Bringing in Quinn

Dear Quinn,
This is my first official blog post to you! Welcome to it! :) I am full of so many things to say to you, so deciding where to start is difficult. I've already written you a letter about what my hopes and dreams are for you and all about your conception, about your family, about your brother, but this letter is about your birth and about our first few days with you. But, the first thing I want to say to you is how in love with you I am! You have stolen my heart, sweet boy. You are such a special gift, and I am enjoying every moment with you. . . . even as you sleep next to me pooping in your diaper!

Your birth was significantly different from your big brother's. I knew you would be a C-section, and I knew the day you were going to be born going into my "labor day." In fact, I never even had labor with you. Because I had a C-section with Banner, my OB/GYN's policy was that you would also be a C-section, assuming I kept him as my doctor. Because I actually like the idea of knowing more and having some control over a stressful, unpredictable situation, I decided I was all in for a scheduled C-section. Although I knew you could have come at any time before our scheduled surgery date, I was pretty sure you would hold out and we'd make it to that date: Monday, September 9th, 2013. What I love about your birthday is that it's three days after Daddy & my anniversary, it's on the 9th, just like Banner's (in June), and it's a double (9-9) - and according to NaNa, your Bubbie loved doubles.

Luckily, there were no signs of you coming before your scheduled delivery date, and Daddy and I were able to take our time packing up, cleaning the house, and saying goodbye to Banner in the morning. He slept in that morning - we actually had to wake him up. Aunt Kira spent the night to be able to take Banner to school, and she was in Daddy & my room when Daddy brought Banner in. Before we headed out, I told Banner that Daddy and I were headed to the doctor. He said, "Hopital?" (Hospital?), and I said, "Yes!" Then he said, "Baby brover?" I said, "Yes. You're going to meet your baby brother today!" He then looked at Aunt Kira with the widest, happiest eyes and biggest grin. He was so happy! He said, "Baby brover come out Mommy's tummy?" and I said, "Yes!" And, again, he was filled with joy and happiness, smiling big and jumping on our bed! Then, Daddy and I headed to the hospital where we were quickly checked in and escorted to our room where I was going to get prepped for surgery.

This was vastly different from my previous birth experience. I was calm, I knew what was going to happen, I was not in any pain or discomfort. Grandma came to be with us before surgery, and before the nurse escorted me to the operating room, we asked for some time alone - just Grandma, Daddy, and me. At that time, Daddy and I read a prayer I had written and said aloud with Daddy the day Banner was born. So, both of you had the same prayer and blessing read before we brought you into this world. I cried while I read this prayer, and I felt the deepest longing for you to be healthy and for your delivery to be smooth and safe. Then, Grandma joined us in saying the Sh'ma, as tears continued to stream down my face. And, soon, I was being walked to the OR where I received my epidural, and then Daddy came in to join me.

The doctor took a while to come to the OR (even though I had already seen him while the nurse was prepping me). I was getting very anxious waiting for the C-section to start as I laid there on the operating table cold, numb, and nervous. Time seemed to slow at that point, and I kept wishing the doctor would walk in already to start the procedure so I could meet my baby! Once the doctor arrived and they started operating, everything began to speed up, and a few moments later I heard your first cry.

I remember closing my eyes and being more than relieved to hear your strong cry. It was stronger than when Banner was born - his was weak and quiet at first because he had been in distress. But yours was powerful and continued to be strong and loud. Within seconds, the doctor held your body up so I could see you over the sheet. My first thoughts were that you were such a big boy and that you were so pink. And, I couldn't keep my eyes off of you as they cleaned you off and weighed and measured you. Daddy was taking lots of pictures, and he kept checking on me, too. He even said, "I don't know where to go! I want to be next to both of you." I told him to go be with you, and soon after, the nurse put you in my arms. I got to hold you and check you out - and you got to listen to my voice and slowly open your eyes to check ME out. It was our first moment together, and remembering it now makes me tear up. I'll never forget holding you up close to my face and stroking your soft cheek as you opened your eyes to meet me and the world.

Then, you and Daddy went to the recovery room to wait for me. Once I got you back in my arms, we laid together skin-to-skin for about an hour or so. When I was ready, and you were showing signs of being ready too, I slowly led you down to my breast where after a few tries, you finally latched on to me and started sucking - our first of many successful feeding moments. This was a big deal to me and to Daddy. In fact, Daddy told me he was pretty emotional watching us together because he knew how much I wanted this to work for us. Both of us were amazed that this moment was actually happening!

More time passed as we got to nuzzle and cuddle together, and then it was time to meet the family. Once we got settled in our hospital room, Daddy went to get Banner from the waiting room - which he had been in with your aunts (Gayle, NaNa, and Kira), Zaide, and Grandma. We let Banner "help Daddy" bring you to me, and he got to meet you for the first time. He kept coming over to my bedside throughout his visit to ask, "Mommy, how you feeling?" (He is a sweet, thoughtful boy - you will really like him!!)

