Experiment #3: SOLVED!

If you read this post, then you know I've been running some experiments over at this house. I'm happy to say that EXPERIMENT #3: What is Causing the Flesh-Colored Bumps on Banner's Skin? has been resolved. After 2 months of having no idea what to do in order to treat these bumps, I finally decided to take Banner to the dermatologist. Since most doctors are not really skilled in this very specific area, I decided not to take the advice of my pediatrician who told me to wait until Banner was 6 months before doing anything about the "rash." Well, given that the symptoms developed around 2 months old, I decided another 2 months was NOT in the plans for my baby boy who may or may not be experiencing discomfort from them, nor was I going to put myself through the agony of not knowing what to do to help him. (Side note: the pediatrician had asked us if Banner was bothered by the rash. I told him I didn't think so because he didn't scratch or cry about it. Later, when we asked the doctor if Banner's ear-rubbing could be indicative of an ear infection, he said Banner was too young to localize pain. Hmmm.... so how was I supposed to know if his skin hurt or itched him? It was when the back arching started that I decided enough was enough!) So, I played the "Mommy card" and grabbed the reins on this decision. I told Sam I was calling the dermatologist the next day and there was nothing he could do to stop me. His response: Okay!

I think we are both glad I made this decision, too. See, the bumps had not only taken over his entire body, minus his diaper area (which is important to note), but they had become red. His face had gotten to be so dry, and he looked chapped on his cheeks. I kept thinking it was just heat rash since it got worse after the Race for the Cure heat and exhaustion. I treated him as if it were heat rash - and I did the worst thing I could have given his future diagnosis - and I withheld moisturizing lotions. If it had been heat rash, locking in the heat with moisturizers only aggravates it, so I did not give him any lotion for a couple days. I also wanted to see if he was allergic to the lotion since I rarely put lotion on his bottom, which - again - was the only place he did not have these bumps. Since I put diaper rash cream on him pretty regularly to avoid diaper rash, I figured that was keeping these bumps away from this sensitive area.

When the condition didn't clear with all my interventions - changing soaps, changing lotions, withholding lotion, changing detergent, etc. - I finally threw in my white lab coat to get a real, expert opinion. Thank God I did! Turns out this kiddo has eczema, a condition that not only needs moisturizing, but it also needs a prescription from time to time. The dermatologist asked lots of questions about what we have done, tried, noticed, etc. The fact that it is not in his diaper area also clued her in that this is eczema since that area is always warm and protected well with special cream.

She advised us to do the following to clear up the eczema:
-bathe him daily with soap (we had been skipping soap every other night but bathing daily, so this was easy to do)
-use Aquaphor baby wash/shampoo
-after bath, use the prescription medicine on the rash-y areas, including his face, back of the ears, neck, etc.
-after the medicine, apply Cetaphil CREAM (not lotion, as we had been doing before stopping)

Within two days, we saw a major improvement, and almost a week later, we are not using half as much medicine as we did on that first night (she said to stop using it on the areas that clear once they were, in fact, cleared up). Banner has slept better (most nights) since his skin has cleared. He was always kiss-able to me, but now he's extra delicious, with that baby soft skin he had a couple months ago! We've also been treating some pretty icky cradle cap with mineral oil and a soft toothbrush to comb out flakes. . . another recommendation by this gentle savior of a dermatologist. We'll go back to her in a week to check in, and I'm going to be so happy to report that his skin is so much better! Now, if only we could solve the other two continuing experiments!

To Market, To Market

In the past two weeks, I've gotten three opportunities to get out of the house after Banner went to sleep for the night. All of those times, I went to shop. I'm not a shopper - at all! I hate it, really. I'm not your stereotypical woman who likes to spend all day at a mall, and I hate running errands to get things, but these particular outings were amazing. Sam stayed with Banner after I settled B into his crib, and I took my sweet time listening to the radio as loud as I wanted before and after wandering the aisles at Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, and our "local grocer," as Sam and I like to call it.

I never liked to shop before Banner was born, but now I really find it difficult to do because I'm on his time line. I never know when he's going to be cranky or fussy, and even if I go when he's in a great mood, well fed, and well rested, he just can't sit in his stroller/infant seat for that long. His wakeful time is usually only an hour and a half to two hours, so my errands must be quick between travel time and shopping time.  So, I've realized the best time to actually get these errands completed is after he's asleep for the night, when I can have some alone time and mosey the aisles for however long I want! I can actually THINK about what I need/want instead of having to rush because I'm afraid Banner will go ballistic on me if I don't hurry it up.

I know these are the simple, small things, but hey, I'm a new mom with very little time to myself these days, so I'm appreciating any moment that allows me to just be.

