Reflecting on A Crazy Year

Last year at this time, I remember not wanting to welcome 2010. One major reason that I recall is that I'd be saying goodbye to my wedding year. 2009 was such a great year of planning and excitement getting ready for my wedding and settling into married life. But, as time will not stand still, 2010 had to come eventually. And, did it ever make it's impact! I don't really know the best way to describe this year as it had some major ups and some major downs. I remember eating a black-eyed pea on New Year's Day last year - participating for the first time in a superstitious tradition that my aunt has always encouraged us to choose. Well, I listened this year, and I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not. I'm a little torn on whether to partake in the black-eyed pea eating again this year. So, let me take this opportunity to reflect on my year and make a good, well-thought out decision.

This year:

• Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She endured numerous surgeries, biopsies, and recoveries along with chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She lost her breasts, she lost her hair, she lost her energy. But, she fought with courage and bravery. And, she's cancer-free and she's won so much more than she lost!
• I met my youngest nephew, Colby, this year. He's precious, and it's fun to get to know his personality and to watch Colby's big brother, Miles, become just that - a big brother.
• I watched my oldest nephew, Caden, walk across the stage to get his Kindergarten diploma after a year of being his school counselor - a treat not many aunts get! And, then, I welcomed my niece, Mara, to her Kindergarten year as her school counselor as well.
• We said goodbye to some of our dear friends - Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley, Sun, Jin, Sayid, Claire, and the possibility that Charlie really didn't die! We will miss Lost dearly.
• Sam survived the scariest moment in both of our lives on the last day of school last spring. His car turned over 3 times, and he was able to go home from the ER after only 7 hours of being monitored for internal injuries. Miraculously, he was able to walk away from an accident that could have drastically injured or killed him.
• My little brother graduated from high school the day after Sam's accident. His DVD highlighting the past four years of high school was presented to the entire graduating class and commencement audience. He did a great job!
• 2 weeks after Sam's accident, we spent 2 weeks in Europe and on the Mediterranean! We went to Spain, France, England, and Italy in a matter of a few days of each other. We ventured to places we'd only ever heard about, ate amazing foods, relaxed on an unforgettable cruise, and saw more statues than we could have imagined.
• We celebrated my 30th birthday in a way I would never want to change. I was surprised by my friends and family before the actual day, then we were at sea on my actual birthday, and we celebrated in a very romantic, emotional evening just glad that we were both together and alive.
• I got to pick out a car of my choosing when we got back from our honeymoon. And, I still love it!
• Although I had surgery right when the school year was starting, I was finally able to put an end to some troublesome issues, and I healed easily and quickly.
• We celebrated our first anniversary by staying at the same hotel in which we got married, exchanged some of the best gifts ever, and ate year-old cake that tasted better a year later than it did on our wedding night.
• I helped to co-captain a team in honor of my mother's survival and to help raise money for Race for the Cure in Dallas. Our team, Saving Second Base, not only had some of the cutest shirts the morning of the race, but we also raised over $10,000 with help from family and friends!
• My best friend allowed me the opportunity to be a matron-of-honor in her wedding. She was the last of my close friends to get married, and we went "all out" that weekend! We had a blast both that night and during all the events (showers, bachelorette parties, dinners) beforehand.
• We were introduced to our newest cousin, Marin! Only a couple months after she was adopted, her parents announced that Marin would be a big sister in June!
• In October, we found out we had finally conceived! After months of trying, we were elated to find out we had a baby on the way. We also got to share our news this calendar year, and we have so much to be thankful for.

So, if I look back at my list and think of all the things that have happened, even the horribly scary things - everything turned out well in the end! Maybe I will eat another black-eyed pea this year. Here's to 2011 being filled with only amazing events and blessings!

The Post I've Been Waiting to Post!!!

I'll cut right to the chase and announce our big news:

We're Pregnant!