Next, Zaide and Grandma came to meet you. They got to watch as Banner gave you a gift and you gave him a gift. He gave you some stickers with your name on it as well as a "Lil Bro" onesie. You gave him a Big Brother book, a doctor costume, and a "Big Bro" shirt. Soon, Aunt Gayle, NaNa, and Aunt Kira came in. I loved sharing your name with all of these special people, and I loved watching each of them get a turn holding you. There was lots of discussion about who you look like, and everyone has their own views - some said you look just like me, some say you look just like Daddy, some said a perfect mix, and some said just like Banner. I'm still undecided - after all, you are YOU! You look just like Quinn - just as you should! :)

The rest of the day was spent welcoming more visitors - Papa, Uncle Erick, Uncle Brock, Aunt Mischelle, Caden, Mara, Brycen, Nami, Uncle Paul, Big Boss, Ansyn, Tyce, Cherie, and Jed. We were sending emails to family members and close friends, posting on Facebook, texting to our friends, taking lots of pictures, and just snuggling with you! Banner came back up after his nap, and when he walked in to see you again, you were swaddled in a blanket and starting to chew on it. Banner said, "Baby Brover eating blanket?" He was so curious about you, wanted to touch and hold you, and kept asking how I was feeling.

I had been doing great, and you and I were getting the hang of the feeding thing, although your suck (just like Banner's) was beyond strong, which equaled PAINFUL for me! (More on that in another post!) But, later that night, my back started itching pretty badly. I kept asking Daddy if there was anything there that he could see. All he could see was the epidural still in place, which the nurse took out the following morning (Tuesday). By Wednesday morning, my back had turned very red, and it continued to itch. When I'd get up to walk or to take a shower, it would get even worse - bright red, itchy, and angry looking. Apparently, I had an allergic reaction to the adhesive tape used in keeping my epidural in place. It was truly awful! But, I kept thinking that I'd rather be the one in pain than you. I was still so thankful that you were healthy and safe.

Speaking of, your doctor came to check on you Tuesday morning. He noticed a heart murmur which frightened me so much! I had been concerned about your right eye tearing and looking gunky, and here he was talking about your heart! I don't know that I heard much more of what he said because I was so concerned about your little heart. MY heart! Oh, how it ached in that moment. I was hormonal, itchy, in pain, and now terribly worried about you. As Dr. B began to say his goodbyes, I just looked at Daddy and burst into tears... unable to hold it back any longer. Dr. B asked what's wrong. All I could say is, "His... heart...." through tears and gasps and a definite "ugly cry!" Hiding my face with my hands, I tried to control myself, but that was beyond difficult. Dr. B told me not to worry that he sees this all the time, and that most babies hearts are just transitioning from the womb to outside, and the valves need time to adjust. He said he believed the murmur would be gone the following day, but he just wanted to let us know in case we needed to get a consult or it was more than "just a murmur." I appreciated him telling us, but it was frightening and worrisome. He told me that we pay him to do the worrying and that I shouldn't worry about it. Easier said than done! When my nurse came in a few minutes later, I was an emotional mess. She, Petrina, was so sweet. She kept reassuring me that they DO see this all the time, and it's usually nothing - that it was perfectly normal. But, she also reassured me that I was, in fact, a mother - and there was nothing for me to do BUT worry. She reminded me that I was just doing my job, that no matter how old you get - I will always worry! She didn't make me feel embarrassed for crying, and I just let it all out.

Shortly after, Grandma and Banner came up to see you, and of course, seeing MY mommy made me burst into tears all over again. I told her what was going on while Daddy took Banner for a walk around the hallways. Oh, hormones and my mommy heart! They kept me crying throughout the day, but holding you and feeding you just elated me as we kept bonding and growing more connected. That day, Banner opened (probably) his favorite gift from you: an Ice Cream Truck Mater die cast. When he opened it, he was perhaps the happiest I've ever seen him, and it was like he thought you were the coolest kid ever for getting him his most prized possession. He seemed to light up as he wondered how you possibly could have known that he LOVES ice cream trucks, LOVES to watch them on YouTube, and LOVES the Mater Ice Cream Truck video the most! Such joy in that kid in that moment! Playing with it kept him entertained for a good half-hour at least!

The rest of our stay at the hospital was filled with more visitors (Miles, Gretchen, Avi, Logan, Aunt Jacque, Marin, Landry, Uncle Greg, Aunt Julie, Aunt Karen, Trace, Pierce, Uncle Barry, Aunt Susie), more gifts and gift-giving, and bonding with you! Daddy and I loved just looking at you, in such awe of this life before us: your skin so delicate and soft, your hair so brown and curly, the dimple we saw on your right cheek (still not sure if there's one on the left yet!), the little dent in your chin like mine, the color of your eyes and how they go back and forth between looking blue and looking brown, your long big toe and how your other toes look just like mine, the tininess of your tushy, and how you have peed more on other people than in your diaper perhaps! (You peed at least 5 times before the OR nurse could even get a diaper on you while she weighed and measured you. You also "tagged" Daddy in the OR! And, after your second bath at the hospital, you not only "tagged" your nurse, Donna, but you managed to pee across the room, sprinkling the floor about 3-4 feet away!)

