FIVE WHOLE YEARS!

Dear Banner,
Each night I tuck you in bed, you change just a little bit more. Seemingly overnight, your hands have gotten more sturdy and less soft and chubby. They are no longer the hands of a toddler. Your body is getting longer and leaner, no longer the roundness of a small boy. Your clothes and shoes barely make it a couple months before they are tattered and torn up - showing the work of a growing boy who is hard at play all the time. You've made some great friends this year - again. And, you've stood up to the tall challenges of starting a new school in your final year of preschool, of being part of a soccer team, of strengthening your swimming skills, of taking on reading books, of becoming a big brother all over again! This year we've seen such phenomenal growth and learning, and I'm always so proud of you.

Here's a little more random stuff about you at FIVE years old now:

-You've become extremely animated. Not just when signing or acting out a YouTube song, but when you are telling us a story or giving a response to a question. You shrug your shoulders or wrinkle your nose or throw your hands up while elaborately telling a story. It's awesome. I absolutely love this and find it so entertaining. You will even sometimes nonchalantly say things so maturely... even things like "Broccoli? No thank you, I'm not a fan of broccoli." Or, you'll stand up from dinner and tell us very emphatically, while pointing to the respective person: "It's Mommy's responsibility to count. It's Daddy's responsibility to come to the bathroom when I yell for him."

-Speaking of how you speak, your vocabulary and precise language is something to note. You are particular about the words you choose and even the words that others use. You love to know what certain words mean and like to pay close attention to grammar. When a new word is introduced to you, you immediately pick it up and use it as if it's been a word you owned for years.

-You are quite musical and vocally gifted if you ask me. You love to sing, and you sing on pitch and with great tune. Daddy even asked me the other day if we should get you singing lessons. I think it's a bit early, but it's something to consider for the future!

-Things that make you ecstatic: Legos, our neighbors Don & Jeanne, donuts, iPad games and when I agree to let you buy more of them, Addy, going to Grandma's house, kissing Knox, screen time, and dessert or getting candy

-As much as you love Quinn, you can't stand him. I get so frustrated with the sibling rivalry that's escalated since Knox was born. You love Knox and would do anything to protect him and keep him safe and happy. But, when it comes to Quinn, at least when at home, you would do anything to piss him off or hurt his feelings. This is luckily not true at school - and we hear you are the best brothers at school. You take great care of him, want to play with him, are sensitive to his feelings if he wants to play with you but you want to play with your friends on the playground ("I'm going to play with Jack today; you go play with your friends and we will play later.") But, you constantly say things at home that are meant to upset him: "I'd cheer for anyone in our family, except for Quinn," "If Mommy could go on a trip somewhere, she'd go to Hawaii with Daddy, me, and Knox. We would leave Quinn at home with Grandma," (on a Mother's Day response at school), "I don't want Quinn to come to my birthday party. I don't like him." Yet, I know this is not true. You two have so much fun together, and I tell you time and time again how much he idolizes you - copying you and wanting to do just what you do. I know this is exactly what upsets you - you often feel like you don't have your own space and have to entertain a tag-along kiddo. But, he brings you so much joy and you often overlook how happy he makes you when you make these comments that are probably more aimed at getting a rise out of me and Daddy than at upsetting Quinn.

-A few months ago, you started showing interest in reading. Whenever you thought you knew a word, you would point to it and say, "Mommy, does that say ___?" And, most often, you'd be right. You were pairing words to places nicely. For instance, you'd notice the restroom would say "Women" or "Men" or you'd read traffic signs. "Does that say 'Do Not Block?'" And you'd be right! So, I started some sight words and we'd review them nightly. Then, one day Grandma brought out some old Dick & Jane books, and we took one home that night. Right away, you were able to put words together. The text got harder, but you stayed with it! Then, we would go to the library and pick out books that you could read all on your own. Most importantly, you are comprehending what you read. I ask questions after you finish a book or during the story, and you always know exactly what you've been reading! Reading with you is my absolute favorite thing to do with you!

