sleep deprivation with two boys who rarely have a perfect night at the same time... but I know what's coming, and we are totally in for it with a newborn being thrown into the night-time/early morning insanity. We are ready to brace ourselves for whatever comes our way... explosive, blow-out diapers, potty-training accidents, the mental anguish that comes with no sleep, crying and regression and jealousy and sharing even more, more medical bills and insurance crap, starting "real school" in August, feeling even more crowded in an already-too-small home, more laundry and dishes and bottles and formula... the list goes on. BUT, I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. 2015 was a good year for us, and I'm so grateful for all the memories and the blessings we have had. I'll carry all of that with us into this new year ahead and await more joy, more silliness, more learning, more love, because OHMYGOODNESS I love my little family and my big family and my friends and this life.

Happy New Year to All!
May 2016 bring health, happiness, and lots of love your way!

Chocolate M&M Cookies

Easy recipe and so delicious:

1 pkg. devils food cake mix
2 eggs
1/3 c. oil

Add M&Ms and bake at 350 for 8 minutes.
SO GOOD!

Banner: 4 and 1/2 Years

Dear Banner,
Four and a half. So fast. You are super-excited that you are now four and a half, and I'm a bit on the fence about it. You're still so little, still so young, but it's all happening too fast, and soon you will be five and ready for Kindergarten. I wanted to tell you a little about you at this very fun age and at this very exciting time in your life. I'm typing this letter to you with another little brother moving around inside my belly, eager to meet you in just a couple months. Your first brother is taking a nap in your shared bedroom, in the bottom bed of the bunk you two now share. Quinn has quickly become your best friend, the one you want to protect and make sure is okay at school, the one you cheer on when he says or does something great, the one you want to make laugh, and the one who wants to copy your every move! I'm so glad you two are as close as you are; and while there are times that I know you wish he would just go away, you would be terribly sad without him. And you, you are next to me in bed during "Turtle Time" playing away on the iPad, your most prized possession.

So much has happened in the last 6 months. Here's a little insight into what you've been up to:

-You started a new school, and you adore it! While you miss your old school from time to time, you are so very happy with where you are and who you see when there. Randi, Ella, Quinn, Bree - all some of the familiar faces you started with - and now you adore your entire class. You stay late once a week for a Lego enrichment class and seem to really like that. Your favorite things to do at school are to play on the new playground (especially the spider web equipment) and to play "Baby" with Addy, your "girlfriend" who your teachers say you can become quite possessive of. You sit with Quinn at Havdalah and Shabbat every Monday and Friday, and when he was having separation issues at the beginning of the school year, you were sad when he would cry (even slightly slapping at your own face to distract you from crying). You love Ms. Sandi and Ms. Yael, your teachers, and you love learning about holidays and history. Your handwriting is improving, you love learning letters and their sounds, you love trying to read books with me, and we've just started working on sight words. Academically, you are excelling, and socially, you have lots of friends. In our parent/teacher conference, the area that we addressed that needs work is taking responsibility for your actions. You often argue when a simple "Yes, Ma'am" or "I'm sorry, I'll stop," will do. You are your father's son - a negotiator who will make an excellent attorney if you so choose, but Son, your incessant "explaining your way out of trouble" has got to stop! This is the hardest part of parenting you... I want to hear what you are thinking and feeling, but at the same time, there's simply no way out of a consequence when you've made a choice to hit your brother or speak meanly to a classmate.

-Along those lines, you do respond to our counting ("That's one") and if we get to three, you do not like time-outs. You especially don't like being alone in your room. I don't think you're scared, but you do not like it whatsoever.

-Also, we've tried to instill more responsibility by assigning chores throughout the week. Each Sunday, you have been given a new chore chart with five jobs each day: morning routine, keeping a zone of the house clean and organized, after meal job, a job of choice (where you can pick from emptying dishwasher, taking out trash, cleaning the dining table, or folding laundry), and night/bed routine. There are days you choose to forego your checkmark/point, and days when you are eager to get all five points. Either way, when Sunday rolls around again, it's "pay day" and you earn 5 cents for each check mark you got that week. You are saving up for new toys or apps right now.

-You started playing soccer with the Strikers led by Coach Jimmy - and by the 3rd or 4th game, you scored a goal or two every game through the end of the fall season! The kids really liked you - in fact, I'm pretty sure Lana (the coach's daughter) had/has a little crush on you.

