7-Month Newsletter: Knox

Dear Knox,
How did this last month already come and go so quickly? Truly, this month was THE fastest. You are taking off in every possible way, and so is time! You are officially crawling. Up on all fours, getting faster and faster by the day. You're even starting to make your way UP things! Slowly pulling up and wanting to stand! SLOW DOWN!!!!! We are not baby proofed yet! You entirely skipped the "just sitting" phase. . . you know, my favorite infant stage. Thanks, Buddy. Thanks a lot! :) Just kidding - kinda. I just love that stage when you can reach what you want, see what you want, and sit independently without moving from the safe cushion that surrounds you. Now, you are "redding" up those knees and toes by constantly crawling everywhere. I love that you can get any where you want, but we have to watch you closely! And, you're putting EVERYTHING in your mouth. As your fine motor skills have improved, you are now able to rake up anything you want from the floor. Your big brothers are both the biggest problem and the biggest help in this area. While they know it's their toys you want, they are very watchful in making sure you don't eat them - or their crumbs, their clothes, their dirt, their shoes, etc. You've sucked on a few too many shoes before we can stop you, and I'm sorry for that. It's kind of disgusting, but hey, not the worst thing that could happen.

So, what else are you up to this month?

-Trying out more fruits and vegetables: broccoli, pumpkin, pineapple, mango, apricots. You're really liking everything you've tried - except green beans still, but I'm still offering them every now and then in the hopes that you'll like them. You love sucking on real food though: banana and peach are favorites. We'll probably add in watermelon and other melons this month, along with more grains. You also like MumMum. You are not a fan of Cheerios or Puffs yet. We've tried them several times, and that substance is just such a foreign feeling, you aren't quite sure and spit it out with a look of disgust.

-You had a cold this month. You're just getting over it now - after about a week of Dimetapp at night, VapoRub, Tylenol, NoseFrida, saline drops, and a raw nose. Snot and more snot and a TON of drainage. Thank goodness you are on the mend. But, I'm weary of the ear infection that could be on the horizon after such a cold.  Hoping I'm anxious for no reason.

-You're continuing to babble up a storm. LOVE this!

-You're starting to really have FUN with your play. A couple nights ago, I rolled a ball down the "ramp" of the sink bath tub, and that had you giggling. You like to be bounced - that gets a laugh, too. Peek-a-boo is always a hit, especially if a brother plays it with you!

-Stranger danger. The minute you can't see me or Grandma or Daddy - tears. You are weary of visitors and why they might be at our house or near you. You are becoming quite dependent on your routine and won't really eat for a new person. You also reach for who you want, so if someone new is holding you and you want me, you will let that be known with a slight lean and a reach.

-Still no teeth, but those bottom gums appear to be swelling a little bit. Drool and more drool, but no sign of pearly whites yet!

-You're kind of in the midst of dropping your third nap. Each day depends on how the earlier two naps have gone, or at least how late you sleep at the second nap (which is often interrupted with having to wake you to go get Banner from school). I'm ready for you to drop that nap altogether, but you can't make it from 2:00 to 7:00 or even 6:00 just yet. So, depending on when you wake up, we decide if you need a third nap or not. You usually get pretty fussy after 2-2.5 hours of awake time, so we try to use that to gauge how long you can last until bath time. I think you sleep better at night on days you haven't had a third nap, but the evenings are grueling without one if needed. By next month, I bet it will have disappeared.

-Physically, you are my smallest - yet tallest - baby. Your eyes remain a beautiful bright blue. Your hair is still light brown, with flecks of blonde depending on the light. I absolutely love holding your itty bitty hands. They are soft and tender and gentle and I love them! You have the faintest little birthmark on the outside of your upper arm near your left elbow. (It's one of those marks that only a mommy notices and everyone else would have to really look for it.) You still look like both of your brothers to me - a genuine mix of both of them as if they had you for a baby. And, you still have "peyos" (Jewish sidelocks) growing longer than the rest of your hair that you had at birth. I bet you'd appreciate if we would cut those off, but . . . .well, Daddy won't let me! So, yes, in most every picture, you will see those long "Pippy Longstocking" tufts of hair sticking out behind either ear.

