Losing Him Already

A week from tonight will be Banner's first official "school night." As I reflect on what that means for our family, I am somewhat saddened - even though I'm beyond excited for all the fun and learning that await my sweet boy. I asked Sam if it's weird that I feel a little down about Banner starting school - that this is our last week without "school" in our weekly routine. He completely understood and said, "No, it's not weird at all. It's the last week of having him all to ourselves when we can somewhat control what influences him."

I like the way Sam worded that. It helps me understand what might be bothering me. It's like we're losing Banner already - at least a part of him. I feel a huge lump in my throat as we "send him off into the big world" by himself. I can only imagine what taking him to college will feel like if I am already feeling so sad about him starting a three-day 2-year-old preschool program! But, truly, this is the first time he will be without a family member watching him, without someone hovering over most every move, and with more influences of friends and teachers to shape him into the person he's still becoming. We'll be entering a world of being accountable to be somewhere, to be there on time, to be there with all of our belongings, and to work with teachers to make this experience the best it can be.

From here on out, it's about backpacks and lunchboxes and projects and carpool and homework. It's about getting exposed to more germs but also heightened immunity, more social experiences but also others' poor choices, more information and knowledge but being challenged and frustrated. So, we have one more week of the carefree, school-free world, and then the academic and social world of a structured, formal education begins.

It's hard to let go of my baby when we've been the primary educators. We will certainly still be just that, but we become part of a team now. I just hope the next 16+ years of educators, peers, instructors, care takers are awesome team members! This child is the most important thing to me, and it's just so challenging to already feel like I'm losing him to the big world at only two.

Don't get me wrong. Like I said before, I can't wait for Banner to experience all the fun activities, meet amazing friends, learn from talented educators, and grow and develop his own sense of self more and more each day. So many exciting things await him, and I can't wait to be his cheerleader, his fan, his tutor, his support, his advocate throughout his education, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel so fortunate that we CAN send him to preschool, that he gets this amazing opportunity, and that we live in a country that values education and child development. But, I'm also allowed to feel a little sad about it already starting!

Showered!

This morning, I was on my way to Casey's house for a play date. I had cancelled going to an indoor play gym because I've been having some sciatic nerve issues that send pains down my back and legs. I decided to keep my play date because, well, what's the difference between sitting at my house and sitting at Casey's? Plus, at Casey's, I could have a nice chat with my friend while our boys entertained each other and played well together. But, I had no idea what really awaited me!

Banner and I parked in the empty driveway and walked up to the front door of Casey's house. Typically, her boys are waiting for us at the screen door and we walk right in. This time, the front door was only slightly open and I wasn't sure if we should just walk right in or not until I saw two little silhouettes run by. Then, I slowly opened the screen door and saw bodies sitting on the living room floor. Before I could even make out the faces I was seeing through the glare of the doorway, I thought to myself, "Who else is here, and where are their cars?" Then, faces started registering. These were my mommy friends who have been participating in "Camp Mommy" throughout the summer! "What are they doing here?" I thought, as I heard, "Surprise!" and "Welcome to your shower!" (Of course, one of my first thoughts (and statements) was that I hadn't fixed my hair this morning as I noticed Casey snapping photos! She knew I'd say something like that, she said, since the plan was just to be hanging out at her house! Oh well... I'm just glad I didn't show up in my pajamas - as there were days early in this pregnancy when I'd show up at her house with no make-up, no hair fixed, and clothing that I'd like no one to really see me in... but, I digress!)

What a true surprise! I have to say, I honestly don't remember the last time I was truly surprised. Not even my engagement was a surprise since I snooped on Sam's phone and saw that he had already drafted a text message to tell his friends that we were engaged! So, to be outsmarted by a group of ladies who I see pretty often was a big shock!

These ladies went all out, too! The kids got to play, we got to chat, there were awesome treats, the decor was fabulous, and Baby Brother was showered with lots of diapers and wipes and a generous gift card to top it all off!