New Shoes

This post is not about footwear . . . not whatsoever. I want to talk about the new shoes I stand in as a new mother. I want to talk about judging judgments. I want to talk about all the "When I'm a mom..." comments that I once made that are different now that I'm actually a mom. I want to talk about how you can't truly judge anyone else's decisions when you haven't been exactly where they are, and even then, you're walking on thin ice. I want to talk about the right to change your mind and be accepting of yourself for seeing a new perspective that you never thought you'd see.

As a school counselor, I teach young elementary students about empathy. We often play a game called "Walk a Mile," which teaches kids to put themselves in other peoples' shoes and try to imagine what that person would feel like. It's a game filled with scenarios like, "A boy in your class just got new glasses, and everyone keeps whispering and pointing," and the kids are supposed to talk about how that would make the boy feel and what they might do to better the situation. They are learning what other people might experience; they are learning that feelings are universal; they are learning to imagine someone else's emotions. This is an important lesson for young kids - to know that others have feelings and that we are capable of empathizing and inferring how a person feels AND that those feelings may differ from our own. But, somewhere along the way, you also have to learn not to JUDGE those feelings of others. What if the boy in the given situation loved the attention he was getting, rather than being embarrassed or hurt by the whispers and pointing? I feel like I'm learning this lesson so often - again and again - since becoming a mom. I think I was learning it way before Banner's birth, even in wedding planning, dating, buying a home, etc., but it's never been this big of a lesson until now.

So, what exactly am I talking about? Well, I was one of those people who always said things like, "When I'm a mom, I'm never going to let my baby watch TV," or "I'm going to breastfeed no matter what." I watched/read reports that indicated some amazing research we should take to heart, and I would say, "Oh, when I'm a mom, I'm totally going to remember that study and follow what they said," like in the case of not feeding solids before Baby is six months old. I was living in a fantasy land of sorts - thinking my kid was going to be perfect, my house would be immaculate, my husband and I would always be on the same page, and we would have a spectacular routine that left us full of energy and created stress-less times of ease and comfort! Don't get me wrong - I knew it would be difficult, and I had seen other people who just couldn't get to this calm, restful, structured, healthy, perfect life - so I knew it wasn't easy to obtain. Yet, I was going to be different. I wasn't going to be one of them!

Then LIFE HAPPENED! Literally - I gave birth to a creature who had a mind and body of his own, and he had other plans for me. Almost all of my preconceived ideas of my life-after-baby went completely out the window! I learned that my fantasies were exactly that - fantasies! It was time to SURVIVE! I went into survival mode, and I don't think I've come out of that phase completely. My house is very often a complete disaster; my child is unpredictable much of the time as he's changing and growing; Sam and I have to work extremely hard to stay on the same page and sometimes we never get to that point on certain topics, and "routine" is a foreign word and a foreign concept to me at this point. Many days, I'm just making it through, and if the damn TV helps keep my baby calm and happy, then I'm watching that flashy box with him!

I had told myself that I would breastfeed no matter what, no matter the pain, no matter the inconvenience, no matter my work schedule, etc. I used to judge others who didn't nurse because I thought they were lazy and selfish. I had heard about women whose milk supply was low, so they couldn't breastfeed, and I thought that was a nice excuse to get out of something difficult. I told myself, no matter what, I was going to work through whatever issue and not be one of those "lazy, selfish" moms. But, what I've learned is that I had NO idea what was coming. I had NO idea how hard things were going to be, what could go wrong, or how I'd feel in the reality of a situation. I remember sitting in the hospital thinking how judgmental I had been on this topic for so many years and feeling awful. How DARE I judge others when I had not been where they were! I had no idea what this would be like, what it would feel like, what the realities really were!

So, I'm walking through life with new shoes. They are MY shoes, and everyone has their own, and although I teach my students that they can (and should) be able to put themselves in other peoples' shoes, you can't truly do that until you are experiencing it for yourself - and even then, a perspective will be different. I've learned it's SO entirely unfair to judge any person's decisions about how they raise their child(ren), how they make decisions for their families, how they run their lives. You just don't know until you're there. And, in addition to that, having preconceived ideas about what YOU might do in a certain situation, only sets yourself up for feelings of failure, defeat, and disappointment when you realize you were wrong - that you didn't see the big picture, the real picture.