Well, that about covers it. Seriously. Big BIG changes in our lives right now with all your mobility so much sooner than we anticipated. Rolling, sitting, creeping, crawling, and the beginnings of pulling up all in the same few weeks.  While you are keeping up with your big brothers by meeting milestones on the early side of normal, it still impresses me given how little time you are/were able to practice these skills with our crazy schedule and always being held or in the car seat for so long. (I suppose that's why rolling over took so long, but once you met it, you literally took off!) One of my favorite nights this past month was when we went to celebrate the first day of school at IHOP (Banner's choice) and you sat like a big boy in the high chair eating bits of banana and drinking water out of your sippy cup. You are getting so mature and have truly taken your place in our family.

Knox Morgan, we couldn't love you more. I love love love you!!! I love bathing you, cuddling you, rocking you, and getting to know that sweet personality even more each day. Please be safe as we continue to wrangle you in and try our best to keep you out of harm's way. It's okay to just be an infant and not try to be the big boy with your brothers. Plenty of time for that! Let's just slow it down a notch and enjoy the rest of your infancy, huh? What do you say? :) I love you, Knoxipoo!

Happy 7th!!
Love,
Mommy

Quinn Turns THREE!: Newsletter

Dear Quinn,
What a difference a year makes, My Love! This time last year, you were sleeping in a crib, had pacifiers you were attached to, took a nap, and wore diapers. Now, none of that is the same! You have made some big strides and accomplished some big things in these last 12 months! You've become a big brother, learned to use the potty (even over night!), made new friends, learned to be a student, and swim like a little fishy! I am so very proud of you and your accomplishments, but more than that I've just adored your sweetness, affection, generosity, and pure compassion! I'm going to miss the year you were 2, because you were anything but terrible! I've never been around a two-year-old as wise, intuitive, and sweet as you. As you've neared three, you've become a little feisty, slightly aggressive with your brothers, and daring. But, underneath your desire to test our limits and our patience, you are simply the most cooperative, sensitive, joyful little boy. In fact, you went through a little stint towards the middle of your Toddlers class when Ms. Tali and Ms. Alison would tell us that you'd been going around telling everyone what we often heard at home: "I'm a bad guy!" in a gruff voice. The funny thing is, you desperately wanted to be but just couldn't ever fulfill the meanness you had hoped for. Your smile and endearing ways just never really matched that "bad guy" persona you were trying on.

My biggest fear for you is that you will be "run over" by more powerful personalities (like your big brother's). True to the "middle child" stereotype, you often get the raw end of the deal. It often just seems to be your luck that you don't get what you want all the time, and it breaks my heart to watch it happen all too often. For instance, we were at Graham and Greenley's birthday party a couple weeks ago, and you noticed too late that there were water balloons the other kids had been playing with. Once you realized it, you wanted some too, and of course then there weren't any left. Then, you wanted to go decorate a cookie like everyone else, but lo and behold, as we went to choose your cookie, big brother got the last one. Tears ensued and my heart broke again for you. There was a God that morning, and Banner decided to break his cookie in half for you to have some. But, that's the kind of thing I see over and over again, and I just feel so protective of that for you. You're often too sweet to get your way - letting others get what they want without much thought of yourself and how that impacts you. Another example is how Banner will hardly ever share with you, and he will assume that you'll never share with him - but when I tell him to just ask you, you of course oblige and share anything you have - a turn with a toy, a piece of your candy, the rest of your slurpee... you name it. You are typically so cooperative and only get upset when someone has taken advantage of you or threatens to (like Banner coming to take something from you or Levi grabbing what you have). It would never occur to you (at least not yet!) to hit or punch or grab back.

Instead, you immediately go to whining or screaming or crying - or all of the above. Sometimes you just shut down and cry for me over and over without explaining what happened or what is wrong. The easiest way to get you to calm down is to have you look in my eyes, have me tell you that you are okay, and have you use your words to explain what you want. Sometimes, it's the littlest thing - like last night you were angry and crying incessantly until we realized what was wrong - that Banner took your cup holder in the car and you wanted to put YOUR cup there. Once handled, you were all better.

Those tantrums are happening more and more as you headed towards this birthday. And, man alive, it's testing my patience. Most often, though, a hug or a cuddle or some TLC does the trick. Sometimes you just need mommy or daddy. Sometimes you just need to be acknowledged. In the thick of raising three active boys, we have to remember how you need and adore that affection you've always loved so much. And, oh my goodness, do I love that about you! It drives me nuts when I'm trying to cook dinner or bathe Knox or get Banner ready for school - but that neediness won't always be there, and I know I'll miss it when my hug can't make it all better!

