HAPPY BIRTHDAY, B & E! So glad you both have each other as friends!
5 Bulletin Boards You Can Keep Up All Year Long!
1 month ago
Friday, June 7, 2013
B & E
In Banner's first few months of life, he met some amazing new friends. To name a few, his first baby friends were: Marin, Landry, Emma, Shayna, Myka, Sami, Zeina, and Adam. But, one little girl has had play dates with Banner on an almost-weekly basis since about 2 or 3 months old. In the beginning, Ella and Banner's friendship mostly centered around taking walks to the park while napping in infant carriers so their moms could talk about how hard motherhood was. Soon, they would lay on play mats kicking their feet back and forth. Weeks later, they would roll over and look in each others' direction before rolling back the other way. Before long, they would reach for each others' toys, laugh at each other, sit up playing with the same toy, and trade turns in the Exersaucer or swing. Almost two years later, they are hugging each other, giving kisses goodbye, sharing snacks and sippy cups (and germs!), and calling each others' names. How fun it has been to watch them grow up together! As they turn 2 this week and embark on their third year of life, let's look back at their friendship:
Monday, June 3, 2013
Still Can't Believe It
After three years, I still can't believe that Sam survived his terrifying miracle. Not only that, but he walked away after 7 hours in the ER. He only had minor scrapes, bumps, swelling, a hematoma, a concussion, and some awful memories (and some lost memory). When I think back to this exact night 3 years ago, I am still haunted by what I was thinking, what could have happened, and how fragile life is.
I still remember picking up my red Rant phone, seeing an unusual amount of missed phone calls and texts, and hearing my brother's voice as I answered the incoming call while about to leave the end-of-year faculty party. I just knew something was terribly wrong, but I am so grateful that what I really thought was wrong wasn't. I was sure my husband was dead. I was sure I'd never speak to, hear from, embrace, kiss, make love to, laugh with him - my best friend, the love of my life. I was certain my brother was going to give me news that would change my life forever. Thank God I was wrong. I've never been more relieved and thrilled to be so incorrect. But, honestly, I still didn't know that what Brock was telling me was the whole truth. I didn't know what he knew, what information he could or would actually share with me. When he insisted on meeting my friend, Emily, and I on our way to the hospital, I was certain he had more information than he let on. After I hopped in the front seat of my mom's car - with her right behind me rubbing my shoulders, I was terrifyingly suspicious that they were hiding the truth from me. When I had spoken to the EMT who called me on my cell phone, he told me that Sam was in and out of consciousness but that he knew my cell phone number to call me. I held on to that as Brock drove over 100 mph to get to the same hospital that held awful memories for me.
It took an eternity to get news once we got there. They were still running tests. I couldn't see him yet. Family members started showing up. I'll never forget seeing his mother walk in through the ER doors, desperately needing her embrace. She was the only one who would die along with me if something had happened to him. It was a hard place to be, though, since the nurses and staff wanted information from me, his new bride - when his parents were right there. While I was proud of myself for knowing all this information (having memorized his social security number, his work number, any meds he was on, etc), I kept thinking this nightmare was about to start where none of that would ever be repeated again. I kept thinking about my life as a widow so soon after being married. I thought he may never practice law again, he may never speak again or look at me again, he may never remember who he is or who I am, he may never walk again. I had NO idea what to think.
Once I saw Sam, he immediately started crying. He was very beaten up - blood coming out of his ears, gashes in his head, dried blood on his hands and arms, even gravel in his teeth. He still had a neck brace on, which made his whole head turn red when he cried harder as he told me he loved me. I panicked when he would turn so red. I wanted him to calm down immediately. I stayed calm and as unemotional as I could while he looked at me with tears streaming down his face. I needed more than anything for him to calm down. I was still terrified that I could still lose him at any moment, overwhelmingly worried that he had a brain bleed or some internal injuries we still didn't know about that would cause significant damage. I didn't know we were "out of the woods" yet, so I just kept trying to relax him.
I also remember the ER room vividly and all the feelings I had while there. Seven hours in there, and it flew by in a blink because I was overjoyed with each passing moment that Sam was breathing, was alert, was making jokes, was holding my hand and looking at me. Every now and again, he'd start crying and telling me how much he loved me. We did a lot of just looking at each other that night. We did a lot of holding each other. He let me take care of him - cleaning him off, holding him up, wiping the blood, the dirt, the gravel, the tears. It was a very emotional night, week, month that year - and every time we talk about it, we still get emotional now.
We lost a lot that night. We lost his beloved Ford Explorer Sport. He lost some nice jeans and a belt that the ER had to cut off. He lost some memory of that night. We lost hope in ever finding the a$$hole who hit and ran. We lost a feeling of safety and security. But, we could have lost a whole heck of a lot more. Because, really, for all that we lost - we gained so much more. We gained at least three more years of time together. We learned not to take each other for granted. We learned that, when pushed to the limit, we are each others' best medicine and that we CAN do it, we can be each others' crutch, support, advocate, healer. We learned how fragile life is and to thank God every day for the time we have together.
I still can't believe it. That we were hiking Mt. Vesuvius two weeks later on our honeymoon, that we got pregnant 3 months later, that we met our baby boy a year after the accident, and that three years later, we are pregnant with yet another son. I know my life would be significantly different if Sam didn't make it that night, or if he had major medical issues as a result. I don't even like to think about it. I know his friends and family would miss him and mourn him. But, I'm beyond grateful that Sam's life . . . well, IS. He is blessed. Since this night three years ago, Sam has met his son, two nephews, two brothers-in-law, and several cousins. He has started a law practice, strengthened his family during times of loss and grief, celebrated weddings, enjoyed holidays, graduations, birthdays, and anniversaries, and helped create another baby. He's smiled and laughed, hurt and cried, learned and taught. He's felt great pain and great joy. He's alive and well. And, for every moment of the past 3 years, I am grateful. I am blessed.
I still remember picking up my red Rant phone, seeing an unusual amount of missed phone calls and texts, and hearing my brother's voice as I answered the incoming call while about to leave the end-of-year faculty party. I just knew something was terribly wrong, but I am so grateful that what I really thought was wrong wasn't. I was sure my husband was dead. I was sure I'd never speak to, hear from, embrace, kiss, make love to, laugh with him - my best friend, the love of my life. I was certain my brother was going to give me news that would change my life forever. Thank God I was wrong. I've never been more relieved and thrilled to be so incorrect. But, honestly, I still didn't know that what Brock was telling me was the whole truth. I didn't know what he knew, what information he could or would actually share with me. When he insisted on meeting my friend, Emily, and I on our way to the hospital, I was certain he had more information than he let on. After I hopped in the front seat of my mom's car - with her right behind me rubbing my shoulders, I was terrifyingly suspicious that they were hiding the truth from me. When I had spoken to the EMT who called me on my cell phone, he told me that Sam was in and out of consciousness but that he knew my cell phone number to call me. I held on to that as Brock drove over 100 mph to get to the same hospital that held awful memories for me.
It took an eternity to get news once we got there. They were still running tests. I couldn't see him yet. Family members started showing up. I'll never forget seeing his mother walk in through the ER doors, desperately needing her embrace. She was the only one who would die along with me if something had happened to him. It was a hard place to be, though, since the nurses and staff wanted information from me, his new bride - when his parents were right there. While I was proud of myself for knowing all this information (having memorized his social security number, his work number, any meds he was on, etc), I kept thinking this nightmare was about to start where none of that would ever be repeated again. I kept thinking about my life as a widow so soon after being married. I thought he may never practice law again, he may never speak again or look at me again, he may never remember who he is or who I am, he may never walk again. I had NO idea what to think.
Once I saw Sam, he immediately started crying. He was very beaten up - blood coming out of his ears, gashes in his head, dried blood on his hands and arms, even gravel in his teeth. He still had a neck brace on, which made his whole head turn red when he cried harder as he told me he loved me. I panicked when he would turn so red. I wanted him to calm down immediately. I stayed calm and as unemotional as I could while he looked at me with tears streaming down his face. I needed more than anything for him to calm down. I was still terrified that I could still lose him at any moment, overwhelmingly worried that he had a brain bleed or some internal injuries we still didn't know about that would cause significant damage. I didn't know we were "out of the woods" yet, so I just kept trying to relax him.
I also remember the ER room vividly and all the feelings I had while there. Seven hours in there, and it flew by in a blink because I was overjoyed with each passing moment that Sam was breathing, was alert, was making jokes, was holding my hand and looking at me. Every now and again, he'd start crying and telling me how much he loved me. We did a lot of just looking at each other that night. We did a lot of holding each other. He let me take care of him - cleaning him off, holding him up, wiping the blood, the dirt, the gravel, the tears. It was a very emotional night, week, month that year - and every time we talk about it, we still get emotional now.
We lost a lot that night. We lost his beloved Ford Explorer Sport. He lost some nice jeans and a belt that the ER had to cut off. He lost some memory of that night. We lost hope in ever finding the a$$hole who hit and ran. We lost a feeling of safety and security. But, we could have lost a whole heck of a lot more. Because, really, for all that we lost - we gained so much more. We gained at least three more years of time together. We learned not to take each other for granted. We learned that, when pushed to the limit, we are each others' best medicine and that we CAN do it, we can be each others' crutch, support, advocate, healer. We learned how fragile life is and to thank God every day for the time we have together.