I can't thank my friends enough for their generosity and thoughtfulness. And, Casey, thank you for cooking, cleaning, opening up your home to us, and decorating with such creativity! I feel so blessed to have such sweet mommy friends who showered me with love today!

Here are a few pictures Casey captured:

Walking in

Caden enjoying his blueberry "cupcake"

Everett

This picture scares me but had to put a baby bump pic in

Gretchen, Ryan, Matthew, and Amy

With Gretchen & Ryan

With Anya & Shayna

With Shauna & Brayden

With Laura and Simon (and another bun in the oven)

With Casey

With Casey & our FOUR boys!

Big Boy Bedroom!

Banner has lived in the same Bachelor Pad since he was born, and I love his nursery! I was adamant that Banner would not be moved at all (neither out of his room nor out of his crib) just because Baby Brother was coming into the house. I never wanted Banner to have to grow up any faster just because a new baby would be around, and I never wanted him to feel like he was bumped out of his babyhood too soon just so we could save money on a crib for his brother.

But, after much contemplation and brainstorming with Sam, we finally decided that the alternative was actually probably better for Banner in the long run. The vacant room, which has served as an office, a guest room, and/or a storage mess(!) at various times in the 7 years I've lived in this house, is not only bigger with a higher ceiling than Banner's current bedroom, but it also was a blank slate to decorate and make into a big boy room. We decided to go ahead and get Banner's big boy bed with the idea that it would initially be used as a guest bed for my mom and sister (and whoever may stay over to help out) once BBJ2 arrives. Since we needed one of those anyway, it kind of worked out to keep Banner in his crib and his nursery until we got the new bedroom organized for a guest with what would become Banner's bedding and future bedroom. Baby Brother will be sleeping in our bedroom for a couple months anyway, so Banner can stay put for at least that amount of time. In addition, my cousin generously offered her daughter's former crib for us to use for the baby if Banner is still in his crib when BBJ2 is out of the Pack-n-Play in our room. (If that is the case, then Banner will have a bed and a crib in his new room, and he'll be able to choose which one he wants to sleep in.) 

So, the past few weeks have been spent researching, pricing, comparing, picking bedding, reorganizing, down-sizing, cleaning, choosing paint color, and finally putting our plan into action! Once we moved out some furniture and tried our best to make room for all of our crap stuff in other parts of the house (our poor dining room has become a make-shift storage facility), Sam painted the new Bachelor Pad an awesome light gray color that I love! It looks great! Then, we added the new big boy bed and made it up just for Banner.

THE BOY LOVES IT! Between each step of setting up the bed (first the box spring, then the mattress, then the mattress pad, then the sheet...), Banner would climb up and say, "Big boy bed! Night-night!" and then proceed to lay down, close his eyes, and say, "Bye, Mommy! Bye, Daddy!" Then, we would walk out, and he would yell, "Close door!" Sam and I giggled listening to him, but in all honesty the thought of him being so ready to settle in to his new room and his new bed so quickly scares me! I'm not necessarily ready for him to be in that bed. The emotional part of me doesn't want my baby out of his crib yet. The logical part of me doesn't want to fight him at bed and nap time to stay in his bed/room. I have no idea how this transition will go, and knowing the way Banner sleeps and doesn't like covers, I'm not so sure he really understands how different this will be. But, we shall see! At this rate of excitement, we may lose the "guest room" idea and have some kind of alternative for Mom/Kira when they spend the night those early weeks after I deliver.

The room looks great. I'm really pleased with it, and I'm ready to slowly make it really ready for Banner: bringing in his dresser, his books, his name letters. I'm excited for him to have something special and new just for him. Poor BBJ2 will get a used room and all of Banner's "old" bedding - it's just easier and cheaper to be honest. I figure he won't know the difference anyway, and one day, he'll get his own brand new stuff. He will, however, get his own name put up above the crib! :)

So, so much for my "we're not changing anything" approach! Looks like our boy may be more ready than we are to get into that big boy bed! So far, he has not slept in his room or big boy bed at night or at nap, and I kinda hope he doesn't any time soon. I will, however, post more about this topic in the coming weeks/months since this transition, as exciting as it is, is one I'm anxious about - and quite dreading!