Another one of my absolute favorite things is the way you talk. On every level. The vocabulary you have, the intriguing ideas and thoughts you have, and of course, your "New York accent." You say "togevah" instead of "together," or "heyah" instead of "here." You say "Bayonnuh" instead of "Banner." Your little voice and sweet pronunciation, I just want to bottle it all up! "We had a fieuh dweel at school tuhday, and Aiden Gween cwied because he was scayud. I didn't see Bayonnuh; I only sawed my fwends. Daniel cwied too because he was afwaid of the fieuh dweel alahm."

Your sentences are long and fluent and insightful. At the end of Aiden G's party in February, his mom (a speech/language pathologist) commented on how she loves to listen to you speak because it's so unusual to hear a 2 year old speak with such long sentences. You have been fully conversational for well over a year, but it's really picked up with amazing diction and vocabulary. Your teachers always comment on the unique things you say, especially loving your manners and how you won't leave the lunch table without saying, "May I be excused, please?" In fact, Ms. Ilene told us this summer that you don't "eat" lunch, you "dine." Your teachers have told us what a "perfect student" you are. Ms. Heather once told me this summer, "Quinn is a model student. He's a Hebrew scholar." And last week, Ms. Randi told me she can't get over the words she hears you use. You'll say, "No, but thank you for offering," or "I don't prefer that." One day last school year, we got in the car and the music was getting too loud for me to hear you. I went to turn it down as I said, "That's too loud." You said, "It's crescendo." You went on to explain, "The music got louder; it's crescendo." I texted Aunt Kira who agreed you were right and "lol'ed" at your usage.

We conquered word pronunciation this year as best we could. "Wello" is now correctly, "yellow." "Canpakes" (which was "mancakes" before you were 2), is now correctly "pancakes."

You have a heart of gold, My Love. You never want anyone to be left out; even if that person may have been terribly rude to you a moment ago, you're concerned if it looks like I might leave him behind or shut the garage before he has entered the house. "But wait, Mommy!! Wait," you will demand as you begin to cry or whine loudly. When Banner spent the night out with Brycen and Nami, we FaceTime'd him and you told him, "But, Banner, I want you to come home. I miss you." (And I'm sure somewhere deep inside, he wanted to tell you the same thing - but didn't.) When Knox went to the doctor, you were worried he would get shots and were so relieved when you learned he didn't have to have one. When I get home from work, you give big hugs with a smile on your face and say, "Mommy, I missed you!" or "Mommy, I was missing you!" When I pick you up from camp or school, you run to me, "Mommy!!!" or "Mommy, you said I would have a good time. And, I did!"

It makes you so happy to: do art projects (no matter how big or small or complicated), to clean messes by yourself, to go to Chuck E Cheese, to eat donuts for breakfast, to go to Grandma & Papa's house, to swim, to watch Daniel Tiger or Team Umizoomi, to big tickled or chased or tossed in the air, to get a lollipop ("lullipop"), to have a "snack" of any kind, to have milk first thing in the morning, for Daddy or me to stay for Shabbat, to play a game.

You are snoring less these days, probably thanks to your Flonase medicine we started back up again. After a visit to Dr. P (ENT), we tried Nasocort, but we didn't have much luck. Once we switched to Flonase, we saw a difference for you. Dr. P thinks it may do the trick in shrinking your adenoids so we have been trying that out to avoid surgery. The snoring was pretty bad, but now it's better. You stick your tongue out or bite on the tip of it when you get nervous/embarrassed/anxious. Once your shyness subsides and you warm up to your environment, LOOK OUT! You, my friend, are one loud little guy. In fact, I'm thinking about asking Dr. B about your hearing because you are so damn loud! But, I am 99% sure it's behavioral and that you just can't control your excitement! *Added 9/16/16: We just returned from your well-check with Dr. B. Here are your stats:

-Weight: 31.6 pounds = 50th percentile
-Height: 36.25 inches = 25th percentile
-BMI: 16.9 = 75th percentile
-Developmentally: 3 years, 10 months! Wowza! Dr. B was super-impressed with your speech and vocabulary. In fact, we kept answering with "Yes"es and when he finally asked, "Can he write his own name yet?" we got to a "no" much to Dr. B's relief that we weren't just making all this up! He pointed to colors on the wall, and you knew each one. He pointed to the white part of the animated character's eye on the wall, and when you said, "White and black" (because the eye part was black), impressed, he said, "Well, okay!" You are one smart cookie, my little lovey.