I still can't believe it. That we were hiking Mt. Vesuvius two weeks later on our honeymoon, that we got pregnant 3 months later, that we met our baby boy a year after the accident, and that three years later, we are pregnant with yet another son. I know my life would be significantly different if Sam didn't make it that night, or if he had major medical issues as a result. I don't even like to think about it. I know his friends and family would miss him and mourn him. But, I'm beyond grateful that Sam's life . . . well, IS. He is blessed. Since this night three years ago, Sam has met his son, two nephews, two brothers-in-law, and several cousins. He has started a law practice, strengthened his family during times of loss and grief, celebrated weddings, enjoyed holidays, graduations, birthdays, and anniversaries, and helped create another baby. He's smiled and laughed, hurt and cried, learned and taught. He's felt great pain and great joy. He's alive and well. And, for every moment of the past 3 years, I am grateful. I am blessed.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
eRAsed
I'm 23 weeks pregnant today, and I'm feeling pretty good! Friends and family members have been asking how I'm feeling, and the answer lately has always been "pretty good!" in an optimistic tone. I really don't have a whole lot to complain about other than typical pregnancy symptoms (awful indigestion/reflux, a "full" belly feeling, and occasional swollen ankles and feet when I've been on them too long). But, when it comes to my RA, it's been pretty interesting.
You know how when you erase a pencil mark/mistake there's always a trace of the mark? Like you can't completely get rid of the evidence that there was a mark made before you erased it? Well, that's kind of how I feel about my RA right now. My pregnancy has been a blessing to my joints - completely relieving most pain I had been feeling since July 2012. Yet, it's not completely gone. There are hints of it still lingering, some days are worse than others, and I'm still pretty cautious with how I use my body and joints when moving.
My rheumatologist told me that one in three women will have improved symptoms during pregnancy. He also said that one in three get worse, and one in three stay the same. I'm so happy to be part of the one in three that gets better!! It's already hard enough keeping up with a busy, energetic toddler with all the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy, so thank God I'm not also dealing with full-blown RA flares. My jaw doesn't hurt at all, my elbows are probably 90% better, my wrists are probably 60-70% better, and my knees hurt and swell a lot less than before (probably 50-60% better?). In addition, I've had no new joint pain and zero morning stiffness! In fact, Banner cried out the other night around 1:00am, and I dashed out of bed without flinching. If that had happened 5 months ago, I wouldn't have been able to move, and I'd end up apologizing to Sam for not helping with my boy as he called for me.
What's really interesting to me is how quickly I have forgotten my life with joint pain. While I know I'm blessed to be experiencing such relief and mobility, I often forget how hard and painful life was before the second trimester (I started feeling relief around 12-13 weeks). I can get dressed with ease (minus bending over my belly to put on socks or shoes, although I've learned how to compensate for and accommodate this through all the RA shenanigans), I can scratch my own back with a bent elbow to reach, I can dry my hair without cringing from holding the dryer for so long, I can turn to check my blind spot without hurting, I can hold the phone to my ear without pain, and I can open jars and put away dishes without worrying my weak wrists will fail me. I can even get off the toilet without wincing from knee pain - although it's not as smooth of a transition as it once was (still feels weak and sore in my knees - almost reminds me of the pain you'd feel the day after a hard workout . . . yes, once upon a time I did workout). While my knees still bug me, and I've grown quite conditioned to getting on and off the floor in a particular way to protect them, I honestly don't remember just how painful my joints were, and I am starting to forget what life was like having to do some major motor-planning when it came to everyday tasks.
The only down side to forgetting is that I'm so worried about it coming back - which I'm hopeful it won't but pretty sure it will. I've heard from a few fellow RA patients that their symptoms were alleviated during pregnancy as well, but they also warn me that symptoms returned post-pregnancy - and with a vengeance! As I entered my second trimester with less and less pain, I was thrilled and excited to get somewhat of a break from the joint pain and strain that I'd been experiencing for quite a while on a daily basis. But, I've been a little worried about what's on the other side of delivering this baby boy in September. Some moms tell me it gets way worse than it was before. I'm kind of wondering if that's because, like me, they may have forgotten how painful it was pre-pregnancy. Man, I hope it's not worse! I'm really in for it if that's the case!
My rheumatologist also told me that some women go into remission during pregnancy and the RA NEVER COMES BACK! I am not banking on that because I don't want to be completely let down, but I'm certainly going to hope for the best. And, if it does come back, well, we will get a plan. I'll start meds (which I could not have taken while trying to conceive) and hope they offer me some help so I can take the best care of my two little boys and so I can be the playful, energetic, mobile mom I want to be to them.
In the meantime, I wait to see what happens. And, I enjoy the next few months of erased symptoms. On occasion, I will remember that I have RA and that there is still evidence of RA in my joints. But, I will savor these next 16 weeks or so - not taking my body for granted and enjoying the relief that my baby boy is bringing my body. I mean, how many pregnant women can say THAT?!
(Remind me of all this in late third trimester when I'm complaining of all the backache, the swelling, the leg cramps, the heat, the peeing...)
**For further reading about pregnancy and RA, visit this link and this link. Great articles and research provided. And, this is a pretty cool report as well.
You know how when you erase a pencil mark/mistake there's always a trace of the mark? Like you can't completely get rid of the evidence that there was a mark made before you erased it? Well, that's kind of how I feel about my RA right now. My pregnancy has been a blessing to my joints - completely relieving most pain I had been feeling since July 2012. Yet, it's not completely gone. There are hints of it still lingering, some days are worse than others, and I'm still pretty cautious with how I use my body and joints when moving.
My rheumatologist told me that one in three women will have improved symptoms during pregnancy. He also said that one in three get worse, and one in three stay the same. I'm so happy to be part of the one in three that gets better!! It's already hard enough keeping up with a busy, energetic toddler with all the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy, so thank God I'm not also dealing with full-blown RA flares. My jaw doesn't hurt at all, my elbows are probably 90% better, my wrists are probably 60-70% better, and my knees hurt and swell a lot less than before (probably 50-60% better?). In addition, I've had no new joint pain and zero morning stiffness! In fact, Banner cried out the other night around 1:00am, and I dashed out of bed without flinching. If that had happened 5 months ago, I wouldn't have been able to move, and I'd end up apologizing to Sam for not helping with my boy as he called for me.
What's really interesting to me is how quickly I have forgotten my life with joint pain. While I know I'm blessed to be experiencing such relief and mobility, I often forget how hard and painful life was before the second trimester (I started feeling relief around 12-13 weeks). I can get dressed with ease (minus bending over my belly to put on socks or shoes, although I've learned how to compensate for and accommodate this through all the RA shenanigans), I can scratch my own back with a bent elbow to reach, I can dry my hair without cringing from holding the dryer for so long, I can turn to check my blind spot without hurting, I can hold the phone to my ear without pain, and I can open jars and put away dishes without worrying my weak wrists will fail me. I can even get off the toilet without wincing from knee pain - although it's not as smooth of a transition as it once was (still feels weak and sore in my knees - almost reminds me of the pain you'd feel the day after a hard workout . . . yes, once upon a time I did workout). While my knees still bug me, and I've grown quite conditioned to getting on and off the floor in a particular way to protect them, I honestly don't remember just how painful my joints were, and I am starting to forget what life was like having to do some major motor-planning when it came to everyday tasks.
The only down side to forgetting is that I'm so worried about it coming back - which I'm hopeful it won't but pretty sure it will. I've heard from a few fellow RA patients that their symptoms were alleviated during pregnancy as well, but they also warn me that symptoms returned post-pregnancy - and with a vengeance! As I entered my second trimester with less and less pain, I was thrilled and excited to get somewhat of a break from the joint pain and strain that I'd been experiencing for quite a while on a daily basis. But, I've been a little worried about what's on the other side of delivering this baby boy in September. Some moms tell me it gets way worse than it was before. I'm kind of wondering if that's because, like me, they may have forgotten how painful it was pre-pregnancy. Man, I hope it's not worse! I'm really in for it if that's the case!
My rheumatologist also told me that some women go into remission during pregnancy and the RA NEVER COMES BACK! I am not banking on that because I don't want to be completely let down, but I'm certainly going to hope for the best. And, if it does come back, well, we will get a plan. I'll start meds (which I could not have taken while trying to conceive) and hope they offer me some help so I can take the best care of my two little boys and so I can be the playful, energetic, mobile mom I want to be to them.
In the meantime, I wait to see what happens. And, I enjoy the next few months of erased symptoms. On occasion, I will remember that I have RA and that there is still evidence of RA in my joints. But, I will savor these next 16 weeks or so - not taking my body for granted and enjoying the relief that my baby boy is bringing my body. I mean, how many pregnant women can say THAT?!
(Remind me of all this in late third trimester when I'm complaining of all the backache, the swelling, the leg cramps, the heat, the peeing...)