Just like after Banner's birth, Daddy and I enjoyed our "alone" time to marvel at our son. We did a lot of holding you. . .  in fact, I don't think you were in your little crib there for more than a few minutes at a time - even at night! We were both such suckers for you wanting to be held, and I LOVED holding you. (Still do!) We just tried to savor our time with you and with each other. On our third night, Daddy gave me a gift and a card that will forever be one of my favorite gifts. His card was perfect (he always does find the most perfect greeting cards!), and on the inside, he had written the most beautiful message to me - thanking me for sharing my body with our children, telling me how proud he is to be my husband, friend, roommate, and co-parent, looking forward to raising you in our family of four, and then telling me how he decided upon the gift he wanted to give me. He wrote:

"I thought hard on an appropriate push present for you with Quinn. Money is tight - tighter than when B was born, so I'm sorry there aren't as many diamonds - but please know my love for you is the same (if not more) as when Banner was born. The best gift I could think of is for you to carry on with something you already do that my mom did so well: love. I gave you both this necklace years ago - a circle, representing the eternal bond of love. Today, I'm giving you the necklace I gave her to honor in particular the eternal bond of a mother and her love of her children. I hope you'll be able to wear it around your boys every now and then, not only to carry a piece of my mom with us in our daily lives, but to remind us of the unique, special love you give to both our boys every day - a love that can never be replicated or bested by anyone but you."

To say I was in tears before even finishing his message is an understatement. I immediately hid my "ugly cry" face as I took in these heart-felt words and this huge idea to give me such a meaningful gift. I still tear up thinking about how special this gift is and how much it means to each one of us on so many levels. Damn, your daddy is a good man! 

Since we left the hospital, you've continued to do very well! You love the sound of water, enjoy having your hair washed (still no real baths yet until your cord falls off), love being held, like being swaddled, and are so beautiful! Your big brother calls you "Baby Brover Quinn," as if that's what we named you. We've told him he can just call you Quinn, but he still calls you this long name! He loves to stroke your hair gently, to put your paci in your mouth even if you're sleeping, to try to pick you up, to hold you, to hold your hand. When he gets home from school, he immediately asks, "Baby Brover Quinn is?" to find out where you are. You did great at your 1-week check up: no more heart murmur (which the doctor never heard again after that first time), your right tear duct remains clogged which makes you tear and we have to continue with the eye massages, you're gaining weight since leaving the hospital, and you are meeting the little milestones already in place for a little one-week-old baby (smiling in sleep, looking at faces).

I, on the other hand, have not done great with this recovery. I had such an easy pregnancy and delivery with you, but this recovery is slow and problematic! My back continued to stay red and itchy even after a fourth night in the hospital to try to find a medication to help me with the allergic reaction. And, by Saturday night (the second night home), I began to itch throughout the trunk of my body: chest, belly, hips. After I spoke to the doctor on Monday, he referred me to a dermatologist, and that doctor thinks I'm having yet another allergic reaction, but this time to the pain medicine I've been taking. Thank goodness, the medicine she prescribed has helped the redness and alleviated some of the itching in only one day. I know I'm on the mend, but I can't wait to be more comfortable in my own skin to take even better care of you and Banner. I still have my staples in from my C-section incision, and I won't get those taken out until this coming Monday (two weeks post-delivery) because the doctor couldn't use any adhesives given my previous reaction. Can't wait for those to come out! :)

But enough about me... this letter is to YOU! The other big event that's happened so far is your bris. We met at Big Boss's office to have a private ceremony with just Rabbi Stern, your grandparents, and Daddy and me. You did great! Big Boss circumcised you, and then you were blessed by your grandparents, by us, and by the rabbi, and you had your first taste of wine (gotta love you some Manischewitz!). Daddy and I then talked about the specialness of your Hebrew name and whom you are named after. I can't wait to tell our family and friends more about this and how you came to be known as Quinn Redding at your naming in a couple months.

Here are some other important stats I want to record:

• Birth weight: 7 pounds, 14 ounces
• Left hospital at 7 pounds, 7 ounces
• Current weight at one-week check-up: 7 pounds, 9 ounces
• Height: 20 inches
• Head: 37 cm
• Apgar ratings at 1-minute-old: 9
• Apgar ratings at 5-minutes-old: 9
• Passed hearing screening as well as the congenital heart disease screening
• Eating about 2.5-3 ounces of formula every 3-4 hours (I stopped nursing a few days after you were born... more on that in another post)
• Sleeping lots - but you definitely have day and night mixed up because you sleep more during the day and sleep seems deeper then, too. Hoping to change this soon!

Quinn Redding, we are so blessed to have you in our lives. I cannot describe my love for you - nor could I ever explain it or tell you the depth of this love. In the 10 days I've known you, I have cried at least once each of those days while holding you, as I think about how gorgeous you are, how grateful I am that you are here in my arms, that you are healthy and so very strong. I cry because I'm so happy and overwhelmed with gratitude for you and your precious life. I cry because I'm sad that my sweet newborn will only be this tiny and tender for such a short time. I cry because these early days are fleeting and (way too) fast! I cry because I'm excited to get to know you more, to become your biggest fan and most adoring advocate, to watch you meet milestones, to witness a brotherhood develop with Banner, to watch you grow and learn. I cry because I'm so appreciative that I get a front row seat as you grow from a tiny little baby into a curious little boy. . . and eventually into a big boy and then man. And, this will happen in - what will feel like - a blink. But, oh, I can't wait to enjoy this journey with you!