What else, Quinn? What can I tell you about you at this age? This beautiful age you are - and how I hope it stays beautiful! I'm anxious as we head into this threenage year... when little angels are known to become quite devious. I'm hoping we can maintain our relationship with each other and not push each other away during the trying times of growing independence. You so badly want to do everything yourself, but then want my help when you get frustrated. You so badly want to show me you're not a baby: "No, I wanna do it" you'll whine. But, putting your own seat belt on or wiping your own bottom or brushing your own teeth - it's just a little difficult to do. I have no doubt that in a year, you will have fully mastered these tasks. But, for now, it's a challenge. You're making big strides, but you are only 3... and you've gotta let me help you. At the same time, you gotta TRY to do some other easy tasks. This is where we both get frustrated. You know how to put your underwear on. You know how to get down the stairs on your own. You don't need me to watch you do every little step.

But, I have to say, I fully expected a regression as we moved into this new house, as Knox became mobile, as the new school year began. And, so far so good. I know that ship hasn't sailed yet, and anything is possible, but I'm so proud of how you've handled yourself. Yes, there are times you are draining and whiny and so dramatically needy. And, yes, especially after dropping your nap, your late afternoons and evenings are even harder. But, mostly, you're holding your own and growing up so quickly!

We celebrated your birthday at a special birthday party last Sunday. It was one of the best parties I've ever been to, and I had SO much fun celebrating you with some of your favorite people at one of your favorite places. The party couldn't have gone better - and couldn't have been any easier to plan and implement. One of the highlights was when Daddy and one of the teachers helped you ride a motorcycle around your friends at the end of the party. Although Banner was pretty upset he didn't get a turn (and cried because he was feeling so jealous), the motorcycle was a hit, and I kinda teared up watching how happy you were and how you got to be the center of attention! You looked like Mr. Cool riding around on that thing. You also got to swing while everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to you, and you were loving this attention you aren't used to getting all to yourself.

We continued the celebration this morning - with traditional balloons upon waking up, donuts for breakfast, birthday pictures in the recliner, Daddy joining you at school for Shabbat, Mommy coming up to school when you shared the cake you baked there with your friends, and Chuck E Cheese for dinner and games. Sugar, sugar, and more sugar all day! And the whole day, I've pretty much reflected on our first day together - 3 years ago in the hospital just cuddling away. A memory I often reflect on each night as we cuddle, those same days were greatly on my mind as we held hands in your bed and I sang you to sleep tonight - this first night as a three-year-old.

Quinn Redding, I love you love you love you! I hope you know how special you are to me - to all of us. Everyone who meets you praises you and immediately notices what a sweet, sweet boy you are. I'm so very fortunate to be your Mommy. Thank you for being you and for loving me. And thank you for letting me love you right back!

Happy, happy third birthday, My Love!

I love you with every piece of my heart!
Love,
Mommy

Last picture as a 2-year-old

Birthday balloons

Waking Banner for school

Birthday bear claw

Make a wish!

At school

Tonight, at your birthday dinner:

Happy Half-Birthday, Knox!! 6-Month Newsletter

Dear Knox,
This morning, we walked into your room and sang "Happy Half-Birthday to you!!" and it felt surreal that you are now closer to becoming my one-year-old and farther from being my newborn! How did that time go so quickly?! It's the age old parent question, right? I mean, each day feels like forever sometimes, but those days together seem like the blink of an eye. You have grown and developed so very much this month! Let me tell you about it~

-The first few weeks of the month, you were babbling like crazy! But, in the past week or so, you've been much quieter. While you still "talk" to yourself during the early hours of the new day (around 5:30 or 6:00) before drifting back to sleep, during the day, you are pensive and quiet. Daddy and I thought you must be working on something to have quieted down so much - as we believe Grandma is right when she says babies work on one thing at a time. And, lo and behold, you must have been working on figuring out how to maneuver your body so you put your mouth on hold. You are now rolling, sitting, and creeping - just in the past week. It happened very quickly, and I'm not gonna lie - I'm a little annoyed at you meeting these milestones so quickly. My life just got exponentially more challenging in the "keeping you safe" department! You "plank" all the time. You're exceptionally strong and sturdy!