We are thrilled...elated...beyond excited to finally share our news with the world! I've been waiting to "blog" about my pregnancy for quite a while - trying to hold off on the writing that comes as a natural outlet for me, which has been exceptionally difficult given that this is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in my entire life and I couldn't share it with people close to me! It's been hard to keep my baby a secret when I am so excited about him/her, yet it's been kind of nice to savor being one of a few people who knew about my little one... at one time, I was the only one who knew about him/her! So, here's how it's been for the past 3+ months...I'll cut to the chase and be quick about my descriptions:

HOW I TOLD MYSELF:
After awaiting my monthly "pal" and not seeing any signs of her any time soon, I woke up very early one Saturday morning after Sam left to go to the dentist. I decided to go ahead and take a test and either go back to bed or begin preparing my "tell plan" if it was positive. So, after a minute or so of staring at a pee stick, there it was, the word I'd been waiting to see: PREGNANT! I just stared at it, elated but in disbelief. I smiled to myself, then climbed back in bed to stare at the stick a little longer. Then, after a few minutes of getting my heart to stop pounding, I got my act together and headed to the store to pick up a few items.

HOW I TOLD SAM:
After running some errands, taking one more pregnancy test, and getting my plan together, Sam met me back at the house to prepare some TX/OU treats for our friends' watching party that afternoon. After what seemed to be the longest (and quite disappointing!) game, it was finally time to implement my long-thought-out plan. I told Sam I needed to run over to my mom's house because I "forgot something there yesterday." He was fine with that since we were so close to her house already. As we got out of the car, I said, "Can I ask you a question?" which was the same question he asked me nearly 2 years ago at the exact same location. "Yeah," he said. "Isn't this where you first told me you loved me?" which was the same question he asked me 2 years ago. "Yeah?" he said with a grin... knowing now what was probably coming. "Isn't this where you asked me to be your wife?" I asked. "Uh huh," he replied. "Well, then, this is where I wanted to be when I asked you if you would be a daddy to our baby," I said as I opened a jewelry box with the two positive pregnancy tests. "Seriously?!" he replied. I nodded, still waiting for a response! :) He just hugged me with small tears in his eyes and the biggest grin ever! Later that evening, we spent hours just talking about our excitement, what it was like to find out this information, how we would share our news, who we would tell, what our fears were, what names we liked, etc. It was quite a night for us!

WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID:
A couple weeks later, we were able to confirm the pregnancy with blood work and 2 different sonograms! We got to see that everything was going well internally and by week 7, we got to see a flickering heartbeat, and we were given a due date, too. By week 12, we got to see how big our baby had grown in a few weeks, got to hear a heartbeat, got to see that everything was measuring well, and got a gender prediction that the doctor says is 95% accurate! No, sorry, not telling that part yet though! We have known some predictions to be wrong, so we're waiting to share that information until later in the pregnancy.

HOW WE TOLD EVERYONE:
Sam and I wanted to wait until we were 12 weeks along before disclosing the baby's existence to everyone. It just so happened, perfectly, that I was 12 weeks on Thanksgiving! At both of our family meals, we went around the table to say what everyone was thankful for. I said I was thankful for my mother's health and my husband's safety (which I am beyond thankful for both!!), and Sam also said something similar - thankful for being alive! After everyone shared their thoughts, we announced! At my mom's house, I said, "I am also thankful that 12 years ago today, Sam and I went on our first date, and 12 is an important number because it's also how many weeks pregnant I am today." At Sam's house, he said, "I am also thankful that we will be adding another summer birthday to our family," (since everyone except his brother-in-law has a summer birthday!). Both families took a few seconds to digest the information before getting so excited and loud! Hugs and kisses were shared, smiles, tears, and questions, too!

Later that evening, we went to my dad's family's meal to join them for dessert and to make our announcement. Dad already knew (I had told him 2 weeks before - he's an OB/GYN, and it was hard not to tell him when I had questions!), and he said he had a plan for how to tell. So, his brilliant plan was to ding his water glass and shout out, "Sammy has an announcement!" Well, if that didn't give it away, nothing else could - but Sam stood up and let everyone know I was pregnant. After that, I invited one of my best friends over to my mom's house "for dessert" - there WAS a lot left over. When she got there, I told her I had a video I wanted her to see. I played the DVD of our sonogram from 2 days before (yes, a DVD of the sonogram...how cool!), and she stared at the baby image on the screen saying, "What's that?... Whose is that? Is that yours?!" I replied, "That's my baby!!" Her response was something like, "Shut up! Really!?" We hugged, we talked, we were so excited!