I love you so much, my baby!
Welcome to the world, welcome to our home, welcome to my heart!
Love,
Mommy

39 weeks

Milliseconds before I met you!

First time holding you

First picture with Mommy & Daddy

Daddy's first time holding you

Skin-to-skin time

Meeting Banner and giving him his first gift

First family photo

With Aunt Gayle

With NaNa

With Zaide

With Zaide & Grandma

With Papa

Getting your footprints made for your baby book

And.... the much more difficult handprints

With Aunt Kira & Uncle Erick (aka Kiki & Uggy)

Entertaining Big Brother

With Uncle Brock

Nami is not the youngest cousin anymore!

With Aunt Mischelle

With Mara

With Caden

The cousins with Grandma

With Jed & Cherie

Meeting Big Boss

Meeting Miles

Gretchen helping Banner hold and kiss you

 

Mommy's allergic reaction to epidural tape used! OUCH!

 

You in your very first crib (in the hospital)

Getting ready to head HOME!

Our precious cargo!

Mommy & her boys at home

Hanging with Banner and Grandma

At your bris with Rabbi Stern

Sweet BBJ2 is Finally Here!

Introducing

Quinn Redding

Born September 9, 2013 at 9:51am

7 pounds, 14 ounces
20 inches long

We are in love . . . again!!

Two and a Quarter (Newsletter)

Dear Banner,

Three months have passed since your last "monthly update," and I think writing to you about your development and growth every three months now will give me so much more to tell you at once. You continue to grow and mature at a rapid rate these days, and every day you impress me, make me proud, and keep me on my toes! Daddy and I are always amazed by you; we are constantly floored by your wit, intelligence, creativity, affection, and activity!

The biggest changes these past three months:

-You got your bottom two-year-old molars at 25 months-old. I had no idea until you were laughing one night while I brushed your teeth and there they were!

-Speaking of teeth, you went to the dentist for the first time at 26-months. We LOVE Dr. Rubin, his staff, and his office. And, you handled yourself very well. You started crying a little about half-way into the cleaning (mostly once the hygienist started using the little mirror), but you were so brave, and I was super-impressed with you! Your teeth look great, but we need to be brushing at the gum line better, and we need to start flossing since your teeth are very close together in the front. I was not surprised by this - and Daddy was not surprised that I was right! :) But, all-in-all you are doing a great job at letting us brush your teeth these days, and I am looking forward to watching you take more pride in and care of your sweet smile!

-You now go pee-pee on the potty before every bath (started at 25-months), and throughout the day, if I ask you if you want to try to go on the potty, you usually want to and will. I'm not ready to potty train you at all - especially with the arrival of Baby Brother (I expect you will regress a bit), but I love that you are willing to try it out and seem to get the idea.

-You sing a lot more these days. You always seem to have a little ditty stuck in your head. It used to be "Twinkle, Twinkle," all day long - but now you've added lots of other tunes: "Wheels on the Bus," "Itsy Bitsy Spider," "Muffin Man," "Where is Thumbkin?," "Mary Had a Little Lamb," "If You're Happy and You Know It," "Old McDonald," the list goes on. You like when we sing songs together and can either "fill in the blank" when I let you sing a word or phrase on your own, or you sing right along with me.

-You enjoy music and dancing very much.

-Some of my favorite expressions: "Hey, Mommy..." "Look at that! So cool!" "I did it!" "I wake up!" "Mommy, what IS that?" or "What's that called?" or even "What IS that man?" "Scuzi" or "Scuze Us" for "Excuse me/us," "No, thank you," or "Thank you, Daddy/Mommy!" and "My's" for "Mine." I love hearing your manners take shape and knowing you are picking up on so many polite expressions!

-Your favorite TV shows are: Yo Gabba Gabba, Team Umizoomi, and Bubble Guppies (all on Nick Jr.). You've started responding to their open-ended questions when prompted, which is really fun for Daddy and me. Some episodes you like so much and watch over and over again - you can even say some dialogue along with the characters.

-When we read books to you at night, you are a little sponge! You love to help read by telling us the next word when Daddy and I stop reading in the middle of a sentence. You can help retell a story at the end of a book. You seem to understand and hear rhyming. You retain information from one night to the next or even to the next week or month. You ask for more books every night - and when Daddy and I refuse because it's getting late, you are usually appeased by us saying we will tell you a story as we rocked you for a bit before getting in your crib or tuck you into your new big boy bed (another recent change... see below).

-You are counting better.... still skipping 3  at times ("1, 2, 4, 5, 6...") but that's your only error at this point. The only time you consistently say "3" is when you shout "3, 2, 1, Blast Off!" ;)

-You love to fake cry, and you like us to do the same.

-Random Stats: You're still in size 5 diapers; you wear some 18M clothes, some 18-24, and some 2T. Most of your 2T clothes are a tad too big on you still, but you do wear 3T pajamas, mostly because I think you like the bigger fit for nighttime. You love your 2% milk and ice water but like juice (apple, orange, V8, and lemonade) on occasion. You have three pacis at night - but your most favorite one is the football one you call "brown paci."

-Your schedule looks a little like this: Wake up between 6:30-7:30am, barely eat breakfast, snack around 9:45-10:00, lunch around 12, nap around 1:30 and wake up anytime between 2:45-4:00, snack soon after waking up, dinner at 6ish, start bath around 7:20, bed by 8:00 and you usually fall asleep by 8:30-8:45.

