eRAsed

I'm 23 weeks pregnant today, and I'm feeling pretty good! Friends and family members have been asking how I'm feeling, and the answer lately has always been "pretty good!" in an optimistic tone. I really don't have a whole lot to complain about other than typical pregnancy symptoms (awful indigestion/reflux, a "full" belly feeling, and occasional swollen ankles and feet when I've been on them too long). But, when it comes to my RA, it's been pretty interesting.

You know how when you erase a pencil mark/mistake there's always a trace of the mark? Like you can't completely get rid of the evidence that there was a mark made before you erased it? Well, that's kind of how I feel about my RA right now. My pregnancy has been a blessing to my joints - completely relieving most pain I had been feeling since July 2012. Yet, it's not completely gone. There are hints of it still lingering, some days are worse than others, and I'm still pretty cautious with how I use my body and joints when moving.

My rheumatologist told me that one in three women will have improved symptoms during pregnancy. He also said that one in three get worse, and one in three stay the same. I'm so happy to be part of the one in three that gets better!! It's already hard enough keeping up with a busy, energetic toddler with all the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy, so thank God I'm not also dealing with full-blown RA flares. My jaw doesn't hurt at all, my elbows are probably 90% better, my wrists are probably 60-70% better, and my knees hurt and swell a lot less than before (probably 50-60% better?). In addition, I've had no new joint pain and zero morning stiffness! In fact, Banner cried out the other night around 1:00am, and I dashed out of bed without flinching. If that had happened 5 months ago, I wouldn't have been able to move, and I'd end up apologizing to Sam for not helping with my boy as he called for me.

What's really interesting to me is how quickly I have forgotten my life with joint pain. While I know I'm blessed to be experiencing such relief and mobility, I often forget how hard and painful life was before the second trimester (I started feeling relief around 12-13 weeks). I can get dressed with ease (minus bending over my belly to put on socks or shoes, although I've learned how to compensate for and accommodate this through all the RA shenanigans), I can scratch my own back with a bent elbow to reach, I can dry my hair without cringing from holding the dryer for so long, I can turn to check my blind spot without hurting, I can hold the phone to my ear without pain, and I can open jars and put away dishes without worrying my weak wrists will fail me. I can even get off the toilet without wincing from knee pain - although it's not as smooth of a transition as it once was (still feels weak and sore in my knees - almost reminds me of the pain you'd feel the day after a hard workout . . . yes, once upon a time I did workout).  While my knees still bug me, and I've grown quite conditioned to getting on and off the floor in a particular way to protect them, I honestly don't remember just how painful my joints were, and I am starting to forget what life was like having to do some major motor-planning when it came to everyday tasks.

The only down side to forgetting is that I'm so worried about it coming back - which I'm hopeful it won't but pretty sure it will. I've heard from a few fellow RA patients that their symptoms were alleviated during pregnancy as well, but they also warn me that symptoms returned post-pregnancy - and with a vengeance! As I entered my second trimester with less and less pain, I was thrilled and excited to get somewhat of a break from the joint pain and strain that I'd been experiencing for quite a while on a daily basis. But, I've been a little worried about what's on the other side of delivering this baby boy in September. Some moms tell me it gets way worse than it was before. I'm kind of wondering if that's because, like me, they may have forgotten how painful it was pre-pregnancy. Man, I hope it's not worse! I'm really in for it if that's the case!

My rheumatologist also told me that some women go into remission during pregnancy and the RA NEVER COMES BACK! I am not banking on that because I don't want to be completely let down, but I'm certainly going to hope for the best. And, if it does come back, well, we will get a plan. I'll start meds (which I could not have taken while trying to conceive) and hope they offer me some help so I can take the best care of my two little boys and so I can be the playful, energetic, mobile mom I want to be to them.

In the meantime, I wait to see what happens. And, I enjoy the next few months of erased symptoms. On occasion, I will remember that I have RA and that there is still evidence of RA in my joints. But, I will savor these next 16 weeks or so - not taking my body for granted and enjoying the relief that my baby boy is bringing my body. I mean, how many pregnant women can say THAT?!

(Remind me of all this in late third trimester when I'm complaining of all the backache, the swelling, the leg cramps, the heat, the peeing...)

**For further reading about pregnancy and RA, visit this link and this link. Great articles and research provided. And, this is a pretty cool report as well.