In the coming days, we emailed our friends and told more family. The following week, I was able to share my news with my coworkers at an after-school faculty meeting. After some routine announcements about work-related items, I said, "I have another exciting announcement! Ms. ___ is expecting twins!" - telling my coworkers about the other pregnant person at my school. Ms. ____ stood up among all the clapping and cheers. She said, "Yes. I'm due in June, on the same day that Amber's baby is due!" Louder cheering followed, as people were not expecting that to be the next announcement! It was a cool idea to be able to share the news for each other and not have to be in the spotlight while saying our own news - both of us are a little shy! :)

OTHER EXCITING NEWS:
When I was about 8 weeks along, my cousin called me at work with some exciting news. She and her husband had been waiting to adopt - waiting to be a match for a birth family. This phone call was to announce that they had finally become the parents they had wanted to be. They had a daughter, a newborn baby girl that they were on their way to go meet! I was thrilled for them! I was so, so happy for their news, and I couldn't wait to meet my newest cousin!! Because the baby was in the NICU for a few weeks, it would take a little while before I would get to meet her. However, she got to come home this past weekend!

The day after my newborn baby cousin got to come home, our family had a Hanukkah party, where the first gift given was from the new mom to her parents. My aunt & uncle opened their gift, a photo album of their new granddaughter's first few weeks of life in the hospital. The last picture was of the baby girl and my cousin holding two signs. One sign displayed how old the baby was that day. The second sign said, "Mommy is 12 weeks today!" Although it took a second to click, I realized what they were telling me/us was that she was pregnant - and only one week behind my due date! Given that this cousin and I are the same age, same grade, went through the same college, same Sunday school, same sorority, etc. together - it was only fitting that we will deliver our babies in the same month! I spent all night trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's going to have an 8 month old baby AND a newborn this summer! So cool!

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Needless to say, this new development in our lives will give me PLENTY to write about! I already have so much to say about the whole pregnancy thing - how others react, how I feel, how different it is to actually experience pregnancy, feeling like a mother already, saying goodbye to my own childhood and my own selfishness, going to the doctor, my changing body, connecting with my baby, maternity clothes, and all that comes with this whole new world! Oh Blog, it's time to unleash more feelings, more insight about the world, more uncensored perspectives!! How fun, right?! Obviously, I will have a LOT more to say in the posts that follow this one... there's so much to finally share, I'm just giving the facts right now. But, for some more emotional reflection, read on:

It's been an interesting past 3+ months - to say the least! Shortly after we knew were were pregnant, we realized a few ironic things about the timing of our little one: we were technically pregnant on our first anniversary, we conceived within the week of the Jewish new year, and we conceived within the same week that Mom finished her cancer treatments. Our baby's due date is within the same week as the anniversary of Sam's "terrifying miracle" accident.

Sam and I are more in love than ever - watching my belly grow, hearing our baby's heartbeat, watching sonograms, planning for our baby's arrival and for our future, being there for each other during mood swings, morning sickness, and worry-sessions, loving each other and what we've created. We can't wait to be parents together, and we are already feeling very parental - worrying about our baby's health and safety and thinking about what we want for him/her. I'm 16 weeks pregnant today, and I pray for a safe, strong, healthy, happy, growing baby! I pray that my body will take care of my baby and know what to do in the coming months. I pray for a healthy pregnancy and a speedy, painless (ha!) delivery! I cannot wait to meet my baby, to get to know him/her, and to share in his/her life!

I want to end this post that I've been waiting to post with this LOUD shout out to my husband. He's taken such good care of me during this time. He's cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bringing me breakfast in bed so I don't get out of bed with an empty, nauseous tummy, understanding my concerns and worries, allowing me my nap times, complimenting my rounding belly with excitement and sensitivity, helping me pick out new clothes and not complaining about the money, rubbing my back, picking up meals, listening to my complaints, coming to every single doctor's appointment to date, and not rolling his eyes when he hears "Will you do me a favor?" for the 100th time each day! Sam is an amazing man, and he's already an amazing dad! He cares so much for our baby, he's so excited about him/her! He doesn't want to miss a thing - and I don't want him to! THANK YOU, SAM, for everything- but most importantly, for the opportunity to be pregnant and to be expecting a baby that is both yours and mine! I love you!