-You are still totally addicted to the iPhone/iPad to watch YouTube videos and/or play with the apps we have.

-You are also still very knowledgeable about all vehicles - mostly construction trucks (cranes, back hoes, front end loaders, excavators, cement trucks, bulldozers, graders, dump trucks - you can tell the difference long before I can!), and you know the parts of the trucks (bucket, levers, pistons... it's quite amazing to me). You like to specify the difference between mail trucks, garbage trucks, delivery trucks, fire engines, ambulance, etc., and you will notice these vehicles from a far distance long before I do. In fact, sometimes I have to ask, "Where?" as you point them out to me with that radar of yours.

-You still love barley, donuts, kugel, chicken fries, ketchup, M&Ms ("Ms"), rice cakes with cream cheese, hamburgers, and a variety of sugar cereals you should have never tried except that a pregnant Mommy has been treating herself to them so... you now like "Loops," and "Flakes," and when we go down the cereal aisle at the grocery store, you beg for them!

-You are a master-manipulator when it comes to going to sleep! You want one more book; you want water; you want Mommy - no, you want Daddy; your foot hurts, you need medicine; you have an itch, you need medicine; "one more time, back" so we'll rub your back again; "blanket on," "no, blanket off;" "door open," "door closed...." The demands go on and on! We try hard not to get sucked in or to to fall for your shenanigans, but you are one crafty little man! 

-You seem to really enjoy your friends - having them over, going to visit them, meeting them at a gym or park. Camp Mommy was a blast for you - always seeing a familiar face at an indoor playground or park, and you would get excited to know a friend was meeting us. You love Brayden, Marin, Landry, Ella, Emma, Caden K., Everett, Myka, Shayna, and Ryan (and you continue to idolize all your cousins). You know them and their mommies, and you enjoy sharing (most of the time) and playing with them. I can't wait to see which friends you make at school.

-Speaking of school, you started preschool just a couple weeks ago. So far, so good, although you've only been about 4 times now. You like your teacher, you've gotten better at letting her change your diaper, and from what I've heard, you participate well. You're not the best eater there, but hopefully that will come with time.

-Perhaps one of the most exciting developments has been your exceptional verbal skills. You are quite the communicator. You love to ask questions (I hear, "What's that?" several times every hour) and you are curious about your world. You speak in full sentences. Some examples throughout the past three months, in order from earlier to later, (yes, I've kept notes):
"I getting a car," as you walk to get a Hot Wheels from the toy bin.
"Daddy, close Banner's door."
"I making fire truck Daddy."
"iPad? Daddy take it work?"
"Look at that! That's so cool!"
"What's that down there?"
"I drinking Theo's water!" (This particular time, I caught you before you actually did it - unlike a few times before!)
"Mommy, what is that? That yucky!"
"We go store for barley?"
"Mommy, Daddy, Banner go to gym together."
"Bicycle outside - and ice cream truck - and strawberries bring home." (This is a typical sentence when you want to tell us an elaborate idea and we have to figure out what you want.)
"Papa at Grandma's house working and ... eating food." (Loved that!)
"Mommy happy? Mommy proud Banner!" (melted my heart!)
"Riley, Asher, Robyn, Adam, and Baby Corey come over Banner's house? Riley come play, no fall Banner's toys?"
(Yes, you're speaking a lot in the third person, but that's totally fine with me at this age!)

-The other very big news is that you climbed out of your crib for the first time at 26-months. You did it twice, and then the next morning, you wanted to do it again - refusing to let Daddy or me pick you up. That was the last time you crawled out. You are now officially in a big boy bed!

-And, you have been anticipating the arrival of your "Baby Brover" who is scheduled to arrive TODAY! You know where he will sit in our car, you see his tiny clothes being washed and sorted, you see his bottles and toys coming in to our home and are willing to share your old things with him.

Banner, I'm so very proud of all your accomplishments these past few months. I know the coming weeks and months are going to be difficult for you. This new phase of having a baby at home is going to be a big change for all of us, and I can only hope you will handle the transition to becoming a big brother with all the grace you've always shown in other transitions. I hope Daddy and I can make the right choices for you so that you continue to feel loved and special - because you SO ARE! We hope whatever regression we see in you is minimal and short-lived so you can continue to make great gains in your cognitive, physical, and emotional growth - not just for OUR sakes but for your own, because you seem to truly take pride in your learning and accomplishments. But no matter what happens, just know how much we love you - always!

The next three months will bring us to another half-birthday for you. I can't wait to see what amazing things you are up to at two and a half! I fall in love with you all over again each day - and deeper and deeper, too! I couldn't be more proud of you than I am right now - except tomorrow I will be, and the day after that even more. Thank you for being my amazing son and for letting me be your mommy.

I love you, Angel Baby.
Love,
Mommy

Fruit, Flowers, Fourth Anniversary

Paper, check. Cotton, check. Leather, check! And yet again, we celebrate the birth of our marriage, four years ago today. The traditional gift for the fourth anniversary is fruit and flowers, which represent fertility, hope, growth, creativity, and renewal. What a perfect time in our marriage to be welcoming a new baby - and the FOURTH member of our family at that! With only three days left before we meet our second-born son, Sam and I decided this exciting time in our lives was gift enough. We did not exchange our typical gifts, since our fruit, our flower is on his way in just a few short days! However, we did enjoy our day and spent it well together.