-Your teachers had only positive things to say about you at your spring conference. The only area on your conference sheet that indicates a need for improvement is "accepting disappointment." Well, while I'd agree with this, we all need help with that area! You are quick to defend yourself or argue with a consequence. You might swat at your brother, for instance, and when I reprimand you, you will start saying, "But he...." or "Well, Quinn wasn't...." and try to get out of trouble and not take responsibility that perhaps you shouldn't have reacted that way. But, every other area was proficient, and they feel strongly that you will do just fine in Kindergarten.

-KINDERGARTEN!! Oh my! Cannot believe it's time for that already. I won't go there yet.

-STATS: You are currently wearing 4T and 5T clothes. Your shoe size changes all the time! You are wearing size 11 right now, but 12 isn't far away!

We had your well check with Dr. B the day after your birthday (I'm inserting this information here after this was originally posted so all information is in one place). You did great with him.

• Weight: 40 pounds exactly - which is the 50th percentile
• Height: 42 and 1/8 inches - which is the 35th percentile
• Vision is 20/20 - and slightly stronger with your right eye
• Developmentally exactly where you should be
• Need to drink more milk!

So, how did we spend your big day??

Last night, I read to you my list of favorite memories for this past year. When I got to the one about how you worried about how the doctor was going to take the baby out of my belly and how you didn't want me to hurt, you teared up and said, "And, I missed you when you were in the hospital. I wanted you to sing to me." You crawled out of your sheets and climbed into my arms, and you asked me to rock you. I loved how "in the moment" you were with me - just reminiscing with me and loving each other so very much. It was a perfect ending to a great afternoon saying goodbye to four. You kept telling me that I was the BEST and how much you love me. And, I am sure you could feel my love for you.

Then this morning, you woke up first, which is unusual lately (you have been starting to sleep in later, which is AWESOME....except it comes at a time right before starting Kindergarten and will have to get up earlier next year!). But, I know you were excited about your big day! You came into our room, and when I opened my eyes, I smiled and said, "Happy Birthday!" You said, "Thank you!" with a smile and then climbed into bed with me. It already made next year's favorite memories list as you and I cuddled together and then Daddy and I held hands. There we were, just the three of us, and we were embracing you on this big birthday of yours! Soon, Quinn came in with a balloon. He said, "I found a balloon!" You asked, "Is that for me?" Daddy got up and brought back in a bag of balloons, and you and Quinn were thrilled to have fun with this birthday tradition that started on your first birthday. You played for a bit, and then Daddy surprised you with donuts he had snuck out to go buy while you and Quinn kept playing with the balloons.

Later, we went to Grandma & Papa's house, took Levi with us to the splash park where you played with Levi & Luca, Bree & Lexi, and saw some old friends from last year's class, picked up lunch and ate it with Caden & Mara while Aunt Mischelle had a garage sale at Grandma's house, and then it was "Turtle Time." After that, you and Quinn played in the pool for a bit. Then, we got ready to go to Chuck E. Cheese's! After a night of games and pizza and cake, you and Quinn took a very bubbly bath at Grandma's followed by a sleep over there (while our roof is being fixed). After your bath, I read you the "I Believe" I wrote for the year you were 4, and we reminisced some more about this past year.

It was a day filled with all your favorites! Donuts, chicken tenders, pizza, cake, swimming, splash park, Grandma's house, cousins, iPad, family, Chuck E. Cheese, games, and bubble bath! I couldn't have asked for a better day for you, and you kept saying, "This is the best birthday EVER!" I sure hope so, and I sure hope it just keeps getting better and better!

Banner Boone, I often sit and rock Knox while thinking back to when you were his age. That seems like yesterday. While I miss you as a baby and those early years, I am so loving getting to know you as this grown up little boy. You are one awesome kid! You're so cool - and funny, handsome, thoughtful, loving, polite, and so smart. You're creative and inquisitive and curious and silly and cute as can be. You're also strong-willed and frustrating and adventurous to a point I'd rather you not be! But, that's what keeps me on my toes! You test your boundaries daily, and you test my patience at least weekly! But, we "get" each other, and I love you more than you will ever know. You've entered a phase of wanting to please us more, and that REALLY pleases me! :) I'm liking that you're out of the "threenage" year and more and more done with the "fournado" year! But, all of those stages made you who you are and helped you and I navigate each other better. I'm always going to worry about you or feel like I don't know what I'm doing as your mommy, and I've come to learn that over 5 years of motherhood. You teach me DAILY how to be a better parent, and how to be YOUR mom. I think back and look at how far you and I have come... and sometimes how we are still stuck in that hospital bed frustrated at each other that we can't get this nursing thing down. Five years together, and we know each other better than we ever have before - but there is still so much more to come. And, my sweet Angel Baby, there's no one else I'd rather be on this ride with than you!

In May, as I tucked you in one night, you looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you for loving me."
Oh, Banner Boone, thank you for letting me!

Happy 5th Birthday, Banner!
I love you love you LOVE you!
Love,
Mommy

Watching Ella's birthday message to you that Randi sent first thing this morning

Favorite Fifth Year Memories

• Rescue Bot party at Metroplex was SO fun!
• Watching you in the Bay of Play at Sea World
• Holding you while we watched Shamu that sticky, hot summer day
• The night you rubbed my head when I had a headache and you were so proud to be doing a mitzvah; after bath, you came in and said, "Good night, Mommy. I love you. I hope you feel better."
• Telling you about our baby and you being right that it's a boy baby!
• How you told me about comforting Quinn on his first day of school and what a mitzvah it was
• Our "in-law" talk and discussing Bubbie and Zaide at our wedding and how I miss Bubbie and loved her too even though she was Daddy's mommy (August)
• "Mommy, how do they get the baby out of your tummy?" conversation in October and how worried you were about it hurting Mommy
• "Mommy, I want to keep sleeping with you. Can we? Just for a little bit?" (October, before I left your bed one night when you were nearly asleep)
• The night I laid with you and you told me a quick story about the "Mommy who was going to have a baby and her tummy got bigger and bigger and it was almost time for the baby to be born." Then, you fell asleep after we talked about what it would be like when the baby is here: "Do you think he will cry a lot?" I asked. "Yes," you said, and when I asked what we should do if he cried, you gave perfect answers: feed him because maybe he's hungry, maybe he's ready for a nap, maybe he needs his paci or wants to go home or needs his diaper changed. Then, as I left your room and kissed your forehead, you grabbed MY hand and kissed it. (October 12)
• When I'd pick you up from school this year, and you'd roll down the window before buckling up to wave to everyone as you shouted, "Bye, Friends!!! See you tomorrow! Bye, Friends!" Sometimes you'd call them by name. Sometimes you'd say goodbye to the security guard, "Bye, Charlie!" But, EVERY time, I'd have to demand you sit down and buckle up already!
• Our day at the fair and how you said, "It looks like Big Tex wants to give someone a hug." (October)
• Watching you wave to me from the garage, as I left for work, giving me the "I love you" sign
• Harmonizing Peek-a-Boo at the dinner table - all four of us
• Watching you sing at the Thanksgiving program
• Dancing silly and doing our own little dances to the French Can-Can
• The day at Ms. Patty's when you finally came up for air on your own and took a long time to make eye contact with me from across the pool afterward, but when you did, you lit up and I teared up!
• Introducing you to Knox
• "Slipping Through My Fingers" song came on on the way to Grandma's house, I teared up, you were playing a game with me when I'd look in the rearview mirror and you'd hide. I think you knew I teared up, and when we got to Grandma's driveway, you unbuckled and perched yourself between the driver and passenger seats and stared at me. A long stare. I asked what you were thinking. You wouldn't tell me. But, we just looked at each other and I wanted to bottle you up! I took pictures of you in that moment.
• Watching you act in the Purim play (Uncle Mordecai)
• Singing "Super Trouper" in the car "shoo bop bop, shoo bop bop"
• "Are you praying to idols?" you asked me one night while I held your hand and Quinn's hand on the other side and leaned my head on the nightstand between your beds. "No, I'm resting my head," I replied. "Does God know that?" you asked with concern. 
• Listening to you read Dick and Jane for the first time. 
• Listening to you read ANYTHING!
• Your silly dance to Maccabeats "Dyenu" song, especially the part where you put your hand to your mouth to call out a loud yoddle
• Helping you write a love letter to Addy: "Mommy, how do you write 'I love you so much that I want to marry you?'" 
• Singing with you in your bed to the many lullabies: "Dream," "I L.O.V.E. Y.O.U," "Wings," "Hushaby Street," and "Appalachian Lullaby" and you always want to sing certain parts by yourself, even without Quinn singing, too, especially the lyrics "I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, any time - night or day" when we sing "Dream."
• Reading this list to you tonight, and you teared up and asked if I could rock you. You thanked me for several memories and all the great things I said about you. We gave each other a kiss where we got "stuck" to each other, and you kept telling me "You're the BEST!" I'm pretty sure you meant it this morning and a few days ago when you said, "I'm gonna miss being four." Me too, sweet boy. But I wouldn't have it any other way!

Goodbye, Preschool!

Dear Banner,
Before last Thursday night, I was thinking the end of your preschool experience would be easy on me. I actually wondered if I was doing okay based on my flippancy over the whole ordeal. I am usually so emotional, and I kept wondering why I wasn't more teary or sentimental over it all. Perhaps I've been so busy with everything else going on (Knox's naming, the end of the school year, planning 2 showers and a birthday party, home repairs, and possibly putting our house up for sale!), that maybe I just didn't have the energy to devote to the thoughts of the big transition about to happen to my firstborn. Or, maybe I wouldn't allow myself. But then, Thursday night came, and as I tucked you in and cuddled in bed with you, it hit me. The following day would be your last Shabbat at school. I felt two big feelings: guilt that I wouldn't be able to be with you and sadness that it all came so quickly. The realization that we'd never sit at YOUR Shabbat together again, the memories of so many Shabbats in the past, the presentations that have gone on the past 3 school years for so many Fridays, those special moments with you in my lap or at my side feeling connected with our Jewish community and the togetherness of friends and family... it was a little overwhelming, and then the tears began.

The strong urge to hold tight to this tender, innocent time in your life is debilitating almost. Knowing that there is literally nothing I can do to stop time or slow it down is heart-wrenching. The image I so-often have is of me trying to gather up sand that keeps slipping away from me no matter how fast I'm clawing for it or how big I scoop it up. Too soon these days of you being my little boy will be gone, and I know it. So, I try with all my might to savor it and memorize it. In fact, just last week, you sat on the playroom floor with me - Quinn on my other side and Knox right in front of me in his NapNanny while I fed him. I said to all of you, "Everyone just look at each other. Remember this moment. Remember Banner sitting here - 4 years old. Remember Quinn - 2 years old, and Knox just a little baby. Look at each other. Remember this." I just wanted to take in the moment and hope that you and Quinn could too. I know I'm being a little ridiculous hoping for that, but it's what I want - the memories, the visions of us, the capturing of your sweet faces and voices and words and soft hands in mine...

So, yes, it's hit me now. I have a feeling that every May will be rough as I realize another school year has passed and my boys are growing up. Each end of a school year represents another lap of childhood complete, and while it's all wonderful stuff, it's just kind of hard to let you keep growing up! But, we've made the most of this school year - probably the easiest of all the years ahead. You and Quinn were in the same school, which won't happen again for a few years. For a little over half the year, it was just you and Quinn before we added a baby brother to the mix. You'll be in fifth grade by the time Knox starts Kindergarten, and knowing how fast YOU got to Kindergarten, I know that will feel like the blink of an eye!

This was a big year for you, and I'm so very proud of how you handled it, Angel Baby. We switched schools, you took care of Quinn, you learned Spanish and Hebrew, you learned how to write better than ever, and you learned how to READ. You gained even more knowledge about the Jewish holidays and traditions, and you made some great friends! You fell in love again (not sure which lovely young lady you love more now - Addy or Julia). Your artwork developed, your ability to sit still in circle time increased, and you gained confidence to believe in your answer (although we are still working on this!). You gave awesome presentations and had your acting debut as Uncle Mordecai in the Purim play. You learned to listen to your teachers better and to not argue with consequences. And throughout the year, you taught US so much!

This afternoon when you got home (Melissa, Bree, and Alexis dropped you off), the little boys were napping, which gave us a great opportunity to have our typical one-on-one time for at least a few minutes. I sat on the little stool in the kitchen, and I held you close. I told you how proud I am of you - and we reflected on your preschool experiences. I shared with you how I was feeling before you started the 2's class with Ms. Betty and Ms. Jennifer. I wondered if you would eat your food, would you play nicely, would everyone be nice to you, would you sit in circle time, would you be okay when I left the classroom each morning? And we reflected on how far you've come. We talked about what wonderful things the teachers say about you and how much you've grown. We talked about all the amazing teachers you've had - naming Ms. Betty, Ms. Jennifer, Ms. Hedy, Ms. Michelle, Ms. Florence, Ms. Rhonda, Ms. Suzanne, Ms. Lisa, Mr. Abo, Ms. Shellee, Ms. Judy, Ms. Rachel, Ms. Sandi, Ms. Yael. I'm glad we had that little chat - to just capture the meaningfulness of these past few years of your life - the foundation of your education and Jewish identity in these early years.

This evening, as I ironed your shirt for your celebration dinner at school, I thought back to how proud I am of Daddy and me for being able to provide these experiences for you. Preschool is no cheap expense... in fact, we've paid a cost that is slightly ridiculous for a little person! But, I'm glad we've made the choices we did, and I'm so happy that you were able to have these amazing times with great friends and teachers. You were cared for so well, you thrived in the schools you've grown to love and consider a home away from home, and you will take the many lessons you learned with you into the big world of Kindergarten and on.

Oh, such bittersweetness, Angel. I'm so grateful that you are healthy and able to go to Kindergarten - that you are learning and growing and developing and aging as you should. But, it's so hard to let you go and grow! As I sat on the couch this rainy afternoon, I fed Knox his bottle while you sat next to us. The irony of him so little next to you so big now... it pulls at my heartstrings. You were this little just yesterday it seems. And now you are my big boy, ready to graduate preschool in the blink of an eye - and I know how fast these years are going.... and it's only going to go faster! But, I'm one lucky mama to be along for the ride with you!

Your graduating ("celebration") class sang a song tonight where the line "Do I make you proud?" kept repeating. The answer, sweet boy, is always! I love you more than you could ever know, and I will always be your biggest fan no matter what.

Here's to a great last day of preschool tomorrow! Savor it. I know I will!
Love,
Mommy

Eating at the head table

With Ms. Sandi

With Ms. Yael

Addy & You

Bree & You

FLASHBACK:

Knox's Naming

Today was Knox's baby naming ceremony, and it was perfect! Such amazing people, great food, successful set-up, and perfect baby! Here's the letter we read to Knox explaining the meaning and symbolism of both his English and his Hebrew names (A means I read, S means Sam read):

Knox,

A: Today is your baby naming, where your family and our friends surround us, welcoming you to the world. You are probably not really aware of all the love in this room right now, but one day, we hope you know just how truly loved and wanted you are! You are probably also not aware of how sleep-deprived we are, so I’m hoping that this letter makes since because your name is very important to your dad and me. We put a lot of thought into it, as so many of the people in the room know! When we found out that we were having a boy, one of the very first thoughts after “Oh my God, are you kidding me?!” was “How will we ever come up with ANOTHER boy name!?” Daddy and I laughed about how we had all these girl names in mind but no boy names on our lists any more. Names are extremely important to us. Having the honor and privilege of choosing the perfect one for you was no easy task and not a decision we took lightly. Both your English and Hebrew names were given to you with lots of thought, and we hope you will take pride in using the names we’ve selected for you.

A: The meaning of your middle name, “Morgan” is pretty symbolic. Before I tell you about it, I want you to know that Daddy and I aren’t the only ones who had ideas for what your name should be. From the first time they ever knew we had a baby on the way, your brothers wanted to give name suggestions. The first name from Banner that really stuck was Dolphin. He came up with other names later on: Cameron, Jacob, Evan... but Dolphin was the first. Trust me, I tried. I tried to incorporate that name, looking up words that meant “dolphin” or even considered the name “Dolphine” – for about 5 seconds. Then, one day, I saw Morgan on a list of names for boys. I’ve always loved that name, but I hadn’t really considered it a “boy name” as I knew only girls with that name. Yet, one of Daddy’s favorite actors is Morgan Freeman, and a male character on General Hospital is named Morgan. So, I started to consider it, especially loving that it IS gender-neutral. When I looked up the meaning of the name, I knew it was for you. “Morgan” comes from the Old Welsh masculine name “Morcant”. “Mor” meaning “sea” and “cant” meaning “circle” or “completion.” This became perfect for you. I’m 90% sure you are our last child, helping complete our family circle. In addition, Daddy and I love the sea – our most favorite vacations are cruises and being on the water. And, I have to point out, the best part: dolphins live in the sea.

S: You also have a Hebrew name, Chanan Chaim. These names were chosen for you by your mom and by me to honor the memory of two very special people in our lives. Because you won’t get to meet these special members of your family, we want to tell you about them now and let you know how you came to get this special Hebrew name.

A: My grandmother, Rosalie, was a nurturer in every sense of the word. She was always there for me and all of her family in times of need and in times of celebration. I can’t think of a time when Grandma wasn’t nurturing members of her family in some way.

The Thanksgivings, the Seders, the Hanukkah parties, yes, but the mundane meals in her kitchen. Those were the times I could tell she just really enjoyed having us there. I even have a memory of her bringing spaghetti to the table as she talked about how it’s her joy to have all of us to cook for. The snacks after naps, the bagels in the morning after a sleepover at her house, the treats she’d bring us when she’d pick us up from school. She nurtured us with food.

There were the days she came to stay with me because I was sick and Mom couldn’t take another day off work. She even assured me it was okay to eat the toast on Passover if I was sick. She kissed boo-boos, calmed itches with Campho-Phenique, and applied ice when we needed it. She took temperatures and cooled our foreheads with wet cloths. She nurtured us to heal.

Grandma wasn’t afraid of emotion. She would cry while reading our birthday cards to her, she’d let us know when she was upset with how we were treating our siblings, and she’d tear up while saying the blessings over the candles at Seder. Once, when I was a sophomore in high school, I was home sick on the same day a beloved character on General Hospital (our “story”) said his final goodbye as he died from AIDS, a disease that hit close to home. The phone rang shortly after the emotional scene, and I knew it would be her. “You okay?” she said through tears. “I am. Are you?” I replied in a cracking voice. I’m not sure who needed that call more, but we cried together. She nurtured us with emotion.

So many of my memories are when Grandma had to step in when Mom couldn’t be there. One in particular is when Mom was in the hospital recovering from surgery, and Grandma was at home with Uncle Brock, Aunt Kira, and me. It was snowing or raining – I’m not sure which – I was about 4 years old. Either way, we were all piled in bed with Grandma, and again, my vivid memory is of her with arms around us – probably annoyed at her lack of space and being up in the middle of the night – but laughing through it no less. She nurtured us by being there.

The family trips, the incessant weather reports, the realization that Pretty Woman was not an appropriate movie for a 9-year-old, the bra shopping, the unsuccessful search for the Alamo… she nurtured us with laughter.

I could go on and on, because Grandma was and continues to be such an important person in my life. I wish my children had gotten a chance to know her. And I wish she had a chance to meet you, Banner, & Quinn. But, she lives on in us and, Knox, your own grandma is so much like mine and I love that you are developing a strong bond with her at this young age.

The Hebrew name, Chanan, is in memory of my Grandma and it means “compassionate/gracious.” Grandma had to be compassionate in order to nurture us and her relationships with us. She cared, genuinely cared in every since of the word, for her family. I hope you, too, will care for, nurture, and show compassion to others in your life. In some ways, you already do that in the most fundamental way a human can. You look at us and smile. Your eyes fill with delight when you see me, Daddy, your brothers. You light up and give back that love we are showing you. I hope you will always look at others with such a strong acceptance and nurturing love.

S: To be honest, I had a lot of trouble deciding what your second Hebrew name should be  and whom you should be named after. I told Mommy that I personally hadn’t endured a loss since we named Quinn – a fact for which I am grateful – and I considered another route. I originally said to Mommy that I didn’t want to name you after anyone, that I didn’t like the idea of naming you after someone who had died when I really wanted to just focus on life. Mommy responded that this is the reason Jews name their children after someone who has died, so that they may live on in some way. And that was how we came up with the second part of your Hebrew name: Chaim, which means “life.” It represents the full life we hope you have while also allowing one of the most important people in my life to live on. This special name is in memory of my mom, Leslie. I am proud to share this name with you, as “Chaim” is also the second part of my Hebrew name – which means it is a special gift from your Bubbie, who selected it for me and for whom you, like Quinn, are named. Bubbie was an amazing friend, a trustworthy mentor, and brought the light of vibrant life everywhere she went, instilling it in everyone she knew. So today, Knox, Mommy and I bestow upon you this name, in mourning of the life Bubbie didn’t get to live out, in celebration of the health and happiness our friends and family have enjoyed these last several years, and in honor of what a blessing it is to have you here, to be here with you, and to cherish all the momentous and mundane miracles your life will bring you.

A: You may have noticed that we haven’t mentioned the name you will most often be called: Knox. Well, that’s mostly because your first name, admittedly, was selected more for its visible strength and its sound, than for its meaning. But as we’ve gotten to know you, and to contemplate your name, we believe it’s perfect for the life we hope you lead.

S: “Knox” means “round hill” or “from the hills,” a place where the land goes up and down – back and forth. Not from treacherous mountains, nor from vapid plains, but from a place you still have to work to traverse. A place providing some shelter but holding you still responsible to protect yourself. A topography not lightly taken, but not overbearing. Mommy’s family and my own have worked hard to make a life for you in this world, and we’re lucky to have more than many people: in love, in family, in friends, in comfort, and in general. Mommy and I toil and sacrifice every day so that we may help you create joyful memories as you grow and learn with and from Banner and Quinn. And though we will always love you, always be here for you, and always protect you and keep you safe as best we can, we will not be able to make it effortless for you. Every day is a day to be grateful for the opportunities you have, to work hard and earn your way. Some days will seem like you’re trying to move mountains, others like you’re gliding easy over grassy fields. No matter what you’re going through, remember that we’re here to guide you, to push you, to encourage you, so when you need it, you have the strength to move those mountains, and so when you don’t you appreciate a simple stroll. And so that when you look back, you see accomplishment where once you saw challenge, hills where once you saw mountains.

A: In rereading some of the words we once read at Banner and Quinn’s namings, we noticed how the hopes we have for you and your brothers reflect the qualities of the hills. Here’s a bit of what we said to them and what we also hope for you:

“We hope you will love to laugh but be okay with crying. We hope you will be strong when faced with conflict and struggle but be sensitive to yourself and others. We hope you will take care of others but know when to take care of yourself, too. We hope you will look for answers but not be afraid to question.”

You see, so many hopes and dreams we have for you are to be a good balance of so many things – the yin and yang, the ebb and flow, the ups and downs – just like the hills, qualities that are opposing yet complimentary of each other.

Knox Morgan, we hope so many things for you, including that you like your name, as now you know it has special meanings to us. We have so many things we want to teach you about from little things like music and movies to big things like God and the world.

S: We hope you love people, enjoy music, understand the value of friendship, find romance, think positively, believe in something, stand your ground and speak your mind, fight for fairness and equality, eat good foods, and find humor in life. And we sincerely hope you will learn to sleep through the night - and soon! We want so many things for you, Knox, but mostly, we really just want you to sleep through the night… no, really, we do. But even more, we want you to be happy, healthy, and full of love!

We love you,

Mommy & Daddy

May 29, 2016

Looking at all the people in the room

The best big brothers

Our family of 5 being blessed by everyone

In the middle of the ceremony - asleep on Mommy's shoulder

With Rabbi S

With one of your 2 godmothers, Cherie 

Some of the delicious spread

The Grandparents

S cousins

J cousins

This was my favorite little decoration. Just had to capture a pic of it! :)  Love the bowtie!

3-Month Newsletter: Knox

Dear Knox,
A quarter of a year! 13 weeks old tomorrow. The fourth "trimester" is over! You are no longer a "newborn," but an "infant" at 3-months-old. And, we're within the same week that I was technically (but not officially) pregnant last year (we hadn't conceived yet, but it was technically week 1). This month, you made big strides in the happiness department! We both did. You are smiling tons, almost ready to laugh, and chatting up a storm! You most definitely seem to feel better than ever before, and I feel like maybe we've figured a few things out to help you. That sensitive formula is definitely better than the regular one, and Mylicon here and there helps you stay less gassy. I'm not completely convinced that your reflux med (Prevacid) is working 100%, and I think the Nexium might be better for you, but that's a work in progress. I'll give it a little more time and see.

What else have you been up to this month? (Minus a few differences, I really could have cut and paste from Quinn's 3-month newsletter since it's so very close to describing you, but alas, I will give you your own update!)

-You are taking anywhere from 4-6 ounces at each feeding. You usually have 6 bottles, and one during the night. Your longest stretch of sleep has been 10 hours, but that's only happened a couple times. More recently, you've been sleeping about 9 hours at night, but that's extremely new! We are doing a lot of re-pacying you in the middle of the night to help you reach that stretch; we're trying to train you to sleep longer. We just moved you up to size 3 overnight diapers, which seems to keep you more comfortable longer during the night.

-Stats and Sizes:
Size 2 diapers, Level 2 nipple (just started this week), 3M or 3-6M or 6M clothing (I like 6M pajamas on you).

-You tire easily after an hour of awake time, but we are going to start trying to stretch that time a little bit. Like Banner, you get very still and quiet when you are tired and yawn a bit. You might get a tiny bit cranky and just want to be held, and then your activity slows greatly.

-My most favorite thing is your smiles and your coos. I love hearing you "talk" to me and continue a turn-taking conversation. My favorite time of day with you is still bath time - always a fun, favorite for both of us, I think.

-You squeal and are SO wanting to laugh. Burrowing into your jaw/neck elicits the closest thing to a laugh, but we are not there just yet. You are also pretty ticklish, but that hasn't made you laugh for real yet either.

-This month, you had your first Passover and Mother's Day. We went to Banner & Quinn's school for their Mother's Day performances, as well as their Music Shabbat where they fluttered like butterflies and bumble bees. Because we couldn't find a sitter, you also attended your first symphony orchestra performance just yesterday. You did awesome!

-You nap 3-4 times a day, and that last nap is usually in the swing. You LOVE that swing, and it's usually a "go-to" when you are fussy and won't calm for Daddy or me.

-You LOVE your fingers/hands. If you didn't have a paci, you'd 100% be a thumb-sucker, so I'm going to keep giving you that paci! I'd rather have a paci user than a thumb-sucker!

-You LOVE when I sing to you. I sing "Baby Mine" nearly every night and it calms you if you're cranky or overtired.

-Car rides are getting easier, although you hate red lights still.

-You're bearing some weight on your legs - which happen to be starting to bulk up and get rolls!

-My hair is shedding ALL OVER the place and coming out in clumps in the shower (typical for the 3-month mark for me), and you often grab at it and end up with strands tangled in your fingers. This drives me nuts because I bet it's annoying to YOU, so I'm always trying to keep my hair away from you.

-You are batting at and even beginning to reach for objects. You're really enjoying your play mat links and the bouncy seat. And your favorite place to poop is the Nap Nanny! :)

Knox Morgan, I am seeing so many big changes in you. Changes that mean you are growing up and maturing a little bit, and I love seeing that personality unfold. You are such a gift. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the loud, chaotic place that is your home and anywhere your big brothers or cousins are. I promise, I'm trying to keep you away from the unruly loud voices and actions that those active little people continue to bring upon our house, but they're 4 and 2, and one day - God-willing - you will be, too. And, you'll be just as rowdy and noisy, and in all honesty, I wouldn't have it any other way. Those boys are so happy, they love you so much, and they so badly want to interact with you. Quinn, actually, has become quite the loud little boy, and there have been times when you are frightened by him or his high-pitched squeals and outbursts. When I show him your bottom lip pouting out or how you are beginning to cry, he gets very concerned that he may have upset you. But, I promise you, no matter what I say or do, they are going to continue to be loud and ridiculously hyper, so you and I will have to learn to bear with it. It's only because they are such happy boys - and I hope you are too! But, I'm here for you - trying my best to protect you and nurture your need for quiet and less stimulation!

I love you so much, Baby Love. I can't wait to keep getting to know you as we head through this next month.
Happy 3-Months!
Love,
Mommy