Losing Him Already

A week from tonight will be Banner's first official "school night." As I reflect on what that means for our family, I am somewhat saddened - even though I'm beyond excited for all the fun and learning that await my sweet boy. I asked Sam if it's weird that I feel a little down about Banner starting school - that this is our last week without "school" in our weekly routine. He completely understood and said, "No, it's not weird at all. It's the last week of having him all to ourselves when we can somewhat control what influences him."

I like the way Sam worded that. It helps me understand what might be bothering me. It's like we're losing Banner already - at least a part of him. I feel a huge lump in my throat as we "send him off into the big world" by himself. I can only imagine what taking him to college will feel like if I am already feeling so sad about him starting a three-day 2-year-old preschool program! But, truly, this is the first time he will be without a family member watching him, without someone hovering over most every move, and with more influences of friends and teachers to shape him into the person he's still becoming. We'll be entering a world of being accountable to be somewhere, to be there on time, to be there with all of our belongings, and to work with teachers to make this experience the best it can be.

From here on out, it's about backpacks and lunchboxes and projects and carpool and homework. It's about getting exposed to more germs but also heightened immunity, more social experiences but also others' poor choices, more information and knowledge but being challenged and frustrated. So, we have one more week of the carefree, school-free world, and then the academic and social world of a structured, formal education begins.

It's hard to let go of my baby when we've been the primary educators. We will certainly still be just that, but we become part of a team now. I just hope the next 16+ years of educators, peers, instructors, care takers are awesome team members! This child is the most important thing to me, and it's just so challenging to already feel like I'm losing him to the big world at only two.

Don't get me wrong. Like I said before, I can't wait for Banner to experience all the fun activities, meet amazing friends, learn from talented educators, and grow and develop his own sense of self more and more each day. So many exciting things await him, and I can't wait to be his cheerleader, his fan, his tutor, his support, his advocate throughout his education, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel so fortunate that we CAN send him to preschool, that he gets this amazing opportunity, and that we live in a country that values education and child development. But, I'm also allowed to feel a little sad about it already starting!