Not only have I realized that I did this in my pre-mommy days, but I'm realizing that people without kids are just as judgmental as I was before. I've been on the receiving end of that judgment when kid-less people think they know something. I'm nice and sensitive to where they are in their lives (since I was there once, too), and I smile and nod, but really, I want to say, "You have no idea what you're talking about, and once you have a kid, get back to me on that!" They just don't know yet. And, I'm not judging them (Ha! That would be ironic!) because I know they THINK they know, but they have no idea! Just like I didn't. I'm not saying child-less people don't have a clue, because some of the most poignant statements have come from child-less friends and family members. In fact, my sister (who is not a parent) has made several deep-thought comments that she was 100% right about. Sometimes I wonder how she knew the things she said in such a right way - or how did she know how to say it like that to calm me down? So, it's not necessarily an issue of having or not having kids, it's just an issue of knowing how not to be judgmental about someone else's life, choices, or decisions when you haven't been there yourself.

We all do this, too.... and it's not isolated to our kids. I remember my brother saying he was never going to take his kids to fast food restaurants years before his first baby was born. Yeah, right! I remember saying I would always eat dinner at the kitchen table - and how many nights have we eaten dinner on the couch? There are plenty of examples to think about, but the main point here is that you just never know until you're living the life you are in! We often have ideas about how things are going to be, and once we're really living our life and experiencing things we never have before, only then do we find out what it's really like.

This posting is my way of releasing myself from all those judgments I internally passed upon others. It's freeing myself from the set of rules I had made for my life as a mom. Banner has given me a new pair of shoes to walk in, a pair of shoes that no one else will ever wear. This pair of shoes will take me places I never knew I would go - nor could I ever have imagined such places. Some of these places I may not have ever wanted to go, but the miles I will walk in them will be amazing no matter what anyone else thinks!

I'm hoping this post will start a dialogue about all the things you once claimed you would (or wouldn't) do as a mom, or as anything (a professional, a wife, a homeowner, a friend), that is different now. Comments, anyone?

Hardest Job on Earth

Oprah used to say on her show that parenting was the hardest job on Earth. I still don't know how she knew this without being a parent, but she was so perfectly right! Now, I haven't had that many jobs before, and I don't know every job there is out there, but this parenting thing has to be the hardest one  for several reasons which I'll get into in a minute. The only jobs I've ever had in the past (and present) center around children, child development, and education. I've worked with kids of all ages - infants to teens - and I thought I knew a whole lot about them. Oh yeah, and I was one once - one with a really good memory, too. I'm not saying I thought I knew everything there was to know about children, but I woulds say I had my fair share of knowledge and skills when it came to entertaining, watching, nurturing, caring for, and teaching children. So, what makes this parenting thing so hard?

Well, no one really puts it in this perspective when you're pregnant, but you're pretty much applying for  and accepting an offer for a job, a career, that you can never quit. It's a job that offers no raises or promotions, and it doesn't even come with bathroom breaks! There are no nights or days off, there are no substitutes, there are no sick days or vacation times. Furthermore, there is no training before accepting the job. You just get hired and thrown into a whole world of "I have no idea what I'm doing!" You get the opportunity of a lifetime without any experience, but you are the expert on this child (or these children, if you have more than one). Since every kid is different, you don't get to look up the answers on the Internet or in a parenting book, and no one else will have the answers for you. What worked once may never work again. What worked with one child may not work with your next. It's a job full of questions, trial and error, and frustrations. Gwen Stefani, in this month's Parenting magazine, was asked what job would best prepare a person for being a parent. Her response, "Nothing could ever prepare you." They also asked what's the craziest thing she's done while sleep deprived. Her response: "Everything I've done for the past five years, I've done while sleep-deprived." Love it - her pure, honest, raw responses just make me glad I'm not the only one feeling so overworked, overtired, and unprepared for what this new job entails.

It's the most important job anyone could ever do - you're caring for and raising a human being to (hopefully) be a decent citizen. It's the most exhausting thing because you're never really off-duty. The mind will continue to worry, to fear, to be concerned, to question. You hope you're doing the right thing, and often times, the result of your decisions won't be known for quite a while. Many times, the gratification of a "job well done" will be very delayed. There's no boss telling you you're doing a great job or helping you with your weaknesses/challenges.  The only co-worker you have, if you are lucky enough to have one, is the other parent who is just as clueless as you are.

I never really understood what Oprah meant; how could I? My own mother told me all of these things before I had Banner, but it's something you have to experience for yourself before truly grasping the difficulty and appreciating the challenge. This job comes with its intense demands and overwhelming struggles, and you get no monetary compensation - in fact, you pay quite a bit of dough to have this job - to pay hospital bills, medical bills, put your child through college, take care of his teeth, clothe and feed him, keep his clothes clean, entertain him, enroll him in lessons of a variety of things, and so on. But, the compensation is beyond any other job, too. The smiles, the giggles, the hugs, the longing looks of love, and the cry that subsides when only you hold him - those are the rewards, the job perks, that no other job could provide. It's a daunting thought to accept a job that you can never get out of, that you can never get a break from, that you will still have 30 years from now... but I wouldn't trade it for anything! This job makes me appreciate my mom in a whole new way - and I hope one day Banner will get to be a parent and realize all the challenges I once went through raising him. I also hope he'll understand how much he's loved and how I wouldn't trade it in for anything. I hope he'll one day reap the benefits, the delayed gratification, and the love and pure joy of the hardest job on Earth.