Just the beginning of a complete room!

85% Baked

At 34 weeks pregnant, a week into August, I'm finally frustrated with the heat. I'm not complaining about it at all - because Lord knows it could have been a MUCH hotter summer (like the record-breaking heat of 1980 when I was born - when the thermometers were pushed to 113 degrees throughout June). Honestly, June and July were actually pleasant - with rain, cooler-than-normal high temps, and breezes that blew on occasion. But, August. . . August is here with 3-digit temperatures and relentless heat that makes you feel like you're walking into a hair dryer whenever you go outside. Truthfully, I'd be annoyed with this heat no matter what - pregnant or not. I'm not (at this point, at least) finding myself more bothered by heat than any other time in my life. I hate sweating, I hate being hot, I hate feeling sticky in the humid summer heat - regardless of a protruding belly or elevated hormone levels.

But, that's just a part of the picture. At 34 weeks, I'm feeling great! Uncomfortable, sure. Swollen feet, absolutely. Getting more and more exhausted, yes. But, I am hanging in there! I definitely find myself wanting to sit down more, mostly because my feet ache most of the day (the middle is the easiest part... they usually hurt first thing in the morning and late at night), and also because my belly is getting heavier and heavier, especially down low. I'm not carrying this baby any differently than I carried Banner, but true to the myths of "carrying boys," my babies sit front and center and don't distribute themselves to the sides or even up very high.

I'm feeling Baby move a whole lot. Some days he's quieter than others, which always terrifies me and makes me unnecessarily concerned! But, sure enough, the next day or two, he will make up for lost time and punch and roll all over the place. As I've always said, this is by far my most favorite part of being pregnant and the thing I will miss the most once he's born. It's a pretty incredible feeling as he's getting bigger and I can begin to feel knees, elbows, his back, or a tush from the outside. And, even though he doesn't look like he's up there, he certainly lodges himself under my ribs from time to time. This always makes it hard to bend/lean forward or take a deep breath, but this discomfort will only last a short time and soon I'll miss these movements and feel somewhat lonely without him in/with me all the time.

I still have lots of energy for Banner. I'm surprised at how many nights I want to bathe him, and that I'm still rubbing his back over the crib rail at night. I thought by now I would have given those tasks to Sam completely. But, I've made accommodations that allow me to still participate physically, and I'm trying to take advantage of all this time. I have no idea how long I will be able to do these things with Banner - both during and after pregnancy. And, I have no idea how my RA will be affected once this baby is born, so I'm still at a place of appreciation and gratitude to be given my joints back for a while! Getting on and off the floor isn't easy with a big belly - but it hasn't been easy for me for over a year now due to knee and wrist pain, so I traded one issue in for another - and I'll GLADLY take the belly discomfort over the knee and wrist issues, especially if it means I can comfortably sit "criss-cross applesauce" for a while (which I couldn't do before about 14 weeks pregnant). I will say that my lap is disappearing, and reading to Banner in the glider at night is getting more challenging. He even seems to be uncomfortable as he tries to cuddle with me in the chair while his body has to contort around mine. He likes to poke and push on my belly and say things like, "Baby Brother in there."

Speaking of, we've been doing a whole lot of preparing for Baby Brother. I've shown Banner the newborn clothes, and we talk about how tiny he will be. We read books about new babies in a family, and we are taking Banner to a sibling class this Saturday. He gives Baby Brother kisses and hugs, and when Baby has the hiccups, I tell Banner to come feel my belly. I'm still not sure how much he understands, but I'm hoping that all this talk will be helpful in a few weeks.

I have a doctor's appointment next week, and after that appointment, I will start seeing the doctor weekly. I'm hoping we will get a C-section date scheduled soon - so I can better prepare. But, in the meantime, I have already started packing my hospital bag just in case this baby already has his own (early) date set. I'm hoping that is not the case, but I've learned not to expect ANYTHING! So, it is what it is, and we will just have to wait and see how things pan out.