This morning, Banner cuddled in bed with me after Sam went to work. Banner and I watched "Our Fourth Year" - the DVD I made for Sam documenting our year together. This is the third video Banner and I have watched together now before Sam gets to see it later that night. I like that this has become yet another tradition for our anniversary. It's fun for Banner to look back at his year, too - and he seems to remember so much of it! He would make comments about who was in the picture, where we were, or what we were doing. He made connections to other events that occurred at a certain time a picture was taken.

Later in the day, Sam came home early so we could phone conference with the rabbi about Baby's upcoming (private) bris and the Hebrew name we will give to him at that time. Fitting, I thought, to be talking about this baby on such an important date - with the same rabbi who officiated our wedding ceremony exactly four years ago.

Then, Mom came over to stay with Banner so Sam and I could go out on our last date night before Baby's arrival. We had a nice Hibachi dinner, went to grab ice cream, and then headed home fairly quickly once we got a call from Mom that Banner was really missing us. Once we got him to sleep, Mom left, and Sam and I settled in to watch our annual video. I absolutely LOVE making these videos for Sam, and I love recalling how we spent our year, how loved we are, how many amazing people we have in our lives, and how much Banner (and perhaps my belly this particular year!) has grown. We are truly blessed!

Another part of our anniversary tradition has grown to include showing our video to friends and family who wish to see it. I love sharing the video with them because it documents their past year as well, and I want them to see how important, special to, and loved by us they are! They lift us up, make us laugh, give us strength, and make our days even brighter.

Last year, Sam made a joke as we toasted to our three years of marriage. He said, "Here's to three more!" which made us laugh as if that was all we wanted out of being married. But, then we realized, really, if we always aim to make it as long as we've made it already, we're not asking for much, and we're always doubling the time we've spent together. So, even though it makes us laugh a little, I truly mean it when I say that the past four years have been amazing and "Here's to four more!"

Happy Anniversary, Sam! I love you!!

Our fruit and flowers! :)

Fourth DVD

DVD Menu

95% Baked

We made it to September! 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant today! Which makes today the middle of B-Day week!! Since Banner was a C-section, my doctor's policy is to do a repeat C-section for subsequent pregnancies. He schedules them at 39 weeks, so a week from today, I will officially not be pregnant anymore. I'm both saddened and excited about this. So much to look forward to, so much to miss. I'll miss my baby kicking inside me, I'll miss feeling him move and groove. I'll miss knowing that I'm the only one who knows anything about him at this time, and I'll miss having him all to myself. I felt this way with Banner, too - that I'll have to share him with the world, with his doctors, with his friends and his family starting in just a few days. And, as a friend recently reminded me, I'll miss not having to deal with a period!

But, I'm so excited to welcome this little one into his family who already loves him so much. I'm ready to hold him and kiss him. I'm ready to introduce Banner to his baby brother and watch the two of them interact. And, I'm more than ready to just make sure he's healthy and to make sure he arrives here safely.

I'm definitely anxious about a new normal coming our way. While I know we will adjust and things will fall into place, just like they (slowly) did after Banner's birth, I'm always a little frightened of the unknown and the uncontrollable. I'm not sure what life with 2 young boys will be like, and I'm never in love with change. I feel so comfortable with our "family of three" lifestyle, just like I was comfortable with my "no kids" lifestyle. It took a lot of time and patience to adjust to having Banner - and I think that's totally normal - so it's just a little scary to be changing our family dynamic yet again. But, like I said, I have no doubt we will adjust and find our new normal. And, I'm sure one day soon, I'll be unable to imagine a life without my second-born.

Today I had my last exam with my OB. Still no change, but definitely growing! My doctor made a guess that this baby will weigh around 7-7.5 pounds - pretty much what I've been guessing, too. But, there's no telling. It was once predicted that Banner would weigh over 8 pounds, but he was only 6 pounds, 13 ounces, so I don't give much credit to these estimates. My blood pressure has been normal this entire pregnancy, and my weight gain has been on track, which I'm thankful for.  We're set and ready for our C-section on Monday morning!

So, what else can I tell you?

Days to go: I have 12 days left until my actual due date, but my C-section has been scheduled for September 9th, so assuming Baby doesn't make an appearance before that, there are only 6 days left!

Size of baby: I haven't had a sonogram since 28 weeks, so I'm not sure what this particular kid is weighing or measuring now, but I'm told that babies at this point are about 19.5 inches long and about 6.8 - 7 pounds - about the size of a pumpkin.

Total Weight Gain: 29 pounds (my goal was 28 like with Banner... eh, close enough!) :)

Sleep: Still sleeping great, but turning over is a bitch. I need a forklift to transition from one side to the other with the weight of my belly. I am exhausted by Banner's nap time and try to nap when he does - but with the feeling of needing to get things done, that's a hard thing to really let myself do.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks like no other! Friday night, they were coming pretty consistently around 6-7 minutes, but they weren't painful (just uncomfortable), so I just went with it and tried to sleep through it. Luckily, I did, and they were back to being more unpredictable throughout the next couple days. Reflux with a vengeance, but that should disappear as soon as Baby appears. Hip pain during the night for the past couple months, although I'm not sure if that's RA-related or pregnancy (probably pregnancy since RA symptoms have disappeared!). Oh, and leg cramps down the outside of my calf in the middle of the night - but usually goes away if I stand up.