Bring on the Solids!

About a week before we took Banner to his four-month check-up, Sam and I were getting increasingly more excited about the possibility that he would be able to start enjoying something more than formula for his meals each day. Every checklist that I found on the Internet and in my books at home reflected that Banner was ready for solids:
-he can sit up with support
-he has outstanding head and neck control
-he seemed hungry for more
-he always wanted to see what we were eating and watched us eat
-he had doubled his birth weight, and he was close to 15 pounds

We were worried our pediatrician would tell us to wait until he was older - closer to six months like so many doctors recommend - but we were hopeful because we saw so many reasons to get started already. Interestingly, when I was pregnant, I watched a news report about how starting babies on cereals/solids before 6 months of age was correlated to a higher chance of obesity later in life. The report also indicated that a baby's first food should be a brown rice as opposed to a starchy, white rice so that his first bites were not setting him up to have a sweet tooth in the future. Well, I was adamant that I was going to follow both of these rules - no solids until 6 months, and it wouldn't be a white rice! Months later, here we are, HOPING we can start as soon as possible and not even caring any more what grain it is - just wanting permission to give our growing boy some substance that he'll like and enjoy - and MAYBE even help with the reflux problem. Oh, how reality changes your opinions and judgments! (This idea is a whole issue yet to be blogged about - the fact that you can never say what you will absolutely do or NOT do because you just never know until you're in the situation. . . I've wanted to blog about that particular topic since my labor/delivery and the aftermath of breastfeeding gone bad! Stay tuned!!)

So, anyway, we saw the doctor and were so thrilled that he wanted us to start cereal - rice cereal - that day! We already had bought bowls, spoons, wipe-able bibs, and the box of cereal! I had even given Banner a spoon to explore a few days before the appointment. We were set! I knew he would love it! We were also excited that we had more of a feeding schedule to go by. He eats a "dinner" now - which sounds so funny to be excited about, but I am! I love that he has a "meal" each night, and although he only eats about a tablespoon or less, he's learning what it's like to be a true "eater."

When we got home, Sam asked me if we could play rock-paper-scissors to determine which one of us would get to do the first feeding that night. I rejected the suggestion, and I told him he could have that opportunity since I would be the one to feed him every weekday after that, and this way I could be in charge of the camera and just watch the whole thing! It was so exciting for Sam and me. . . not so much for Banner. He made the screwed up, awful faces you've seen from many babies taking their first bites. He looked at us like we were crazy, and we just smiled back at him with goofy grins! He pushed out most of what went in his mouth, and soon Sam was asking me to help him. I learned that you have to get the spoon on top of his tongue and help him get his tongue out of the way. I also learned to let him just suck on the spoon for a bit to learn what it is and how it feels. Every feeding since then has been easier and more successful, even if he only takes a tiny bit. Watching Banner's tongue, though, reminded me of teaching him how to nurse. Although that entire fiasco was a complete disaster, he did learn to make a trough with his tongue and used his tongue well with the bottle. Now, here we were, trying to teach him to make a new motion with his mouth.

We'll feed him dinner for the next week or so, and then we get to add another "meal" in addition to dinner. Two weeks after that, we'll add in vegetables, introducing a new one every three days before starting fruits. I'm having fun watching him learn this new area of his life - that of being a good eater. Food is an important part of every person's daily life, so I'm excited to introduce my son to this big area of his life - from teaching him nutrition to how to be a polite, well-mannered eater. Sam found this article last week, and it reminded me of all I want to try to teach Banner about food, too. And, as we enter this new stage of B's life, here's to lots of messy, fun, and fulfilling solid meals!!

 I love this next pic... learning to open his mouth correctly!

So Much To Adore as He Finishes Month Four!

My tiny newborn has decided to grow up and get big! He's now four months old, currently 17.5 weeks, which is 123 days old today! It's crazy to think back to those difficult first hours in the hospital which only seem like minutes ago... I thought we'd never reach this point, and time really has flown. The past four months really do seem like one long day; like my previous life just changed into my current life overnight, and it's been one long day of a transition. People said I'd forget what my life was like without Banner - well, that hasn't happened yet! I still remember those lazy, carefree days without my baby - and sometimes I miss the lifestyle we had. But, I wouldn't trade all the sleepless nights, the exhausted mornings, the laundry, the planning, the hair loss, etc. for anything because all that hard work has helped Banner grow into the happy, healthy four month old baby that he is now - and we are so in love with each other.

