A little less than two and a half years ago, I wrote this blog post to your big brother. I was feeling very nostalgic about the time he had spent as an "only child," and I wanted him to have notes from me about the time he wouldn't ever remember when there was no you. Even though I remember Banner's "only child" days and the time before you... it's hard to imagine life without you, My Love. You are so much of my heart, and I am so grateful for you. I used to worry about Banner as his days with our full attention dwindled and your birth day approached. I used to think I'd be sad for him that he wasn't an only child anymore. But, you know what? Something so weird happened instead. I look at pictures of Banner from before you were born, and I think he looks sad. It's almost as if he was lonely for you before he ever met you. No one could have known how much love and joy you would bring to all of us, and we are so very blessed that you are here.
So, I know that your newest brother we have yet to meet will bring you so much joy and love as well. BUT, that doesn't mean I'm not feeling a little nostalgic for you. Your days as my youngest baby are coming to an end, and that makes me a little teary to think about. You're about to become a "middle child." (And, no, to me, that doesn't mean you are destined to be needy, jealous, or neglected. I'm a middle child and have never felt that way. That is a silly stereotype that does not have to be the case for every middle child. I promise you will always have my attention and my love!) I'm soaking in these days with you as my littlest one, cuddling you close, rocking you lots, but still helping you grow into the little boy you are becoming so quickly! Your vocabulary, sentence structure, connections, and insights are so grown up, and we are loving the little big personality you have!
I want to promise to try my best to not rush you into being a bigger boy than you are ready to be. I know I'm guilty of that with Banner, and sometimes I forget he's still only four years old. In contrast, sometimes, I forget you are already two (and almost a half!) and can do so many big boy things. I underestimate you sometimes, and for that, I'm sorry. But, as this littler boy comes into our lives, I want to promise that I will sincerely try not to push you into things you aren't ready for or to expect you to be bigger than you are.
Every one of my children will always be my "babies," and you are no exception. You will ALWAYS be my "baby!" But, as your time as the true "baby" of the family ends, I want you to know,
there once was a time:
-when it was YOU we brought home from the hospital, after days of cuddling you and snuggling through the night
-when I bathed YOU in the kitchen sink
-when you had the itty bitty diapers and peed all over us in the middle of the night when we changed them (and then your pajamas and your sleep sack and your sheets!)
-when you didn't even know how to play with Banner yet
-when you were at home with Mommy all the time and didn't have to go to school at all, when you wore pajamas to drop Banner off at camp or school, when you fit snugly against my chest in my wrap and I wore you wherever I went
-when you got to stay up past Banner's bedtime or had midnight wakings with special one-on-one time with Mommy & Daddy
-when you didn't have to wait as long or share as much or be as quiet
-when we scheduled so much of our day around your naps and your feedings
-when it was YOUR hands, YOUR feet, YOUR clothes, YOUR cries that were the tiniest
-when no one else littler than you needed my attention
-when no one else littler than you snuggled in my arms when you wanted them to yourself
These times are quickly coming to an end, sweet boy. But, I also want you to know that there are so many amazing things coming your way.
There will soon be a time:
-when someone littler than you will look up to you in a way you've never imagined
-when you'll feel so proud of someone as they accomplish things the way you can
-when you will know how Banner feels about you when you want to spend time with him or cuddle with him or play with him or clap for him
-when you will become a teacher, a leader - not just a follower
-when you and Baby gang up on Banner to piss him off - or better yet, to cheer him on
-when you will have another sibling to share toys with, to play with, to chase, to sneak up on and scare, to have secrets with, to build forts with, to knock down blocks or Legos with, to dance with and joke with and watch movies with and trick-or-treat with and sing with and splash with . . .
-when you will be a role model to someone who wants to be JUST like you
-when you will have a big brother AND a little brother, and you'll think it's pretty cool that you're the only one in the family who has both!
-when you realize that becoming a big brother is perhaps the best gift Daddy & I could have ever given you
These past few months, you've really grown into your own. You antagonize Banner and stir the pot a little from time to time. You push buttons to see where our boundaries are - or where Banner's are. You take initiative to help - or to purposefully NOT help. You seem to really think through your actions and decide how you want to respond to things you are asked to do. You so enjoy school and learning and your sweet friends there. You are typically such a sweet boy who wants to please, but you are willing to test us and pay the consequences. You still LOVE to cuddle and be held and figure out exactly how to nestle into our arms whenever you want. You are funny and silly and so exceptionally happy and full of joy most of the time. You are sensitive and caring and concerned. And, I have no doubt that you are going to be the best big brother, Quinn-Quinn. I am so excited to have front row seats to the whole journey you are about to begin, and I can't wait to watch you bloom into a fantastic big sibling while still being the little brother Banner loves so much.
There once was a time when Mommy and Daddy catered to you as our youngest little boy. Those times are coming to a close, but our love for you will never stop or fall short. We love you so big, and I will forever cherish these past 29 months with you as the baby. But, forever and always, you still are my Baby.
I love you, "Quinn Redding Name." :)
Love,
Mommy
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