**For further reading about pregnancy and RA, visit this link and this link. Great articles and research provided. And, this is a pretty cool report as well.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Mother's Day 2013
My fabulous day began with a late wake-up since Sam got up with Banner and let me sleep in! That's already the best gift! I got up around 9:15 and texted Sam: "Good Morning! I'm ready to see my baby!" Soon, in walked Banner and Sam with a card and a donut breakfast on a platter (with a side of chocolate milk). YUM!
I read my card, holding back tears, and then Sam was giddy with excitement to give me my gift. He left the room and came back with this:
It's a photo mosaic of Banner and me (from last year's Valentine's Day), and it's one of my favorites. But, it's made up of 433 other photos of Banner, Banner and me together, or my family of three. Some pictures repeat, but it's really fun to look at and see Banner growing up through all the photos Sam sent in to the company that made it. It was such a surprise, and it is a really special gift!
After we hung out in bed for a bit, the three of us got dressed for the day. Our first stop was to the cemetery to pay our respects and visit Sam's mom. Banner surprised us when we got to Leslie's resting place as he said, "Balloons?" He was remembering when we went to this same spot to share our news that we were having another boy. That was two months ago, so we were shocked that he remembered this. Banner told Bubbie he loved her, Happy Mother's Day, and that he misses her. I get emotional every time we are there. I still miss her so much - and I miss her even more for Sam and for Banner - and for all the memories she'll never get to create, all the love she's missing here. I always have some internal dialogue with her when I'm there, sharing with her all that's been going on and letting her know how much she is missed and still loved. I let her know how grateful I am to her for raising such a strong, caring man to become a devoted, loving, nurturing daddy and husband. She deserves to know that everyday, but especially on Mother's Day. I just wish she could see it for herself.
After we left the cemetery, we went home for lunch, and then Sam and Banner made my day by going to the grocery store and giving me some time in the house alone! :) When they returned home, it was nap time - for Banner and for Sam. I was able to watch an entire movie on my own during that time as well as catch up on blogs, Facebook, and emails. We had to wake Banner since he slept so long! And then, it was time to go hang out at my mom's house, where Banner enjoyed some outside time in the dirt!
Soon, the rest of the family joined us at her house, and we all enjoyed dinner together. . . with Banner providing lots of silly entertainment. Caden likes to try to get Banner to say all kinds of stuff, which Banner generously does: "Caden is my favorite cousin," "Caden is . . . awesome!" and all kinds of other words and phrases in Banner's growling voice. He cracks us up!
Next came cards and gift-giving. Kira gave me the most awesome key chain. It has a penny for each life-changing year for my growing family: 1998, the year Sam and I started dating; 2009, the year Sam and I got married; 2011, the year Banner was born; 2013, the year our second son will be born. Such a thoughtful, creative idea!
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Then, it was the much-anticipated moment: when we finally got to give Mom her photobook we had been working so hard on for the past month or so. The idea was Mischelle's, and while it took a lot of work and coordination to finalize with everyone's input, it was such a fun gift to give! It's a photobook that includes a section for each child and grandchild - including a letter from each one (Brock, Amber, Kira, Mischelle, Sam, Erick, Stacy, Pat, Marni, Scott, Ted, Cody, Lilly, Caden, Eli, Mara, Jackson, Banner, Brycen, Nami, and even the grandchildren yet-to-be-named). I just love this book, and it seemed like Mom did, too. It was a lot of fun watching her read through all of our letters and reminisce at photos taken throughout the years. Kira and I were emotional watching her read it, especially when Caden and Mara read their letters aloud to Grandma. Nami's letter is very touching, and I love the poem that Mischelle found for our "still-baking" baby (and all those future grandkids!).
Here's the poem from all the "yet-to-be-named" grandchildren that I love so much! At the top of the page, we added a 4D sonogram photo of my little nugget.
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| Love this "mid-donut-eating" face! |
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| Banner's card he made at Mommy & Me last week |
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| Inside of his card - can barely see his hand prints on the bottom right, but so cute! |
After we hung out in bed for a bit, the three of us got dressed for the day. Our first stop was to the cemetery to pay our respects and visit Sam's mom. Banner surprised us when we got to Leslie's resting place as he said, "Balloons?" He was remembering when we went to this same spot to share our news that we were having another boy. That was two months ago, so we were shocked that he remembered this. Banner told Bubbie he loved her, Happy Mother's Day, and that he misses her. I get emotional every time we are there. I still miss her so much - and I miss her even more for Sam and for Banner - and for all the memories she'll never get to create, all the love she's missing here. I always have some internal dialogue with her when I'm there, sharing with her all that's been going on and letting her know how much she is missed and still loved. I let her know how grateful I am to her for raising such a strong, caring man to become a devoted, loving, nurturing daddy and husband. She deserves to know that everyday, but especially on Mother's Day. I just wish she could see it for herself.
After we left the cemetery, we went home for lunch, and then Sam and Banner made my day by going to the grocery store and giving me some time in the house alone! :) When they returned home, it was nap time - for Banner and for Sam. I was able to watch an entire movie on my own during that time as well as catch up on blogs, Facebook, and emails. We had to wake Banner since he slept so long! And then, it was time to go hang out at my mom's house, where Banner enjoyed some outside time in the dirt!
Next came cards and gift-giving. Kira gave me the most awesome key chain. It has a penny for each life-changing year for my growing family: 1998, the year Sam and I started dating; 2009, the year Sam and I got married; 2011, the year Banner was born; 2013, the year our second son will be born. Such a thoughtful, creative idea!
.JPG)
Then, it was the much-anticipated moment: when we finally got to give Mom her photobook we had been working so hard on for the past month or so. The idea was Mischelle's, and while it took a lot of work and coordination to finalize with everyone's input, it was such a fun gift to give! It's a photobook that includes a section for each child and grandchild - including a letter from each one (Brock, Amber, Kira, Mischelle, Sam, Erick, Stacy, Pat, Marni, Scott, Ted, Cody, Lilly, Caden, Eli, Mara, Jackson, Banner, Brycen, Nami, and even the grandchildren yet-to-be-named). I just love this book, and it seemed like Mom did, too. It was a lot of fun watching her read through all of our letters and reminisce at photos taken throughout the years. Kira and I were emotional watching her read it, especially when Caden and Mara read their letters aloud to Grandma. Nami's letter is very touching, and I love the poem that Mischelle found for our "still-baking" baby (and all those future grandkids!).
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| Let the opening begin! |
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| Caden and Mara looking at their dad's "little boy" pictures |
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| Mom and me looking at my kid pics |
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| Mara reading Grandma her letter |
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| Love |
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| Banner's spread |
Here's the poem from all the "yet-to-be-named" grandchildren that I love so much! At the top of the page, we added a 4D sonogram photo of my little nugget.
I do not have a face to see,
Or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss.
I don't yet have a name.
Not yet can you hold my tiny hands,
Nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
Or cuddle me so near.
All I ask between now and then
Is your love for me to grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait;
Just think of all the joy we'll know!
So as you're waiting patiently,
Please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
Of this wonderful family!
Or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss.
I don't yet have a name.
Not yet can you hold my tiny hands,
Nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
Or cuddle me so near.
All I ask between now and then
Is your love for me to grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait;
Just think of all the joy we'll know!
So as you're waiting patiently,
Please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
Of this wonderful family!
And, there you have it. My second official Mother's Day! We didn't get home til about 8:30 or so, WAY past Banner's bed time. We had already skipped a bath the night before since we were out late for Erick's graduation party, so I decided to take a quick shower with Banner. He's SO funny in the shower these days, LOVES being held up to the shower head and feeling the water tickle his back. He loves the skin-to-skin still (as do I!), and he even lets me dance with him when we shower. After he was in his pajamas, we read Mommy Hugs for the first time and I was able to hug him all over. Then, when I was putting him in his crib, he laid down and asked me to rub his back for a bit. Mid-back rub, he stood up, took his paci out of his mouth, and tilted his head up for a kiss. Be still my heart! What a fantastic way to end a great day!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The Mother of All Letters
Dear Mommy-in-Waiting,
Mother's Day brings lots of cards, hugs, flowers, and love to mothers everywhere, and as a mother, I can say I genuinely appreciate a special day to honor so many moms out there who give and give day after day to their families. As a daughter who has one of the best moms who ever lived, I love being able to celebrate her and remind her how special she is to me and to my siblings. But, rarely do we really celebrate the moms-to-be, the mothers who have no idea what is coming, the moms like you who are doing everything you can to take care of the growing baby inside you all these months. You SO deserve this first official Mother's Day! As your body does what it naturally knows to do and works hard to build your baby without much effort on your part, you are giving up so much of yourself physically and emotionally as you sacrifice your sleep, your time away from the toilet (to either puke or pee), your back, your stretch mark-less skin, your once perky breasts, your clear, sharp brain, and your ability to put on your shoes and socks without help. You have embraced motherhood already by welcoming indigestion, flatulence, morning sickness, constipation, swollen feet, and sore breasts. So, I commend you on making a grand entrance into this world of motherhood.