I'm also so grateful for the four months I've been able to stay home with him everyday. Years ago, I read in graduate school, that the first four months of a baby's life are the time when they bond the most with their caregivers. I read it was best for moms and/or dads to be able to stay home with their little ones until they were four months old because it helped them bond, feel safe, and gain trust. The article suggested that parents are not given enough maternity/paternity leave to help these big feelings develop, and I remember feeling sad that moms and dads and (especially) babies are denied these important months together due to our current system (unlike other systems in other countries that allow much longer PAID leaves - like in Copenhagen, the town we'd pick to live in if we could live anywhere else!). So, I am beyond appreciative and thankful for the time I've had with Banner at this young age. I know it will be so hard to go back to work in about a month and a half, but to be the one to be with him for five straight months (by then) is a true blessing. (And later, the night before I head back to work, a complete curse - which you KNOW I will be blogging about at that time....stay tuned!)

So, anyway, getting back to BBJ, he's four months old!! Here's what he's been up to these days:

-Giggling up a storm! He loves when we take his hands and help him find his head. He laughs when we rub them around his head. He also loves when Daddy gives him "zerberts" on his belly just before bath time. Smooches on his neck and cheeks can also result in laughs.

-Taking a 6-6.5 oz bottle every 3-3.5 hours (5 bottles a day total). He usually eats at 7, 10, 1, 4, and 7, but I think we are on the way to only 4 bottles a day - if he could just make it to eating every four hours... he just LOVES to eat, though!

-Watching us eat! He seems so ready for solids!

-Playing with his feet. He found his left foot first, around 15 weeks, then his right foot came a few days later. He loves to hang on to his toes.

-Sleeping in Peke Moe sleep sack. We gave up the swaddling at the end of week 15 because he kept getting his arms out, scratching up his face (even though I trim his nails DAILY because they grow so fast!), and waking himself up. The Peke Moe has saved us! Check out their website to order one! Banner loves his!

-Grabbing/Reaching for toys and other objects. He will even object if you take something away from him now. We started the Jumperoo at 14 weeks and an Exersaucer at 16 weeks. He holds his head up so well, we figured it was worth trying, and he LOVES both of them. He doesn't jump yet, but he likes to reach for the toys.

-Mostly using his left hand. I'm hoping this changes, but if we have a lefty, we have a lefty! Nothing against left-handed people, but I think the world is a right-handed world! It would be easier for Banner if he was a righty, and selfishly, I think it will be easier for me to teach him to write, catch, bat, kick, etc. if he was a righty.

-GRRRRing! This sound is horrible when you hear it all day long. He grrs and roars all day - even when he's crying. It's a sound he discovered at 16 weeks, and he's been doing it ever since. You'll hear him on the monitor grring away when he wakes up. We call it the "gremlin" voice. I miss the sweet coos that are now covered up by the alien sounds Banner makes. I love that he's experimenting with this sound, but ... enough already! It just sounds like he's hurting his throat. Yet, I'm sure when he stops this, he'll discover a piercing, shrill scream, so I better enjoy the quiet gremlin while it lasts. Another positive about it: he likes when I grrr back to him, and then we have a mini-conversation just growling at each other. He laughs, laughs, laughs at me when I do it back to him!

-Drooling all over the place. We've added saliva to the liquids that are constantly pouring out of our refluxy baby. No teeth yet, but they sure are moving around under those sweet little gums, and the teething and drooling going on over here can prove that. Banner puts anything he can get his hands on in his mouth. I knew these days were coming; just didn't know how soon! Bring on the teethers - and more bibs!

-Size 2 diapers; Level 2 nipples; 3-6 month clothes

-Socializing... he loves to be around other kids. He's attended numerous play dates and parties! We love Ella, Zeina, Adam, Sami, Evan, Landry, Marin, Sydney, Emma, and Caden K! He adores his big cousins, too: Caden, Miles, Mara, Colby, and doggie-cousin Theo, although, to Banner, he seems like more of a horse than a dog!

-ROLLING OVER! The day after Banner turned 16 weeks old, he rolled from his tummy to his back. He rolled to his right side. It was priceless! I wish I had that particular roll on camera, but at least Sam and I both got to see it. We had just come home from the grocery store, and as Sam was bringing the groceries in from the car, I was getting Banner situated on his play mat. I put him down for his tummy time, which he has been tolerating for longer these days, and he just looked like he was going to do it. I quietly "yelled" for Sam - if you can yell while whispering! "Hey! Come here! He's gonna do it! Come here quick!" Sure enough, Sam quietly stood at the doorway watching, and FLIP! Banner turned over! He only did it that one time on that particular day, but he did it again the next. Two days later, he was doing it repeatedly!  Still only from belly to back, and still only on the right side, but he's getting there!! Since Banner doesn't like tummy time like he used to and since he would prefer to sit upright, I thought rolling over would never happen. I kept wondering what I could do to help him, to teach him to roll over, but true to everything else thus far, Banner will do things on his own when he's ready without much intervention from us.

