Damon Raif and his Warrior Mother

I've experienced giving birth. It was an experience like no other, and of course I will remember these three very different experiences forever. Although I was able to watch my third baby come out of my womb through a clear (but slightly blurry) plastic drape, there was nothing "natural" about the way my babies came into the world - even though that's what I desperately wanted. My babies were all delivered behind a sterile curtain, with doctors and nurses all around, in a freezing operating room where I was constricted by cords and wires and complete lack of control over my own body due to anesthesia. I wanted no medicine. I wanted no intervention. I wanted to push my baby out on my own, without someone else taking him from my body. But, that's not how that first delivery went down. A variety of circumstances (a doctor who said my blood pressure was rising even though it was still in the normal range, an induced labor, slow progress, a baby who was facing the "wrong" direction, a baby whose head was compressing the umbilical cord during contractions and therefore causing a lowering heart rate ...) led us to a fast C-section before I even really understood what was really going on. My first birth experience left me mourning the natural delivery I wanted, and I was angry and frustrated at the way things progressed in the first week of my newborn's life. If I could get those first couple of weeks back, I would redo them so differently, and I would have been a better mommy to my first baby. There's nothing sadder than wanting a redo of how to be there for your baby and feeling like you didn't love that baby the right way immediately. But, I've had to forgive myself for that and move forward knowing better and doing better. Before my 2-week postpartum check up with my firstborn, I had come to the realization that it doesn't matter how you give birth, as long as you end up with a baby! I ended up thanking my doctor and appreciating the choices he made, because I did end up okay, and my baby was perfect!

A miracle had happened - and it happened for me 3 times! THREE times, I had a baby come through my body. And, I've come to understand that there is no delivery that is easy, there is no delivery that is "better" or "worse" than another, and all women and all births are miraculous. Yes, I know women give birth every day all over the globe. It happens again and again. But, when it happens to YOU... OH MY GOD, it leaves you with a sense of awe and the greatest high.

My sister had a completely different experience when she gave birth to her first child. Our deliveries could not have been more opposite of each other. Kira had Levi fast. She went into labor a week and a half early, with water breaking on its own. Two or three hours later, she delivered her son without any pain medicine, in a tub of water, with a midwife present. Her husband cut the cord, her baby nursed right away, and she was able to move about much sooner than I could have fathomed. While I was jealous that I didn't have the same experience, there was never any resentment on my part. I was so glad that she had the delivery she had wanted. I knew she had learned from my experiences not to get her hopes up that it could happen that way, but she also tried to do everything she could to try to ensure that her wishes were met.

So, of course, when she was pregnant with her second child, she wanted to try for the exact same delivery. This time, she hoped there would be enough time for me to be able to attend the birth. I was beyond excited at the possibility that I could be in the room with her - to witness the birth of my niece or nephew. My brother and my father are OB/GYNs, and although I've seen my dad deliver babies via C-section, I never sat in on a vaginal birth. And, although I had seen some on video from my own child birthing classes, being in the room with a woman giving birth had never happened for me.  I was anxious it wouldn't happen this way, though. With three kids and a job, the stars were going to have to align for the timing to work out where I could leave pretty quickly after knowing she was in labor. Knowing how quickly she delivered her first baby, timing was of the essence. And, how sweet it was when we got the call from my brother-in-law on the Sunday morning of Memorial Day weekend! No work, Sam was home, it was mid-morning, and we had the whole day ahead of us!

It was raining pretty hard, and we would be taking care of my nephew while his mommy was in labor. I wasn't sure if I should go to the hospital or not. My mom kept texting she didn't know what to tell me. Sam said to just go, but I didn't want to be in the way. I wasn't sure if my brother-in-law knew Kira wanted me there or what they had decided, so I was uncertain about going. But, then I got a text from my mom that said, "Just come. She wants you to be here." And, 28 minutes later, I walked through her labor and delivery room, where she was already 9 cm dilated. Only a few minutes passed before Kira said she felt like she needed to push. Her midwife said go ahead and give it a try, and within a few more pushes, that baby was well on his way into the world! As hospital policy would have it, Kira should have gotten out of the tub at that point, but her midwife could feel the baby's head already starting to come out. Maybe two more pushes later, and there was another person in the world that hadn't been there seconds before!

Oh my goodness, what an experience! What a gift to be there for that moment when that baby was lifted from the water and placed on Kira's chest as she relaxed into the back of the tub with this new being resting on her. They'd both worked so hard, and their labor was much rewarded in that moment of exhausted relief. After a bit of rubbing and suctioning, the nurse helped lift the baby's leg back, and we were able to see that I had another NEPHEW! We sure do make some amazing little boys in this family, and here is another one! I swore this one would be a girl, but nope! Levi is a big brother to a little brother, and Kira and I are both "boy moms." As much as I was (only slightly) hoping for a girl, I have to say, any visions of my nonexistent niece immediately vanished without a disappointment in the world! What I had just witnessed was so amazingly cool, and here was this little baby who was meant to be a part of this family, and he was healthy and strong and crying and BIG! Like, really big! In fact, the nurses were all guessing he was at or close to 9 pounds, but when they weighed him and saw 10 pounds, 5 ounces flash on the scale screen, everyone was in shock! Erick seemed to be in awe of Kira's labor of love and how gracefully she brought his son into the world. I couldn't agree more. I later told Kira she made that delivery look like she'd done this a million times. She seemed to know her body so well, to know how to handle her pain, to embrace the natural progression of, well, everything!

I could go on and on about the rest of that day .... how Kira held the baby as she stepped out of the tub with the cord still in tact before delivering the placenta once settled in bed, how nursing went pretty smoothly, how Levi came to meet his little brother and the smiles he showed were ones of true excitement, awe, love, and pride, and how Mom and I found out the baby's name: Damon Raif and the beauty of the meaning of each name and for whom each name represents. But, those stories are for Kira to tell. The one I wanted to tell tonight is of how proud I am of my little sister. It's been a few days, and I'm still in a state of excitement over having been a part of Damon's debut. Kira and I gave birth to our boys in very different ways with a very different set of circumstances. I do C-sections - and as much as there was a very tiny part of me that wished she could identify with what I went through to deliver my babies... she does unmedicated, vaginal water births. And she does them WELL! And either way is okay. She worked really hard to get those babies out of her. I worked really hard to recover from the aftermath of my deliveries. There is nothing like watching those new lives come out of a body. There is nothing like witnessing a piece of a woman - her little "heart walking  around outside" her body - come into the world to start a journey of life. But, geez... all week long I've been waiting to publish this blog post  - not just to celebrate the birth of Damon, but to also shout to the world, "My sister is a fucking warrior!"

Kira, I'm so very proud of you! Thank you and Erick for letting me be a part of Damon's big entrance! I hope these photos are at least some token of my appreciation!