As I went to change Banner's diaper, he took my cell phone in his hands. Rather than fight with him about it, I decided to let him hold it while I changed him. Sometimes, even in the locked position, the iTunes app allows you to play music by pressing the arrow when the "slide to unlock" screen pops up. Banner managed to hit play, and one song ended as I finished changing his diaper. The next song to play was "These are the Days" by Van Morrison.
You have to understand that this particular song is a very significant song for me. First, it is the song that reminds me of my last summer in Austin; that particular summer was an important one for Sam and me.
"These are the days of the endless summer..."
This song is also the song that should have been our "spotlight" song at our wedding - the final song we danced to that night with only our parents watching us dance as everyone else prepared for our departure. Unfortunately, I forgot to give it to the band as they were winding down, so instead, we danced to our first dance song again. Sam knew I was really upset about that, so when we got to our suite that night, before I took my gown off, he had prepared his laptop to play our song for one final dance alone in our hotel room. So, I teared up dancing to that song in the last dance I would share with Sam as his new bride in my gown on that wedding day.
"These are the days, the time is now. There is no past, there is only future, there's only here, there's only now."
Later, we would include this same song on the lullaby mix we made for our new baby to play at the hospital. And, the night we brought Banner home, the three of us danced to this song in our bedroom. I was pretty emotional then, and I still get that way thinking back to my family rocking together in the dim-lit room at midnight.
"Oh your smiling face, your gracious presence. The fires of spring are kindling bright. Oh the radiant heart and the song of glory, crying freedom in the night."
This song has been on each anniversary video I've made for Sam, and it was installed as the background music on my jewelry box my sister gave me for my first Mother's Day.
"These are days of the endless dancing and the long walks on the summer night. These are the days of the true romancing when I’m holding you oh, so tight."
So, given the importance and significance of this song, you can understand that I took advantage of Banner playing that song as I began to sway with him in his nursery. It occurred to me as we rocked together that because this song is so meaningful to our family, perhaps it is the song that maybe I'd dance with Banner when he's grown - maybe at his Bar Mitzvah or at his wedding. As I stroked his hair and held him cheek-to-cheek, tears began to flow down my face. My boy looked at me and said, "Mama...Mama." I smiled. We continued to dance. He mostly looked at my cell phone and tried to continue pressing things that didn't unlock the phone. I mostly just teared up. I wanted to savor every second with him while memorizing his features. I thought of his wedding day and how I will be there (God-willing!) to embrace my son on his happiest day remembering THIS moment. I wanted to remember holding him close to me on my hip, running my hands through his hair, the look in his eyes, the chubbiness of his hands on my phone and then on my arms, his diaper secured around his waist with only a navy, American-flag t-shirt on. As our foreheads touched and we just loved each other, tears ran down my cheeks and on to Banner's arm. He looked at me with a puzzled look trying to figure out what was happening to my eyes. He smirked a bit, and then went back to playing with my phone. I then saw our reflection in a picture frame, and that, too, is a sight I hope to never erase from my memory. I stared at our silhouettes outlined in the glass. I thought of how that image will change through the years, and I wanted to savor my young reflection cuddled close to my one-year-old baby in my arms.
As the song came to an end, I told Banner how much I loved him. I kissed him yet again, and we went about our day. It was a small moment in time that will remain in my mind in a big way! Even though I hope to have many more dances like this with my beautiful boy, with his father, and with any future siblings, I will savor this memory and that couple of minutes. A favorite new memory made today - just after changing a diaper. You never know when those moments are going to pop up. I'm just so glad it did.
"These are the days now that we must savor
And we must enjoy as we can
These are the days that will last forever
You’ve got to hold them in your heart."
And we must enjoy as we can
These are the days that will last forever
You’ve got to hold them in your heart."
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