So Close, Yet So Far Away

It's been a while since I've been on my site blogging, but I felt the need to do so at this very pressing, stressful time. We're only a few days out from the wedding, and let me just catch you up. In the past three weeks, I've returned to work - forcing myself (yet glad for the change) to stop meddling with wedding planning and start working for the students and faculty at my school. Times have been rough, with work being a priority but the wedding being imminent and a once-in-a-lifetime event that requires time, planning, attention, and patience. We're at T minus 4 days, and I feel both anxious and relaxed.

I've received the following questions from coworkers, friends, and family in the past two weeks:
-Are you excited?
-Are you nervous?
-Are you done planning? Is everything ready to go?
-Aren't you so happy?
-Why are you still at work?
-Why aren't you off doing other things besides working?
-Why are you not taking more time off after?
-Can you believe you're getting married this week?!
-Can I do anything to help?

Then, there are the comments:
-You look stressed.
-You look so tan.
-You look like you're glowing.
-You sound kind of faint; your voice is just quieter than normal. I'm worried about you.
-You're going to look so beautiful.

This doesn't include the advice I've gotten, too. I just think it's interesting how so many people say the same things. I appreciate that everyone's so involved, curious, interested, concerned, etc. And, I don't have an opinion about any of this... I just wanted to remember the last few days and document what life was like right before the wedding.

People wonder what this time is like. I remember thinking about all the brides I have known in the past and what they did and thought about the week before the wedding. Just a few brief peeks inside my mind, and you'll see me worrying about: writing my thank you notes, if I have all the gifts I need to give, how emotional I might be, how I'll really miss my grandma that day, if everyone will behave and just let Sam and me have this moment as WE want it (not as THEY want it), if I'll remember to pack everything I need, if all this worrying will cause me to break out or have stomach aches or gray hair before the big day, if my nephew's face will heal in time for pictures (he got a little beaten up over last weekend), if the kids will behave, if the vendors will show up in time with the appropriate items, if my hair and make-up will turn out right, if my dress will be wrinkled or not, if my bridesmaids will all have their dresses on time, if Sam will remember to get a haircut, if all the table settings are in place and everyone has a seat, if the songs we picked will sound good, if my work will still get done even though I'm missing so many days, if my shoes are going to be comfortable enough for me to not have to limp down the aisle, how my back will hold out with all this stress and worrying.

All the stress and unnecessary worrying has caused my family to be inappropriately "on edge." We all just need to take this week to unwind and remember what's important. Like I said in a previous blog, at the end of the night, Sam and I will still be married. That's all that matters. I need to remember why I love him and have wanted for a long time to spend the rest of my life with him - which is hard to do when there's so many other things to think about. So, I've made a wedding mix on my IPod, and I hope I remember to listen to it on the wedding day to keep me calm. (Yes, another thing to remember to do!) I started listening to it the other day, on the way to the cemetery to pay respects to my grandparents, uncle, and cousin. It helped me get in a mind-set of peace, serenity, and relaxation to reflect on the important parts of this week. I felt like I started the week off by entering into a week of peace and calm. Sam and I went to see a movie last night, yes on a Monday night in the middle of all this stress. It was the best thing we could have done. . . to just forget about everything - forget about people who keep making decisions for us, forget about the upcoming nuptuals and the to-do lists floating around my house, forget about the projects we have at work and at home, forget about the people and things that keep us constantly thinking! It was so nice to just sit in a movie theater and calm down.

I think all-in-all I'm doing okay. I'm hanging in there, getting through my work week before packing up and freaking out! I'm doing okay. . . people are even impressed that we're still writing thank you notes or that we're still working this week. Honestly, I think I need to maintain sameness. I'm super-excited about seeing family members and friends from out of town, and I'm so excited to see everyone together. I can't wait to see the look on Sam's face this weekend when I'm walking (hopefully - not limping!) down the aisle. But, until then, I just need to calm down and take it one moment at a time.