What I'm most anxious about: RA returning, breastfeeding, Banner's reaction and possible regression, keeping Baby healthy when Banner brings home germs from school, massive sleep deprivation, and pain after C-section

Prep for Baby: Baby's room is ready to go! All clothes, burp clothes, bibs, blankets, sheets, Boppy covers, bumpers, etc are washed, folded, and put away. Bottles are unpacked and put away in cabinets, Banner is all set in his big boy room, and the infant toys are slowly making an appearance back in the house. Mom and I baked and cooked an assortment of freezer meals to have around after we get home from the hospital. A maid service is coming tomorrow, thank goodness! Bag is packed, Banner's gifts "from the baby" are wrapped, baby book is bought and ready for hand/footprints! The only big thing to do is put the Pack-n-Play together in our room, but I won't do that until Baby comes home. And, then of course, we'll need to put up the baby's name letters on his wall...

Baby's Name:  HA! As if I'd tell you! ;) But yes, he does have a name, and you'll just have to wait until B-Day to find out! Lucky for you, that's not very far away now!

There Once Was a Time. . .

Dear Banner,
As the birth of your baby brother approaches, I wanted to take a few minutes to tell you about your life as an only child. It saddens me that you won't remember these past two years of your life as our only baby. You won't remember Daddy and me trying to figure out how to adjust to a new life with children; you won't remember us bringing you home from the hospital - not a toy in sight; you won't remember those quiet nights of midnight feedings, the trips to the park with just us, or the ample play time you got with our full attention. I'm more than excited for you to meet your little brother - and for you to become a big brother - but I'm just a little nostalgic as we end this phase in your life when you were our one and only. So, to help both of us remember and savor these short days left as a family of three, let me tell you a little bit about it.

There once was a time . . .

-when you didn't have to share your toys.
-when you didn't have to share your parents.
-when you had date nights with Mommy & Daddy every night!
-when you got to choose what we ate, what we did, what we played with, where we went.
-when you cried, and I answered immediately.
-when you didn't have to see your things being taken away, handed down, or reused by someone else.
-when you didn't have to wait your turn or wait for a littler person to catch up.
-when no one made fun of you, copied you, intentionally upset you, or competed with you.
-when you didn't have to negotiate, compromise, or give in.
-when you didn't have to have someone borrow, ruin, or take your things.
-when Daddy would come home from work and you'd run to him without competing for his attention.
-when you could be as loud as you wanted, night and day, without being told you were going to wake your brother.

Those times are quickly coming to an end, my love. But, just think: your baby brother will never, ever know a time like this. He'll never know a time when you weren't a part of his life. He already knows your voice. He knows the sounds of your toys. He knows the warmth of your touch. He will always be surrounded by your toys, your things. And, honestly, this makes me happy for both of you. He's blessed to have you as a big brother, and you were blessed to have a time to yourself. Life is about to change for you - as I've been telling you for months in these blog posts. And even though I'm saddened that your life will not be as you are currently used to, not all of these changes are so awful.

There will soon be a time. . .

-when you'll never have to look far to find a playmate.
-when you will live with your very best friend.
-when you won't be able to wait any longer to get home to see your little brother and to tell him something awesome happened.
-when you will have someone to vent to about how annoying your parents are!
-when you will teach your brother all kinds of things - like how to tie his shoes, write in cursive, spell his name, or say that new cuss word you just learned at camp.
-when you will get into trouble together by laughing at all the wrong times.
-when someone will come to you for advice or words of wisdom.
-when you'll be able to read someone's mind by just looking at him because you know him so well.
-when someone will want to be exactly like you and will look up to you in a way no one else ever has or ever will!
-when you'll realize that having a sibling was THE best gift Daddy & I could ever give to you.

I know these things because I have two amazing siblings I grew up with. I was lucky to be in the middle - and have both a big brother and a little sister. So, I know what it's like to be the older one and to be the younger one. I can see it both ways. But, one thing I never got to experience was being an only child. I am envious of you for that, and I hope you will read this letter one day and know that, even though you don't remember it, there once WAS a time. An awesome time. A time Mommy and Daddy will never, ever forget.

One thing that will never change, though, is our love for you. You were first to make me "Mommy," and you have managed to bear with us as we navigate our way into and through this thing called parenthood. You're our guinea pig, Banner - and you always will be. We're always new at this with you, no matter what stage of life you are in. Being your mom will never be the kind of experienced job it will be with your little brother, so thank you, for allowing me to learn with you. Thank you for letting us love you now and always.

You may not remember these early days. But, there once was a time when I held you in my arms and no one else. I will always, always hold you (and this special time with you) in my heart.

I love you so much, Angel Baby!
Love,
Mommy

First First Day of School!