Saving Second Base - Quite a Success!

A couple weeks ago, our team, Saving Second Base, participated in the Komen Race for the Cure. It was quite a success, and our team raised over $10,000!! Here are a few pictures from the event!

FINISH LINE!

Mastectomy, lymph node removal, chemo, radiation - all complete for Mom! We are so proud of her and are thankful that she is doing so well! Her last radiation treatment was this past Tuesday, and we surprised her by showing up to her last appointment after she walked out from her final treatment! What a nice morning it was! Here are some pictures from that morning - and that evening when we took her out to celebrate as a family:

Happy Anniversary to Us!

We did it - we made it a full year! And, what a year it's been! We had many ways of celebrating our anniversary this weekend, and I'd like to document how we "rang in" Year One!

On Friday afternoon, I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure with my favorite little girl. Mara and I relaxed after two full weeks of back to school, getting our feet and hands massaged and beautified. Then, Sam and I joined our cousins/friends for a nice dinner on the restaurant patio in the perfect September air.

On Saturday, we slept in before packing up to go back to "the scene of the crime" where we got married. We checked in to the Marriott hotel around 3:00, watched the Texas/Rice game, then got ready to walk around the area. We ate dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, again sitting on the patio enjoying the beautiful weather. Then, we got an ice cream treat and walked around the pond, stopping on benches to talk and reminisce. Finally, we returned back to the hotel where we played Scrabble and hung out watching movies.

Our suite
Before dinner in our hotel room
Out enjoying the night air!

On Sunday, we slept in again before we got ready to check out of the hotel. We walked around the lobby, looking into the rooms where we made our vows and where we partied, took a few pictures, then left for a breakfast at Original Pancake House. We came home to relax a little before heading to a childhood friend's wedding.

A year ago, there would have been a chuppah here and we would have been standing under it with friends and family all around us!

Reception Room: first dance, cake-cutting, toasts, serenade, etc!

On Monday, our actual anniversary, we slept in before we cleaned the entire house, worked in the yard, and picked up groceries for the week. After a brief Labor Day visit to Sam's parents' house for family time, we cooked dinner for just the two of us and ate while we watched our wedding video. It was kind of fun to see things we had forgotten about or even to notice things we had never been made aware of before. We teared up at certain parts, while in others we were laughing hysterically.

Around 8:00pm, our parents came over with last year's cake to taste. Although we were all expecting the cake to be horrible and completely freezer-burned, it was actually pretty delicious! We all agreed it certainly didn't taste like it had been in a freezer for a year. Thanks to Mom's amazing wrapping skills to keep it well insulated and to our baker, Lauren, for baking a sweet, delicious cake, we were able to enjoy it again with all of our parents.




After our parents left, we exchanged gifts. For this, our "paper anniversary," Sam gave me a beautiful card and a very generous gift certificate for a long massage! I don't know who was happier - me for getting the massage or him for not having to be the one to give it to me! :) I gave him a card and a "virtual photo book" - a DVD documenting our first year together week by week. He was completely surprised by the video, and he was emotional through most of it. I have been working on this project all year - literally starting the second week after we got married - so it was nice to see that he appreciated it so much. While working on the DVD, I noticed several things that I included in writing at the end of the video: We are surrounded by so many amazing people in our lives. Our friends and family truly love us. With every upset, there has been a blessing. With every frustration, there is some kind of peace. In every scary moment, we were there with each other. In every celebration, we smiled with each other.

To my husband: I love you more than you could possibly know. I am grateful for you, for us, and for our marriage. Happy 1st Anniversary! I cannot wait to see what Year 2 holds for us!