Before

During

After!

We had our four month check-up today, and here are his stats for now:

• WEIGHT: 14 lbs, 13 oz - which is the 50th percentile. He has gained 3 lbs, 13.5 oz since his two month check-up and a grand total of 8 pounds since birth! He's right where he should be considering that many babies double their birth weights by 4 months.
• HEIGHT: 24 and 3/4 inches - which is also the 50th percentile. He has grown 2 and 1/4 inches since his last check-up, and he's grown a total of 4 and 3/4 inches since his birthday. 
• HEAD: 42.2 cm - also the 50th percentile. Last check-up it was 39 cm, and that was our first measurement. 
• Our doctor said he was clear to start cereal this month! We are really excited about this because Banner shows interest in food, can keep his head up very well, and seems to want more than just formula. He's always been such an eater, so Sam and I were pleased to hear this news, even though, when I was pregnant, my plan was to wait until he was 6 months old since I've heard that's better for babies overall. But, he's just so ready. So, we gave him his first bites this afternoon. More to come on this in a future posting! :)
• Developmentally, Banner is "scoring" between 4 - 5 and a half months. He's on-track, if not ahead of where he should be, for his age. They figured this by asking a variety of yes/no questions such as: is he batting at objects, does he look for us when he hears our voices, does he use his arms to push up while on his belly, is he rolling over at least one way, does he grab for objects, does he put his hands together, can he follow an object as small as a raisin, can he raise his head 90 degrees when on his belly, etc. We answered "yes" to almost every question. As I've always noticed from Day 1, he's a strong boy with a strong will. He seems so curious and thoughtful about the world around him.
• He had four shots and an oral vaccination. He didn't care for the oral med and started crying; the shots didn't help that situation. But, it was a short-lived cry, and he seemed to have forgotten about the shots within a few minutes. Sam and I think these shots hurt us way more than they hurt Banner! I certainly hope that's the case! It's so hard to see him in pain. 

Here's to you, Banner! So proud of you today at your check-up! Daddy and I love you so much and have so enjoyed getting to know you and love you these past four months! You are the best thing that has ever happened to us! Keep growing, keep playing, keep learning, keep laughing!

Night-Night, Sweet Boy

Ever since Sam's accident last year, I look at life entirely differently. I don't take things for granted; I am beyond grateful for the gifts in my life; I worry that things could change in an instant; I fear loss and tragedy. Tonight, as I was putting Banner to bed, I had this horrible thought that made me want to document the little things I do with my son. I thought about where I could keep such an important piece of information, and then I thought maybe my blog would be sufficient... so, here I go:

When I was younger, my mom always tucked us in at night, and as she closed the bedroom door, she would say pretty much the same things to us, although not always in the exact same order: "Good night. I love you. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning." If she didn't say these words to us, we did to her. The "see you in the morning" part was always last. I loved this - that we had a routine and meant every word of what we said. I knew I was loved, I knew I was wished sweet things, I knew it would be a good night at home with mom, and most importantly, I knew she'd be there for me in the morning; it was only a short time that I had to miss her.

On my wedding day, I gave my mom a gift with a card. The card included 26 cents that we typically exchange with each other to symbolize the "penny for your thoughts, quarter for the call, and all your Momma's love" from a country song that was popular the year I graduated from high school. The gift was an engraved double picture frame. One picture was my bridal portrait; the other picture was of me around 7 years old dressed as a bride. The engraved words: I will always be your little girl. And, this is true, because the last line of the card that accompanied the gift read, "Good night. I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning."

I remember these words ringing in my ear from so many nights being tucked in tight by my loving mother. They still ring today, and I can still see my mom shutting my bedroom door with the glow of the den lights behind her silhouette. I felt so safe, loved, and happy. And, every night now, as I rock my baby to sleep, I whisper these (almost) exact words in his ear. He seems to wait for them before falling asleep. I usually rock him for just a few minutes, then I slowly lean towards his ear, grazing his check with mine so softly, and then I whisper so lightly in his ear: "Night-night, sweet boy. I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning." Maybe it's my voice he likes, maybe it's the closeness of my face, maybe it's the warmth of my breath, or the familiar sound of these words since he was born. Who knows... all that matters is that I mean every word of what I'm saying to him. I love him so much and wish him only the best of dreams. I will miss him while he sleeps, and if he misses me, he knows we can see each other in the morning. It's a prayer of sorts, too, praying that he has a beautiful dream to keep him company and that he wakes up each morning!