-We've been swimming with Ms. Patty again this school year, and this time, Quinn swims right after you. Because you swam so much this summer - at Grandma/Papa's pool and others - you were so excited to show-off your skills to Ms. Patty, and you are becoming quite the expert swimmer. Last year, you'd have a nervous tummy before lessons, and you absolutely hated swim lessons at Metroplex camp, but since September, you have done fabulously well and can't wait to swim each week. Then, you cheer Quinn and his classmates on as they learn new skills you learned long ago.

-You loved Camp Gan Izzy this past summer. Your favorite days were the field trip days. Whenever we pass by there now, you wave and say, "Hi, Camp Gan Izzy. Miss you! See you next summer!" which I love to hear!

 -Some of my favorite quotes: when driving one day, we were on a "dead end road," and when I told that to you, you replied, "Was the street alive once and now it's dead?" Another day, we were on our way home from camp, and you said, "There's a rabbi I really like." When I asked who, you told me "Uncle Barry is my favorite rabbi." I asked you how you knew he was a rabbi (because he's not), and you said, "Because he knows all the stories of the holidays." Recently, we were on our way to the Arboretum for our annual pumpkin patch visit, and we picked up kolaches and donuts on the way (definitely your morning favorite breakfast!). You wanted more kolaches but we only bought two for each of you and Quinn. When Quinn was still eating his and you were bummed you couldn't have anymore, you said, "He's rubbing his kolache in my face!" Daddy and I were impressed with your use of this idiom, but it was hard not to laugh.

 -Your vocabulary continues to amaze us. For instance, you once said that a man in the "That's Silly" part of High Five magazine looked "similar" to Pharoah's men. You told us once that the "main characters" in Team Umizoomi were Bot, Milly, and Geo, and that the "minor characters" were Door Mouse and Umicar. You truly do soak up with you learn. You even regurgitated the story of Adam & Eve, telling us that "they didn't know they were naked until they ate from the tree."

-Your observations are always insightful. One day, we were at a red light, and you said, "Why are there so many cars on the road now?" I said, "Well, people are on their way home from work or from the store or from anywhere." Then, you said, "You mean the dads on their way home from work. Moms don't work." Your feminist mother - and feminist father - looked at each other, and Daddy reminded you that your mommy does work. :)

-That's been another change - me going back to work. I'm working part-time now, and you are very respectful of that. You understand that what Mommy does at the two schools (which you often ask about by name) is important and that I'm helping other children.

-You make connections about what you are learning. Ms. Yael told us in our conference the other day that when she was teaching about Hanukkah and the battle that was fought, you referenced the Alamo battle to draw comparisons. As I said before, you love history and learning about our traditions. You so enjoyed Sukkot, have always loved the story of Passover, and this year, you wanted to hear the story of Jonah and the whale a few times around Yom Kippur.

-You can be very shy in new situations or upon entering a new place. But, once comfortable, you love attention and being the center of it! You get quite attached to the people you spend time with, and saying goodbye has gotten extra difficult. You have a hard time saying a final goodbye to anyone - me, Grandma, Daddy, Randi/Ella after a play date, Zaide, Aunt Kira, Uncle Marc, your cousins... you'll want to stretch that goodbye out as long as you can, asking one more thing or telling us one more story. Not one visit has gone by when you don't run after Grandma's car down the street. You have to run after me each morning when I leave for work. You can't pull yourself away from the window when Daddy leaves for work when I'm still home.

-You are still working on staying dry overnight. We have you wearing GoodNights because you are only dry about once or twice a week. Honestly, I still think you pee right when you wake-up and are otherwise dry throughout the night, but until you can get yourself to a toilet faster in the morning, we will keep wearing these very expensive diapers. I have a feeling you are going to take after Mommy and be a bed-wetter for far longer than I'd like. It may be time to get you an alarm in your underwear like I had to wear when I was a little older than you. That stopped me right away!

-You've had a persistent cough for the last year or so, and when the doctors told me that it's normal for kids to cough for the first 20-30 minutes of the day, I left it alone. But, with a wet cough for the past couple months, I had had it. Daddy and I took you to Dr. Matt for his opinion, and we have noticed a big change in just the last 5 days. We started doing saline nasal rinses (when you allow it!) at night (and when you don't - we use saline spray), and we also started Nasocort spray. We're continuing your Zyrtec twice a day, too. All of this, so far, seems to be helping you sleep better and cough less. Now, if only we could get Quinn to do the same!