I Don't Wanna Do It

"Don't make me go! I don't wanna do it!" I feel like screaming as my summer ends and I get ready to be forced back into the work life I have NOT missed at all. I have loved being a stay-at-home-wife and homemaker this summer. I am so not ready to go back to work, back to the routine of getting up early, being a big girl, and being responsible for anything outside this household I love so much. I really don't have much to say other than I feel like a toddler running after her mother down the hallway of the preschool at which the kid doesn't want to stay! Just like that kid, I know I'll be fine. I know as soon as I'm back in that building, back in my office, I will calm down and will really enjoy seeing my friends and all those familiar, sun-kissed student faces. I know it's inevitable that my autonomous summer must leave me behind until next year, but I'm entitled to a little bit of crying, bitching, moaning, groaning, whining, temper-tantrum-throwing, and utter frustration at doing something I don't want to do yet! I'm just not ready. Just like that toddler wants to play with her toys at home and spend time with her mommy, I want to be on my own time, available to make dinner and clean the house and run errands and play with friends and spend time with MY mommy and eat when I want and wear shorts or jeans whenever I want and not be exhausted by the end of the day! Sam asked me the other day, "Is there ANYTHING you're looking forward to about going back to school?" My response: "Yes, my days off!" Good answer, right? No, really, I DO like my job, and I'm glad I have one and that I really enjoy it when I'm there... it's just that having a reminder of what it's like to live with such little stress and responsibility simply reminds me of how much I like to not be stressed out with work-related issues and how much I love spending carefree time with Sam and my family and friends. So, call me a toddler if you'd like, but when it comes to saying goodbye to the lazy days of summer and the freedom I've had to play for about 7 weeks, I DON'T WANNA DO IT!

The Race for Second Base

In honor of my mother's fight against breast cancer yet another time, my sister and I wanted to start a team for the local Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. With the start of a new school year imminent, I have two weeks to really get this organized, and (as you might imagine) my brain has been nonstop full of ideas for how to best fund raise, how to get people involved, what our team name might be, what our team shirts will look like, etc. The first order of business was to come up with a team name so that we could register our team with the website. THIS was quite interesting, hearing everyone's input. From "Can't Attack My Rack" to "Boobs or Bust!" to "Cups Runneth Over," we thought of almost everything. . . which was either taken ("Rack Pack"), family unfriendly ("Knocker Walkers"), or just plain corny ("Thanks for the Mammories"). Our favorite was "Save Second Base" because it appealed to both men and women. Hard to explain to the kids, but fun and creative. Unfortunately, this team name was already taken, so we continued to think and think. From "Boob Troop" to "Fran's Cans" we just couldn't give up on coming back to the 2nd Base idea. It also seemed to go with the fact that this was Mom's 2nd time facing cancer. So, we tweaked it to "Saving Second Base," and viola! we had a team name!

Next, we'll be designing a baseball-themed t-shirt for our team members to wear on the big day. We also have a goal of raising at least $4,000 for the cause, so trying to get family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances involved in our efforts has taken priority. From Facebook to emails to evites to well...blogs, we are trying to reach out to communities near and far! Please check out our team website or my personal page (or any other team member's page) to join or donate to our team, Saving Second Base.

Sam also has his own personal page - which I'd like to invite any and all of you to go to, as well. You should know, however, that he and I are having a friendly competition to raise at least $500 first! So, far - I'm winning! :) IF you feel so inclined, please contribute, join, get others involved, bring others with you, etc! No matter what you do, keep saving second base with early prevention through self breast exams and routine mammograms!

What's On Your Plate?

As you may remember, about a month ago, I wrote a post about stress and a professional development class I took about taking care of yourself. If you don't remember, go back and read it, because this posting is all about one of the ideas from the class. The idea I'm referring to is the "What's On Your Plate?" activity. After the class, and after our honeymoon, I went to Container Store to buy 2 dry erase boards for us to use for this ongoing activity. My motivation for using them was so that Sam and I will always know what is on each others' minds that we feel responsible for or worried about.

So, here's how this worked when we sat down to use the boards: I wrote what I needed to complete/work-on in the next few weeks and what I wanted to get accomplished. Maybe I used it more as a "to-do" list instead. My list really wasn't that long compared to what I had originally written in the professional development class back in June when the question was: What are you responsible for? Sam took his board into the bedroom and sat on the bed for a long time. I really didn't know what he was working on, but when he said, "Okay, I think I'm done with mine," I turned around and noticed what he was doing. He turned his board towards me, and I was shocked that it was covered with black dry erase marker. "Wow! That's a lot!" I said. Then, I asked him to tell me about each word/phrase that he had written in a collage format around the board. He said he didn't know where to start, so I just pointed to one word at a time and he would explain why he had written that.

