30 Things in 30 Days (#11: Pet Peeves)

Day 11: Describe 10 Pet Peeves You Have

This might be one of the easier topics to have fun with since starting this series. However, it was kind of difficult to come up with these. The first couple were easy, but then it got more difficult! I guess if you catch me on the wrong day, these things will really tick me off:

1. Putting laundry away. I don't mind doing laundry, and I've even gotten over the frustration of actually folding it. But sometimes I'd pay someone JUST to put my laundry away. It often ends up on my bathroom counter - if it even makes it off the couch where I folded it. Or, it's just piled up against my bedroom wall. Unfortunately, Sam doesn't enjoy the "putting away" part either, so our room can get cluttered with clean clothes pretty easily! Similarly, unpacking after a trip is a pet peeve as well - so my bags may still be packed for weeks after a trip. Embarrassingly, my hospital "toiletry bag" from when Quinn was born is still packed and on my bathroom counter. Since it was mostly just sample sizes and extras of things I didn't really need, it's just sitting there. Yeah, it's been 7 months. I realize it would take all of 5 minutes to unpack it, but I just can't stand unpacking.
2. Drying my hair. My hair is wavy, and more than that - it's ridiculously thick. It's neither terribly curly or very straight, and no matter what it is, it's always big. So, everyday, I have to decide what to do with it. I can either curl it, and have it go frizzy and be uncontrollable. Or, I can straighten it and have it be a little more predictable. Personally, I like it better straight, and it's a little less "big" that way. But, that requires a lot of time and effort, and it is one of the things I cannot stand. It's a 25-30 minute process, and it's hot and boring. (And if you read my day one post (#20), you know I don't like to be hot.) :)
3. PowerPoint presentations. I hate going to a meeting or conference, and the speaker only uses a PowerPoint presentation. Worse than that, is when they give you a handout of the presentation and read it word-for-word to you. It bores me to no end. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of presenting them to my coworkers for training purposes, but I try to use them as references rather than my entire presentation. 
4. When my order is wrong. And this happens to me all the time! It's so frustrating; I order very simple meals - where everything is always plain and dry. You'd think is would be simple. Apparently not. 
5. Flakers. When people cancel plans or don't show up, it can be so annoying. More and more, my friends with kids flake on me/us. I get it - the kids are sick, it's hard to get out with them, maybe you feel like staying in your pjs, or your sitter canceled. I'm not saying I haven't done it before. But, I try really hard not to! I wish more people would as well.
6. Phone numbers at the end of a long message. Especially if they slurred the number or said it really fast - then I have to repeat the whole long-winded message. This happened so often when parents used to call me at work; I learned pretty quickly not to do this to people; I leave my phone number at the beginning of a message and/or repeat it again so the listener doesn't have to repeat my message.
7. Not RSVPing. I need a count, I need to know how many to get food/favors/materials for, so I need to know if you're coming or not. Again, I know I've forgotten to RSVP a time or two, but when it's my event I'm planning, I'm easily reminded that I need to RSVP in a timely fashion, the way I hope others will to our parties. 
8. Facebook posts that don't tell the whole story. "He makes me so mad," "I am shocked!," "On our way to the ER," or "So thankful that's over!" - just a few made-up examples of what I'm talking about. Usually, these people just need attention, and it definitely makes me not want to give it to them, no matter how curious I am!
9. Splitting the bill with a large group of people. I realize it's easier for the waiter, and maybe even for the group, but Sam and I don't usually order appetizers or drinks with the rest of a big group. It can be frustrating to pay for food we didn't order and end up spending lots more in the end.
10. Not turning right on red. The main intersection that I use almost everyday on the way home has only two lanes (plus a left turn lane). More often than not, when I need to turn right to get home, the car(s) in front of me are going straight. This is so annoying. Get out of my way! Usually, I'm on my way home when my kids are needing to eat or sleep, and I'm in a rush to get them there... and those drivers frustrate me! The MOST annoying part is when they are the only car at the intersection. Did it not occur to them to get over in the left lane to allow other drivers the chance to turn right at a red light? It always occurs to me, and I will do everything I can to NOT be in that right turn lane when I'm not turning.  If I can't make that happen, I spend the entire light feeling horrible and guilty. 

And with that, I will step off my soap box and stop complaining. But, hey, I answered the prompt! :)

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, Day 10 

30 Things in 30 Days (#10:Embarrassed)

Day 10: Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment

I don't have a most embarrassing moment. Perhaps there are 2 memories that stand out more than other embarrassing times, though:

-the time I fell down the last two stairs trying to hurry to my 9th grade English class at my junior high. Luckily, because it was only a few seconds before the bell, there weren't many students in the hallway to see it - maybe 2 or 3 people only. But, I twisted my ankle and felt like a complete klutz!