-Another reason you may have quieted down was perhaps from the transition to a new house. We moved out of Darion just a couple weeks ago, and we've all been transitioning to our new normal at the new house. I'm both glad and sad that you won't remember your first 5 months of life in that house. You won't miss it at all, but man, was it a great place to bring my boys home. I'll forever cherish those early months with you (and your brothers) as the only place I had a newborn. The midnight feedings, the swaying in the dark nursery, the naps and bedtime routines that started there... Those last naps and bedtimes were rough for me. But, on to our next adventure in this new home!

-You LOVE attention. You just want to be held, or looked at, or played with at all times! The moment we walk away, you get pretty upset. But, as long as you are in my arms or are next to me, you are one happy little guy!

-You love being tickled. You hate when we dress you - just the process of putting your arms in mostly. You love hugs. You hate when we take a toy away. You love your feet. You hate when I won't let you eat the sink faucet during bath.

-Your hair grows the longest behind both ears. Therefore, you have these two long strands that curl upward and outward. I've called you Pippi Longstocking on more than one occasion, but Daddy refuses to let me cut these "pig tails" off!

-You're also beginning to reach for us! This is a nice and very welcome gesture! I love it! And, you look at what you want. More bottle, Mommy, a toy... it's helpful to know you are able to communicate what you want this way!

-Daddy would say you are still very suspicious of him, Banner, and Quinn. He says you are still trying to figure out if you trust them or not and "who these crazy people are?!" He thinks you know me and trust me, but aren't quite sure of them. I don't agree. I think you know each of us very well and know what to expect from everyone. Loudness, shrillness, and sudden-ness from Quinn. In-your-faceness and high-pitched baby talk full of smiles from Banner. Cuddles and hugs from Daddy. In fact, you love Daddy very much, and some days you want him more than me. You've also let him put you to bed a few times recently, and you do better for him than for me. You may very well be a daddy's boy - as you light up whenever you see him, too! I love how much you love these guys in our house!

-You're eating lots of different foods now! We've added fruits mostly - peaches, pears, bananas, apples, prunes. We've added corn as well. Up next - avocado, mango, pineapple... this is so fun! You love drooling over and sucking on bananas and peaches in the little net thingys.

-Baths are still my favorite time of day with you... and rocking you to sleep for naps and bed. You typically go down to sleep so easily. I just wish you would nap longer! Like last month, we usually get one good nap a day and two crummy ones. We've tried dropping your last nap, but if your previous naps are awful, you still really need another one later in the afternoon/evening.

-You adore your big brothers. The feeling is genuinely mutual. Quinn has begun wanting to pull on you or grab your hands or feet. I think your mobility has become slightly threatening to him, and his curiosity about you is increasing. He's also becoming a threenager, so there's that.... but he truly wants to just love on you and make you smile.

-Size 3 diapers, level 3 nipples, size 4 overnight diapers, size 6-9 and 9 month clothing.

-Bedtime is around 7:30 and you generally sleep through the night until about 6:30 or 7 (with a slight awakening an hour before then). We have to paci you once or twice or thrice, but I don't mind that if you go back to sleep right away. The biggest threat to your wakening, though, is the fact that you cannot - or WILL NOT - sleep on your back. And, coupled with the new rolling over all the time but not being truly proficient in being able to roll from back to belly, you wake up right away crying to be rolled back over. I'm hoping this will get better as you perfect the back to belly roll. You've gotten better at pacying yourself, too, but we're not there 100%.

-We visit Dr. B next week, so I'll add in those stats at a later date...

Knox Morgan, you are delightful! I know we are on the verge of a new adventure as you become mobile and into everything. It will be fun to see what personality this new chapter brings out of you! Are you a "Banner" or a "Quinn?" Are you daring or cautious? Are you into everything or more focused on one thing at a time? And, while I have some personal preferences, I will love however you are... because oh.my.goodness do I love you so much already! It's so exciting to watch the gift that you are keep unwrapping and to keep revealing your sweet personality each day.

This first half of your life has been eventful. Stressful, rocky, blessed, easy, and difficult all rolled up into one! From RSV at 3-weeks-old and breathing treatments to being more relaxed and at-ease with a third child. From never sleeping and taking hours to go to sleep to finding more ease with falling asleep. You've grown, and so have I! Thank you, Baby Love, for all you have brought to our family. A sense of calm. A new beginning.  A reminder of all that is important. A little one to celebrate and to watch continue to grow and develop! Thank you for loving us and for letting us love you!