-You are very into space and the solar system. You love to play board games. You love to show off how you can stand on one leg for a long period of time (although you can't do it as long on your left leg - maybe because your right foot is dominant - maybe because your left ankle is weaker since the break last year). You like to climb the doorways of each room in our house. You are finally wiping your own bottom - thanks to your teachers at school (whew, I can check that one off my list for starting Kindergarten!). You like to help me bake, LOVE Legos, love YouTube videos and finding new apps for us to put on our very limited-in-memory iPad, absolutely adore your cousins and your grandparents, are eager to know more about babies and what it will be like when our new baby joins our family, are into Hide & Seek, have your Mommy's memory and won't forget something when I want you to (like when you saw Quinn's wrapped Hanukkah present in the cabinet and had to know who it's for and when you can play with it and when will I tell you what it's for...), like going to the library to check out books, make guns out of anything (your fingers, your pretzels, Play Doh, a rice cake...), and love to hear Mario stories at bed every night. You are a hit with the ladies - coming home with drawings from Addy or Ashley, telling me "Mommy, I'm in love with Julia," and always wanting a play date with Ella. You love to learn new things - wanting to research and find videos about centipedes or umbilical cords or boogers or Pompeii or anything else you are curious about.

-Recently, you and Quinn have fallen in love with some YouTube videos (Maccabeats' "Latke Recipe" and "Candlelight," and Six13's "Uptown Passover" are the current faves), and you both love to dance around the playroom to these songs. My favorite is the way you (and therefore Quinn) end each performance - laying on your side on the floor with an index finger pointing up to the sky - and usually one leg with it.

Banner Boone, you are at this great age right now. You can be feisty and disrespectful and stubborn, don't get me wrong. And, the "threenager" in you surfaces from time-to-time. There are times when you will lose it over not getting the color cup you wanted or not having the first turn at a toy or game. But, you're becoming more mature and easier to reason with. You can be so very sweet and thoughtful. You care deeply for your family and those you love. You're smart and well-mannered (when you so choose!). You're inquisitive and interested in the world around you.

I am so excited to watch you become a big brother all over again when this littlest brother debuts. You can be such a big helper, and more often than not, you and Quinn enjoy each other, so I'm thinking you're going to take to this change pretty well. But, I want you to know as this big change comes that my love for you never will. If anything, my love keeps growing for you every day. My favorite and most heartbreaking time of each week is when I have to leave for work. Even if I have said goodbye to you 5 times and given hugs and kisses galore, you will run out after me to wave to me, blow kisses, and sign "I love you" as the garage door closes. You will sink down as it gets lower, not wanting to leave me one second before you absolutely have to. I both love and hate this: it makes me late for work nearly every day but how can I leave when all you want is a couple more minutes with me!? Like I said earlier, goodbyes are hard for you now, and while I hurt for you when it's time to leave, I love that you feel that attachment - one I worried about when you were itty bitty, my "happy-go-lucky" baby!

Oh, how much I love you, B! As always, you are keeping us on our toes and helping us up our game at this parenting gig we signed up for when you became a part of our lives. You are a challenge and always will be - just par for the course as a firstborn. Sometimes I feel badly for you, having to take on the consequences of our inexperience, our naivety, our ignorance, and our weaknesses as first-time parents to you. Yet, as we head further into parenting, I'm learning not to be so afraid - not to be worry so much - and that you and I will be just fine! Damn, you're a beautiful boy - inside and out. And, sometimes I'm not sure what I did so perfectly right to have you as my son.

As with every "milestone" of aging, I hold tight to you the night before it comes. Last night was no different. I laid beside you - yes, in the top of an old bunk bed at 7 months pregnant - and just watched you drift off to sleep, wanting to savor the feel of your soft cheeks, the sweetness of your breath, the warmth of your hands. As always, I want to freeze time, because even though this is just a "half-birthday," it reminded me that 6 months from now, I'll be saying goodnight to my 4-year-old for the last time and forever missing you at this age. Yet, as you get older, bigger, more mature, I am always grateful that you are healthy and happy and becoming exactly who you are! I am grateful to be your mommy, to be the one to watch you every day become the beautiful, wise, sweet, inquisitive, caring, creative boy you are! And, just like you said to me this morning, "I like you!" I really like you and love you more than words could ever express.