-when I got caught with my 10th grade boyfriend breaking curfew in the park. We had been making out (just kissing), and when we were trying to leave the park, my boyfriend's car wouldn't start. He called his mother to come help us... so embarrassing. When he saw (what he thought was) her coming, he flashed his lights to signal where we were. Unfortunately, it was a police officer. We got warnings, and then when my boyfriend's mother showed up, she found us with the police. She had to drive me home, and it was very awkward. When I got home, I was honest about what had happened with my own mother. Luckily, she was understanding, and I received no further punishment since I was just so humiliated already.

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9

30 Things in 30 Days (#9: Influences)

Day 9: List 10 People Who Have Influenced You & Describe How

Oh, now this is a tough question. Some were easy and came to mind right away. Others, I had to give more thought to - to being honest about, to going public with, to coming up with 10, to limiting to 10! But, here's what it boils down to:

• Mom. She taught me everything I know about being a good person. She's an amazing mom, and she is my inspiration when I don't know what I'm doing as a mother - I think of what my own mother would do, and what I'd want as her daughter. She was my nurse, my counselor, my chef, my hair dresser, my lawyer, my teacher, my friend - and she still is all those things. She is, without a doubt, the number one person who has influenced me. She taught me to be strong, to speak up, to be patient, to be kind, to listen, to use my words (and how to have a way with words), to believe in myself. I am so blessed that I was born her daughter.
• Dad. We don't have the best relationship at this point in my life, but he still has been a huge influence on the person I was and am today - and he continues to have an influence. He, like mom, taught me to value education, health, and family. He hasn't always put his family first, but I know he loves each of us deeply. His mistakes have taught me to be honest, to be committed, to be truthful and forthcoming. And, even the actions that have hurt me taught me something, even if it's what not to do. On a more positive note, he taught me how to drive like a maniac but to be safe while doing it. He taught me how to work extremely hard and to manage money efficiently. He's provided for me financially, and he's a part of some really great childhood memories. 
• Sam. Well, the love of my life has certainly influenced me. He made me a wife and a mother. He's my best friend, and he makes me like myself more. This life is so much better with him by my side. 
• Banner & Quinn: My kids have influenced me to be the best person I can be. They challenge me every single day - to be a better role model, a better person. I can't even begin to list all the life lessons they have taught me. Everything I do, I do for them and with them in mind. They amaze me daily, and the deep love I have for them brings me to tears almost as often. 
• Brock & Kira: My first friends. My siblings have been there by my side every step of the way. There's nothing we wouldn't do for each other. They lift me up and encourage me. Having siblings is perhaps the best gift my parents gave me - teaching me how to be patient, share, cooperate, live with others peacefully! And it never hurts to have someone to laugh with - usually at all the wrong times!
• Jeana: I wavered on whether or not to write about this, but I have to say, my therapist has greatly impacted my life and my outlook on it. I no longer see her regularly, but we do keep in touch with text messages every now and then. I started seeing her a couple years after my dad's divorce from my stepmom. The day after I made my appointment with her, my sister-in-law decided to separate and subsequently divorce my brother. The end of their marriage shook me - probably more than the shenanigans with my dad. I was, all of a sudden, scared and terrified about my future with Sam, about commitment, about how to trust others, about how unpredictable life is. Jeana taught me specific lessons throughout our work together. I learned how to better protect myself by knowing that I cannot control others, that I often just need to focus on how I react to others' actions. Not that I didn't know some of these things, but the help she gave me through it all was incredibly beneficial for me  - personally and professionally. She's the reason I could say "Yes!" when Sam proposed! And, I love that I got to text her on my wedding day and thank her for helping me get to that point. 
• Farra: My cousin, Farra, committed suicide at the age of 19. Her death profoundly impacted my life - and perhaps my career choice. Why she couldn't talk to someone or find a way out of her darkness I will never know. Her death changed my extended family, and I will always wonder about her and what it would be like if she were still living. I'm angry at her. I don't understand. And, I would do anything to go back in time and change the way it all unfolded. 
• Teachers: I could sit here and list everything I've learned from each one of them - and I DO remember all my teachers. But, a few stick out in my mind - for various reasons. Some of them were mean, strict, and downright scary sometimes! But, they turned out to be some of the best teachers and instilled life-long lessons. They demanded organization or superior writing. They  wouldn't accept 99% - it had to be everything or nothing. Some of them saw something in me that other teachers didn't - and got me on track for higher level classes. Some of them brought out the best in me, teaching me that I could, in fact, be a leader or head-of-the-class. Some of them taught me to believe in myself. All of them, though, influenced me in some way to become the person I am today - and for all of them I am grateful! So, here's to Ms. Moehle (1st), Mrs. Young (5th), Mrs. Hewitt (8th English), Mr. Phillips (9th math), Ms. Black (10th English), Ms. McFarland (11-12th Spanish), Mrs. Prater (12th English), Ms. Eisenmann (Chemistry), Ms. Wonderly (Biology), Dr. Bob (Psychology/Peer Helper), Mrs. Hodge (7th math), Mrs. Slaton (7th math), Mrs. Dixon (6th Reading/LA), Mrs. Quisenberry (Resource), Professor Singh (Motivation), Dr. Underwood (American English), Mrs. Beachum (supervising teacher in student teaching cohort), and Dr. Sherry (Graduate Advisor).
• My bosses: Nicole and Staci were my two professional bosses/principals. I learned so much from both of them, and they certainly impacted my day-to-day while I was a teacher and school counselor. Together (because I am SO not about to delineate which one taught what!), they taught me how to stand my ground, how to have fun on the job, how to think on the spot, how to handle difficult situations, how to not take everything so personally, how to truly listen to all sides, how to "cover my ass!", how to stay patient when I really wanted to scream, or how to be ready for anything! These ladies are SO different from each other, but they were equally important in helping me grow professionally and personally. I learned life-lessons from them that I carry with me now!
• Oprah: Go ahead - laugh at me at how cliche this response is. But, I grew up watching her shows and interviews, and I definitely learned a lot from her. So many of the shows she aired were about trusting your instincts, listening to the whisper before it becomes a brick wall in your face, to believe who someone is the first time, and so many other lessons. I often think back to her shows to learn vicariously through other people she interviewed. She had a way with taking their stories and presenting them so others could benefit. Whether it was her gratitude journals or her vision boards or advocating "the secret," I took those ideas very seriously and find that I think back to her shows often. I have to admit - I love Oprah radio - much to Sam's (and sometimes Banner's) frustration! :)