Happy Half-Birthday, Knox Morgan!
Love,
Mommy

 (Pics coming soon. Something is wrong with my upload button!)

Darion

10 years ago this month, I signed my last lease. It was a 6-month lease at the apartment my sister and I had shared for 2 years, and we were signing a short one with the intent of looking to purchase my first house. Luckily, in late November of 2006, I signed a contract on a 3-bedroom house and moved in only 5 days into the new year. Little did I know the house I only planned to live in for a short while, maybe 3-5 years, would be my home for 9 and a half years. And, that's where the story of my life on Darion Lane begins.

I was only 26 years old and proud of myself for buying my first home on my own. Kira and I continued to live together for the next few years - making more memories as room mates in a new place together. We rarely used the huge backyard, shared the garage, and developed our own system for handling chores and responsibilities. Living with her was awesome, and shortly after she moved out, only a few weeks after Sam and I married, I wrote this blog post about our time as room mates together.

Kira & Erick's room became a guest room, and we had room for our niece and nephews to spend the night at our house. A year later, when we found out we were pregnant, we made plans for that room to become our baby's room. Since then, it's been the first bedroom for Banner, for Quinn, and for Knox. We moved the "guest room" to what was originally an office/study. That guest room allowed my mom and my mother-in-law to stay over and help us when Banner was born. Months later, it's where my father-in-law slept the nightmare of a night that Sam's mom died. Soon, that guest bedroom became Sam's first office when he started his own law firm. It was at the door of that room that toddler Banner would knock on the door yelling "Daddy!!" just hoping Daddy would come out to play instead of work. When Sam was able to get his own office outside the house, that room became a storage room, and then we were forced to clean it out and clean it up when Banner decided to crawl out of his crib three times one night just three weeks before Quinn was born. Therefore, that room became Banner's new big boy bedroom. And tonight, with only a few nights left on Darion Lane, my two big boys share that room.

This house has seen a lot of change - both in itself and in those who live here. From ripping up carpet and laying down tile to gutting a wet bar and making our play area bigger, we've put in a lot of hard work and sweat to making it a home just for us. We've painted and painted and painted - nearly every room of this house, and some rooms twice. We've taken down light fixtures and put in better lighting; we've changed out counters and a stove and ducts and roof and skylights... it's been a crazy adventure as a home owner. This house has seen engagements, graduations, birthday parties, nights of endless studying for the biggest tests of our careers, wedding planning, belly bumps, and babies being brought home from the hospital. It's held play dates, Halloween parties, a wedding, minyan, and a week of sitting Shiva.

It's been an amazing house and an even better home. But, we've begun to outgrow it. Truth is, we began to outgrow it long ago, and I've been trying my best to stay here as long as possible, to make the most of our space, and to fight the urge to sell it for the past couple years at least. And, with Knox's arrival, with Quinn's snoring, with Banner's impending Kindergarten year, with toys galore... we simply need more space for these boys and all their things!

So, on June 24th, we listed the house! Five days later, we had a contract! The best part about the offer was that it was from someone we know. Her offer was accompanied by the most thoughtful letter, recognizing that this move will be bittersweet for us, recognizing that it's the only home my boys have ever known. This beautiful family will move in soon, and I couldn't be happier to be leaving it to another Jewish family, another mother of boys, and another family who will know how special Darion Lane has been to us. They will so enjoy the big backyard, the park down the street, the young neighbors nearby, the cozy home they will make their own.

And, we will move out - to a new house not far away. It's a four-bedroom home, so all the boys will have their own room, their own space. We're very excited about it, but I have to say the buying part has been brutal, and the seller has been nothing but uncompromising. But, we weren't walking away from the house, a house we believe will become just as special to us as Darion is and always will be.

This week, we've buckled down on packing. Art work is off the walls, pots and pans are packed, dishes are wrapped, and memories preserved. Through it all, I'm trying to find closure as we say goodbye so soon. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that we aren't just packing for a long trip but instead will never live here again. So many memories have come fluttering back with nearly each walk through the house:

The baths I gave (and give) my infants in our kitchen sink; the summer we peeled the wallpaper off the kitchen walls with a clothes steamer; dancing in the garage while the car stereo blared; the first showers together; the first steps; videoing Sam carry the infant seat with each new baby too small to really take up any space in it as he walked through the garage and we showed each his new home; knocking down the bar counter; baking Thanksgiving pies with Christmas music on the radio; freaking out when Sam fainted after his wisdom teeth surgery and calling his mom faster than I knew was possible; watching Sam run around the backyard with a 12-month-old Banner on his shoulders; the way our first Sukkah leaned and has progressed over the years to be bigger and more stable; first baths; climbing the ladder to paint the top of the den wall and coming up with unique and creative ways to paint the very top of the vaulted ceiling; hearing the pitter-patter of my toddlers running through the house; saying "no, no" to Banner's constant reach for the television or stereo knobs or the trash cans or the blinds; opening the front door to find a present from Fontina; watching the snow fall on the skylights the afternoon I'm pretty sure we conceived Quinn; the night those skylights came crashing in during a vicious hail storm; building the sandbox for Banner's third birthday; the slip-n-slide parties and the wading pools; Banner's Valentine's party; running on the treadmill I spent way too much money on; our camp out in the backyard one July 4th before we had kids; the days of potty-training, where I sat in the hallway or in the bathroom awaiting a pee or a poop while trying to keep my newly-crawling baby away from big brother's toilet; the endless nights of getting up and down to paci a baby, or the nights we worried they wouldn't sleep without one when we finally "pulled the plug;" hearing those awful dogs bark incessantly at all hours of the night; watching a midnight eclipse only weeks after Banner was born; the walks around the block - especially the "walks" with Bubbie the winter she died; the squeals of happy boys being chased through the house; watching out the front window for our neighbors, Don & Jeannie, to get home; our Thanksgiving overnight with Caden & Mara; the long days and nights of fighting to continue breastfeeding when it was not successful at all; rocking my babies to sleep in the quiet nursery and both begging for more sleep myself and savoring every sweet moment with them in my arms.

This house has been the backdrop of so many milestones and important events. We've found so much love, so much frustration, so much joy, so much sorrow within these walls. All three of my children were conceived in this house, and I was the first one to know about them as I watched each pregnancy test turn positive. This is the last house Sam's mom ever visited us in - the place she made some of her own memories in, including her son's first Father's Day and the night she stayed up all night to make sure he was okay after his frightening car accident. It's where we held each other tightly and sobbed together the weeks after her death. It's where Sam learned he had a temper - and his impatience and frustration has caused several dents that have been repaired and repainted. We've seen a baby monitor fly across our bedroom and a ceiling fan be thrown down in a frustrating installation. It's where we celebrated every year turn to a new one since 2007. We've watched the evolution of characters and mourned our favorite shows ending. We've watched too many hours of Walking Dead, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Glee, Big Love, Parenthood, American Idol, Baby Borrowers, Grey's Anatomy, Rescue Bots, Team Umizoomi, and Yo Gabba Gabba. It's where we pondered the future of our relationship as those around us fell apart. It's where we clung tightly to each other when we just didn't know the answers. But, mostly, it's where I matured, it's where I became a wife, a mother. It's where Sam and I became more than just a couple and brought three beautiful boys into our family.

So, when it came time to list the house, I had the strangest feeling. I felt like I was preparing to leave a child of mine behind. This home is my baby in many ways, and we grew up together. I know it sounds crazy to say that, but it seriously feels that way. I wanted to make sure this home would be well taken care of, that it wasn't going to be knocked down or treated poorly. These walls have heard, seen, and protected us. It is so much a part of who we are and the family we have become. Darion is home. Darion is a part of us. How can we just up and leave?

But, in a short few days, that time will come. As I've told the boys, our things come with us, and yes, that helps, but we will never live here again. It will never be ours again. I was just a 26-year-old single woman when I bought this house and started to make it my own, my home. While I had visions of Sam and I living together in it when I purchased it, I never EVER for one second thought I'd have a child here - let alone THREE! We have been here as long as we needed to be, and it has been good to us. And, yes, I know this house doesn't have feelings, but I hope she sure knows we love her!

Here's a look back over the years - 

just before we knocked this bar down....

only weeks before our wedding - a serious makeover for our "bar/den-turned-playroom"

painting the baby's nursery

old countertops and stove

fun in the kitchen with Banner (12-months)

New Year's Eve (2012-turned-2013)

a surprise party for Sam's parents

the way I'd find the hallway from time to time - with random items my toddler would take out

Spring 2015 - a pipe burst 

capturing my house after bedtime one night - savoring the mess of toddlerhood

playing with our neighbor, Esme

 And, a final walk-through before we listed...

We love you, Darion!