Happy Half-Birthday, Angel Baby!
Love,
Mommy

FLASHBACK:

Your first 1/2-Birthday! 6 months old, December 2011

27-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
For the first two years of your life, I would write monthly updates about how you have grown and what new developments are taking place. During this third year of life, you'll get a quarterly update, and when you turn 3, we'll move to every 6 months. So, at 27-months, it's time for another update, My Love! I have to say that not much has changed since your second birthday except for your vast language and vocabulary development. There's nothing you can't say... and your sentence structure is complex and lengthy! Daddy and I have been trying to keep up with how many words you are now stringing together, and on average your sentences are about 6-7 words in length, but it's not uncommon to hear up to 12-13 words: "We played on the big playground at school today, not the little one." And, even your shorter sentences are filled with insight or big words. For instance, tonight, you said, "That's where the cars get washed, actually, Banner." Simply put, you are fully conversational and tell us all kinds of things. I love this because you can tell us what is on your mind and let us know what you need; I also love just hearing what goes on in that big mind of yours!

So, what else are you up to these days?

-You're jumping!

-You like to practice your yoga poses you learn at school.

-Speaking of school, you love your teachers and know all your classmates names. You like to look at the Shutterfly share site with me and tell me who's who and what you are doing in the pictures. Your teachers have nothing but amazing things to share with Daddy and me, and at your recent conference the word "perfect" was mentioned! While we know you aren't "perfect," we are glad that you are fitting in perfectly and have successfully adjusted to school this year!

-One thing that did come up at the conference was knowing your colors. We've been watching this for a while. You are so very smart, but colors are not your forte. It may take you one or two tries to get the right color, so we are on high alert for colorblindness. Given that Daddy is colorblind, it wouldn't be impossible or improbable for that to be the case for you, too. I hope we are wrong, but if that's the biggest problem we have - we are in good shape!

-You love to dance! The song that will always get you up and about: "Uptown Funk" or any version of it. Your current favorite songs are the Hanukkah songs the Maccabeats sing and "Uptown Passover" by Six13.

-It's been about a month in your new bedroom and in your new bunk bed you and Banner share. I think you like being part of the "big boy club!" Your first night in the bed was on your 26-month birthday, and a few days later, you took your last nap in your crib (until last week when you requested a nap in the crib, and I obliged). You're also doing great without your pacifiers in there. Two loveys and one hand-held-only paci help you feel secure.

-You started swim lessons with Ms. Patty. You really like the pool, you really like Ms. Patty, you even do well waiting your turn while Banner swims before you. But, because another little boy in your class cries the minute he's brought into the pool, you start crying too. You've even told me that you don't like him and that's the reason you cry. I let Ms. Patty know this is the reason for your crying (and it's so blatantly obvious because you are silly and funny and in great spirits, ready to swim until that boy gets in the pool!), and we are working on helping you calm down and stop the tears. She's been great with helping you develop a bond with that boy... having you high five him when he does a good job, letting you play in the pool with toys together, and after the last lesson - you actually said you like him now! I hope that continues! I hate seeing you so upset. Personally, I think you are either over-stimulated by all the commotion of the crying OR you are genuinely empathetic to his crying and don't want him sad - or both. Either way, I think we are heading in the right direction to get you over this hump, and hopefully the little boy will stop his crying soon! :) Otherwise, you are doing great - learning to blow bubbles, learning to kick your legs, putting your head under, monkey crawling along the side of the pool, and getting more comfortable with how to stay safe in the water.

-You've been using the potty more and more. I'm not pushing this right now AT ALL. I am in no hurry to deal with potty training, but I like that you at least know how to use the toilet. You usually go successfully right before bath, and if you ask to go during other times, you usually can get some pee out. If not, you are too impatient and will tell me, "It's not working." :)

-Some of my favorite expressions: "I'm gonna DO it!" in a sing-song voice (usually aggravates me in the moment, but it is SO damn cute. . . . like when you are about to throw some food to the floor or throw a toy across the room after I've told you not to, you'll say this in a high-pitched voice with a smile on your face and a tilt of your head); "Oh. my. goodness," or "Oh.my.gosh!" usually followed by something like, "That is so silly." You're in to saying "Quinn to the rescue!" or "Super Quinn!" I love each morning when you come in our room, "I waked up, Mommy!" or how you tell us "I'm happy!" And, from time to time when we try to distract you from your upsets, you will say, "But, I'm crying!" as if to tell us to back off and let you finish your cry. I love the way you say certain words with a seemingly thick Texas accent: "towoys" (toys), "bowoy" (boy), "ipayad" (iPad) for instance, and the way you say "girl" -- "goyal" - your "pancake" is "mancake" which I love, "tomorrow" is "tomario," and your "yellow" is "wellow." You also know Mommy and Daddy's names, although you add in "Name" at the end of our full names ("Amber P_ Name" or "Sam J_ Name," and you are "Quinn Redding _ Name"). You say "mines" instead of "mine," which makes perfect sense to me! You also have great manners and will say "Excuse me" or follow up requests with "Please?"