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8

30 Things in 30 Days (#8: Passions)

Day 8: What are 5 Passions You Have?

I'm going to be a little different here and refuse to write out all my friends and family. Those are the people I am passionate about, and I could list each one and tell reasons why. BUT, I feel like I've given a lot of attention to the same people over and over again. (Not that I'm sick of them in any way...) I just feel like there's more to me than my husband, my kids, my family, my friends. . . . So, I'm going to stick to ideas and issues I'm passionate about:

1. Learning. I love learning new things, finding out more about certain topics that interest me. I love watching my kids discover new ideas and watching them get more curious about something. The Internet has made learning so much easier these days - with online references to check out more about things around us.

2. Motherhood. Since Banner was born, I have found myself in a whole new world. A world that can be puzzling, daunting, frustrating, and challenging. It's a world that will always be new to me as my kids meet new developmental stages, as my boys experience new dilemmas, as we enter new grade levels or make new friends. I will never be an expert, and that intrigues me in some way. It's a roller coaster that I have a new appreciation for. And, I have become passionate about this whole topic with other moms. Whether it's reading a mom blog or connecting with my mom friends, I love discussing motherhood and knowing I'm not alone, others have been where I am, and we're all in this together.

3. Feminism. I'm passionate about women's rights and women's issues. I'm not a male-basher, and I don't think women are better than men. I'm all about equality - for both sexes. I believe what is best for women is best for men as well, so it's in everyone's best interest if women around the world had as much respect as men, have as many opportunities and open doors as men, and were free to say, think, feel, earn, learn, believe, love, vote for whatever they want!

4. Gay rights. Next to women's issues, this is the other political issue that I cannot believe is a political issue. It baffles me that anyone, anywhere can dictate what rights are given to someone simply because of who they love. LOVE. Gay people choose to love someone, and they are denied marital rights? Or even worse, the right to be safe? I just can't understand it. I am SO open-minded about gay marriage and gay people living as openly and safely as heterosexual people that I have become close-minded to those who don't share the same opinion. No bible verse or religious opinion could persuade me otherwise, and every counter-opinion I have heard doesn't stand a chance against my logic. It is SO easy to support love, and it angers me when people think this is any of their business and say nasty things about gay people. I just don't get it. Have we not learned from history? Do we not look back at how "we" (society/ancestors) mistreated women or blacks or Native Americans and think "What were we thinking? How ignorant were we!?" I am certain that in 5, 10, 15 years and on down the road, we will look back at a time when homosexuals were mistreated and think, "What were we thinking?"

5. Capturing this time. As I mentioned above, I'm not going to list family as a passion. BUT, I will say that documenting this time we have together is! I am very passionate about capturing my kids' childhoods, to be their memory, to be the keeper of all the things they did/do when they aren't able to do it themselves. We keep artwork (or at least take pictures of it!), I have my blog that I publish into books for them, I keep their baby books (relatively) up-to-date, I try to take my camera wherever I can, and I make our anniversary videos each year. I just know that time goes so fast, and I want to try to capture what I can now. I know I can be annoying with the camera - and honestly, it kinda annoys me too! I'd love to just be in the moment more and not worry about the freakin' pictures! With two kids, carrying my big camera around is getting too cumbersome. And, there are times I purposefully leave it at home so I can just be there and just enjoy! But, I'm always glad that I had it with me to get some good shots of a fun time. I want the kids to see all the cool stuff they did when they were little - and who was there, and what they looked like - and what they wore - and how fast they grew - and... the list goes on. One of my favorite lines from a (very sad) song I heard recently is this: "I'll tell you everything. My heart wrote it down. I know every word." It's how I feel about being their mom - about being the one with all their history, their stories. It's a great responsibility, and it's one I'm passionate about!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7