Sam had written anything and everything from "pay the bills" to "clean out the garage" to "Amber." There are a few items on his list that I'd rather not post, as they were pretty private, confidential things that only he should talk about, but what I loved from this activity was that I could really get to hear what was on his mind. We just sat there together, no TV, no interruptions...just down-to-earth, good-old conversation! It was really one of the most intimate, sacred talks we had ever had - both of us in tears over some of the items he had listed. Some of the items brought back pain from his accident; some of them were just silly, but it got us talking - I mean, REALLY talking! I've always thought our #1 strength as a couple is our ability to communicate and talk things out - I sometimes think I tell Sam too much! But, this opened a whole new level of understanding, especially because it gave Sam a platform to discuss his thoughts and feelings, which (typical for most men, I think) often go unspoken. As we talked each word/phrase out, I said to him, "Isn't this nice for me to know what you're thinking about each day in the back of your mind?" He said, "I guess I just don't want to stress you out with what's on my mind."

"But, if I don't know, I can't help you. And, if I don't know, then I think you're NOT thinking about the same things I'm thinking about, and therefore, I may nag you or continue to bring up things that you're already stressed about." He finally got it! I explained that if I know he wants to clean the garage, then I know I don't have to bring it up all the time when it's on my mind equally. We can use this plan to take things OFF each others' plates, and we can help manage each others' stresses better. I think the plan is especially helpful for women, who often think that men are stuck in their "nothing boxes," while we are constantly worrying and stressing over every little thing! I can be more sensitive to him and his feelings about those really big issues and things that he's truly concerned about. And, he can see what I'm thinking about, too, without me having to remind him constantly!

So, one item at a time, we made a plan for how we can tackle these stresses and worries! We started with making a plan to clean the garage - and within the week, it got done!!

Oh, We Women of Worry

This past weekend, we celebrated one of my best friends and her fiance at their couple's shower. The bridesmaids and the groomsmen hosted the event, and as one of her matrons-of-honor, I helped coordinate many of the details. One of my assigned tasks was to communicate with the groomsmen who were not very good at responding to the first round of emails that were sent out by my cousin/friend/co-matron-of-honor. I learned that guys don't like to respond to lengthy, detailed emails mostly from just putting myself in their place - but also from talking to Sam about it all. Why were these guys not at least emailing to say, "Let me get back to you," or something else at least acknowledging that they'd received the email(s). Finally, I took the guys' names off of the mass email and talked only to the girls when planning. Then, when I addressed the groomsmen, I wrote about 4 sentences (at most!) to get their attention - just short, to-the-point emails that resulted in a response from all of them! YEA! I had broken the male code that elicited a response from them!

The bridesmaids continued to banter back and forth for weeks with endless details about what needed to be done, what ideas we had, what responsibilities we wanted to take on, etc, etc, etc! Again, all I did to communicate with the men was to tell them what they needed to do, and they obliged and responded positively. What I found so amusing, though, was that about 5 days before the shower, two of the three groomsmen's wives emailed me to ask more specific information to make sure their husbands were not overlooking anything: did we need cups, should they bring ice, how much would they owe for other things, was there a group gift or should they get something on their own, were spouses included as hosts, what were we all wearing, is there anything else they were forgetting or needing to do, etc. I shared these emails with Sam, and he thought it was quite entertaining, too, given the length of the wives' emails and the lack of response from the actual groomsmen.

It occurred to me that the worrying and detail-oriented thinking must truly be a female thing. I mean, really, the groomsmen were in charge, too - not their wives - but their wives were the ones with responsive questions, with the concern about getting the job done, and so on. What is it inside of us as females that think this way - that makes us take on all the stress? That makes us jump in and try to do everything? Why is it that men just don't think this way? That they don't seem to need to control everything or even care if a task gets done or not?