But, I also want to take the opportunity to tell you what so many people won't. Trust me, this may not seem like a gift, but time and time again, I wish someone had told me what my life would be like on "the other side." As I made my way from my childless self to married with child, I left behind a world I knew so well, a world that revolved around me. I had no clue what being a mother meant and how truly difficult, life-changing, and amazing it would all be.
Sure, people tried to tell me, but they really weren't specific. Even my own mother tried to tell me how things would be (at least she claims she did - my pregnant brain does not remember this at all!). My best friend told me she spared me the details because I "just wouldn't have understood." And, quite honestly, she was right. But, I'm going to try to tell you some things with the hopes that you'll be more aware of what's coming, or at least that once you are wise enough to realize that your fantasy of "my baby will be perfect and this will be easy" is truly a fantasy, you'll come back to this letter and think, "OH! That's what she meant!!"
As an aside, let me just say that I'm not making this up from just my own perspective; this letter comes with more voices than I can count, as I've heard story after story that mirrored my experience. It's a compilation of what I've learned from other parents - young and old, new and not-so-new, moms with only one child and moms with even more.
So, without further ado, I give you an incomplete list of what's coming:
-No matter how easy you think your labor, delivery, and recovery will be, it will suck. Unless you are lucky enough to be one of those VERY few who sneeze and a kid pops out of you, it just won't be like what you expect. We each have our stories, and they are fun to hear and talk about after the fact, but no story will be just like yours, and at some point in your labor, delivery, and/or recovery, you will be disappointed. You will hurt, and it will not be easy. But, you will also get over it and move on recognizing that no matter how hard, how "not according to plan," or how hell-ish it was, if you get that healthy baby in the end, none of your story matters. It's just a terrible means to a perfect, beautiful end.
-Realize now, and come to terms with the fact, that your body will never be the same. Whether it's a C-section incision, a third degree vaginal tear, or simply saggy, stretch-marked skin, you're never going to have that pre-baby body back. If you have a C-section, don't plan on ever having full feeling back around your scar. If you gave birth vaginally, good luck holding that pee in when you cough, laugh, jump. Embrace and try to find humor in the gift of life your body gave to your baby. Your body created a true miracle. Our bodies are amazing, so don't put it down or get too wrapped up in missing your former self. You can always have plastic surgery!
-Breastfeeding blows.Whether it works for you or not, whether it works for your baby or not, there's no way around something sucking - no pun intended. It's either gonna hurt, or you are going to be made to feel guilty by the Nipple Nazis (aka lactation specialists, nurses, or perhaps pediatricians). Or, you are going to have to pump because your child won't latch or some other reason you never thought possible that no one told you about. You're going to wish there was a "Troubleshooting" section in your breastfeeding book(s), and you'll probably want to shoot your lactation consultant. If you bottle feed, well, you're just going to hell so get ready for the guilt-trip coming your way.
-You are going to fight with your husband more than you ever have before over the stupidest things. Tempers will flare, pacis will fly across the room, and doors may be slammed. When it comes to parenting a creature that is equally part of you and your spouse, you are just not going to agree on everything, but both of you are going to think your way is right or best. Add in sleep deprivation and you both become cranky toddlers who haven't slept in weeks/months/years, and you have a perfect recipe for marital disaster. Be prepared that those early days of falling so much more in love with each other as you welcome your new bundle WILL come to an end. You will always love your husband as the father of your child, but you may not love the way he handles himself when you're trying to let your baby CIO (cry it out), or how he deals with an unruly toddler throwing rice across the dining room table. There's a reason most divorces seem to happen when there's a child 3 years of age or younger in the home. But, hang in there, communicate, make a plan to help each other get more sleep, force yourself to make time for date nights, and realize that this is common.
-Let's go back to that acronym I threw in up there. CIO? Yeah, that one. This is just one of many debates you will learn about as you get a few weeks or months into your journey as a mother. You'll hear a ton of advice about any number of issues that will almost always piss you off. Do you let your child cry it out? Have you Ferberized her? Are you a Baby Wise parent? Do you let your child have a pacifier? Do you co-sleep? Do you tell your child "No?" Do you believe in Time Outs? Do you really bathe your baby every day? You don't let him have juice? YOU DEVIL! I could go on and on. No matter what you do as a parent, someone will have an opinion about it. And, you won't always like his/her opinion. In fact, you'll want to share your thoughts with that person. But, you'll also learn that it's best to keep your mouth shut unless you are specifically asked to give an opinion about what is working for you and your child.
-On a related note, you will learn to stop judging other parents. . . hopefully! You will learn that you have no idea what goes on in other peoples' homes and why they make the choices they do. You will learn why your best friend spends an hour putting her 3 year old to bed every night - because you will have learned that there's always another side to the story. You will have learned that this is what works for her, because SHE knows that if she doesn't spend that hour with him every night waiting for him to fall asleep, he will be up and down for 3 hours, that he will wake his sleeping sister as he yells over and over again for Mommy. You will realize that she knows her kid best, and you will learn that she is making the best choice for her family.
-You will soon memorize all kinds of melodic tunes that come from any number of toys, swings, bouncers, and jumperoos in your home. You'll hate these songs that get stuck in your head. You'll hate not being able to sleep because you can't get that same damn phrase from the most recent Yo Gabba Gabba episode to stop repeating itself. But, one day, you'll miss these little tunes and feel nostalgic when you hear them once again (minus the Yo Gabba Gabba songs... those can go and stay away... damn, now I've got a song stuck in my head. "Let's get the sillies out, let's get the sillies out. You gotta jump, shake, shimmy them out. . . ")
-Speaking of crazy songs, you will learn to love driving with toddler tunes playing in your car. Maybe not right away, but eventually, you'll have no choice but to put on these children's songs to keep your toddler entertained and happy. You'll find yourself jamming to "The Wheels on the Bus" rather than Usher's latest hit. In fact, you won't even know Usher's latest hit because you will not have heard the radio in months because your iTunes only include nursery rhymes or favorite stories for children. You will have memorized what comes after "Apples and Bananas" and already hear the intro to "Old McDonald" in your head before it's even coming out of your once-blaring speakers.
-You will find yourself making up all kinds of songs in order to distract, entertain, and teach your child. You will catch yourself in the middle of some silly ditty you are singing to your infant as you change her diaper and think, "What the hell am I singing?"
-You will learn that you never really know. My senior quote in high school was from Tracy Lawrence's song "Time Marches On." It really is so true for raising a child, too: "The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Everything changes." So, what worked yesterday may or may not work tomorrow. There are times your child will be a great sleeper, and then all of a sudden, he is up at all hours of the night. There will be times that she wants Mommy and then times when she hates Mommy. He'll eat peas for weeks, and then all of a sudden, he wants nothing to do with them. He'll love his bath time for months, but then he'll hate it for a few weeks for no apparent reason.
-Teething is always the answer. Blame teething for anything. Has a fever? Teething. Cries at night? Teething. Touches his ears? Teething. Won't eat? Teething. Puts everything in her mouth but won't let you brush her teeth? Teething. Likes Elmo? Teething. And, don't forget she will get 20 teeth before she's 2 - and I hear those additional 4 more 2-year-old molars are a bitch. So, just be prepared for 2+ years of teething, because damn, that's a lot of teeth!
-Your house will soon be taken over by a tiny new being. At first it will only be bottles or breast pump accessories lining your kitchen counters. But soon, it will be bouncers, swings, teething rings, and burp rags that take over. A bit later, you'll have toys strewn about your house in any given place. Unless you're like my extremely diligent behavior-specialist friend who asks her girls to put their toys away before leaving the room, you will most likely find yourself cussing at the pain that is stepping on a Lego every now and again or tripping over a Barbie doll's head at some point in your child's youth. You will inevitably crush a Cheerio (or hundreds of them) during early toddler-hood just on your way to use the restroom in the middle of the night. It won't even occur to you to wonder why when you see a measuring cup or wire whisk just hanging out on your bathroom floor. You won't even flinch when you feel a Hot Wheels car under your back when you roll over in bed one night. No matter how clean you try to keep your home, it is no longer yours once your baby is part of it.
-Speaking of your house, leaving it will never be the same. Enjoy these last weeks or months of being able to pick up and go whenever you please. Take full advantage of making a spur-of-the-moment decision to run to get your nails done or go catch a movie with your friends. Those times are few and far between in your near future, so don't put it off! Not only will simply making a trip to the grocery store become a big production, but you will need to make sure you have everything your child could possibly need when you go. Diapers? Wipes? Snack? Bottle? Burp rags? Pacifier? Toys? A change of clothes for those blow-outs? (And don't even TRY to think this won't happen when you are in public! Hopefully, we're talking about your baby here and not a change for YOU! I, of course, always carried a change of clothes for me due to my child's bulimia problem - otherwise known as reflux.)