7-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
You, my love, are one fun little boy! You are definitely one happy baby, but I want to tell you something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't get the kind of undivided attention that your big brother received when he was your age. I'm sorry that sometimes you have to wait your turn - to eat, to get a nap, to start your bath and bedtime routine, to play, to get you out of your crib. I'm sorry you don't get every ounce of our attention all the time. A good deal of the day, you are either having to wait your turn OR you are getting the attention you need while Banner bellyaches in the background (for a snack, for a favor, for me to play, for me to stop doing whatever I'm doing with you). While I, too, am a second-born, I never really understood how divided my parents' attention had to be to take care of two kids (and later, three). Like me, you don't really seem to notice or care much - of course because you don't know any different. But, I do. I do, my love. I know that Banner never had to be as patient as you. He never had to sit for long periods of time at someone's swim lesson; he never had to wait for someone else to finish a meal before getting his bath; he never had to wait for his bottle because I was putting his older sibling to bed; he never had to wait for his nap because I couldn't leave an older child alone to finish lunch by himself. We're making this work - and it's working really well! But, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you being so understanding, patient, and laid back. I love our mornings when Banner is at school, and you get ALL the attention for a change. You crave attention, and I love being able to give you my best, my all.

That's not to say that I don't love watching you and Banner play together. More and more, you two are developing your own relationship that is a joy to watch grow. You idolize that boy. If he comes near you, kindly or otherwise, you light up - even if your head is the road for his firetruck or if you are his patient and the doctor is poking and prodding you. More often than not, though, Banner wants to kiss and cuddle you. I can't wait til you two can play together . . . although I am kind of dreading when sharing becomes an issue. Our rule right now is that Banner has to give you a toy before he takes one from you. It works for everyone right now - but I'm sure once you demand your toy back or you want one HE has, that will be another story. Til then, we are in great shape because you don't really care about your toys. What you really want is Banner near you, giving you ANY kind of attention.

In other news:

• You are eating so many new foods! Every three days, we introduce a new food to you, and you have loved everything! New this month: you're eating zucchini, mango, spinach, apricot, pumpkin, butternut squash, blueberry, peaches, broccoli, and corn.
• We offered you the little teething nets this past week. We put a pear or apple in it for you to chew on, and you are in heaven. This is perfect while we are eating dinner - you can "participate" in eating with us while you are happily going to town on biting all over your little treat.
• You are slowly getting up on all fours. While you are making your way around a play area pretty well with turning, pivoting, rolling, and tiny scoots, you are nowhere near crawling yet. I'm perfectly fine with this! Stay put as long as possible! :) 
• You are most happy sitting and playing with your toys. Some favorite toys are: your FisherPrice puppy piano (that Aunt Mischelle is letting us borrow), Playskool Poppin' Pals, vibrating zebra pull-toy, your crinkle book, and teething rings are getting more attention these days
• Perhaps your favorite place to be is on Daddy's shoulders, often pulling on what little hair he has left! :) 
• You enjoy playing in your crib - just hanging out and putting your feet up on the slats of the crib watching the fan. 
• Your schedule looks a bit like this now... (we said goodbye to your third nap this month!)
• 5:30-6:00ish in the morning - you wake up and play in your crib, toss around a bit, experiment with your voice, and then go back to sleep
• 7:00-7:30 wake up and have first bottle (7.5 ounces usually)
• 9:00-9:15ish nap (sometimes earlier if you woke up around 7)
• 9:45-10:30 you wake up sometime in here... then I try to hold you off on getting next bottle til closer to 11
• 11:00ish - 2nd bottle (usually around 6 oz) and cereal and/or fruit
• 1:00ish - 2nd nap
• 2:15ish - 3rd bottle (usually around 5-6 oz, your mid-day bottles are much harder for you to finish than the first and last bottles)
• 5:00 - dinner (whatever new food you're trying and maybe a rice or a barley if you didn't get oatmeal earlier in the day)
• 6:00 - Daddy, Banner, and I eat dinner, and you sit at the table with us in the high chair enjoying picking at some Puffs or Cheerios or sucking on pear/apple
• 6:30 - we start your bath, you get your meds (Zyrtec and Gripe Water)
• 7:00ish - your 4th bottle (7.5 ounces) and I rock with you til you're very drowsy - usually right away!
• You're reaching for us. I.LOVE.THIS! You are still big on wanting to be held, especially as nap time approaches and you are getting more tired. You much prefer to reach for and lean toward us instead of your toys as you get more and more exhausted. I just feel badly when you reach for us and we can't lift you at that time (like when I'm cooking dinner or trying to help Banner with something). 
• Still no teeth - but lots of drooling, lots of stuff in your mouth. I don't really see any signs of them approaching yet either. Banner didn't get his first tooth until 8 months, so we'll see how similar you might be to him or not. I am just enjoying your gummy grin (and inability to bite me!) while it lasts!
• Still level 3 nipple, size 3 diapers, size 4 Overnite diapers, and mostly 9 month clothes. 
• The hair right on top of your head is still very much there. It's getting curlier, so it looks like a little curly mohawk. My favorite is this tiny little curl you have right behind your right ear. Sticks out so cute!
• Nicknames that are surfacing: "Mr. Quinn" has become a popular one for me and Banner to call you, as has "QuinnQuinn," and Daddy has taken to "Quinston." Others have called you "Quinny" - which isn't my favorite, but maybe it will grow on me. And just the other day, Papa and I teased Grandma for making your name two syllables: "Qui-en"

