Journey to the Knot: Big Boy Bed!

Disclaimer: This is not a very entertaining read. It's not meant to be. It's for me to document what we have done to help get Banner into a big boy bed at what is probably the worst timing a parent could ever dream of. . . . okay, it could be worse, but admit it - this is not ideal!

If you read this post, you know that we've been ready and waiting for Banner to tell us when he was ready for a switch from the crib to his big boy bed and bedroom. Well, it didn't take long! It's only been a couple days/nights, so I hate to write this post so soon and not have a confident feeling about what's going to happen - for better or for worse. But, I also wanted to go ahead and document what's been happening around here during this big transition.

First of all, I should say that Banner has been having awful issues falling asleep at night. It all started on a Saturday night when he cried on and off for "Mommy, Daddy" for about two hours. We would go in, soothe/calm, and then leave his room, but inevitably he would start right back up again as soon as we left the room. We would give some wait time, let him try to self-soothe, but it just wasn't happening. After two hours of that nonsense, I finally picked him up from the crib and rocked him in the glider for about 10-15 minutes where he passed out. This started a crying session of my own! As I went to put him in his crib, I saw a flashback, a glimpse, of his 4-month-old face sleeping comfortably in Mommy's arms. I left his room a complete mess, and that didn't really let up for about half an hour. I guess Mommy needed that - a reminder of how fleeting these moments are, how fast my boy has grown, and how another little baby will be sleeping in this crib so soon. It was just too much for me to take and not cry it out myself.

The rest of the week consisted of a very similar routine - mostly every other night. But, by the following weekend, Banner had learned that if he took 2-3 hours to go to sleep (yes, THREE HOURS!), Mommy would eventually cave and rock him to sleep. So frustrated and needing to cut my OWN crying, I decided on Sunday (August 18th) that I was NOT going to pick him up, not going to rock him, not going to keep rubbing his back, not switch off turns with Sam (in fact, he left the house after saying goodnight to Banner to watch the season finale of True Blood with his dad). I decided I would go back to our regular "rules" for bedtime issues: whoever put him to sleep the first time deals with the sleep disturbances, no picking up once he's in the crib, etc. I waited 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 7, then 10, and finally 15 before going in to him each time. By 9:00, he must have gotten so pissed that I wasn't coming in (at the 15-minute interval), that he took matters into his own hands and climbed out of the crib.

I watched it happen. The monitor showed me all I needed to see - that he could do it, that he was willing to just swing that leg over and scale down the outside of the crib. He quickly made his way to his bedroom door and opened it to find me in the hallway. I very sternly told him, "We do NOT climb out of bed. Get back in your bed NOW!" and I picked him up, put him back, and walked out the door. Which only sent him over the edge even more. Again, he cried and wailed, and I felt so badly for my boy. He's been an exceptionally well-behaved kid, too, which only aggravated me more and more as I tried to understand what he's going through right now. And, with BBJ2 on the way, I felt/feel like this is just NOT the time to be ignoring him. But, it's also not the time to be giving into him and letting him change our rules we've worked so hard to instill these past two years.

Lo and behold, he was going to make sure I didn't ignore him anyway! He tried to climb out another time - only this time, I entered his room before he got over the rail. He immediately sat back down in the crib and continued crying. At this point, knowing he was probably scared and shaken by the discovery of climbing out and what all was going on in his head, I just patted his back and stood by his crib until he fell asleep.

When Sam came home that night, I was a huge ball of stress! Knowing we needed to follow our doctor's advice to move Banner out of the crib once he had climbed out twice, I was stressing about the timing of all of this. Three weeks out from a new baby brother, one week away from starting school, and during a week of complete sleep disturbance! This was just NOT the time to be making such a big change, but at the same time, from a safety perspective, I couldn't let him stay in the crib any longer. In fact, we had hoped he might "forget" that he could climb out by the next day, but first thing in the morning, when Sam tried to pick Banner up from the crib, Banner insisted, "Banner do it!" and refused to let Daddy pick him up. He showed Sam how he climbs out all by himself - and that's when Sam and I looked at each other and almost in unison said, "And, he's done."

This was on the same morning that I had an OB check-up, and with the anxiety of knowing I'd be helping Banner make this big change starting later that day at nap time, I was certain my blood pressure was going to be sky high. Luckily, it wasn't! (In fact, it was the lowest it's been the entire pregnancy!) But, I certainly felt like a basket case. I was so anxious for nap, for bed, for knowing I wouldn't be getting good sleep for a while, for the sanity of my family as we prepare to welcome another member of this family who would be monopolizing our sleep.

But, as usual, my boy taught me that he knows what he's doing. He seemed so ready for this. As with other transitions, I'm usually way more uptight about it than I need to be - way more anxious than he is. He did great at nap! I expected no nap. I expected to have to be in and out of his room all afternoon. But, nope! He slept great. Not as long as he did for a crib nap, but an hour and a half... I'll take it!

I'll toot my own horn for a minute, though, and say that I did a few things to help him with this transition. I made a sticker chart and explained it to him before his nap. We discussed only two rules for his big boy bed (for now): Stay in Bed & Quiet. The graphics on his sticker chart really helped him understand these, and he immediately said "Shhh!" as he looked at the second picture. I kept his nap routine the same - including using a sleep sack like he was used to in his crib for naps. And, when he did call me in twice before he fell asleep, I was very encouraging and reinforced how I liked that he stayed in his bed, that he was laying down so nicely, that he was such a big boy!