I cry sometimes when I'm rocking him... okay, I cry almost nightly. The tears have gotten fewer, but they're always there resting on my eyelids. I remember how fleeting this time is with him. I remember how fleeting my time was as a child with MY mom rocking ME. I remember how fragile life is, and I pray I can continue to be the one to whisper these words into his ear each night. Every night, these familiar words bring me back home - to my childhood and to my own child. I feel like it's a piece of his Grandma whispering to him, too.  I feel like it makes a complete circle, and I want him to feel safe, loved, and happy like I felt as a kid. And, if he does, then I've given MY greatest gift the greatest gift: Night-night, sweet boy. I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll see you in the morning.

Another Sleep Cheat Sheet: The Cliff Note's Version

Since I'm "published" now and will continue to order my blogs in book format, I want to use this blogging thing as a way to help me remember all those little things we did with Banner when we have another bambino in the future. I know so many people who wish they could remember the newborn days just before they give birth, and I do NOT want to forget all the things I learned from Banner in those early days and now. So, I may come back to this cheat sheet many times from now to update it with new things, but here it is for now. There are two things I never want to forget when we have our next baby: embrace every day of this little creature so cute, sweet, innocent BUT the first few months are HORRIBLE!

So, here's my Cliff Note's version of what I have been reading, wish someone had told me earlier, or have learned on my own. Most of this information is coming from the two sleep books I like (Dr. Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West) as well as my own experience. I like these two books because they explain a very straight-forward approach that works! They also give insight into what's happening in the brain to understand why the baby responds/reacts/behaves the way he does. It makes me more sane to know these things so I'm not fighting Banner's biology and brain-signals unnecessarily! I've learned so much about sleep from the books - mostly that we need to be treating sleep just like any other biological need - feed them when they're hungry, change them when they're wet, and provide sleep-inducing routines when they are tired.

Birth to a few days (assuming born on due date): honeymoon period - will sleep most of the time

Few days after birth - 6 weeks: baby becomes more alert, sleepy part of brain wakes up  - increased fussiness, crying, agitated wakefulness, swallow air more and become gassy, which is more common in evening hours; longest sleeping stretch can be at any time of day or night = day/night confusion; in the first week, babies usually sleep 16-18 hours (half at night, half during day over four naps); by end of first month, babies sleep 15.5-17 hours (8.5-10 at night, 6-7 hours during day spread over 3-4 naps)... still waking 2-3 times at night for feedings. They (formula-fed babies) eat 6-8 feedings in 24 hours of 2-3 ounces every 3-4 hours. (Is your math brain blowing up yet?) During these early weeks, there is absolutely no such thing as a schedule - don't make yourself crazy trying to force one on your baby or your family. Respond to baby's cries so he learns that he can trust you and that you will meet his needs. Do whatever it takes to keep him happy - hold him often and WEAR him a lot!

Around 5-6 weeks: social smiles - wants to be social and interact with people more; fussiness peaks; better able to console self, and night sleep begins to organize - longest sleep period will be at night, but no idea when that 4-6 hour stretch will be. Darkness serves as a cue, we slow down our activity, and we behave as if we expect baby to sleep, and since these three cues are missing during the day - naps are difficult. Keep intervals of wakefulness between 1-2 hours only. Babies this age sleep 15.5-17 hours total (8.5-10 at night, 6-7 during day spread over 3-4 naps). Formula-fed babies take about 4 ounces every 3-4 hours.

Weeks 7-8: Earlier bedtime develops naturally, sleeping for longer stretches at night. Baby should not be awake for more than 2 hours. Usually only wake once a night for feeding. Also, crying should be differentiated about now... different cry for tired vs. hungry vs. wet, etc. Bedtime routine becomes helpful now. (Banner slept 8 uninterrupted hours at night at 8 weeks old!) There's still really no set schedule, so try to keep going with the flow of what your baby needs.