Mr. Quinn, we are just so in love with you! You are such a little love - liking tight hugs and giving them in return. I hope I always remember the feel of your tight squeeze as you burrow in to my neck and press your head against mine with the sweetest grin on your face (if only you wound't pull my hair while you're doing this!). I love your belly laugh when we tickle you and how your face just lights up when we talk and play with you. You're so easy to please - just wanting US. And, in general, you are such a happy little boy. 

I love you so much, Cuddlebug! 

Happy 7 Months!

Love,

Mommy

This is your "Mom, I'm getting tired!" face. Taken today at Banner's school seder.

So ready to take off soon!

30 Things in 30 Days (#7: Dream Job)

Day 7: What is Your Dream Job and Why?

I will start off by saying that I hate this question. I am tempted to stop this 30 Things in 30 Days series just to avoid this question... because I seriously don't know what the answer is here. I have given this a LOT of thought over the past few years. I'm not sure I'm meant to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, and now that I am, in fact, a mother, I have to take that into consideration when answering this question. All I know for sure is that I would want a job that would allow me plenty of time with my kids.

I adore my children, and I love them more than anything - certainly more than any job. But, being a stay-at-home parent is NOT a dream job. I've considered saying I have my dream job already. But, I don't. I can't say I was cut-out to be a stay-at-home mom. I miss my career. I miss being a part of a large community where my voice and my opinions mattered. Sometimes it's overwhelming to be at home with kids who don't listen to me, where my needs come last, or where I can't just go support my sister who just had a baby or make an appointment at the doctor's office without thinking of where my kids will be during that time and who might be able to watch them. Staying at home with young kids is a 24-hour job with no time off (like ever!). In the working world, I got more respect on a daily basis - without having to teach it all the time. I had adult conversation. I had audience-free restroom visits! I'd even get to have a drive by myself. But, working while having young children is hard, too. I'm not sure I was cut-out to be a working mom, either.  Getting up in the morning and trying to get ready at the same time my kids need bottles or breakfast or a diaper change... it's not easy. I substitute teach when I can, and I LOVE those days - but those mornings are rough. And, I can't imagine doing that every day - missing my kids and missing so much of their day. I'd feel like I was missing their childhoods by working all day, every day. I do think they need their breaks from me, though, so that's another perk to the subbing thing. It's nice for my kids to have time with their Grandma, and on the weekends, it's nice if Sam can keep the kids for a bit. Being a stay-at-home mom can be daunting without any breaks.... even nap time is stressful when they won't nap, or they wake up early - and I'm trying to get 1,000 things done without little hands getting in the way or getting interrupted a million times. But, I know that I'm giving them my all, that I'm here for them, that I'm not missing big events or milestones for someone else to tell me about.

Now, with that said, I guess my dream job would be exactly what I'm trained to do: school counseling. I just loved my job - when I got to do it, though! I'd definitely change a few things about school counseling to make it more of a "dream." There would be no testing. There would be no administrative duties outside of serving the emotional needs of the school community. I'd make more money! I'd be able to bill people hourly - so the silly little phone calls I would get would be more worth the time OR wouldn't happen at all because parents wouldn't want to bother with such a silly question (like (true story): "Will I be able to chaperone the first grade field trip?" or "Do you track how your elementary school graduates are performing at the college level? Do they feel ready for large state schools?" or "Have you done studies on how the power lines are affecting your students?" Um, what?)! I'd just be there for the kids. I'd be teaching them guidance lessons about using manners, refusal skills, peer pressure, conflict resolution, college and career readiness, personal safety, etc. It would be a time for me to really connect with the kids - to be there when they needed an impartial adult to listen to them and support them.

I once had an economics teacher in high school who didn't teach me much. The ONLY thing I remember him teaching me was very inspiring: "Find a job you would pay your employer to let you do." I don't know that I've found anything that I love THAT much! Well... unless sleeping in could be counted as a "job!" :) Now, that would be a dream job!

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6

30 Things in 30 Days (#6: Wishes)

Day 6: If You Could Have 3 Wishes, What Would you Wish For?

