Journey to the Knot: Mother of the Ring Bearer, Mother of the Groom

This post should have been posted shortly after June 7. Not sure why I never hit "publish" until now!

Several months ago, Sam's cousin, Michael, and his then-fiance, Breanna, came over to our house when they were visiting from Minnesota. Before they left, they asked Banner & Quinn to be in their wedding! We were so excited and honored that they asked our boys to play such a special role at their wedding, and of course the boys agreed! A few weeks later we made the decision to not take Quinn with us out of town. We just weren't keen on putting ANY of us through such an ordeal with our toddler. He would have been miserable, we would have been miserable, and probably every one else near us - on the flight, at the wedding . . . Luckily, Mom agreed to keep Quinn for the weekend in June that seemed so far away at that time.

But, June 5th got here quickly, and it was time for Banner's first trip! His first flight, first time in a hotel, first time out of the city! Banner had been so excited to see Michael and Bre again, to go to Minnesota where the wedding took place, to spend some extra time with Zaide & BeeBee, and to go on a plane for the first time! Banner did great! He was way more subdued than I imagined he would be - more excited to play on the iPad for a couple hours than he was to watch the plane lift-off or to see the clouds out the window. Sam & I were WAY more excited than Banner was, but I also think it was simply a lot to take in. Half-way through the flight, Banner fell asleep on my lap. This was certainly one of my favorite moments of my whole trip. He never sleeps on us, never falls asleep in the car or lets himself doze off anywhere! So, this was a treat for me to watch him allow himself to just sleep - and on Mommy! Loved it!

As Banner laid on my lap, I got a little emotional thinking about where we were 4 years ago that weekend. I was about to be admitted to the hospital for observation (for pregnancy-induced high blood pressure) before inducing labor a few days later. During that hospital stay, we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday with a dinner Sam and his dad picked up from Friday's. Little did we know, that would be her last birthday. Thinking of that week, of Sam's mom, of Banner's birth, and embracing the time Sam, Banner, and I had together just the three of us that weekend, it made me teary as my baby rested on me. I looked at Sam after trying to dry my eyes, and said, "I might have cried just now." He said, "I can tell." When I told him what I was thinking about, he might have gotten a little emotional, too. :)

Once we arrived in Minnesota, we headed straight to the rehearsal dinner, where Banner was surrounded by family members he met when he was 4 months old. At nearly 4 years old now, of course, he would have no recollection of them, and he kept saying, "Mommy, they're strangers. I can't talk to them." He was shy and timid and clingy. I wish he had been his "normal" self, but I still have to say I was glad to be his safe place and the one he wanted. I didn't mind a bit that he wanted to sit on my lap and cuddle with me. I did, however, wish he would have eaten more and been more open to talking to people who were so excited to be around him!

Once we left the rehearsal dinner - and after a roll Banner grabbed on the way out - he was his normal self. As we walked to the car with Zaide & BeeBee, Banner was being a little goofball - laughing and making funny noises and giggling up a storm. "There he is!" we all said. "I missed you," I believe I said to him. I helped Banner get ready for bed when Sam went to the grocery store to buy some Motrin since we were pretty sure Banner had a fever. (Of course, once Sam got back, Banner refused to take the medicine.) I really enjoyed tucking Banner in and laying with him that night. He fell asleep before my story was over, as it was well past his bedtime!

The following morning, after breakfast at the hotel - where Banner barely spoke to anyone again - Sam and Banner went in the hot tub. Once again, Banner returned to his normal self, and he had a great time. After a nap and some lunch later in the day, it was time to get ready for the big wedding! Banner's suit was a size 5. I'm not sure why since he wears either a 3 or 4, but we made do! His shoes were too small for him, and he cried when we were trying to put them on. So, Sam just grabbed his sneakers and headed out for the 30 minute drive to the wedding site with Banner, while I stayed behind to get myself dressed.

When I arrived at the wedding ceremony, that's when I started getting anxious for Banner. Would he be okay in front of all those people? Would he actually walk down the aisle by himself? Would he see us and remember where to go after his walk? But, first, it was time for the groom to walk down the aisle - along with his mother and father. And, while I was anxious for Banner, I was also in the moment with Michael and his parents. The moment they had probably thought about for years - possibly since Michael was a baby.

I've often thought about how I'll feel when my boys get married. Will I feel that I'm losing them? Will I be so excited to have a daughter-in-law? Will I remember my babies being babies and feel that time flew too quickly? Probably so. So, I couldn't stop thinking of how Aunt Debbi felt as she escorted her baby down the aisle. Obviously, I could only project how she was feeling, but I felt such an overwhelming feeling of sadness - yet in a happy way. Obviously, we all want our kids to be happy, and to see how happy Michael was to be marrying Bre was amazing. But, I just kept reflecting on how fast I bet that happened - perhaps feeling that it was "only yesterday" they were helping him learn to walk, and this day, they were walking him down the aisle. Tears flowed for a minute, as I thought of the beauty in that moment.

And, suddenly it was MY boy's turn. I could barely see him since I wasn't sitting on the aisle. I tried to record what I could, but so many heads were in my way. I think I could actually see more BECAUSE I recorded it - able to hold my phone up higher to see my boy. He basically walked as fast as he could with the slightest scowl on his face. His lips were puckered, his eyes were fixed on Michael at the end of the aisle. He was determined to get down that aisle as quickly and painlessly as he could. The guests were great, though, and even applauded after he rushed down the aisle; I think they could all tell he was less than thrilled to have everyone's eyes on him!

Banner did great the rest of the ceremony. He sat on my lap most of the time, and he played with a bit of Play Doh. The ceremony was beautiful, and so was the scenery! Soon, we were off to the reception - where we enjoyed mingling, playing, and waiting to see the bride and groom again! Later in the evening, when it was time for the mother/son dance, once again, I was brought back to imagining what it might be like to be in Aunt Debbi's shoes. You see, I have a very vivid memory of dancing with Banner in his nursery when he was 13-months-old. I can still see our reflection on his little framed butterfly footprint picture that helped decorate his first birthday party favor table. I remember thinking about how I wanted to remember that dance forever and how I knew it would feel like a blink of an eye when we'd be dancing at his wedding. So, there in front of me, were Aunt Debbi and Michael, and tears dripped from my eyes as I watched her embrace her grown son, swaying with him with a grin on her face, so full of love and happiness. I felt my heart pull, though, as my thoughts turned to Banner and wanting to embrace him in that moment.

We had an amazing weekend. I'm SO glad we were able to be there, to share in that great event, to celebrate Michael, Bre, and their families, and that Banner was able to be with us. I am quite proud of him and what a great job he did. I'm grateful for the memories we made that weekend and being able to reflect on what it feels like to be the mother of the ring bearer, and perhaps one day, the mother of the groom.

Congrats, Bre & Michael! We love you guys!