Gone But Never Forgotten

Earlier today, Banner, Quinn, and I went to see a puppet show at the library with Randi and Ella. After the show, we decided to go grab a bite to eat. Our wait was rather long, but the kids did great passing the time with fun chatter. At one point, Ella and Randi were telling us about an outing Ella had with her Bubbie. Several minutes later, after that conversation had ended, Banner said, "My Bubbie. . . . my Bubbie.... my Bubbie disappeared." He stuttered through the sentence, probably trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

"Disappeared?" I questioned him.

"Well, she... she...," he started, trying to think of the word. "She died."

"That's right. She died," I helped him.

"I know, Banner. I'm so sorry about that," Randi replied.

Banner continued, "When she was, when she was, when she was... when she was ..."

"Alive?" I suggested, not knowing what he wanted to say yet.

"Yeah, alive. When she was alive, she was my best friend," he went on to tell us.

At this point, I had to busy myself with tending to Quinn while still trying to listen to Banner. I wanted to remember every word, I wanted to soak in this whole conversation to report back to Sam, to record here in this blog, to inscribe it on my heart... but at the same time, I wanted to cry right then and there. I could feel Bubbie there - and I have no doubt that Bubbie would have told Banner that all the time: "We are best friends," she would most certainly have whispered in his ear, just like she did with Miles. In my head, I was immediately hearing and seeing her pull her only grandchild (at the time) close to her telling him they were best friends when Miles was about Banner's age. So, I held back tears and tried to look distracted, even though Banner would look over at me for reassurance every now and then. I didn't want to distract Banner from saying whatever he wanted to, so I just tried to listen in without saying much.

Randi did great. She kept the conversation open, offering her condolences and sympathy. She mentioned that Banner is lucky to have stories about her and pictures. He agreed, and he then seemed to want to console Randi. He continued on, "But, it's okay. I have lots of people, I have lots of family, I have.... I have lots of people who love me."

Oh, my sweet boy. You have no idea!