1. I've always thought it would be a good idea to wish for more wishes. Then, if I make a mistake or if I think of something that would be awesome later down the line, I'd have a wish at my disposal. 
2. A LOT of money. Like unlimited amounts of money. It's a shame that money is at the top of my priority list here, but it's really a means to an end. I'd love to buy a home that has all the amenities and space to keep my family clutter-free and to entertain our guests in. I wouldn't go nuts and buy a crazy huge million dollar home - I still believe "love grows best in little houses." But, it would be nice to have all the things I want under one relatively large roof. I'd also like to know that I could afford to send my kids to any college and graduate program of their choice, to vacation together, to enroll them in any activity they wanted... just anything that would help them get the most out of their lives and keep them (and us) debt-free through it all. I'd also be able to help others in need - or even just to give really nice gifts! And, it would be really nice to not have Sam's (hefty!) student loan payment anymore! 
3. Safety for my family and friends. This would include safety from illness, car accidents, and crime. Imagine a life where no one gets sick or gets hurt. Imagine a world where no one gets raped, murdered, robbed, or assaulted. Imagine a place where car accidents don't hurt anyone. Imagine living in a world where planes don't crash, shootings don't happen, explosions and fires don't kill, kidnappings aren't possible, diseases weren't lingering... how much more could we get out of life if all these things didn't threaten us or even occur as a possibility in our minds? 

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5

30 Things in 30 Days (#5: Happy)

Already day 5 in this series of 30 Things in 30 Days! I'm really enjoying this writing series, and I'm also hopeful that each post will give my kids more insight into my life (when/if they ever decide to read these some day). Today's topic is:
 

Day 5: What Are the 5 Things that Make Me Most Happy Right Now

1. Sam.
2. My precious boys. Their health and happiness make me beyond happy. I LOVE watching them grow and develop and become the people they were meant to be. Watching young children figure out the world is so awesome. Hearing the funny, poignant things that come out of Banner's mouth make me so giddy with pride and happiness. Watching Quinn figure out his body and how he fits in to this family and this big world - it's truly uplifting to watch it all unfold. 
3. The relationships I have with my mom, my sister, my brother and extended family. I could go on and on about the amazing family I was lucky enough to be born into. I just love my family. And, I love that it's a big one. There's never a dull moment, there's never a lonely time. To be surrounded by loving and supportive aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, and even more brothers and sisters makes me feel incredibly blessed. That there is such a big village to help me raise my family, to support me when I need it, to goof off with, to lean on, to celebrate with.... this makes me happy.
4. My friends. Oh.My.Goodness do these people make me laugh! Whether it's my best friends I've had since I was very little to the moms I've become friends with since Banner was born, I have some of the most amazing ladies in my circle. I just love getting together with them and having people that truly "get" me and care about me as much as I do them. I love coming home from a night (or a weekend) out with them and feeling reconnected to other women. I think that's really important. Even Sam is grateful for them. After a great phone conversation or a nice dinner out or a great play date, Sam will say how much more relaxed I am or how he's so glad I got to have such great times with awesome friends.
5. All the little joys in life: chocolate, writing, swimming, a night on the couch watching our shows and eating cookies, baking, a clean house, a long shower, sleeping in, vacationing, giving a really cool gift, money in the bank account! :)

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4

30 Things in 30 Days (#4: 16-Year Me)

Day 4: List 10 Things You Would Tell Your 16-Year-Old Self

I don't have many regrets at all from years past. I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself in my preteen and teenage years. But, I had some amazing teenage years - especially starting at 16. But, I guess there are always a few things I can come up with that I would tell myself looking back. And, quite honestly, many of these things I could tell my 30-something self, too! 

1. You're skinny. You are SO far from fat.
2. You don't need to be someone's girlfriend just because he likes you. Make sure you like him, too.
3. When you go to Israel, really listen to what the tour guides are saying. Stop flirting and caring about the most recent gossip. This is a once-in-a-lifetime trip to spend 6 weeks here - so listen, take it all in.
4. Life's going to get a lot harder soon, so just enjoy sleeping when you want, having someone else pay for your gas/rent/bills/books/groceries! Show Mom and Dad a little more appreciation, even though you won't understand all they do for you until you're a parent yourself.
5. Spend more time with your grandparents. Ask them anything and everything.
6. It's okay to spend time in the sun and at the pool with your friends. The chats and the music and the fresh summer air are totally worth it - but go easy on the Baby Oil... no need to fry!
7. That Sam kid - you marry him. It's going to be a long, winding journey, but it's so worth it. Stop losing sleep over him - he loves you, and you love him. 
8. You are going to go far. Chill out a little and live in the moment. Stop planning so much and worrying about all the "what-ifs."
9. People aren't always trustworthy. Some of the people in your life who you love most will hurt you as a byproduct of their selfishness. This is not a reason to fear loving other people. It's still okay to trust and have faith in others. 
10. These next few years are going to fly by, but you will remember them as if they were yesterday for the rest of your life. Make them count.