So, what else can I tell you?

Days to go: Only 42 (minus a few if we deliver at 39 weeks instead of 40)

Size of baby: I haven't had a sonogram since 28 weeks, so I'm not sure what this particular kid is weighing or measuring now, but I'm told that babies at this point are about 18 inches long and not quite 5 pounds - about the size of a cantaloupe.

Total Weight Gain: 25 pounds

Sleep: Still sleeping really well, although Banner hasn't been sleeping as great - so I find myself anxiously checking the clock during the night - hoping he keeps sleeping - but then I go right back to sleep

Symptoms: Awful reflux, lots of Braxton Hicks, decreased interest in eating (especially meals, I'd much rather snack - and I'm drawn to sweets and fruit), swollen ankles (especially my right foot), and increased need to pee more often (this is new - I've never been a pregnant pee-er!) :)

What I'm most anxious about: As I mentioned in my last update, I'm still anxious about my RA returning, about the pain and chore that is breastfeeding and whether it will work for me this time or not (I'd like for it to, but I'm not going to get hopes too incredibly high because I can't imagine why this time around would be any different), and sleeping once Baby Brother arrives. But, I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself. It is what it is - and whatever that is - I will deal with it!

Prep for Baby: Lots of organizing! We're moving things around this house like crazy. Each weekend, we have been getting a lot done. This week, Sam will get our newborn clothes from our storage facility, and I'll start going through those. Banner's big boy room is ready to go - once he's ready for it. And, we'll move a few more items from the "nursery" to his new room soon. I've started buying newborn and size 1 diapers at a very slow rate when grocery shopping. And, my hospital bag is more than half-way packed.

Baby's Name:  HA! As if I'd tell you! ;) But yes, he does have a name, and you'll just have to wait until B-Day to find out!

Now that it's August, it's feeling really close! It's feeling like a lot is about to change. My Camp Mommy "program" is coming to an end in a couple weeks, Banner will be starting preschool, and I'll be so close to meeting this little boy who is now 85% baked and ready to greet the world! Ready or not, this is happening, and it's happening somewhat soon! There are some days I can't wait, there are some days I totally can, but it really doesn't matter how I feel because within 5-6 weeks, I will have a second son!

Camp Mommy: Weeks 7-8

There have been several specific events that I've looked forward to on our Camp Mommy calendar this summer, and some of them happened these past couple weeks! As I've mentioned in these past posts, my goals in organizing a calendar for our summer were to keep me from going nuts while waiting for BBJ2, to keep Banner entertained and educated all summer, and to give us some quality time together before Baby Brother enters the picture! So far, all goals have been met, and these past couple weeks have been no exception! Whether it's due to increased activity or simply passage of time as he gets older - or both, I have noticed a significant increase in Banner's vocabulary and sentence structure. He's growing and developing in almost every aspect, and I couldn't be more proud. He's making complex connections, remembering lots of experiences from the summer, and generating new ideas and concepts daily!

My two favorite activities from Week 7 were definitely taking Banner to his first movie and trying out yet another new indoor facility. I'd been looking forward to experiencing a movie with Banner since June, so it was really nice that he actually made it through the entire movie. We saw Sesame Street: Follow that Bird at Studio Movie Grill. It was part of the Children's Summer Series, and it was the perfect movie to pick. I'm glad my mom got to be a part of the experience as well, and it was certainly helpful to have her around to distract, redirect, and contain my active boy. There were a few times he wanted to stand in his chair, get up and walk around, or crawl under the table, but mostly if we redirected his attention to the movie by showing him a character or seeing if he wanted more of his snack/lunch, he would easily watch the movie again. All-in-all, it was a great time for him, and as we left he kept saying, "More movie!" I'm not sure we'll go again this summer or not, just not sure they are playing a movie that would hold his interest like that again, but I'll think about it! The other favorite was a facility that's only been open for two months, and my friend, Casey, told me about it several weeks ago. I was thrilled when she blogged about it, too, and we were able to get a group of friends together to go check it out! This place did not disappoint!! In fact, we will definitely be going again and again! (For privacy reasons, I am not disclosing the name of the facility, but if you are interested, message me or comment below.)

