Dear Leslie,
The other day, I came across a reel of a Jewish woman speaking about her grief after the loss of both of her parents. She shared an old Jewish proverb about everyone having two deaths: the first when the body takes the last breath and the second when the person's name is spoken for the last time. This reel made me think of you, as I've always said that talking about you and sharing memories or what we might imagine you would think, feel, say keeps you very much alive. We are certainly not afraid to say your name around here or to even joke about your "lack of involvement" in our lives. The boys know so much about their Bubbie.
As Reform Jews, we don't really focus on afterlife. We don't focus on what heaven and hell is, and we don't really worry about where a person will "go" after they die. My mom always reinforced that how someone thinks about you after you're gone is a form of heaven or hell. Do they remember you in a positive light or negative? Do they have kind things to say about you or not? Do the memories they have of you remind them of how giving or nurturing or caring or generous you were, or do they remember you as selfish or mean or conniving? Similarly, in Judaism, when we comfort the bereaved, we say, "May their memory be for a blessing." May the memories you have of this person bring you peace, happiness, joy, and warmth. May they live inside you in a "heavenly" way, and may you continue to speak about them so they continue to live!
While you were very kooky and loquacious, you were good spirited and loved to laugh! (As I've told you before, I can still hear your giggle.) You shopped too much on QVC, would call me extremely too late at night, and loved to gossip, but your passion for your family (immediate and extended) was palpable. You weren't keen on getting out of the house, unless it was to hang out with your friends and family, and then you had a blast!
You've been especially missed this year when Gayle had to have major brain surgery this summer. It's been a hard road for her and for Miles and Colby, but she's up and walking, working on eating, getting more movement in her mouth, and motivated to keep up the hard work! You'd be so proud of her. But, during the past several scary months, you were deeply longed for by all of us. Vicki and Shelby have done outstanding taking such good care of Gayle, and you'd be so grateful to them for their help, but I can't imagine not having my mom with me during such a scary time. Gayle knew you were "with" her, but let's be honest: having you here physically is the real wish.
I'm about to take the boys trick-or-treating, but I just wanted to leave my annual letter to you right here as we remember the scariest Halloween we have ever had - learning that you were no longer with us. But, as I said before, you are not gone completely, and you're very much a part of our lives, in our memories, and in our hearts. Your name passes our lips throughout the year, with love, with sadness, with joy, with pain, and with a sense of humor. That's life! You are with us in all the things, and I'm grateful for your memory and the ability to pass you along to my children.
Keeping my promise to you to try and make every day beautiful for your boys!
I love you!
Love,
Am
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