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3

30 Things in 30 Days (#3: Spouse)

Today's topic* is a very difficult one to write about because there is just so much to say. But, I will try my best to make it concise for the sake of all my readers. Putting 18 years of history and relationship into a small blog post is quite a challenge, but I'm willing to take it on in the hopes that my kids will one day care to know all of this! :)

Day 3: Describe Your Relationship With Your Spouse

Sammy and I met in BBYO, a Jewish youth group. He was 14; I was 16. He was a freshman in high school, and I was a junior. We first officially met at his induction to his chapter, Kaplan. I was there with my friend, Jeremy, as his date that evening. The ceremony at Robbie's house had just started when in rushed this kid with orangish hair pulled back in a ponytail and a burnt red/auburn leather jacket. Everyone was excited to see him - but me... I was annoyed at him. "Who does he think he is?" I remember thinking to myself. He made such a production - getting everyone's attention after the ceremony had already begun. He was all smiles, and his cheeks were pretty rosy. Even though I was greatly annoyed by him, I also felt this weird pull to him. I very distinctly remember feeling that there was something special about him. 

Sam doesn't really remember us meeting that night. It wasn't until about a month later that we got to know each other better. I was "plugging" to be the sweetheart nominee (Nom) for his chapter. There was a series of questions asked about each "plug" at Jeremy's house that night. And then, the chapter voted on which girls they wanted as "Nom," and I was lucky enough to be chosen as one of only 5 girls. Throughout the month of Nom Period, I was getting to know all the Kaplan guys pretty well. Sammy and I clicked pretty quickly. I enjoyed his company, and we were so relaxed and carefree together. He was silly, a goofball, a great listener, and a devoted Kaplan member. Nom period ended at "Walkdown," where beaus and sweethearts of the chapter are announced in front of everyone. I was surprised and shocked when I opened my heart box of chocolate to find confetti and a big chocolate heart with the word "Sweetheart" written on it. 

Getting to be Kaplan sweetheart was life-changing for me on so many levels. But, mostly, it set the stage and became the backdrop of my growing friendship with Sammy. We became best friends that year, and when I went off to college, saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things. I didn't know how it would change our friendship. I expected that we wouldn't really see much of each other any more. Luckily, I was wrong, and the distance made us realize how much we missed and loved each other. Although Sammy was dating another girl, and I was interested in other guys, we talked on the phone ALL the time. My long-distance bills (yes, a thing of the past!) were outrageous because we would talk on the phone for hours. And, my room and suite mates could tell when I was on AOL "IM"-ing (Instant Messaging) with Sammy - as they would tell me I would sit at the computer laughing or smiling. I really didn't have a romantic interest in him until a few months in to college - after he had broken up with his girlfriend. (As an aside, I'd like to say that I adored his girlfriend. I always thought they made a cute couple, even calling them "Frame-able" because they fit each other so nicely. I was truly upset when I found out Sam had broken up with her.)

My friend, Gretchen, knew that both of us were starting to have feelings for each other. She played matchmaker from behind the scenes, letting me know that he was interested in more than just friendship. I was going home for Thanksgiving soon, and Sam asked me if I wanted to go out the night after I got home (which was also the night I got my braces off!). I agreed, and that Wednesday night (November 25, 1998) we went to Grady's for our first "date." I was supposed to think that it was just a night with my friend, but after hearing what Gretchen had to say, I knew the truth. We drove around after dinner... I was getting anxious and nervous, and I think Sammy was too. He later told me he was waiting for the Brandy song, "Have You Ever?" to come on the radio so he could tell me then about his feelings. Well, the song never came on, even though we drove around for a LONG time - each of us showing the other our old houses, old schools, etc. When he got out to walk me up to my house, he said, "Can I ask you something?" I knew this was it. He took my hand and put it over his heart and said, "Do you feel that?" "Yeah?" I said. He said, "It's because of what I'm about to tell you." So, I beat him to the punch (or so I thought), and said, "What? You like me?!" - honestly just trying to make it easier for him. But, his response took me by surprise: "More like in love with." I was caught off-guard. I mumbled something like, "Me too. I mean, I feel the same way." We hugged (no kiss yet) and just held each other. I was all-smiles, and I think he was too. We talked the next day (Thanksgiving Day) and again that Friday, but we didn't see each other until Saturday - after my cousin's wedding and after he had attended another Walkdown ceremony. We met at a friend's house, and then went together to another friend's house. On the way back home that night, he wanted to stop at the park. At a stop light, I took the toothpick that he was nervously chewing on out of his mouth and kissed him. "You beat me to it," he said, completely caught off-guard.

We drove to the park across the street from that light, and he took out a boom box to play "Time to Say Goodbye," as we danced and kissed. He was so sad that I was leaving to go back to Austin the next day. I surprised him and told him I'd be back in town the following weekend to surprise Kira at her concert, and winter break was coming up so soon, so we would be able to spend more time together.