-Your nights are going to be forever changed as well. At first, your baby will sleep wherever you are, and she won't require a nighttime routine or a comfy crib right away. Take full advantage of this portable period. It only lasts a month or two! By three or four months (latest!), your child will really need an early bedtime. "Early" as in senior citizen special. Most babies by 4-5 months will go to bed between 7-8, and their bedtime kind of stays that way for YEARS! When my son was 4 months old, we were starting his bedtime routine around 6:30 every night. That made our dinner plans difficult, and it was a hard adjustment as we realized that our excursions near sunset were officially over. Large family gatherings and social times with friends needed to end around 6:15 for us to get home in time to start the all-important nightly routine. Even now, at almost 2 years old, we are still starting bath at 7:15, which is late compared to our friends' kids. If we meet friends for dinner, we are seriously eating with the 75 and up crowd. But, that's really a good thing - because they don't mind the chaos and ruckus that is my loud toddler. . . they can't hear it!
-Soon, you will be a part of a club where every member has been puked on, pooped on, and peed on - and sometimes all at once. We've been sneezed on, coughed on, and cried on. Each of us has wiped away tears, wiped away drool, wiped away boogers, and wiped a tiny tush. There's nothing too disgusting or foul. We've gagged at blow out diapers and oozing diarrhea. Most of us have taken a rectal temperature, some have had to give a suppository, and a few have had to give enemas (thank God I don't fall into this category!). We've cleaned out ear wax, managed healing circumcisions, and cleared away eye gunk. We've tended cuts and scrapes, fixed splinters, and pulled teeth. We've held our screaming child's hands for shots, blood draws, and X-rays. I've been spit up on more times than I could ever count, and I learned not to care. I draw the "not caring" line with real vomit, but that's happened, too, and it will to you too. It's a fun club this one!
-You will soon become more efficient and more resourceful than ever before. By sheer necessity, you will need to find ways to save time, to multitask, to function on little and/or interrupted sleep, to figure out how to do things one-handed (like folding laundry, washing dishes, putting on your make-up, tying your shoes, etc), to make meal time more fun and food more interesting, to be more prepared and ready for the unexpected. You'll learn to carry all kinds of things with you - from wipes to band-aids to extra pacifiers. You'll learn to anticipate your child's behavior and how to best circumvent an impending tantrum. You'll learn to pick your battles and let go of the little stuff. You'll learn to not care if he eats a couple pieces of food off the floor or if he spills some milk on the couch. You'll learn how to maneuver your body to pick up a paci on the floor with your toes, to get out of the glider without a sound, to empty the dishwasher in one minute flat, and to use your smart phone discreetly so she won't be begging to play on it. You'll learn how to use the most of your "free" time (otherwise known as precious and all-too-fleeting nap time). You'll weigh the costs and benefits of either taking a nap or cleaning the house (or a thousand other things you could do while you don't have little feet following behind you).
-You'll also soon learn that your privacy is a thing of the past. You'll learn that there is no such thing as taking a peaceful poop - as you'll either take your infant with you to the bathroom or your toddler will want to sit on your lap or your school-age child will be banging on the door to ask you a question. A nice, hot, quiet shower will be hard to come by as you hurry to get in and out. You'll long for a day to yourself to just do whatever you damn well please without an audience, without having to entertain, clean up after, or constantly monitor someone. And the irony of this whole motherhood thing is that just when you get some alone time, some time by yourself when perhaps your husband gifts you with some time in the house all your own, you will inevitably miss your baby, wonder what and how she's doing, feel lost without her, and want her to come back soon! Go figure!
-You'll also realize that you are not allowed to get sick again - ever. I remember very well the first time I didn't feel well after my son was born. I was sitting in a faculty meeting at work, with an oncoming migraine, and as I held my head in my hands trying to calm the storm in my brain, I had an epiphany that I couldn't just go home and sleep or put my feet up in a quiet room. I had to go pick up my son, feed him dinner, play with him until bedtime, and then go through the motions of his nightly routine before I would get any quiet time at all. I remember thinking, "I can't get sick. I can't get sick. It's just not allowed to happen anymore!" Obviously, you are going to get sick, and you are going to want to nurse yourself back to health, and you are going to need rest and sleep, but it's just not that easy once Junior is around needing you, not understanding why Mommy wants to crash on the couch all day. So, as my mom always reminds me, it's best to take care of yourself and try your best to prevent getting ill. And, when all else fails, call YOUR mommy to come take your baby so you can get some rest.
-The highlights of your day will be the littlest things: a play date to get you out of the house, not hitting a red light the whole drive home as your infant screams in her car seat, noticing that his tushy isn't red anymore from an icky diaper rash, going to a restaurant for dinner (not because you won't have to do the cooking, although that's huge - but mostly because you won't have to clean the floor afterward!), a date with your husband (not because you haven't had a night alone with him in months - although that's huge, too - but mostly because you won't have to cut up someone's food into itty-bitty pieces), finding a dry cleaners with a drive-thru, no wait at the pediatrician's office, or hearing the miraculous sound of those three clicks in the car seat as you strap your strong, willful toddler into a restrained position at last.
-I know you're worried about whether your bedding will look right in the nursery you're obsessing over, whether the car seat you spent your life savings on is really the safest, and if you'll know if your water broke or not. Soon, none of these things will matter. You'll be up late at night worried about whether she's still breathing, whether the formula you're feeding her is the best choice, and whether you did enough tummy time that day. Worry will become your new annoying friend - the one you wish would go away but with whom you feel so comfortable. You will never sleep with the same level of quality you once did (at least pre-pregnancy). Even when she starts sleeping through the night and your sleep is finally (FINALLY!!) uninterrupted, you'll still hear everything. You will lie awake at night wishing you could stop wondering if that's an ant bite on her foot or if she has the beginning of West Nile, whether you should have called the doctor about why she's tugging at her ear, what you can do to make that tooth come in straighter, or why your friend's baby is already crawling and your kid isn't yet.
I know I've listed a lot of overwhelming ideas. These changes are big, and they aren't easy to imagine right now. You are too wrapped up in getting this baby here safely, and that's really all you should be worried about. Soon, you'll know all too well the ideas I've listed above. But, you'll also know the joy and love of motherhood as well. You'll learn your baby's cries (give it a good 6 weeks at least, but I promise you'll at least be able to distinguish between two or three different cries). You'll grow more confident in your abilities to be your child's best advocate, to trust your instincts, to figure it all out so that you feel comfortable in your new role. You'll learn his favorite things, and those things will become YOUR favorite things. You'll delight in hearing his laugh or seeing his smile. You'll get excited the first time you hear her hum a song in perfect tune. You'll be impressed as he learns to count or recognize his letters long before you expected that to happen. You'll feel her whole hand wrapped around your finger, and you'll savor the feel of her soft skin and feel an intense connection to her. You'll stare into his gorgeous eyes that light up when he giggles, and you'll want to memorize this very moment - every.single.time! You'll look at your husband when you hear her say a new word, and both of you will have the same expression on your face: "Did you know she knew that word?!" You'll become friends with the most amazing people - women who you can talk to about your child, women who have been where you are, women who (if they are really honest) will tell you the truth and you'll know you aren't alone. You'll feel an overwhelming sense of fortune and gratitude that you have a child. You'll reflect on how many women long to be mothers and must continue to try, or you'll grieve for the losses of so many mothers who have lost their babies, and you'll be reminded of how lucky you are to be holding yours still. Your heart will actually ache because of how full of love it is for your baby. And one day, that baby of yours won't be such a baby anymore, and you'll miss her already; you'll miss those early days of 3 AM feedings and rocking her to sleep; you'll miss those tiny coos and sweet simple smiles. But, she'll wrap her arms around you and say, "Wuv you, Mama!" and your heart will melt again and again.
And, then, you'll be crazy enough to actually have another kid - and start all over again. This time, with another kid already in tow. And, then, you'll wish you had someone writing you a letter, telling you all the things you need to know about being the mother of two, of having a toddler and a newborn! (Someone, help a mommy (me!) out!!)
Until then, Happy First Mother's Day! Welcome to an overwhelming, frustrating, anxiety-producing, hit-your-head-against-the-wall, challenging, but most rewarding, fulfilling, heart-melting club there is!
With much love and respect,
Amber
Mother's Day brings lots of cards, hugs, flowers, and love to mothers everywhere, and as a mother, I can say I genuinely appreciate a special day to honor so many moms out there who give and give day after day to their families. As a daughter who has one of the best moms who ever lived, I love being able to celebrate her and remind her how special she is to me and to my siblings. But, rarely do we really celebrate the moms-to-be, the mothers who have no idea what is coming, the moms like you who are doing everything you can to take care of the growing baby inside you all these months. You SO deserve this first official Mother's Day! As your body does what it naturally knows to do and works hard to build your baby without much effort on your part, you are giving up so much of yourself physically and emotionally as you sacrifice your sleep, your time away from the toilet (to either puke or pee), your back, your stretch mark-less skin, your once perky breasts, your clear, sharp brain, and your ability to put on your shoes and socks without help. You have embraced motherhood already by welcoming indigestion, flatulence, morning sickness, constipation, swollen feet, and sore breasts. So, I commend you on making a grand entrance into this world of motherhood.
But, I also want to take the opportunity to tell you what so many people won't. Trust me, this may not seem like a gift, but time and time again, I wish someone had told me what my life would be like on "the other side." As I made my way from my childless self to married with child, I left behind a world I knew so well, a world that revolved around me. I had no clue what being a mother meant and how truly difficult, life-changing, and amazing it would all be.