One night, a few weeks ago, Sam and I were discussing some of these male and female tendencies/roles. Our conversation included something about how I had talked to the above-mentioned friend, and how we were venting to each other about how many times we often have to remind our significant others to do this or that. Then, Sam made an interesting comment that, quite honestly, I had wondered myself but never really vocalized for fear of sounding pretty condescending. He, very seriously, said to me, "It makes you wonder how we ever got things done before marrying ya'll." At first I thought he was being sarcastic, so when I laughed it off and became slightly defensive, he said, (again, very seriously) "No, really. It makes me wonder how guys ever did anything right before we marry women that help us with everything." He went on to say that I always remind him of due dates and deadlines that he would have otherwise forgotten, yet he's a big boy and was just fine living on his own before we lived together or got married. We started to talk more about this topic, as we decided that the typical bachelor stereotype holds true: rewearing dirty clothes and not doing laundry, sleeping in sheets that have needed to be cleaned for weeks, not worrying about the dishes in the sink or the vacuuming that needs to be done. When Sam married me, all those old habits had to go out the window. He would tell you he's much cleaner, more sanitary, healthier, and more organized as a married man with a wife who forces these things upon him. I often leave reminder notes, make reminder phone calls, or "calendar" with him every couple weeks to make sure we're on the same page.

I have no desire to be Sam's mother or mother-figure. He has a great mom; he doesn't need another one. But, why do we women always have this need to take care of everything and everyone? There is such a fine line between taking care of and enabling. Wouldn't the groomsmen have gotten the job done without their wives intervening? Wouldn't Sam either pay that bill or pay the consequences? I guess it's just that now, as wives, our husbands' lapses in judgement, mistakes, failures, and forgetfulness both impacts and reflects on us. If Sam missed a deadline in college, it didn't affect me. Now, however, if he forgets to pay a bill or mow the lawn, it affects me. But, if I keep reminding him every time, won't he then rely on the reminders and therefore need them all the time? Or, do I let him be the big boy he once was without my reminders and let him figure it all out? How can I, as a worrying woman, let this go now that we're an "us" and it affects me?

Just to be clear: I am in no way upset about the shower emails, the groomsmen's responses, the wives emails, or anything Sam and I have discussed. I am merely, once again, using this blog site as a means of discussing something that many of my female married friends and I often feel is universal. I think the wives' emails are just one example of how I'm not alone in this worrying/controling/making-sure-my-husband-is-doing-the-right-thing feeling. My only inner struggle is how to integrate the two opposing ways of handling this feeling: taking care of vs. enabling. Any ideas?

By the way, as a somewhat-related aside, the dry erase "What's On Your Plate?" idea I discussed last month is a HIT! It also really helps with the issues at hand in this posting as it provides a way to communicate without nagging or reminding or frustrating anyone. More to come on how this works in my next post!

Big Finish, But Keep on Keepin' On

On June 30th, I was in London. My mom, however, was thousands of miles away from me going through her sixth and final round of chemotherapy. A finale I was not able to help celebrate, I continued to think of her throughout that entire day, wishing I could give her one big celebratory hug of congratulations for making it through hell and back to face this disease a second time. Luckily, I have an amazing friend who went with my mom to hold her hand through her last treatment - the treatment Mom had been waiting to finish for months. The day was described to me by my friend and by Mom as "very emotional," as Mom was proud of herself for finishing, relieved to be done, scared of what the next few weeks would hold getting through another round of poison in her system, worried that maybe 6 treatments wasn't enough to get rid of the cancer for good, sad to say goodbye to her nursing staff, filled with questions about what comes next, grateful for how far she'd come, and "prayerful" that she'd never have to see a chemo line again.

So, we're celebrating the end of a long few months that brought about such pain and uncertainty for all of us, but mostly for Mom. From stomach pains to nausea, from bloatedness to losing her taste, from mouth sores to hair loss, from exhaustion to dry skin - she's been through it all. It's nice to know that those things will begin to improve for her soon, and we'll continue to celebrate one step at a time!

But, this week, Mom had another surgery to alleviate pressure under her arm after the lymph node removal surgery before she even started chemo. Once she heals from this, she'll find out the plan for radiation therapy from a different oncologist. After that, it's back to more surgery. By the end of this long road, Mom will have been poked, proded, sliced, carved, drained, - you name it, but she will still be my mother, she'll still have that "go-get-'em" spirit that got her through all of this, and most importantly, she will be!

Hang in there, Mom! It can only get better from here. I am SO proud of you each and every day for everything you've gone through and for continuing to fight! Thank you for putting up with all of the pain and all of the frustration. We all love you so much, and I am so proud to be your daughter!

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine.

You make me happy,

when skies are gray.

You'll never know, dear,

how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.