And, thus, a relationship was born. It was beautiful and amazing. Then, we broke up in May 2000. I'll spare everyone the details about how many times we were on and off and the reasons why - but mostly, we were just always in two different places in our lives, then we'd manage to find a way to make it work, then one of us would get scared or feel like we just weren't in the right time or place for our relationship. I lost count of how many times we broke up and got back together, but from 2000-2006, we were always friends (if not more)! We never had a mean, nasty break-up. And, almost every time we decided to end our relationship, it was hard to even say goodbye or let the other walk away. We talked all the time still. There was always a deep care, love, and respect for the other. During those years, Sammy had a long-term girlfriend, I dated many guys - always trying to find someone who could make me feel the way Sammy did, I graduated from undergrad and graduate school, Sammy graduated from undergrad and started law school, I moved home and started teaching and later counseling, and I would visit him as often as I could. 

On New Year's Eve 2006 (going in to 2007), I went to Houston to visit. That evening, Sam told me he wanted to be back together. I remember being so nervous and so scared - even though I felt the same way. I knew that if we were going to get back together again, this was it. Either we made it work this time, or we had to end it forever - no more back and forth. I started calling him "Sam" at this time, and everyone always wants to know how I can call him that after years of calling him "Sammy." To me, it was a new start for us by this time in our life and in our relationship. I wanted to differentiate between the back and forth time in our life when he was "Sammy," and we were younger and more immature. This was "Sam," and we were more grown up and needed to be. That was Sammy - and this is Sam. I don't know why, but it did make a difference... and he's still "Sam" to me. (It's even weird to write Sammy throughout this post.)

Since that date, we have been together. After Sam graduated from law school (May 2008), he moved home - into the house we live in now. He studied for the Bar exam that summer, we went on our first cruise together, and at the end of August, he proposed - standing outside my mom's house where he first told me he loved me. "Can I ask you something?" - the same words he said the night he put my hand over his heart. 

We were married September 6, 2009. It was amazing. I miss our wedding day all the time. Since then, we've been through a lot together: new jobs, his car accident, our Mediterranean cruise and London honeymoon, births of 2 sons, the death of his mom and both of our grandfathers, birthdays, anniversaries, births of several nephews, surgeries, RA, and starting a law firm. 

And, in telling you all of this, I still haven't really answered the prompt about describing our relationship. I told you how it came to be, but I haven't really described it. But, how do I describe something so indescribable? 

I'll start with this: our relationship is founded on friendship. I think this makes our relationship so much deeper. We are friends first and foremost. Our communication is probably our biggest strength. We tell each other everything - sometimes probably too much! We have no secrets, and we are always honest with each other, even if it hurts. But, we respect each other too, so the "hard-to-hear" comments are said with care and concern (well, maybe unless it's 2AM and we have a newborn and then everything's fair game). We've seen it all together, too. I've seen him with blood oozing out of his head and with gravel and glass in his teeth after his car accident. He's seen me cut open on the operating room table. We've lifted each other up out the depths of grief after the loss of his mom, and we've been on the highest of highs when we've seen those positive pregnancy tests.

One of the things I love most about our relationship is that, while we compliment each other and nurture our family as if we are one unit, we are separate people. He's not my "better half" or the one who "makes me whole." I am that on my own - as is he. We are unique individuals who celebrate our differences and allow each other time to ourselves. Sam and I have very different personalities. He's an extrovert - getting his energy from being around others. I'm an introvert - getting most energy when I'm alone or with a small group of people. We are completely okay with doing our own thing from time to time. He's gone to a wedding without me because I didn't want to go and he was up for a night out with his friends. We spend separate time with our respective families so we maintain that relationship with them separately AND as a couple.

Marriage is hard work - really hard work once you have kids. We have to find time for us, and that's not always easy on little sleep and no energy. Even when we can't afford it or it's not the best financial decision, we make ourselves get away. And, every time we go on a date night or are simply by ourselves for an evening, I get giddy and silly. I just love US, and it's always so nice to reconnect with "Samber" (a nickname that we received in college).

Not that we don't argue from time to time - we certainly do. But, my time with Sam is typically filled with lots of laughs. We just get each other, and when you trust and care for each other as much as we do, it's easy to unwind and feel so incredibly comfortable with one another. And with so much history and growing up together, we usually know what the other is thinking without having to say a thing. We have so much fun together - even if it's just hanging out on the couch or staying up late talking in bed. Every day with him is an adventure, and every night I get to have a slumber party with my best friend. 

I feel so fortunate to have this man in my life - and even more fortunate that he chose me and we get to raise these incredible kids together. I love him with all my heart, and I love that I get to be by his side in this life. Sam's a hard worker, a great listener, funny, and so compassionate and thoughtful. He respects me, challenges me, supports me, and encourages me. When I'm at my lowest low, he raises me up. When I'm at my highest high, he's there to join me. He's a phenomenal father, and I hope that my boys will learn how to be a gentleman from their daddy. I also hope that they feel from Sam what I have always felt: he makes me like ME more. He brings out the best in me, and I hope he would say I bring out the best in him. So, yes, even though there are things that annoy me about him still, I stand by what I initially thought when I first saw him: there is something so special about this man. And, even though it's a bit conceited to say, there is something so special about us.

*Past posts in this series can be found here: Day 1, Day 2