Sure, people tried to tell me, but they really weren't specific. Even my own mother tried to tell me how things would be (at least she claims she did - my pregnant brain does not remember this at all!). My best friend told me she spared me the details because I "just wouldn't have understood." And, quite honestly, she was right. But, I'm going to try to tell you some things with the hopes that you'll be more aware of what's coming, or at least that once you are wise enough to realize that your fantasy of "my baby will be perfect and this will be easy" is truly a fantasy, you'll come back to this letter and think, "OH! That's what she meant!!"
As an aside, let me just say that I'm not making this up from just my own perspective; this letter comes with more voices than I can count, as I've heard story after story that mirrored my experience. It's a compilation of what I've learned from other parents - young and old, new and not-so-new, moms with only one child and moms with even more.
So, without further ado, I give you an incomplete list of what's coming:
-No matter how easy you think your labor, delivery, and recovery will be, it will suck. Unless you are lucky enough to be one of those VERY few who sneeze and a kid pops out of you, it just won't be like what you expect. We each have our stories, and they are fun to hear and talk about after the fact, but no story will be just like yours, and at some point in your labor, delivery, and/or recovery, you will be disappointed. You will hurt, and it will not be easy. But, you will also get over it and move on recognizing that no matter how hard, how "not according to plan," or how hell-ish it was, if you get that healthy baby in the end, none of your story matters. It's just a terrible means to a perfect, beautiful end.
-Realize now, and come to terms with the fact, that your body will never be the same. Whether it's a C-section incision, a third degree vaginal tear, or simply saggy, stretch-marked skin, you're never going to have that pre-baby body back. If you have a C-section, don't plan on ever having full feeling back around your scar. If you gave birth vaginally, good luck holding that pee in when you cough, laugh, jump. Embrace and try to find humor in the gift of life your body gave to your baby. Your body created a true miracle. Our bodies are amazing, so don't put it down or get too wrapped up in missing your former self. You can always have plastic surgery!
-Breastfeeding blows.Whether it works for you or not, whether it works for your baby or not, there's no way around something sucking - no pun intended. It's either gonna hurt, or you are going to be made to feel guilty by the Nipple Nazis (aka lactation specialists, nurses, or perhaps pediatricians). Or, you are going to have to pump because your child won't latch or some other reason you never thought possible that no one told you about. You're going to wish there was a "Troubleshooting" section in your breastfeeding book(s), and you'll probably want to shoot your lactation consultant. If you bottle feed, well, you're just going to hell so get ready for the guilt-trip coming your way.
-You are going to fight with your husband more than you ever have before over the stupidest things. Tempers will flare, pacis will fly across the room, and doors may be slammed. When it comes to parenting a creature that is equally part of you and your spouse, you are just not going to agree on everything, but both of you are going to think your way is right or best. Add in sleep deprivation and you both become cranky toddlers who haven't slept in weeks/months/years, and you have a perfect recipe for marital disaster. Be prepared that those early days of falling so much more in love with each other as you welcome your new bundle WILL come to an end. You will always love your husband as the father of your child, but you may not love the way he handles himself when you're trying to let your baby CIO (cry it out), or how he deals with an unruly toddler throwing rice across the dining room table. There's a reason most divorces seem to happen when there's a child 3 years of age or younger in the home. But, hang in there, communicate, make a plan to help each other get more sleep, force yourself to make time for date nights, and realize that this is common.
-Let's go back to that acronym I threw in up there. CIO? Yeah, that one. This is just one of many debates you will learn about as you get a few weeks or months into your journey as a mother. You'll hear a ton of advice about any number of issues that will almost always piss you off. Do you let your child cry it out? Have you Ferberized her? Are you a Baby Wise parent? Do you let your child have a pacifier? Do you co-sleep? Do you tell your child "No?" Do you believe in Time Outs? Do you really bathe your baby every day? You don't let him have juice? YOU DEVIL! I could go on and on. No matter what you do as a parent, someone will have an opinion about it. And, you won't always like his/her opinion. In fact, you'll want to share your thoughts with that person. But, you'll also learn that it's best to keep your mouth shut unless you are specifically asked to give an opinion about what is working for you and your child.
-On a related note, you will learn to stop judging other parents. . . hopefully! You will learn that you have no idea what goes on in other peoples' homes and why they make the choices they do. You will learn why your best friend spends an hour putting her 3 year old to bed every night - because you will have learned that there's always another side to the story. You will have learned that this is what works for her, because SHE knows that if she doesn't spend that hour with him every night waiting for him to fall asleep, he will be up and down for 3 hours, that he will wake his sleeping sister as he yells over and over again for Mommy. You will realize that she knows her kid best, and you will learn that she is making the best choice for her family.
-You will soon memorize all kinds of melodic tunes that come from any number of toys, swings, bouncers, and jumperoos in your home. You'll hate these songs that get stuck in your head. You'll hate not being able to sleep because you can't get that same damn phrase from the most recent Yo Gabba Gabba episode to stop repeating itself. But, one day, you'll miss these little tunes and feel nostalgic when you hear them once again (minus the Yo Gabba Gabba songs... those can go and stay away... damn, now I've got a song stuck in my head. "Let's get the sillies out, let's get the sillies out. You gotta jump, shake, shimmy them out. . . ")
-Speaking of crazy songs, you will learn to love driving with toddler tunes playing in your car. Maybe not right away, but eventually, you'll have no choice but to put on these children's songs to keep your toddler entertained and happy. You'll find yourself jamming to "The Wheels on the Bus" rather than Usher's latest hit. In fact, you won't even know Usher's latest hit because you will not have heard the radio in months because your iTunes only include nursery rhymes or favorite stories for children. You will have memorized what comes after "Apples and Bananas" and already hear the intro to "Old McDonald" in your head before it's even coming out of your once-blaring speakers.
-You will find yourself making up all kinds of songs in order to distract, entertain, and teach your child. You will catch yourself in the middle of some silly ditty you are singing to your infant as you change her diaper and think, "What the hell am I singing?"
-You will learn that you never really know. My senior quote in high school was from Tracy Lawrence's song "Time Marches On." It really is so true for raising a child, too: "The only thing that stays the same is everything changes. Everything changes." So, what worked yesterday may or may not work tomorrow. There are times your child will be a great sleeper, and then all of a sudden, he is up at all hours of the night. There will be times that she wants Mommy and then times when she hates Mommy. He'll eat peas for weeks, and then all of a sudden, he wants nothing to do with them. He'll love his bath time for months, but then he'll hate it for a few weeks for no apparent reason.
-Teething is always the answer. Blame teething for anything. Has a fever? Teething. Cries at night? Teething. Touches his ears? Teething. Won't eat? Teething. Puts everything in her mouth but won't let you brush her teeth? Teething. Likes Elmo? Teething. And, don't forget she will get 20 teeth before she's 2 - and I hear those additional 4 more 2-year-old molars are a bitch. So, just be prepared for 2+ years of teething, because damn, that's a lot of teeth!
-Your house will soon be taken over by a tiny new being. At first it will only be bottles or breast pump accessories lining your kitchen counters. But soon, it will be bouncers, swings, teething rings, and burp rags that take over. A bit later, you'll have toys strewn about your house in any given place. Unless you're like my extremely diligent behavior-specialist friend who asks her girls to put their toys away before leaving the room, you will most likely find yourself cussing at the pain that is stepping on a Lego every now and again or tripping over a Barbie doll's head at some point in your child's youth. You will inevitably crush a Cheerio (or hundreds of them) during early toddler-hood just on your way to use the restroom in the middle of the night. It won't even occur to you to wonder why when you see a measuring cup or wire whisk just hanging out on your bathroom floor. You won't even flinch when you feel a Hot Wheels car under your back when you roll over in bed one night. No matter how clean you try to keep your home, it is no longer yours once your baby is part of it.
-Speaking of your house, leaving it will never be the same. Enjoy these last weeks or months of being able to pick up and go whenever you please. Take full advantage of making a spur-of-the-moment decision to run to get your nails done or go catch a movie with your friends. Those times are few and far between in your near future, so don't put it off! Not only will simply making a trip to the grocery store become a big production, but you will need to make sure you have everything your child could possibly need when you go. Diapers? Wipes? Snack? Bottle? Burp rags? Pacifier? Toys? A change of clothes for those blow-outs? (And don't even TRY to think this won't happen when you are in public! Hopefully, we're talking about your baby here and not a change for YOU! I, of course, always carried a change of clothes for me due to my child's bulimia problem - otherwise known as reflux.)
-Your nights are going to be forever changed as well. At first, your baby will sleep wherever you are, and she won't require a nighttime routine or a comfy crib right away. Take full advantage of this portable period. It only lasts a month or two! By three or four months (latest!), your child will really need an early bedtime. "Early" as in senior citizen special. Most babies by 4-5 months will go to bed between 7-8, and their bedtime kind of stays that way for YEARS! When my son was 4 months old, we were starting his bedtime routine around 6:30 every night. That made our dinner plans difficult, and it was a hard adjustment as we realized that our excursions near sunset were officially over. Large family gatherings and social times with friends needed to end around 6:15 for us to get home in time to start the all-important nightly routine. Even now, at almost 2 years old, we are still starting bath at 7:15, which is late compared to our friends' kids. If we meet friends for dinner, we are seriously eating with the 75 and up crowd. But, that's really a good thing - because they don't mind the chaos and ruckus that is my loud toddler. . . they can't hear it!