Months 3 and 4: (so baby is now 2-3 months old) - Earlier bedtime develops naturally, sleeping even longer at night. Still not awake for more than 2 hours at a time. Watch tired signals - yawning, rubbing eyes, or (in Banner's case) quieting and becoming less active. Try to put down for nap as soon as you notice these signals because now the body will produce a fatigue-fighting hormone if baby becomes overtired - making getting the child to sleep overwhelmingly difficult for both parent and baby. Use a naptime routine (rocking for a few minutes or a book, for example), and understand that babies are less portable now... they need motionless, consistent nap routines. Morning nap develops around 9-10am. Babies this age are usually sleeping 4-5 hours during the day spread over 3-4 naps. Eating 5-6 ounces about 5 times a day. (At 12 weeks old, Banner slept 11 hours at night, and at 14 weeks, typically sleeping 12 hours at night with interruptions to be re-soothed/paci/reswaddle!) *One thing that I have learned which is so counter-intuitive is that more sleeping well during the day = better, longer sleep at night. Sometimes, the earlier we put Banner to bed, the later he sleeps, too. I've learned that there's no such thing as "sleeping too much during the day." A lot of people think that if you keep a baby awake during the day more, he will sleep better at night - NOT TRUE! Babies need sleep, and if you don't let them sleep when they need to, they won't let YOU sleep when YOU need to - at night! :) They're overtired, and they can't sleep well later.

Month 5 - (so baby is now 4 months old): Eating 6-8 ounces at 4 or 5 feedings in 24 hours (no more than 32 ounces total). Even earlier bedtime now, typically around 7:00, so bedtime routine starts around 6:30 or slightly after.

Like I said, I'll add more as we know what we're doing each month and as I learn more. We're not quite at Month 5 yet, but this is what we're already doing with Banner and hope to maintain this routine. I know things will change with cereal, solids, and better napping. I'm being persistent with the nap training currently, which means a lot of days at home, not able to go out for much time at all. I'm definitely finding Banner less portable these days - which is not fun, but at least we're getting a schedule, and I've been CRAVING a schedule for our family. Be careful what you wish for, right?! When things were crazy without a schedule, I could go anywhere at night and during the day because Banner would just go with the flow - well, not these days! Putting him to bed at the right time is key for a peaceful, restful day and night for everyone involved!  Can't wait to learn more and document it all for myself and anyone who finds this helpful. Til that time, SLEEP WELL!

Did You Hear That?

Men and their hearing - or selective hearing, that is! I'm going to pick on my husband for just a minute here, so bear with me. I love Sam so much, as you all know, and he's a great father. He wants to spend time with Banner; he's loving towards him, calls him "Best Friend," and offers to help in any way he can with feeding, bathing, soothing, changing, and entertaining. However, I'm having an issue with this one area. You see, after Banner goes to sleep each night (typically around 7:00pm), Sam and I have dinner together, then we get to spend quality time just the two of us. (It's actually really nice!) But, every so often, Banner will make a noise. It can be the quietest, simplest noise, and Sam will turn to me and say, "Did you hear that?"

Of course I heard that! I hear everything! But, just because Banner made a noise (a sigh, a groan, a suck, a turn) doesn't mean we have to respond or react. Usually, I tell Sam to wait as he's already on his way to go check on the boy. And, usually, there's not another sound heard for a while. But, at the next peep, Sam says, "Did you hear THAT?"

YES! I heard it! But, I'm ignoring it until it becomes a noise worth responding to! I think it's so funny when he asks me this - as if I carry around the monitor not really listening to it. I keep telling him, too, that we need to let Banner try to self-soothe and not respond to every minor noise.

Well, the problem is this... either I've done a really good job at teaching Sam to ignore the noises Banner makes in his crib, or Sam has selective hearing.... because why am I the only one getting up at night to soothe Banner? I'll hear a small noise, then it escalates into a true whimper and then a complaining cry for his paci or to be reswaddled, and Sam sleeps right through it. It must wake Sam just a little, because that's when I hear the resurfacing of a snore we got rid of before we got married! It makes me want to hit him - for snoring and for ignoring a cry worth waking for! So, it has me wondering in the wee hours of the morning- at 1:20 and again at 1:35, at 3:40, and at 5:20 - DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

I'm Published!!

Okay, not really, but kind of. My friend, Gretchen, told me about this site that takes your blog and turns it into a book for you! It's SO simple and definitely worth the money for both the hardback cover and the color pictures inside. They also put a table of contents at the beginning of the 159-page book. So, now I have a published book of all my writing for my family and for myself. When we got it in the mail, I excitedly showed it to Sam who said, "Can we order more? That way each of our kids will have a copy of everything you've written!" I love that idea, especially because I feel that there are so many life-lessons I've written about, and I think it would be neat for our kids to know me pre-baby and pre-marriage. Here's what it looks like:

 Front Cover:

 What the inside looks like:

 Table of Contents (part of it at least!):

Back Cover: 

The website I used to get my book, and the one I will use again to get newer editions once I've posted more entries on my blog in a year or more is: http://blog2print.sharedbook.com/blogworld/printmyblog/index.html. Thanks, Gretch, for the awesome idea!!