Standing in his chair watching the movie

Mom and Banner

First ticket stub!

Cool slide!

At the sensory board

Playing with rice

Classroom

This room was by far MY favorite, and once I got Banner to push past the fear of the dim room, he was all about it, too! SO many cool things to do in this sensory quiet room!

 

Highlights from Week 8: I loved taking Banner to the splash park with his cousins Colby and Miles this week! Not only did they all play well together, but Banner stayed on the splash pad area - which is a big change since the beginning of the summer. It was nice to hang out on the playground and the spray area with Colby, Miles, and Aunt Gayle. Later that same day, Banner and I tried out some ice play in the backyard, but it was a complete FLOP. I made this recipe and, although the letters were vibrant and cute, the taste was way too lemony (even though I only used four lemons, as opposed to the suggested six), and in this awful afternoon heat, the letters melted immediately. I had to capture a few pics really fast! They melted so fast that whenever Banner tried to pick them up or move them, they fell apart right away. There was NO time to really talk about the letters or sounds or play with them at all. It turned into a mess, and we quickly turned the hose on to wash away the colorful puddles on the cookie sheet. However, playing in the water and dirt after that disaster was a lot of fun! We also had a blast with Grandma at the gym (the same one I wrote about in week 7 above), the library, and Chick-fil-A (with a special ice cream treat to top it all off)! Finally, we tried out a Gymboree Play & Learn class for free - it was a great way to spend the morning, but definitely not something I'm interested in signing Banner up for.... not only is it way overpriced, but he really just wanted to do his own thing and not follow the teacher or even the other kids. He thoroughly enjoyed the equipment and running everywhere, though! I enjoyed watching him have fun, although I wished he had paid better attention to the directions of the teacher. His favorite part was running up and over inner tube "hills" that were under the floor mats. Such a giggly boy during this activity! The teacher was impressed with his abilities and told me he was, "Awesome," "So sweet," and "Very advanced," but she may have been kissing my a$s for us to sign up. (I do happen to agree with her, though!)

This was taken through the screen door but too cute not to post!

Ball pit at the Gym with Matthew and Ryan

"Help, Mommy!"

"An umbrella!" he said as he climbed up.

Ready to jump off!

A "selfie"

Other stuff we did these two weeks: went to story time at the public library, got a haircut, visited "Banner's school" where Aunt Kira is working, had fun with NaNa & Uncle Paul when they babysat, went to a workshop at Lowe's with Daddy, played and had brunch with Avery, Jed, and Cherie, played at Ella's house, experimented with scissors (so not ready for them yet!), enjoyed a morning alone at the park by 8:00am with my teething boy who wouldn't sleep past 5:45, went to another Home Depot workshop with Daddy, and had an impromptu play date at Grandma's when the gym we thought had an open gym did NOT, in fact, have open gym as advertised on their website - but it was still fun to play and have lunch with Landry, Marin, and Brayden!

Showing me the truck he and Daddy made at Home Depot

By far my most frustrating moment was when Banner decided to take off running out of the children's area, past the circulation desk, past the first set of automatic doors, through the second set of automatic doors, and outside to the front porch of the library where I finally caught the fast little booger before he jutted into the street. I'm telling you - this kid is a runner, and he's FAST and will take off in a heartbeat. I was looking at books to check out, he was standing next to me. All of a sudden he makes a run for it, and I didn't initially run after him because I thought he was heading for the toys and puzzles he usually enjoys playing with. Well, a little distance got between us before I realized he was not stopping. My 8-month pregnant, arthritic body tried to waddle after him as fast as I could, and with no one's help to stop him (thank you, public library staff), he was way faster than I could be. With unchecked-out books in my hands, I dropped everything at the entrance and sprinted to capture him. Sweating and annoyed, I clasped his hand tightly in mine, told him he is NEVER to leave my side, checked out our books, and calmly walked to our car - where we had a stern talking to! My boy is adventurous, daring, and completely unaware of boundaries! We are working on this... and working on it, and working on it, as he continues to just take off out of buildings, houses, and stores. This was definitely the farthest he's gotten from me, and the farther along in the pregnancy I get, the slower and less confident I get that I can catch him! Camp Mommy may start to include a LEASH for this kid!

Coming in the last three weeks of Camp Mommy: more pool time, more indoor fun, a sibling class at the hospital, more gym/music/art intro classes at local kid gyms, play dates, baking, and lots of prep for preschool!

Camp Mommy: Weeks 5-6

We are well into summer at this point of mid-July, and I can't believe how quickly it has passed. I worried it would drag and be boring, which is the whole reason I decided to implement such a structured summer - so I'm pleased that it's actually going "swimmingly!" Since my last Camp Mommy post, we have enjoyed so many more fun-filled activities. One morning, we were invited to come hang out at my cousin's - who offered us tons of new hand-me-down toys, and Banner has been in toy heaven since that morning! We have new fun things to play with thanks to Jordan and Keaton who donated their no-longer-played-with toys to their little cousin, Banner! Firetrucks, garbage trucks, more Hot Wheels, a big doctor's kit, a large tool bench with electronic tools, an entire train track and trains, a set of instruments, a scooter, a lacing kit, a gas station/garage... the list goes on! (And so does the storage problem we've always had with how to organize and store toys, but I keep repeating to myself that a child-friendly, messy home shows that we are creating memories!) So, most of our "down-time" in the past couple weeks has been simply enjoying the new-to-us toys we have sprinkled all over the house. Banner is awesome at independent play, so there's never a dull moment for him even if we aren't out in the heat. (Thank you, Kevin, Robin, Jordan, & Keaton!)

We also ventured to the Children's Aquarium downtown, had some excellent water play in the backyard, tried another Barnes & Noble story time (not a huge fan for B's age), had a swim date at Emily's house, spent the day with cousins while waiting to hear the great news that Nami was out of his first surgery, had another visit to the indoor play park, visited Nami at home and played with Brycen, went to the library for Toddler Time and to check out new books, visited with Uncle Marc and Natalie the day before had Bubbie's unveiling (and then spent more time with family afterward), enjoyed a movie and popcorn date when the rain forced us to stay inside, went grocery shopping (and Banner got to be the shopper!), met Lindsay, Myka, Shauna, and Brayden at a bounce house venue (which was a little too advanced for our little ones, but I'm still glad we tried it out), enjoyed an amazing trip to the zoo (so fun that it deserved its own post!), celebrated Aunt Mischelle's birthday, explored and loved another Jump venue (twice!) which has special Toddler Jump times, and visited another farmstead museum.  Check it out. . .

Aquarium

Stingrays

Ready for water play!

painting the porch

Hanging out with Emily

Celebrating a successful first surgery!

Playing with Shayna

Wagon ride with Brycen

 

These two crack me up!

Shopping

Enjoying popcorn and watching The Lion King after nap

Climbing into a bounce house obstacle course

Myka on left

These two sweet sisters helped Banner up to the slide

And then they helped him down! He loved them, and they were a big help to me! :)

 

Love the action shot

Cousins after Aunt Mischelle's birthday dinner

Jump Mania

I love watching his pretend play - this video cut off but he was quite the little chef at this facility:

Farmstead Museum

Chickens

"Bak bak bak"

Turkey

Banner getting a good look at the cows

Donkey

Sheep

"Tractors!"

Playing with Brayden

And here's a little video we sent to Daddy this afternoon while playing with Play Doh. Again, the video cut off but he was very imaginative with the Play Doh and all the things he was going to make for Daddy.

In the next couple weeks, we'll be going to a movie for the first time(!), trying out a couple new gyms, spending more time at the pool, enjoying more library story time, going to another workshop with Daddy, and trying our best to beat the heat with lots of fun activities and friends!