-Soon, you will be a part of a club where every member has been puked on, pooped on, and peed on - and sometimes all at once. We've been sneezed on, coughed on, and cried on. Each of us has wiped away tears, wiped away drool, wiped away boogers, and wiped a tiny tush. There's nothing too disgusting or foul. We've gagged at blow out diapers and oozing diarrhea. Most of us have taken a rectal temperature, some have had to give a suppository, and a few have had to give enemas (thank God I don't fall into this category!). We've cleaned out ear wax, managed healing circumcisions, and cleared away eye gunk. We've tended cuts and scrapes, fixed splinters, and pulled teeth. We've held our screaming child's hands for shots, blood draws, and X-rays. I've been spit up on more times than I could ever count, and I learned not to care. I draw the "not caring" line with real vomit, but that's happened, too, and it will to you too. It's a fun club this one!
-You will soon become more efficient and more resourceful than ever before. By sheer necessity, you will need to find ways to save time, to multitask, to function on little and/or interrupted sleep, to figure out how to do things one-handed (like folding laundry, washing dishes, putting on your make-up, tying your shoes, etc), to make meal time more fun and food more interesting, to be more prepared and ready for the unexpected. You'll learn to carry all kinds of things with you - from wipes to band-aids to extra pacifiers. You'll learn to anticipate your child's behavior and how to best circumvent an impending tantrum. You'll learn to pick your battles and let go of the little stuff. You'll learn to not care if he eats a couple pieces of food off the floor or if he spills some milk on the couch. You'll learn how to maneuver your body to pick up a paci on the floor with your toes, to get out of the glider without a sound, to empty the dishwasher in one minute flat, and to use your smart phone discreetly so she won't be begging to play on it. You'll learn how to use the most of your "free" time (otherwise known as precious and all-too-fleeting nap time). You'll weigh the costs and benefits of either taking a nap or cleaning the house (or a thousand other things you could do while you don't have little feet following behind you).
-You'll also soon learn that your privacy is a thing of the past. You'll learn that there is no such thing as taking a peaceful poop - as you'll either take your infant with you to the bathroom or your toddler will want to sit on your lap or your school-age child will be banging on the door to ask you a question. A nice, hot, quiet shower will be hard to come by as you hurry to get in and out. You'll long for a day to yourself to just do whatever you damn well please without an audience, without having to entertain, clean up after, or constantly monitor someone. And the irony of this whole motherhood thing is that just when you get some alone time, some time by yourself when perhaps your husband gifts you with some time in the house all your own, you will inevitably miss your baby, wonder what and how she's doing, feel lost without her, and want her to come back soon! Go figure!
-You'll also realize that you are not allowed to get sick again - ever. I remember very well the first time I didn't feel well after my son was born. I was sitting in a faculty meeting at work, with an oncoming migraine, and as I held my head in my hands trying to calm the storm in my brain, I had an epiphany that I couldn't just go home and sleep or put my feet up in a quiet room. I had to go pick up my son, feed him dinner, play with him until bedtime, and then go through the motions of his nightly routine before I would get any quiet time at all. I remember thinking, "I can't get sick. I can't get sick. It's just not allowed to happen anymore!" Obviously, you are going to get sick, and you are going to want to nurse yourself back to health, and you are going to need rest and sleep, but it's just not that easy once Junior is around needing you, not understanding why Mommy wants to crash on the couch all day. So, as my mom always reminds me, it's best to take care of yourself and try your best to prevent getting ill. And, when all else fails, call YOUR mommy to come take your baby so you can get some rest.
-The highlights of your day will be the littlest things: a play date to get you out of the house, not hitting a red light the whole drive home as your infant screams in her car seat, noticing that his tushy isn't red anymore from an icky diaper rash, going to a restaurant for dinner (not because you won't have to do the cooking, although that's huge - but mostly because you won't have to clean the floor afterward!), a date with your husband (not because you haven't had a night alone with him in months - although that's huge, too - but mostly because you won't have to cut up someone's food into itty-bitty pieces), finding a dry cleaners with a drive-thru, no wait at the pediatrician's office, or hearing the miraculous sound of those three clicks in the car seat as you strap your strong, willful toddler into a restrained position at last.
-I know you're worried about whether your bedding will look right in the nursery you're obsessing over, whether the car seat you spent your life savings on is really the safest, and if you'll know if your water broke or not. Soon, none of these things will matter. You'll be up late at night worried about whether she's still breathing, whether the formula you're feeding her is the best choice, and whether you did enough tummy time that day. Worry will become your new annoying friend - the one you wish would go away but with whom you feel so comfortable. You will never sleep with the same level of quality you once did (at least pre-pregnancy). Even when she starts sleeping through the night and your sleep is finally (FINALLY!!) uninterrupted, you'll still hear everything. You will lie awake at night wishing you could stop wondering if that's an ant bite on her foot or if she has the beginning of West Nile, whether you should have called the doctor about why she's tugging at her ear, what you can do to make that tooth come in straighter, or why your friend's baby is already crawling and your kid isn't yet.
I know I've listed a lot of overwhelming ideas. These changes are big, and they aren't easy to imagine right now. You are too wrapped up in getting this baby here safely, and that's really all you should be worried about. Soon, you'll know all too well the ideas I've listed above. But, you'll also know the joy and love of motherhood as well. You'll learn your baby's cries (give it a good 6 weeks at least, but I promise you'll at least be able to distinguish between two or three different cries). You'll grow more confident in your abilities to be your child's best advocate, to trust your instincts, to figure it all out so that you feel comfortable in your new role. You'll learn his favorite things, and those things will become YOUR favorite things. You'll delight in hearing his laugh or seeing his smile. You'll get excited the first time you hear her hum a song in perfect tune. You'll be impressed as he learns to count or recognize his letters long before you expected that to happen. You'll feel her whole hand wrapped around your finger, and you'll savor the feel of her soft skin and feel an intense connection to her. You'll stare into his gorgeous eyes that light up when he giggles, and you'll want to memorize this very moment - every.single.time! You'll look at your husband when you hear her say a new word, and both of you will have the same expression on your face: "Did you know she knew that word?!" You'll become friends with the most amazing people - women who you can talk to about your child, women who have been where you are, women who (if they are really honest) will tell you the truth and you'll know you aren't alone. You'll feel an overwhelming sense of fortune and gratitude that you have a child. You'll reflect on how many women long to be mothers and must continue to try, or you'll grieve for the losses of so many mothers who have lost their babies, and you'll be reminded of how lucky you are to be holding yours still. Your heart will actually ache because of how full of love it is for your baby. And one day, that baby of yours won't be such a baby anymore, and you'll miss her already; you'll miss those early days of 3 AM feedings and rocking her to sleep; you'll miss those tiny coos and sweet simple smiles. But, she'll wrap her arms around you and say, "Wuv you, Mama!" and your heart will melt again and again.
And, then, you'll be crazy enough to actually have another kid - and start all over again. This time, with another kid already in tow. And, then, you'll wish you had someone writing you a letter, telling you all the things you need to know about being the mother of two, of having a toddler and a newborn! (Someone, help a mommy (me!) out!!)
Until then, Happy First Mother's Day! Welcome to an overwhelming, frustrating, anxiety-producing, hit-your-head-against-the-wall, challenging, but most rewarding, fulfilling, heart-melting club there is!
With much love and respect,
Amber
Thursday, May 9, 2013
23-Month Newsletter
Dear Banner,
This month flew by! So fast, in fact, that I almost missed the chance to write you this letter before I realized the date. Last night, right before I went to sleep, I remembered it was May 8, and that meant it was the last night I'd say goodnight to you as a 22-month old. Today marks the official start to your last month as a one-year-old! And, if this past month flew by, I can only imagine the speed in which this next one will! I just want to scream, SLOW DOWN, to "Father Time" as he keeps marching on! Sheesh!
Within this month, you attended another Crawfish Boil at Britt & Brittney's, you attended Simon's birthday party, you got to see the first sonogram photos of your little brother, and you spent a lot of time with Grandma since Mommy has been subbing a whole lot! You love your family so much, always requesting to say hi ("Hi?") to one of your relatives (mostly Zaide or Grandma, but very often your aunts, uncles, and cousins).
What else have you been up to this month?
-Your booming vocabulary continues to impress and surprise us on a daily basis. Even your teachers at Mommy & Me are always commenting on how verbal you are, as well as how clearly you speak. You love to say, "Yeah," for affirmative responses, but Mommy and Daddy are trying to get you to say, "Yes" instead, since we believe that is more polite. (We should probably role model that better for you!) You are also speaking in more sentences, and you are using lots of three-word strings: "I did it!" "Banner do it!" "No paci away!" "More Grandma's house!" "More Banner's school." "Banner see it." "Thank you, Daddy." "No more oatmeal." "I love you, too, Mommy!" (Definitely my favorite!)
