Just Like Everyone Else (?)

Given the nature of the second-most commonly asked question after a recent marriage (see blog entitled "So, When Are Ya'll Planning on Having Kids?"), I've recently had several conversations with close friends and family about the possibilities of responses to the question. Mostly, though, the questions and conversations have given rise to discussions regarding how children will change my life forever. Not only will I be responsible for a new life (or new lives, if we have more than one child), but it will change my relationship, the way I live my life, my career, my friendships, my sleeping patterns, my future entirely.

That sounds really harsh and over-the-top, but it's realistic. My mom says it's negative, but I just want to make sure that the thought of the excitement and jubilation of having a new life growing inside me is not without major forethought (A LOT of forethought!) and planning. Sam and I both need to really examine the ways in which a baby will change so many things. It's really scary when you think about it this way, but the topics of conversation lately have been about whether I will stop working to raise a child as a stay-at-home mom, when we should start "trying" or at least stop preventing, when it would be ideal to get pregnant, whether or not I need to enroll in short-term disability at work to be my maternity leave one day, whether we make enough money to raise a child, who would take care of our child if I did NOT stop working, how will our marriage change once we have kids, etc. I think it's good to talk about these things, and kinda fun too - but kinda frightening at the same time. It just makes me worried.

Why worried? Well, we've all seen those sitcoms, comedians, talk shows, books, and movies that poke fun at marriage, relationships, in-laws, home, children, etc. Everyone laughs because everyone understands. Everyone feels the same or can relate in some way. It's humorous because it's true, very true. The Newlywed Show, as old as it is, reminds us that couples inevitably all go through the same cycles, the same issues, or the same feelings. We laugh at the couple calling each other names, or getting themselves in trouble with the other partner. The idiosyncrasies of marriage become a joke to all and child-rearing stories are laughable because we can all identify with the common experiences.

So, again, why worried? Because, even though it's nice to know that we all go through the same things, I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to know that my marriage is different, that Sam and I will never get sick of each other, that we won't stop treating each other with respect, that my in-laws won't annoy me, that I won't become resentful of Sam's busy working schedule, that I won't feel taken advantage of when I'm the one doing the cooking and cleaning, that I won't be the one to do all the planning and errand-running. But, like all marriages that we poke fun of on those talk shows or that comedians love to point out to us, we're all alike. Our children will be a new stress; they could?/will? get in the way of our sex life; we won't go out with friends they way we do now; the in-laws will piss me off; the house will become a mess; we will have to work hard(er) to have time for each other and make our marriage work so we don't resent each other for anything; I will have to choose my job or my kids - or at least get used to doing a half-ass job on both; I will miss my days of sleeping in and having time to myself. . . the list goes on and on of how having kids will change our lives.

It's inevitable that I will become like everyone else. And, even though Mom thinks I am being so negative about the possibilities of the blessings of a child, I would like to look at the bright side. . . at least I'll be in great company. So, if we're all going to have a common experience and have others we can go to - to talk about all of these problems and complaints - then why NOT have kids? Why not suck it all up and enjoy the love and affection I can give to and get from kids? Why not bite the bullet and just hold on to the roller coaster that is life? I'm having a hard time with the idea that my life could become just like the ordinary jokes heard around the world. . . but, as long as we all end up there together, I'll come to terms with this idea and get ready for the thought of being a parent, get ready for the idea of changing my life forever - so that I can have what I've really always ever wanted! It's so exciting to think about, and again, I just want to make sure I get over any fears before embracing what I really, truly want - a family. So, within the next year or so, I will be coming to terms with this idea. We definitely don't even want to think about getting pregnant until after our honeymoon - another 7 months away - but in the meantime, I'll be coping and overcoming fears so that when the time comes, I can buckle up calmly, ready for the ride, and ready to be as excited as ever!