Mourning Just "Samber"

I met Sam when I was 16. We became fast friends, and then we became best friends. We would chat endlessly on the phone when I went off to college, and we loved to spend hours on the computer "IMing" each other, getting all giddy that the other was online. I missed him so much, and there was no other guy that seemed to "get" me the way he did - so effortlessly, so naturally, so deeply. After about 2 years as best friends, we finally disclosed our true feelings for each other, admitting that when we said we loved each other, we meant it more than just as a friend. Our friends and family started calling us "Samber," a playful nickname we never really rejected.

We spent the next several years trying to figure out the best way to maintain our relationship and our friendship with many splits, breaks, and back-togethers. Through all of it, we never disrespected each other, never forgot the love and comfort we found in each other, and never fell out of love with each other. Deep down, I always knew I'd be with Sam in the end. I remember nights back in college - just knowing one day we would be married. I remember our talks about what we would name our kids. I remember looking for the right house to buy, knowing one day Sam would move in with me, and we'd share an amazing life together. I used to imagine my walk down the aisle towards him. I used to imagine having him next to me as I gave birth to our baby... knowing there was no one else I would want next to me in that difficult, scary, amazing, miraculous moment.

We were talking the other night about how all of these dreams are now a reality, and we're both feeling so blessed right now. We've said those words to each other - you know, the "Can you believe we're really having a baby together?" or the "We've been planning this for so long. What do you think those two teenagers would think?" referring to our younger selves. We've laid in bed just staring at each other, tearing up that we actually created a life that's growing inside me right then at that moment.

But, there's also a slight tinge of pain as we say goodbye to the time we have left as just Samber - just us. For about 15 years, we've invested time, energy, and emotion to just each other. We've nurtured our relationship and our friendship and have built a stable, strong bond that ties us to each other. So, it's hard to imagine that we both are going to add a tiny person into our lives that will require just as much (if not more) time, energy, and emotion on both of our parts. I know we are ADDING, not taking away, but there have been a few tearful moments when we just hug each other, recognizing our "just us" time is dwindling. Soon, we'll be so invested in this little life. We'll never lose us, and we can always have our date nights, our get-aways, our cruises and trips, but there's never going to be a time that we don't think about this baby boy. Our selfish days invested in only each other are ending, and I'm embracing the time we have left as a couple, a family of two.

I just love him. I love us. It's hard to believe that we'll be a "threesome" soon, and hopefully, we'll have more children one day. I can't wait to raise this child (and his siblings) with Sam. We're so ready for this. We're gonna make a great team. We'll spend time alone with each other - for us, and for the sake of our children. But, I want to embrace the nostalgic feeling that we're saying goodbye to those days of only dreaming about our kids. I want to be realistic, before I can't take advantage of the time, that I'm going to miss just us. We'll both have a new love soon . . . we already do! I'll have another little man in my life, so I'm giving myself plenty of time to soak up every moment when Sam's still my only love.

We have heard so many parents say things like, "I can't even remember life without my son/daughter." And, even looking back in time before my oldest nephew and niece were born, I really can't remember life without THEM, so I completely get that feeling. Knowing that, I want to remember as much as I can about those two teenagers who were best friends, completely in love, and dreaming about their futures together. I want to remember the trips they took on their own, the dates they had, the careless, selfish, silly times they enjoyed for so long before they grew up. So, as we enter the next stage of our lives, the next stage of our relationship and of our friendship, we will do so together, knowing we squeezed out every ounce of "just us" we could get!