-You continue to love the iPhone and iPad to watch YouTube videos - mostly of construction trucks ("diggers").
-Your most favorite activity is digging up dirt in the backyard at our house or at Grandma & Papa's house. You absolutely LOVE your trucks, diggers, shovels, and anything DIRT! We've even taught you how to clean the dirt out from under your fingernails (which I continue to keep extremely short because of this!!) each night at bath. I have learned to get over the mess and fighting with you to try to stay clean because you love the dirt too much; it's simply not worth my efforts, and we are all much happier just learning to live with this new obsession!
-You're very curious. You love to know what made a certain sound ("Sound?"), and you want to see where the sound is coming from ("See?"). Often times, we have to explain that the sound is far away ("Far?"), that we can only hear it - not see it - like a lawn mower down the street or a siren going by. And, sometimes, you want to see the wind, which you now understand you can never see but only hear.
-You are one smart cookie! You know your letters, most any animal, all colors, and most numbers (still forgetting 3 and 6 when counting 1-10). I suppose our goal should be to move on to lower case letters, counting past 10, learning more unique colors, and introducing you to more exotic animals, but you seem to pick up all these things on your own without much direct teaching from us. I still have no idea how you learned your letters so fast; it really continues to impress me all the time when you point out a letter from across the room and I find myself having to look for what you're pointing out - and sure enough, you are always right!
-You have been humming and singing the tune to "Twinkle, Twinkle," for the past few days. As you play independently, we will hear you humming this tune to yourself, or you'll find a word to repeat to this tune: "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, . . . " Even yesterday, I asked you to come take a picture with Ella and Myka at the park, and you walked over saying, "Picture, picture, picture, picture," to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle."
-Speaking of park, you would live there if you could. You love the park, the creek Daddy takes you to, going to the Fire Department to say hello to the "fighters" and the "sirens" (which you JUST started correctly calling "fire trucks"), and going for rides on your tricycle or the trailer on Daddy's bike. You just love to be outside (always have!)!
-I bought you some Play-Doh this month to attempt to actually play with and not put in your mouth. I was reluctant, but lo and behold, you LOVED it and never attempted to eat it (well, at least not for real; you did pretend when you made a "cake," but that's the kind of thing you should be doing!). And, today at Mommy & Me, you played in the huge sandbox and never once attempted to eat the sand. Thank goodness we may be past that. I've been waiting since you were about 15 months old to introduce you to new, fun things - but every time I tried, you immediately wanted to eat it. Yay for a new chapter in your life! :)
-You're really into books these days, too. You stall at bedtime by requesting more books, and most mornings, you ask for books as you climb into the glider. You ask to go to the library to check out books, and you can recognize where the library is. (You can also locate "Banner's school" when we pass by it and ask to go in each time. I'm so grateful that you are excited about being there for when you officially start in August!)
-You still have no idea what's coming in September. You have no idea how your life is going to change in about 18 weeks. You are amazing with your cousin, Nami, and you love anything "baby!" But, I don't think you have any clue that your life as an only child is going to end soon. I think as Mommy's belly gets bigger and as you start to feel the baby kicking, you might understand what "baby in Mommy's tummy" means. Daddy and I scheduled a sonogram for the end of June, where you will be allowed to come with us to see the baby on the screen. I'm hoping that helps you understand a little more, too.
Banner Boone, only one more month until your second birthday party, which you cannot wait for. (You LOVE parties - mostly you love the cake!) I can't wait, either - just to celebrate you and spoil you so much! But, I do want this month to go a bit slower as I savor my time with my year-old baby. Here's to a a healthy, safe, happy, and tantrum-free month! (I dream big you know!) :) I love you, Angel!
Love,
Mommy
This month flew by! So fast, in fact, that I almost missed the chance to write you this letter before I realized the date. Last night, right before I went to sleep, I remembered it was May 8, and that meant it was the last night I'd say goodnight to you as a 22-month old. Today marks the official start to your last month as a one-year-old! And, if this past month flew by, I can only imagine the speed in which this next one will! I just want to scream, SLOW DOWN, to "Father Time" as he keeps marching on! Sheesh!
Within this month, you attended another Crawfish Boil at Britt & Brittney's, you attended Simon's birthday party, you got to see the first sonogram photos of your little brother, and you spent a lot of time with Grandma since Mommy has been subbing a whole lot! You love your family so much, always requesting to say hi ("Hi?") to one of your relatives (mostly Zaide or Grandma, but very often your aunts, uncles, and cousins).
What else have you been up to this month?
-Your booming vocabulary continues to impress and surprise us on a daily basis. Even your teachers at Mommy & Me are always commenting on how verbal you are, as well as how clearly you speak. You love to say, "Yeah," for affirmative responses, but Mommy and Daddy are trying to get you to say, "Yes" instead, since we believe that is more polite. (We should probably role model that better for you!) You are also speaking in more sentences, and you are using lots of three-word strings: "I did it!" "Banner do it!" "No paci away!" "More Grandma's house!" "More Banner's school." "Banner see it." "Thank you, Daddy." "No more oatmeal." "I love you, too, Mommy!" (Definitely my favorite!)
-You continue to love the iPhone and iPad to watch YouTube videos - mostly of construction trucks ("diggers").
-Your most favorite activity is digging up dirt in the backyard at our house or at Grandma & Papa's house. You absolutely LOVE your trucks, diggers, shovels, and anything DIRT! We've even taught you how to clean the dirt out from under your fingernails (which I continue to keep extremely short because of this!!) each night at bath. I have learned to get over the mess and fighting with you to try to stay clean because you love the dirt too much; it's simply not worth my efforts, and we are all much happier just learning to live with this new obsession!
-You're very curious. You love to know what made a certain sound ("Sound?"), and you want to see where the sound is coming from ("See?"). Often times, we have to explain that the sound is far away ("Far?"), that we can only hear it - not see it - like a lawn mower down the street or a siren going by. And, sometimes, you want to see the wind, which you now understand you can never see but only hear.
-You are one smart cookie! You know your letters, most any animal, all colors, and most numbers (still forgetting 3 and 6 when counting 1-10). I suppose our goal should be to move on to lower case letters, counting past 10, learning more unique colors, and introducing you to more exotic animals, but you seem to pick up all these things on your own without much direct teaching from us. I still have no idea how you learned your letters so fast; it really continues to impress me all the time when you point out a letter from across the room and I find myself having to look for what you're pointing out - and sure enough, you are always right!
-You have been humming and singing the tune to "Twinkle, Twinkle," for the past few days. As you play independently, we will hear you humming this tune to yourself, or you'll find a word to repeat to this tune: "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, . . . " Even yesterday, I asked you to come take a picture with Ella and Myka at the park, and you walked over saying, "Picture, picture, picture, picture," to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle."
-Speaking of park, you would live there if you could. You love the park, the creek Daddy takes you to, going to the Fire Department to say hello to the "fighters" and the "sirens" (which you JUST started correctly calling "fire trucks"), and going for rides on your tricycle or the trailer on Daddy's bike. You just love to be outside (always have!)!
-I bought you some Play-Doh this month to attempt to actually play with and not put in your mouth. I was reluctant, but lo and behold, you LOVED it and never attempted to eat it (well, at least not for real; you did pretend when you made a "cake," but that's the kind of thing you should be doing!). And, today at Mommy & Me, you played in the huge sandbox and never once attempted to eat the sand. Thank goodness we may be past that. I've been waiting since you were about 15 months old to introduce you to new, fun things - but every time I tried, you immediately wanted to eat it. Yay for a new chapter in your life! :)
-You're really into books these days, too. You stall at bedtime by requesting more books, and most mornings, you ask for books as you climb into the glider. You ask to go to the library to check out books, and you can recognize where the library is. (You can also locate "Banner's school" when we pass by it and ask to go in each time. I'm so grateful that you are excited about being there for when you officially start in August!)
-You still have no idea what's coming in September. You have no idea how your life is going to change in about 18 weeks. You are amazing with your cousin, Nami, and you love anything "baby!" But, I don't think you have any clue that your life as an only child is going to end soon. I think as Mommy's belly gets bigger and as you start to feel the baby kicking, you might understand what "baby in Mommy's tummy" means. Daddy and I scheduled a sonogram for the end of June, where you will be allowed to come with us to see the baby on the screen. I'm hoping that helps you understand a little more, too.
Banner Boone, only one more month until your second birthday party, which you cannot wait for. (You LOVE parties - mostly you love the cake!) I can't wait, either - just to celebrate you and spoil you so much! But, I do want this month to go a bit slower as I savor my time with my year-old baby. Here's to a a healthy, safe, happy, and tantrum-free month! (I dream big you know!) :) I love you, Angel!
Love,
Mommy
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| First time with Play-Doh |
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| Exploring |
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| Daddy's bike trailer |
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| Hanging out at home with Brycen, Nami, and Uncle Brock |
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| Such a sweet, loving cousin you are! |
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| I think Brycen got jealous of you loving on his brother! |
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| With Nami and Uncle Brock |
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| Silly boy! |
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| Your first time to give a piggy-back ride! |
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| "Help!" |
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