My husband works too much. It sucks. I hate it.
I realize I married a man who has a fairly new job. I realize I married an attorney. I realize I married a man who has a hard time saying no to his job due to his strong sense of commitment. I realize I cannot help this situation because he needs to work and he can't upset the bossman. Ultimately, I realize that the bossman status beats the wife status. And, that's what I hate.
So, I think I speak for all spouses who have a hard-working, hour-after-hour-spending partner who won't or can't say no to the bossman or bosslady when I say THIS SUCKS! Here's the part where I start to vent:
I have made a vow, a public announcement, a legal agreement to marry and stand by this man, a man I love and want to see do well. I have stood before my family, friends, God, and my love stating that I will unconditionally love, adore, and accept this man for all of my life. ALL OF MY LIFE! Bossman never did that. Bossman made no such legal agreement to employ my husband all of his life. He never stood publicly in front of his family or friends saying that he will unconditionally accept my husband. In fact, he quite ultimately only employs my husband very conditionally based upon job completion and performance. So, why then does Bossman get to have the final say?
See, I see it so clearly as an American problem. Here I sit by myself, waiting for my man to come home, not knowing: if I should make dinner, if I should do my own thing, if I should wait for him to eat, if I should go on and watch our show without him, if it would be horrible to go to bed without him, if he's still alive, did he have an accident, why hasn't he called, how many days will this last, will I be the one to do everything around the house forever? So, I'm suffering here while my longlife partner has to stay at work to meet a deadline, write a report, contact a client, document his billable hours, type a brief, or clean up all for Bossman. Meanwhile, I could have given the husband a deadline, asked him to pay a bill, call the repairman, schedule an appointment, or clean up his mess - and I still won't see any completion of these tasks until I nag him endlessly.
Why does Bossman trump wife? I realize Bossman has money, and he can pay my husband (and therefore me) so we can afford our life. I realize Bossman creates opportunities for growth, professional development, and advancement. But, I'm wife - I hold sex in my power, I hold child-bearing in my power, I hold my husband's future happiness in my power. Wouldn't you think that's more important? I'm not suggesting that I withhold these things from him as a punishment or any kind of bargaining chip. It's merely a reflection of why my status as a man's wife should override the power a bossman has on that said man. If Bossman called and said, "You need to work on Saturday and Sunday. I need your help," then the husband is up and gone - perhaps begrudgingly so - but he's up and gone! Yet, I might have to ask for a favor two or three times! If we have plans with friends at 7:00pm on a Friday night, but Bossman wants him to work later than that, well, then, there goes our evening plans and my pride as I tell our friends he can't make it.
My husband is a good man. I love him, and I love that he wants to provide, wants to do well, wants to make a good impression, wants to keep his boss happy, etc. I know he doesn't wish to work late or try to stay late when he could come be with me at home. I know he hates that I'm waiting for him hours after I have left my own work. But, why, as a society, do we allow our work and our bosses to override our family lives, our happiness, and our personal well-being? Other countries, believe it or not, are NOT like this. Family comes first in other countries. Mothers and fathers are given time off with their kids and families; maternity and paternity leave are paid for - for months or up to a year; it's important that all citizens be home by a reasonable hour so they can eat dinner with their families. So, as soon as I can get up the nerve to leave my mom, my siblings, and my nephew and niece: we're moving to Copenhagen!
I realize I married a man who has a fairly new job. I realize I married an attorney. I realize I married a man who has a hard time saying no to his job due to his strong sense of commitment. I realize I cannot help this situation because he needs to work and he can't upset the bossman. Ultimately, I realize that the bossman status beats the wife status. And, that's what I hate.
So, I think I speak for all spouses who have a hard-working, hour-after-hour-spending partner who won't or can't say no to the bossman or bosslady when I say THIS SUCKS! Here's the part where I start to vent:
I have made a vow, a public announcement, a legal agreement to marry and stand by this man, a man I love and want to see do well. I have stood before my family, friends, God, and my love stating that I will unconditionally love, adore, and accept this man for all of my life. ALL OF MY LIFE! Bossman never did that. Bossman made no such legal agreement to employ my husband all of his life. He never stood publicly in front of his family or friends saying that he will unconditionally accept my husband. In fact, he quite ultimately only employs my husband very conditionally based upon job completion and performance. So, why then does Bossman get to have the final say?
See, I see it so clearly as an American problem. Here I sit by myself, waiting for my man to come home, not knowing: if I should make dinner, if I should do my own thing, if I should wait for him to eat, if I should go on and watch our show without him, if it would be horrible to go to bed without him, if he's still alive, did he have an accident, why hasn't he called, how many days will this last, will I be the one to do everything around the house forever? So, I'm suffering here while my longlife partner has to stay at work to meet a deadline, write a report, contact a client, document his billable hours, type a brief, or clean up all for Bossman. Meanwhile, I could have given the husband a deadline, asked him to pay a bill, call the repairman, schedule an appointment, or clean up his mess - and I still won't see any completion of these tasks until I nag him endlessly.
Why does Bossman trump wife? I realize Bossman has money, and he can pay my husband (and therefore me) so we can afford our life. I realize Bossman creates opportunities for growth, professional development, and advancement. But, I'm wife - I hold sex in my power, I hold child-bearing in my power, I hold my husband's future happiness in my power. Wouldn't you think that's more important? I'm not suggesting that I withhold these things from him as a punishment or any kind of bargaining chip. It's merely a reflection of why my status as a man's wife should override the power a bossman has on that said man. If Bossman called and said, "You need to work on Saturday and Sunday. I need your help," then the husband is up and gone - perhaps begrudgingly so - but he's up and gone! Yet, I might have to ask for a favor two or three times! If we have plans with friends at 7:00pm on a Friday night, but Bossman wants him to work later than that, well, then, there goes our evening plans and my pride as I tell our friends he can't make it.
My husband is a good man. I love him, and I love that he wants to provide, wants to do well, wants to make a good impression, wants to keep his boss happy, etc. I know he doesn't wish to work late or try to stay late when he could come be with me at home. I know he hates that I'm waiting for him hours after I have left my own work. But, why, as a society, do we allow our work and our bosses to override our family lives, our happiness, and our personal well-being? Other countries, believe it or not, are NOT like this. Family comes first in other countries. Mothers and fathers are given time off with their kids and families; maternity and paternity leave are paid for - for months or up to a year; it's important that all citizens be home by a reasonable hour so they can eat dinner with their families. So, as soon as I can get up the nerve to leave my mom, my siblings, and my nephew and niece: we're moving to Copenhagen!
Coming from someone whose husband is currently away from home 16 days a month due to work I know EXACTLY what you mean. It isn't that we don't understand and appreciate the work and their sacrifice as well, but that doesn't make it easy to pretend to be happy about not getting to see them as much as we would like!
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