Later that night, again I was anxious for how the night would go. But, again, I explained the rules for his big boy bed, explained the sticker chart, reminded him of his rewards, kept his routine the same, moved more of his belongings in from his "old" room (his dresser, his bookshelf and books, his knickknacks). We read books to him at the foot of his bed (since there's a rail at the side that makes it hard for us to get in and out of the bed), and Daddy put him to sleep. Shortly after, he told Sam he wanted Mommy, so Sam came to get me (when we also decided that I'd be the one to deal with all the issues til he fell asleep since he seems to be on a "Mommy kick" these days).

My goal for the night was to make this a pleasant, calm, drama-free night. I wanted Banner to know he was safe in that room and that he could trust me. So, I went to him, gently rubbed his back for a few minutes, and then I told him I would check on him in a few minutes. He asked me not to close the door, which I was happy to do if it made him feel more in control. Then, a few minutes later, I came back in, rubbed his back again and told him how proud of him I was. He said, "Yeah!" with his paci dangling out of his mouth. Then he said, "All done! M's?" (for M&Ms). I told him he had to go to sleep first and when he wakes up in the morning he could have his stickers and get some "M's"! And, for about an hour I continued to go in and let him know he was doing a great job, pat his back, and walk out. I let the intervals get longer between going to him to reinforce his great job, and eventually (an hour after we put him in the bed), he had put himself to sleep. No tears, no getting up, no yelling. It made me one proud Mama!

Then, at 1:40am, he woke up crying and yelling for me. I jumped up so fast - a little too fast for Baby's liking as I cringed with round ligament pain and curled back up over the bedside. Sam started to go to Banner, but I insisted I do it. I limped in to Banner's room and started a two hour ordeal of trying to get him to go back to sleep. For about 20 minutes, I was in and out just as I had been at the start of the night. Then, I decided the back and forth was really too much for me physically. So, I sat on the floor next to his bed, and 40 minutes later, I decided I should try to sneak out. Unfortunately, he was still awake and cried for me again as I left. That's when I decided Sam should have the luxury of a turn on the floor. :) So, for an hour, Sam sat next to the bed and waited for Banner to fall asleep. And he did, and then we did!

At 7:30, Banner called my name as he walked through the hallway to our room. "Mommmmmy! I wake uuuupp!!" And, he came to my side of the bed to get in bed with us. I wish he had stayed in his bed, but I can't have everything, right? And then, he immediately asked for his M's! I gladly gave him his stickers as we looked at his chart and evaluated whether he had successfully followed the rules. I agreed he had (minus the getting out of bed in the morning), and I gave him his chocolate (yes, first thing in the morning!).

Earlier today he took a great nap - two hours and never got up or called me (minus one initial call that I ignored and he moved on). For this nap, I moved the plush crib bumper into his bed to help with the transition. He has used it as a pillow for at least half a year now, so I think it could help him feel more "at home" in his new bachelor pad.

And now, this evening, he took about 50 minutes to fall asleep. So far so good - but I'm definitely going to bed earlier than usual in case we are up again throughout the night. Sam is passed out next to me already. :)

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help make this transition more seamless for him and for Sam and me. Every book and article I've read says not to make the switch to a bed less than 2-6 MONTHS before a baby sibling is born. They also say not to make the change until at least 4 months AFTER a baby is born. Well, this is not really my choice anymore. Banner kind of forced us into this, and that's okay. If he's ready, I'll have to be. And, whatever happens happens. So, even though the timing is awful, there are way too many big changes happening in this little boy's life all at once, and perhaps Mommy is way too emotional, hormonal, physically challenged, and anxious - but this is happening. So, here's to hoping we are making all the right choices for him, that our naps and our nights are full of good sleep, and that Banner continues to feel confident and safe in his big boy bed!

I want to make one special note to thank my many friends and my mom for listening to me, calming me, helping me through this change I've so been dreading - especially when it came at such an imperfect time! I also appreciate their honesty as they each pretty much said, "Yeah, you're screwed!" and didn't try to sugar coat the challenge of a big change or the timing of so many changes. To Robyn, to Cherie, to Randi, to Casey, to Logan, to Mom: Thank you. Thank you for letting me vent, for giving ideas, for listening to me cry, for tolerating the details as I gave a play-by-play, for giving me encouragement, and for helping me see the positives! And of course, thank you to Sam for being my partner through all of this - for supporting me when you can't be here after checking our mobile monitor app and seeing how hard I'm working to get our boy to sleep, for words of encouragement that I'm a good mom, and for tolerating my high anxiety and "overly-analyzed" concerns. This transition is still just beginning, and anything goes - I know - but thank you for your patience as we get through these next few weeks/months together. And most importantly, to Banner - thank you for being such a trooper these past few weeks as we organized your bedroom and tried to figure things out! Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you, and we are constantly impressed by your maturity and grace with such big changes. You continue to teach me every day! Hang in there, Angel. We can do this together.

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Here are a few pictures of him during this transition: