Party Time! Banner Turns Six

Dear Banner,
This year, you wanted a Pokemon theme. You wanted it at your favorite pool where you swam twice a week at camp last summer (and will this summer). You wanted Pokeball cupcakes. You wanted to give out Pokemon cards as favors. You wanted your entire class there. You wanted to invite everyone you knew. You were so upset that you had to make decisions on who we could and couldn't invite based on the number allowed, but you were SO excited about this party. You knew exactly what you wanted! And that made planning this particular party so easy for me! It really was a breeze.

The only task I had was to make the Pokeball cupcakes, which was so super easy! See my steps here:

Voila! We were set! We made chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, and friends got to choose which kind they liked. We had fun making them, and other than slightly time consuming that morning, they were the easiest cupcakes I've ever made probably. Sorry the pictures below are upside-down (the red is supposed to be at the top).

The pool was the perfect place for the party. It has so many different places for kids to play: a very shallow end where Knox and the other babies could play and walk easily, some slides (that Knox even went down a couple times with BeeBee and Grandma's help), a volleyball net, an island in the middle of the pool where Quinn liked to jump off of to Grandma or Daddy, a diving board, and even a toddler area that was perfect for everyone who wanted a break from the pool (including Knox who adored this area). Our table was in the shade, which made the perfect little sitting area for parents and grandparents to hang out. 

With Ella

With Landon

With Madeline

With Marin & Landry - I love watching you three grow up together!

Party favors were Pokemon pencils, Pokemon cards, and several Hershey miniatures wrapped up in Pokemon character wraps (which were easily secured on during our road trip to San Antonio last week)! 

I always enjoy putting together your parties, Banner Boone. I love celebrating you, the people who love you, the themes and things you that make you happy, and most importantly, another year of a healthy, happy, beautiful life!

I LOVE YOU! Happy 6th Birthday Party Day!

Love,

Mommy

And Another Year Makes SIX!

Dear Banner,
Happy 6th Birthday, Angel Baby! Oh, what do I want to say to you this year!?! It zoomed, it challenged me, it awed me. What a whirlwind of a big year for you - for all of us! Kindergarten, losing teeth, riding a bike, whistling, moving houses, starting a new school, meeting Hayla and Damon, wanting to be on swim team, reading like a 2nd grader! These are the big things that happened for you this year, but there's so much more!

I told myself when you turned six I wouldn't do these little updates any longer - that maybe they would start to embarrass you or that they'd be too hard to keep up with. But, I feel a yearning to write all this out. I want to capture you at this age and be able to share it with you one day. As always, the years fly by, and you won't be six for long! The days are long, but the years so short, and I just can't help but want to reflect and reminisce about the year you were 5.

Academically, you are at the top of the class. You are excelling and reaching far beyond what is expected. At the beginning of the school year, you were reading at the beginning of first grade level, but now you are well into 2nd grade level. At the beginning of the school year, you hated to color, but now, you know how to take your time and enjoy making something beautiful. You don't hate it as much, but it's still not your favorite. Your math skills are also impressive! Although you don't call it multiplying, you do it well in your head and understand how to add numbers multiple times. For instance, at Sea World last week, you told me, "Mommy, we rode the roller coaster three times - but it was really six, because each time we went twice around the loop." Or, you will tell me how many seconds something is if I said we have 3 more minutes and you'll count to 60 three times. You are also in the gifted program at school, and you adore your GT teacher and the activities you get to do with her. I've taken a few classes to learn more about GT kiddos, and now that I have my own, I fully understand why it can be quite challenging. I'll explain below later...

Socially, you are Mr. Popular. You know every kiddo in Kindergarten and whose class he/she is in. The kids all seem to know you, too. You love to stick your head out the window and wave to all your friends as we leave the carpool line. "Oh, Mommy, there's Jood! Roll down the window!" or going through drop off in the morning, "Oh, hurry, Mommy, I see Kate R; I'm gonna walk in with her!" And, maybe you'll see Andrew walking in, too, and the three of you will hold hands walking in together. You LOVE play dates and want to go to friends' houses any chance you can. You so enjoy Knox - with an occasional frustration at him when he unknowingly turns off your Xbox game by pushing the lit-up power button on the console. You and Quinn have a love/hate relationship. Best friends who make each other laugh, but you two can be so mean to each other a second later. I try to stay out of it, but man, you can be one mean little booger to him. You forget he's only 3 and adores you with every ounce of his being. He copies you and wants what you have and what you want. It's the ultimate form of flattery, but you don't see it that way. He chose the same stuffed animal from the Sea World gift shop and he wanted to name his dolphin the same thing you did... and you said that was so mean. But, he just wants to BE you! One day you'll get that and love him for it, but right now, not so much!

Physically, you are long and lanky but still on the shorter side compared to your peers. That could be because you're one of the younger ones in the class, but we'll find out your percentiles next week at Dr. B's office. We plan to talk to him about a few things that have been bothering you and us a little: the continued bedwetting, continued transient motor tics (opening your eyes wide), and perhaps some inattentive behaviors that we feel may be ADHD. Those are my only worries with you, but they are aren't small. As I was writing about before, you also have some GT overexcitabilities that come into play and cause emotional outbursts and frustrations for you. You have an imaginational overexcitability and a sensual one... you hear everything, you imagine everything and then it makes you become a scared little kiddo. You don't like to go places by yourself (upstairs or to your room or even playing Xbox by yourself). You like someone to stay in your room with you until you are asleep - often asking us to hold your hand. You end up in our bed pretty much every night, but we are working on this! The inattention, forgetfulness, and impulsivity pieces are what get you into trouble a lot, and you have even started noticing this yourself. It breaks my heart when you have said some of the following: "Mommy, there's something wrong with my brain," "God made me wrong; there's something wrong with me. You have to ask me to do things over and over again, but you only have to ask Quinn once," "No one likes me," and through tears, "I'm trying my best, but I can't do what you ask me to."  Because you are so bright and don't get into much trouble at school, it's hard to know what's really going on with the ADHD concerns, but my goal for the summer is to try to figure this out with you. We are open and honest with you about our desires to get you help, as you have expressed your own concerns that you need it. It's just so hard to separate ADHD from giftedness and from strong-will and from first-born and so on!

Lately, we are utilizing a nickel system to help encourage you to both listen to our directions and encourage you to make good choices. We also have noticed that this system is helping you monitor your screen time and is reinforcing your skills with money. Every Monday, you get 36 nickels in your baggie from the "bank" baggie. You have the ability to earn more nickels if you go above and beyond our expectations. You lose nickels to the bank for poor choices. You owe Quinn nickels if you hurt him in any way. For every nickel you have, you have 5 minutes of screen time. You can cash in however many minutes you want at a time, during allowable times. The nickel system seems to be working pretty well. You have quite an addiction to the iPad, so this helps you realize how much time you're spending on it and helps us monitor it.

You love... donuts, candy, chocolate (quite the sweet tooth!), Lego Dimensions on Xbox, Slurpees, history, iPad, playing on the computer, Legos (and Tinker Toys and K'nex, too) buying your lunch at school, riding your bike, going to the park, Pokemon cards, doing "experiments" with random items around the kitchen and building concoctions and art work with recyclable stuff, color baths, the color green, desserts, swimming, learning the words to new songs - this year it was: Replay, Cake by the Ocean, Hello, One Call Away, Shake It Off, Man in the Mirror (Lego Batman version), and Friends are Family.

You hate... homework, getting up early when you're not ready to wake up, staying in your seat at meal times, bugs, being alone, surprises, when someone takes the remote from you, being told screen time is over

Last night when I tucked you in, I asked if you were going to miss being 5. You said yes, you would. I asked what you would miss about it, and you answered, "Kindergarten." We talked about how first grade was going to be great, too, though. I asked if you thought six would feel different than five, and you said yes. When I asked why, you said, "I'll be nicer when I'm 6. I'm going to get rid of my 'baditude' and have more 'gratitude.'" I LOVED this answer. You were remembering a book (Baditude) that I've read to you a few times. This morning, you certainly seemed to already be modeling that idea. You woke up in our bed - to Quinn and I showering you with balloons as Daddy and Knox came in. You were smiley and let me cuddle you after we sang "Happy Birthday." Then, we went out for donuts and let you blow out a candle when we came home. Then, we went to a new play place with Ella, Brycen, Nami, and Hayla - and Levi joined later. I reluctantly ordered you the Sprite you were begging for, a new favorite since getting one at Camp Gan Izzy over winter break nearly 6 months ago. Then, Aunt Mischelle took you to her house for a play date with Brycen and Nami, another favorite treat. At the end of the day, we had some fun at Chuck E. Cheese's - yet another favorite - where we celebrated with more of your favorites: lots of cousins, grandparents, friends. Before you went to bed, I read you your 5-year-old "I Believe" that I wrote for you. As you've gotten older, it's fun reminiscing with you as you remember more and more of the year, and so many times your reaction is "Oh, yeah! I remember that!!" I think it helps us put the last year to rest and to remember all the funny, the happy, the challenges of "5."

Banner Boone, it's hard to believe it's already been 6 years since we met. In other ways, I feel like I've known you MY whole life. We are still learning this parent/child thing together, and I often feel so sad that I don't have my shit together better for you. I'm getting there, and you've been more than patient with me. I wish I could say the same about me - that I've been patient with you. You challenge and test me daily with your inattention and difficulty following directions. You are on a path of your own so much of the time - wanting to do what you want to do when you want to do it, the way you want to do it. Dr. B usually reminds me that you are doing exactly what you're supposed to do - trying to pave your own way on your terms to become independent. I'm trying to remember that! My favorite time of day with you is at night when you just want to chat, ask questions, open up to me about anything. I love this time with you, and I love how cuddly and sweet you are. While you are getting to be so big and mature, you also still need me to kiss away boo-boos and hold you when you are sad, and we still "argue" over who loves who more. No matter what, I will ALWAYS love you more than you could ever love me - so there!

Happy 6th Birthday, Angel Baby!!!
I love you so very much! More than you could ever possibly imagine!!
Love,
Mommy

Bright light!

At Jungle Joe's

At Chuck E. Cheese's

Favorite Sixth Year Memories

• The morning you woke up on your fifth birthday, came to cuddle with me, just you, me, and Daddy in bed, and later playing with balloons with Quinn, and watching Ella's birthday message video she sent you
• Our last hug at Darion in the playroom as we cried
• Waving goodbye to you through the glass on your first day of kindergarten, a look of seriousness and discomfort but confidence
• Watching you in my rearview mirror as you walked in to school on your second day of kindergarten as the principal walked next to you
• Urban Air when we were leaving and you (unprompted) said, "That was fun! Mommy, thank you for taking me on a date there!"
• Watching Wizard of Oz for your very first time - eating pizza next to Quinn, and Knox in the high chair booster on the floor
• Swaying with you under the shower as you relaxed and let the water run down your head
• Oh my goodness!!! The Mother/Son Dance!
• Safari Run and Hope Park during Thanksgiving Break
• When you kissed your shoes goodbye before we trashed them - I let you wear them one more weekend but then that Sunday night, you kissed them goodbye one last time ... loved it!!!!
• The morning you ran in saying you had a loose tooth! And then, of course, the day you lost your first tooth at Knox's first birthday party (Uncle Brock pulled it, and I was in the middle of watching Knox's video Daddy had made!)
• The day we got the letter telling us you made it into the PACE program
• Your consecration... Dancing with the congregation and getting your first Torah and the suit you wore... just priceless!
• The day you figured out how to ride your bike. You were scared and nervous you couldn't  do it, but then you did, and you wanted me to send a video of you riding "to our whole family!" Later, you told me you were proud of me too  - for teaching you how to ride a bike! You knew it was my first time to teach someone how to do that, and you let me know I did a good job!
• Singing Adele's "Hello" with you in the garage and belting it out just the two of us
• Oh, the Kindergarten performance, and you delivering your (awkward) line so perfectly! You sang so many of our family favorites ("What a Wonderful World", "Bushel & a Peck", and "Grand Old Flag")
• The Outdoor Learning Center field trip with you - and when you saw me come in to your classroom, you LIT UP! That made my day, week, month!
• When the field trip guide at the OLC asked what the birds might be tweeting about and you sang "Cuz ya got to have friends..." and our little group (Michelle, Bradley, Tati, and Kate D.) started laughing
• When you asked if we could go to Sea World and I said yes (you were pooping in the Spring Creek BBQ bathroom) :) 
• Oh!!!! Riding the roller coaster together at Yesterland! What a memory! That was SOOO fun!
• Some of our chats at bedtime - about God, about religion, about childbirth, oy, you have tested me this year and kept me on my toes when it comes to pretty deep conversation!
• The night you wanted me to sing a song, but the song made you cry; I think I sang "Hushabye Baby" or another one of the songs from your infant play list. I changed the song to "Dream", and you did fine. But, you wanted one more, so I sang "You'll Be in My Heart." You turned away from me toward the end, crying. I asked if you were sad or feeling loved. You said loved. We held each other. You were a basket case, which made me one. You said, "The line that says, 'I may not be with you,' made me sad that one day you will die and I will miss you so much." And more crying ensued. Daddy eventually came in and talked to you with me. We just all laid there together. Tears. It was nice, a little melodramatic, but nice and heartwarming. 
• Singing "Side by Side" with you and calling Grandma and singing it with her on FaceTime at the end of Mother's Day
• On my last work day this school year, you missed your second-to-last school day because of a fever the day before. Therefore, you got to come with me to work, and it was so fun to have you there with me - just us - as you helped me pack up and move boxes from my old office to my new one. Later that day, before we had to pick up Quinn from school, we went outside and saw the Kindergarteners on the playground at recess from our garage. Everyone shouted, "Banner!!!! Banner!!!" and you waved and said hi to everyone. You teased them again and again, going back and forth from the driveway to back in the house. I know you would love McDonald's any time - but you especially wanted it that day, so you could wave to your friends again and drive down the alley with them cheering your name - and they did - not once but twice: on the way to McDonald's and the way back! They ran down he fence, following our car. I'm glad I gave in to McD's and let you feel that love from your classmates.
• Watching you ride Abby Cadabby's Rockin' Wave all by yourself at Sea World. Your face. Oh, your sweet face just a big bright light of smiles!
• Hauling "tuchus" to get from the Capitol building in Austin to the Bob Bullock Museum to see the Texas history movie. We ran down that street so fast, and you were quite a trooper because you are one big history buff!

Damon Raif and his Warrior Mother

I've experienced giving birth. It was an experience like no other, and of course I will remember these three very different experiences forever. Although I was able to watch my third baby come out of my womb through a clear (but slightly blurry) plastic drape, there was nothing "natural" about the way my babies came into the world - even though that's what I desperately wanted. My babies were all delivered behind a sterile curtain, with doctors and nurses all around, in a freezing operating room where I was constricted by cords and wires and complete lack of control over my own body due to anesthesia. I wanted no medicine. I wanted no intervention. I wanted to push my baby out on my own, without someone else taking him from my body. But, that's not how that first delivery went down. A variety of circumstances (a doctor who said my blood pressure was rising even though it was still in the normal range, an induced labor, slow progress, a baby who was facing the "wrong" direction, a baby whose head was compressing the umbilical cord during contractions and therefore causing a lowering heart rate ...) led us to a fast C-section before I even really understood what was really going on. My first birth experience left me mourning the natural delivery I wanted, and I was angry and frustrated at the way things progressed in the first week of my newborn's life. If I could get those first couple of weeks back, I would redo them so differently, and I would have been a better mommy to my first baby. There's nothing sadder than wanting a redo of how to be there for your baby and feeling like you didn't love that baby the right way immediately. But, I've had to forgive myself for that and move forward knowing better and doing better. Before my 2-week postpartum check up with my firstborn, I had come to the realization that it doesn't matter how you give birth, as long as you end up with a baby! I ended up thanking my doctor and appreciating the choices he made, because I did end up okay, and my baby was perfect!

A miracle had happened - and it happened for me 3 times! THREE times, I had a baby come through my body. And, I've come to understand that there is no delivery that is easy, there is no delivery that is "better" or "worse" than another, and all women and all births are miraculous. Yes, I know women give birth every day all over the globe. It happens again and again. But, when it happens to YOU... OH MY GOD, it leaves you with a sense of awe and the greatest high.

My sister had a completely different experience when she gave birth to her first child. Our deliveries could not have been more opposite of each other. Kira had Levi fast. She went into labor a week and a half early, with water breaking on its own. Two or three hours later, she delivered her son without any pain medicine, in a tub of water, with a midwife present. Her husband cut the cord, her baby nursed right away, and she was able to move about much sooner than I could have fathomed. While I was jealous that I didn't have the same experience, there was never any resentment on my part. I was so glad that she had the delivery she had wanted. I knew she had learned from my experiences not to get her hopes up that it could happen that way, but she also tried to do everything she could to try to ensure that her wishes were met.

So, of course, when she was pregnant with her second child, she wanted to try for the exact same delivery. This time, she hoped there would be enough time for me to be able to attend the birth. I was beyond excited at the possibility that I could be in the room with her - to witness the birth of my niece or nephew. My brother and my father are OB/GYNs, and although I've seen my dad deliver babies via C-section, I never sat in on a vaginal birth. And, although I had seen some on video from my own child birthing classes, being in the room with a woman giving birth had never happened for me.  I was anxious it wouldn't happen this way, though. With three kids and a job, the stars were going to have to align for the timing to work out where I could leave pretty quickly after knowing she was in labor. Knowing how quickly she delivered her first baby, timing was of the essence. And, how sweet it was when we got the call from my brother-in-law on the Sunday morning of Memorial Day weekend! No work, Sam was home, it was mid-morning, and we had the whole day ahead of us!

It was raining pretty hard, and we would be taking care of my nephew while his mommy was in labor. I wasn't sure if I should go to the hospital or not. My mom kept texting she didn't know what to tell me. Sam said to just go, but I didn't want to be in the way. I wasn't sure if my brother-in-law knew Kira wanted me there or what they had decided, so I was uncertain about going. But, then I got a text from my mom that said, "Just come. She wants you to be here." And, 28 minutes later, I walked through her labor and delivery room, where she was already 9 cm dilated. Only a few minutes passed before Kira said she felt like she needed to push. Her midwife said go ahead and give it a try, and within a few more pushes, that baby was well on his way into the world! As hospital policy would have it, Kira should have gotten out of the tub at that point, but her midwife could feel the baby's head already starting to come out. Maybe two more pushes later, and there was another person in the world that hadn't been there seconds before!

Oh my goodness, what an experience! What a gift to be there for that moment when that baby was lifted from the water and placed on Kira's chest as she relaxed into the back of the tub with this new being resting on her. They'd both worked so hard, and their labor was much rewarded in that moment of exhausted relief. After a bit of rubbing and suctioning, the nurse helped lift the baby's leg back, and we were able to see that I had another NEPHEW! We sure do make some amazing little boys in this family, and here is another one! I swore this one would be a girl, but nope! Levi is a big brother to a little brother, and Kira and I are both "boy moms." As much as I was (only slightly) hoping for a girl, I have to say, any visions of my nonexistent niece immediately vanished without a disappointment in the world! What I had just witnessed was so amazingly cool, and here was this little baby who was meant to be a part of this family, and he was healthy and strong and crying and BIG! Like, really big! In fact, the nurses were all guessing he was at or close to 9 pounds, but when they weighed him and saw 10 pounds, 5 ounces flash on the scale screen, everyone was in shock! Erick seemed to be in awe of Kira's labor of love and how gracefully she brought his son into the world. I couldn't agree more. I later told Kira she made that delivery look like she'd done this a million times. She seemed to know her body so well, to know how to handle her pain, to embrace the natural progression of, well, everything!

I could go on and on about the rest of that day .... how Kira held the baby as she stepped out of the tub with the cord still in tact before delivering the placenta once settled in bed, how nursing went pretty smoothly, how Levi came to meet his little brother and the smiles he showed were ones of true excitement, awe, love, and pride, and how Mom and I found out the baby's name: Damon Raif and the beauty of the meaning of each name and for whom each name represents. But, those stories are for Kira to tell. The one I wanted to tell tonight is of how proud I am of my little sister. It's been a few days, and I'm still in a state of excitement over having been a part of Damon's debut. Kira and I gave birth to our boys in very different ways with a very different set of circumstances. I do C-sections - and as much as there was a very tiny part of me that wished she could identify with what I went through to deliver my babies... she does unmedicated, vaginal water births. And she does them WELL! And either way is okay. She worked really hard to get those babies out of her. I worked really hard to recover from the aftermath of my deliveries. There is nothing like watching those new lives come out of a body. There is nothing like witnessing a piece of a woman - her little "heart walking  around outside" her body - come into the world to start a journey of life. But, geez... all week long I've been waiting to publish this blog post  - not just to celebrate the birth of Damon, but to also shout to the world, "My sister is a fucking warrior!"

Kira, I'm so very proud of you! Thank you and Erick for letting me be a part of Damon's big entrance! I hope these photos are at least some token of my appreciation!

15-Month Newsletter: Knox

Dear Knox,
This one snuck up on me big time! Before I knew it, May 15th had come and gone, and I didn't even know that I had kissed my 14-month-old goodnight for the last time before realizing the date after you had gone to sleep. My heart broke a little that I didn't mentally acknowledge it, and I feel like for the first time, your third-child status snuck in to my absent-mindedness of the details of your age. I know, I'm being too hard on myself, but each month is a milestone still, and you are learning and growing at a super-fast speed, so I want to be in the moment and savor it as it comes! But, life is fast, and things are happening, and we are busy - oh so busy! But, we did wish you a happy 15-month birthday yesterday. And, I did write this post on your actual 15-month birthday... but I purposefully waited to post it until today in order to await the details of your 15-month well-check. So, although it went unnoticed in the final moments of your last day as a 14-month-old, it is certainly not forgotten that we're a quarter-way through your second trip around the sun.

So, what have you been up to this month?

-Climbing and more climbing! You're a pro at the stairs. You love perching up on stools. You've mastered getting up on every couch (and LOVE our new one!) in the house. Last night, you even mastered climbing up on the chair in the waiting area of our new swim school - and it was a tall chair!

-You are a dancing machine!! You dig a good tune. You have great rhythm when you dance, too! You like to copy Quinn's break dancing. You've been trying to hum along or attempt singing! I love this!

-You still love your bottles, but you so don't need them. I'm dragging my feet on dropping them altogether, but I've offered no bottles during the middle of the day - only in the morning and at night. But, you get so excited when you see your bottle, that it's hard to drop it! Mommy is such a push-over!

-You haven't really added any words this month, but you are solidifying the ones you have. You've been attempting "Banner," but it doesn't sound much different than "Baaaer" or other "Baahhh" words - which can often be "bottle"  or "ball" too. But, it's definitely clear when you are calling him. You continue to say "more," "up," "all done," "I did it!," "Dada," "bye-bye," "ball," and are able to now say "Hayla," too! You certainly like to babble and pretend to have a full conversation, and you make your needs and wants known pretty clearly. You point, you make us follow you, you look at what you want. You pucker your face up and furrow your brow if you don't like something, and you whine when you are not happy - although mostly it's a fake whine.

-You by the numbers:

• 19-20 months - your developmental age! Mr. Smarty Pants!
• 24.5 pounds - your weight, which is the 75th percentile
• 31 7/8 inches - your height, which is the 75th percentile
• 47 cm is your head size, which is the 55th percentile
• Size 4 diapers - coming to an end, though! I've stopped ordering those, and we're ready to finish those off and start the big stash of 5's we have left-over from Quinn's last diaper deliveries nearly a year ago! 
• Size 18 month clothes - but starting to get snug on you!
• 4 pacifiers - all purple, all equally loved!
• 2 naps (more on this below)
• 5 teeth - but an upper one on the way

-My goal is to get you through the rest of May and part of June on 2 naps a day still. Then, I'd like to phase those out your morning nap by mid-June.

Knox Morgan, I am so smitten with you. I CANNOT WAIT until summer when you and I will get some extra extra-special time together without big brothers around, with uninterrupted, napless mornings, with fun new experiences I have planned for you! I cannot wait to explore the world through YOUR eyes, just like I did with Banner and with Quinn when it was just B or just Q and me! I savor that one-on-one time with my boys. I relish in the newness of the cool stuff we will get to do without the rush to get you home for a morning nap and then an afternoon nap. Many parents dread the days their kids drop a nap, but me... I'm so ready! World, here we come this summer! Camp Mommy is going to be a blast!

As we move into the next month, our busy-ness will not end! Neither will my love for you! I'm so happy to be your Ma-Ma!

Happy 15 Months, Knoxipoo!
Oh, Baby Love, how I love loving you!
Love,
Mommy