-Speaking of manners, you like to have permission to do things before you do it - many times over. You will say, "Can I dance?" And even after I've said, "Of course, yes!" You will say, "Can I? Can I dance?" or "Can I touch that?" May I? May I touch that?" And, you might keep asking after I've given permission every time!

-Although I've mentioned how awesome your speech is, we are concerned about the reappearance of final sound stuttering, when you repeat the sounds at the end of words many times: "pink-k-k-k" or "made-d-d-d-d" for instance. You had stopped doing this for a while, but it's back after a few months. We're hoping it's just regression while dealing with so many other changes - a new bedroom, new bed, no pacis, baby on the way.

-Speaking of baby, you are convinced there are two babies in Mommy's tummy. Whenever I correct you, you just say, "No, two babies." Oy!

-Sharing is tricky with you and Banner. Both of you always want what the other has, and you both just like to walk up to each other and take what the other has. Crisis is generally averted when you guys use your words and ask first, and you are usually more than willing to give him what he wants if he's kind to you first. But, in general, you are a pretty pleasant kid - sharing nicely with your friends, taking good turns, waiting for your turn, etc.

-You still adore your time at My Gym, and I have loved this one-on-one time with you each week. I hope we can continue it the rest of this school year - even after Baby comes. You are learning so much there - and it's been so cool to watch you grow and develop - and even find security in the routines we have with Ms. Megan and Ms. Ariel or Ms. Addie.

-I'm pretty sure you have all of your teeth - except for your last back molars. You had your first check-up with Dr. Rubin at 24-months. You did amazingly well and almost seemed to enjoy it. You let us brush your teeth even better now after going to him - as if you respect what he told us and want to follow his rules. If you ever have a problem with us brushing your teeth, I usually just say, "Remember what Dr. Rubin said?" and then you open right up!

-You have some kind of aversion to my hair. Whenever I'm rocking you or holding you before bed/nap, you insist I move my hair completely away from you. "I don't like your hair," you will tell me. Even one little strand upsets you!

-You've had an awful rash around your mouth for several months now - since before your birthday even. I took you to the dermatologist when it wasn't going away after a couple months, and it actually got worse after our visit. It was just bumps that would flare from time to time, but then it became red and never really stopped being red. The derm thought it was/is dermatitis, but an allergist thought it was eczema (which I suspected as well). You definitely respond better to the steroid cream than the antibiotic cream, but it's taking it's sweet time to disappear.

-We are in the midst of Hanukkah right now, and you are loving getting presents! I love to watch your excitement as you open a new gift. A couple nights ago, you opened a gift from Daddy and me, Marble Run, and you yelled, "A towoy, a towoy!" with the biggest smile across your face.

Quinn Redding, you are still one of the sweetest boys I've ever known. You are still a great helper, so very kind and caring in how you treat others around you, and so snuggly and affectionate. You adore your big brother and copy nearly EVERYthing he does - for better or for worse! While you are more of a Daddy's boy, you do love your Mommy so much.  And, man, do I love you back big! There are times I can't get enough of you and just want to snuggle you. We have always, always enjoyed our snuggles, haven't we!? And, so many times I just want to bottle you up - my "little big boy" as you call yourself. I am so proud of the little independent person you are becoming, and I am ready for the next adventure in your life when you become a big brother. But, don't go rushing the growing up part!

I love you SO very much, My Love!
Happy Quarter-Birthday, Quinn-Quinn!
Love,
Mommy

After Banner blew out his "1/2 birthday" candle, you wanted a turn this morning.

Fontina Returns - Again ... Again!