Dear Banner,
Today you had your very first day of school! You are in the 2's class with Ms. Betty and Ms. Jennifer, and you had a spectacular day. I want to tell you all about it so we'll both remember what a great start you had to your education - something that's always been a high priority for me and for Daddy and hopefully for you too!

While I've been so excited for you to begin your "formal" education, I have to say that I've been dreading this day for a while. It marks the beginning of a long road of learning, socializing, challenges, lunches, homework, backpacks, schedules, school supplies, evolving friendships, and meeting other parents and teachers. All exciting things - no doubt! - but just a new phase in our lives as parents and in your life as a student. Today also marks the very first time a non-family member was looking after you - a scary thing for any parent. You've always done well with your grandparents, aunts, and uncles, so I figured today would really be no different, but it was a milestone nonetheless.

Here's how it all went down...

Yesterday afternoon, we made applesauce muffins as a special treat for you to take for snack today. You loved these muffins! We also read a special story, The Kissing Hand, and we gave each other kisses in the palms of each others' hands at night time. I'm not sure you totally get the point of the story (you're a little young for it), but it was your idea to kiss my hand like Chester does in the story, and it made me feel better just having read it to you! Then, after you went to sleep, I got slightly emotional just talking to Daddy about you being "off in the big world" without us. I cried on his shoulder for a few minutes, and then it was time to get your bag and lunch ready for your big day!

This morning started perfectly. You and I both woke up at about the same time - around 7:00am. I got myself dressed and ready while you cuddled with Daddy watching YouTube videos about ice cream trucks (your newest obsession). You pretty much refused to eat your breakfast (pretty typical), and you were almost giddy getting ready for school (which made it kind of a challenge to calm you enough to get your teeth brushed, get your clothes on, and fix your hair). Then, we took a few pictures outside, and finally - we were off!

As we pulled out of the garage, you said, "Excited. School!" which made my day! We listened to the audio version of The Kissing Hand on the way to drop off Daddy's car at Grandma's house (so we wouldn't take up two (very limited) parking spaces at school), and we talked about how you would be staying with Ms. Betty while Mommy went to her doctor's appointment and Daddy went to work. You were perfectly okay with this. As we walked into the building and to the classroom, you seemed to feel right at home. You went right to the toys on the shelf and started pulling trucks and cars out. You could pretty much care less about Mommy & Daddy being in the room or not! I knew this would be an easy transition for you! You know Ms. Betty and are very comfortable asking her for what you need, you know the school well from Mommy & Me classes, and you know that Aunt Kira is just down the hallway! You also know that Mommy (and Daddy) always come(s) back!

As Daddy and I said our goodbyes to you, I gave you a Kissing Hand sticker for your hand, and then I kissed the palm of your hand - and you kissed mine. And then you and Daddy did the same. I would have cried at this point if I let myself, but I was already doing well holding it together and trying not to be overly sappy! :) Then, Daddy and I left the room after telling you we love you and giving one final kiss. Of course, we watched you through the classroom window with all the other parents and enjoyed watching you play.

The rest of my morning went really well. I had a doctor's appointment to check on Baby Brother, and the whole time I was trying my best not to worry about you or over-think my missing you! Soon, it was time to make my way back to school to pick you up. I went in to see how you were doing through the classroom window, and you were sitting so nicely eating your lunch. Ms. Betty came out to talk to the parents, and she told me that you had a good day but that you wouldn't let her change your wet diaper. Aunt Kira helped her with this, but you still weren't very cooperative for her, insisting that "Mommy change it!" We'll be working on this and hoping that you'll soon be more at ease with this process. Otherwise, you seemed to have had a great day!

When Ms. Betty brought you into the hallway, you lit up when you saw me! You pranced toward me as you said, "Mommy!!" with a huge grin that melted my heart - and will continue to as I think about that moment over and over again! Thank you for that, sweet boy! Your shirt and your arms were marker-stained - which told me you worked hard today and had fun - but I was still eager to get those stains out! :) And, as we left the building, you sat down in the middle of the walkway and said, "No, stay here!" I had to pick you up to get you to the car, but luckily you stayed in your great mood and told me about your day. You told me what you had in your lunch ("green grapes, strawberries, sandwich") and what you played with at school ("cars, trucks, digger book"). 

To celebrate your first day of school, Daddy and I took you to get an ice cream treat after dinner. You were so giddy and silly while we ate. You continued to wipe your chocolate-y hands all over Daddy's shoulder and say "Daddy's shirt dirty!" as we laughed at what a mess you were making. Such a fun evening!

Banner Boone, I'm so glad we survived this day! I'm proud of you more than you'll ever know, and I'm so happy that you had an excellent day. As you embark on this school journey, I'm thrilled to watch you grow more independent, to learn as much as you can, to make and keep friends, to try new things, to learn how to be a student, to respect educators and all they do to make you the best citizen and person you can be. I hope you will make good choices, be eager to learn what your teachers have prepared for you, and always be yourself. I hope you will be kind to your peers, accept everyone no matter how different from yourself, and be willing to make mistakes. And I hope you know that there really is no place like home, that Mommy & Daddy love you so much, and that we will always come back to you.

Happy First Day of School, Angel!
Love,
Mommy

With Ms. Betty

Already "at home" before we even left

With Myka

With Aunt Kira

Ice Cream Treat Time

Daddy's shoulder after you had your way with it