Just like Banner, Quinn has had a pacifier since his earliest days. With Banner, we held off on giving a pacifier until he was about two weeks old. With Quinn, I think it was 2 days old. We had six Gumdrop pacifiers that we kept up with to make sure we had some with us at all times - 2 blues, 2 purples, and 2 oranges. It was easy then when he wasn't attached to any particular color. We lost some along the way (one fell out in the parking lot at a grocery store around 4 months, for instance, and I even went back to try to find it later, but no luck). We would replace them when they got icky or torn up, but for the most part, we always had about 6 of them until he was 1, and then we decided to just let nature take its course and not replace them anymore. Quinn was left with 3 (an orange and two purples) for quite a while. Then, the orange one had some tears in it, so we had to say goodbye to that one. He would ask about it for a while - and still does from time to time - but he never cried or got upset without it. For the past several months, Quinn has been down to those lone purples. They would go with him to Grandma & Papa's when he naps there, and he had them for every nap & night time. If we ever forgot them (which only happened once or twice), he was not thrilled about any different color replacement he might borrow from Levi... it had to be purple. But, a little over a week and a half ago, I took him to the dermatologist when a constant rash around his mouth nagged at me.

At the doctor, we talked about what might be causing the rash, and the pacifier was discussed - not so much as a culprit but as an irritant that wouldn't help with the healing process. The doctor suggested letting go of the pacifier, but when I told her (a mother of 3 kids exactly the same distance apart as my 3 are/will be) about the transition to the big boy bed that week, she completely agreed that now might not be the best time to take his pacifiers away from him.  A week later, when we went back to the doctor because the rash had gotten worse, she was exceptionally proud of us and congratulatory when we told her that we'd nixed the pacifiers over the weekend. I explained to her that the rash had gotten so bad that my gut told me to just bite the bullet and go cold turkey! So, how did all that happen?

Well, we had told Quinn that a) his pacifiers were starting to tear and get little holes in them - making them unsafe and "broken," and b) his pacifiers were making it harder for his mouth to get better; they were hurting his mouth. He asked if we could fix them. Specifically, he asked if we could "take them to Grandma's house and fix them at her house?" But, we explained that even Grandma can't fix them! Later that morning, Quinn and I went to My Gym and then to the grocery store. At the store, I took him to the baby aisle and let him pick out any pacifier he wanted. I told him that he could sleep with it instead of the purple pacis. I know this sounds crazy because I wanted to get him to not sleep with a pacifier at all... BUT... my main goal was to get him off of the Gumdrop, which is made of a rubber that rubs his mouth and perhaps irritates the rash. The plastic choices in front of us didn't bother me. My goal was NOT to get rid of the pacifiers altogether - it was to get rid of the specific one we'd used all his life. I was okay if he had a different one, especially during this big time of transition to a bed and new bedroom with a room mate!

Quinn picked out a pack of 2 soccer Nuk pacifiers. Later that day, although Mommy was anxious, Quinn slept just fine for nap! He took a little longer than usual to fall asleep, but he did - and he took a good nap! He never once put the pacifiers in his mouth but just held them both with his lovey. He did the same at night, and then the next day at nap, he told me he didn't want the "soccer pacis." I told him he didn't have to sleep with them at all. I asked if he wanted me to put them away, but he said he just wanted to hold them. And, that's what he's done for the past week. He plays with them in his hands, but he never puts them in his mouth. Mission accomplished! These new ones don't feel right, they don't twist and turn the way the "purple ones" did, but they sure do comfort him to have them in his hands. And, I'm perfectly fine with that!

Now, I'm not saying he has been a model sleeper! These past two weeks in his big boy bunk have been rough. He either takes a long time to fall asleep, crying for us to sit with him, or he wakes in the middle of the night, or he wakes up super early - or all of the above! But, never once has he cried for the old pacifiers, never has he used the new ones in his mouth, and he has pretty much stopped asking about them at all.

SO, this morning, we had a special visitor! Someone rang the doorbell today, and when the boys went to the door, there was a present sitting on our front porch! They immediately wanted to open it, but Daddy explained that we needed to see who it was from first - and who it was for! They read this special note together:

For those of you who don't know, our Paci Fairy, Fontina, has made a few trips to our house in the past. Quinn was excited to get his own visit this time! Fontina must have been spying on my boys when they see a commercial for PopOut Pets on Nick, Jr. because every.single.time Quinn says he wants that. Well, Fontina made this little boy's wish come true this morning when that's exactly what he got (along with her famous chocolate coins she always leaves in their gifts):

Thank you, Fontina, for making this boy of ours so happy! He's currently napping in his bunk bed with his frog friend (who can easily change into a monkey or a parrot). And, to these three pacis that kept my boy feeling safe, secure, and asleep... thank you for all your hard work!