Party Time!!!

Whew! What a party! We did it. We celebrated Quinn's first birthday with a big shindig at our neighborhood park this morning, and man, was it fun! Honestly, with two kids and a crazy schedule, it wasn't easy to throw this party together. Just last night, I said to Sam, "We are never doing these big birthday parties again!" simply because it's just so much work, energy, time, and effort! But, then he said something that put it in perspective for me. He responded with, "We better keep having these birthdays!" And then, I thought about it, the same way I had on Banner's first birthday (when I gave up worrying about whether everything would go as planned and look the way I wanted after reading my friend's blog post about her son having cancer right before we left for B's party). Simply put, birthdays are milestones to celebrate - and to celebrate big time! I'd rather be stressing over cupcakes and icing and balloons and how much food we have and the weather - etc, etc, etc - than not having these birthdays to celebrate. Thank God for birthdays and that my children have them! So, with that perspective, I pressed forward with getting everything ready and organized for the big day!


So, where do I begin writing about this fun celebration? Well, let's start with the theme. I selected a literary theme for Banner's first birthday (The Very Hungry Caterpillar), and I decided to stick with literature for Quinn's first birthday. I picked Oh, the Places You'll Go for his birthday theme - fitting for a celebration of life just beginning. Oh, the many adventures he'll have, the many people he'll meet, and the many places he'll go! It just seemed to feel right. So, with that, we moved forward with his invitation that we decided to call his: Quinnvitation! :)

And, once party day rolled around, I couldn't have asked for better weather (well, okay, I maybe could have asked for less humidity to get more cooperative hair and to allow for me to use cotton candy in the party favors instead of lollipops - see below). Seriously, the high temperature for the day was 81; there was no rain; there was a nice breeze. Perfect! And, we had such a nice turn-out! I especially love how helpful everyone was - helping clean up, take pictures, watch the kids, clean after the cake destruction, pick up pizza for us, etc. We have the best people in our lives!

Here are a "few" pics from the party:

The big cake - the one I did NOT make

Monthly photos in a suitcase

The sugary spread

These were supposed to have cotton candy in them. The wet air was making the cotton candy wet, and it shrank. I had to come up with a plan B. I think these worked out, though! And, I'm glad I won't be saving baby food jars anymore!

We asked guests to jot down a few wishes for Quinn and all the places he'll go. We will give these to him on his 18th birthday.

Sam made a short video of Quinn's first year. It's our little gift to him. Sam did great!

Watching the video

When the video was over, we posed for a family picture. Banner was not up for it. Quinn wanted to give Daddy kisses. I was the only one participating. :)

THIS is the cake I made. Quinn's smash cake - a hot air balloon basket.

Although not strongly enough, Quinn did blow on the candles. We've been working on "blow."

He was tentative about this new food.

He did NOT like this texture and kept trying to throw it on the ground.

With some help, he got to see the inside (a rainbow of colors), and he got more interested.

Daddy showing him how it's done!

After the party, we got home for some much-needed rest. Quinn was spent and needed to nap. But, once he woke up, he got to open a few presents. (We had requested no gifts - unless guests wanted to make a contribution to The Birthday Party Project. Some people didn't listen to us! Regardless, here's a few of Quinn opening his gifts, which he and Banner both enjoyed!)

Quinn LOVED his new toy from Aunt Mischelle, Uncle Brock, and kids...

Giving kisses to it!

And, Mommy's gift was another "I Believe" just like Banner got this year. I decided to do these for the boys each year - which helps me and them reflect on our year together. This was the year Quinn was "0" years old, hence the big "0" watermark. Reading through it makes me cry - just thinking back to how far we've come in this big year of change. Oh, the people we've met, the experiences we've had, the things we've touched, tasted, smelled, seen, and heard. Oh, the places we've been!

 

Happy Birthday, Quinn Redding!

New Kicks & Wig-Splittin' Time!

Quinn hit two more milestones right before his first birthday! He got his first hair cut and his first pair of shoes!

Quinn has the cutest little curls, so I've been dreading his first haircut. But, his hair was also getting a bit unruly for my liking, so we decided to wait until right before his first birthday to get his "wig split!" So, this past weekend, we went to Cool Cuts and visited our favorite hair stylist, Ms. Tia. Ms. Tia has been Banner's barber for a while now - almost every haircut he's ever had - and she's watched Quinn grow up from a tiny infant who would snuggle in my wrap while Banner got his haircut to this big boy who was ready to sit in what is usually Big Brother's chair all by himself! Other than having a perplexed look on his face the whole time and not cracking a smile until we were leaving, Quinn did great! Here's some before, during, and after pics!

We love Ms. Tia!

And, the day before Quinn's birthday, Grandma treated Quinn to some brand new shoes all his own! It's become tradition that Grandma gets her grandkids their first pair of shoes, and since this boy is off and walking, he was in need of his own kicks! So, off to Stride Rite we went - with special helpers Aunt Kira and Levi. Quinn measured a 4.5, but for room to grow, we got him a size 5. He also measured WIDE - not surprising. His little foot is chubby! (Banner's was too at that age.) We picked out a cute little pair, and Quinn did great in them. Then, it was off to the mall play area to test them out! Thank you, Grandma, for Quinn's first pair of shoes!

Favorite First Year Memories: Quinn

• Seeing your face for the first time. Dr. W held you up so I could see you over the sheet, and my first words were, "Oh, what a big boy!" Your cheeks were fuller than Banner's had been, and you were much pinker than he was at birth. You peed all over the nurse - at least 5 times! - while she was trying to clean, measure, and wrap you. When I finally got to hold you, I stroked your left cheek and talked to you. To this day, you kind of calm down when I gently stroke your cheeks
• When you latched so nicely. I was worried about breastfeeding you, but you did great right away. (I later decided not to breastfeed because it wasn't going well on one side and when the pain and exhaustion set in - and when I decided nursing a newborn while tending to a toddler would be horrific, but those first few feeds were perfect.) I completely understand why women enjoy nursing if it works well for them, because I loved when you latched well.
• Your first smile. We were in Mommy & Daddy's bedroom, and you smirked at me a few times in a row. Daddy saw it. I got your first smile.
• Dancing/swaying with you to Buble's "Home" in our play room.
• Our RSV overnight - just the two of us while Daddy was in San Antonio and Banner was at Grandma's. I would nap on the floor of your room, too - just listening to you breathe.
• Watching you love Daddy before bed one night (at 5 months old). I cried. You didn't want Daddy to leave and it was obvious.
• Banner cuddling you after his naps.
• Crib time with Banner
• The way you like to climb on me when I'm on the floor with you - or how you love when I'm on your level and would crawl or walk to me with a huge smile and gave hugs and kisses
• Bathing you in the kitchen sink for so many months early on
• Even though I HATED it at the time - it's still a funny memory looking back now... the so many nights of your newborn-hood when Daddy and I would have to SPEED through changing your diaper in the middle of the night hoping you didn't pee on us or your pajamas or swaddle! We lost this battle so many frustrating times, but it makes for a funny memory now.
• When Dr. B examined you at your RSV recheck, and you laughed through it. You were so ticklish!
• Wearing you in the Maya Wrap and patting your little bottom
• Your first "nap" with Levi only days after he was born
• When you grabbed Levi's hand on the playmat at Grandma's
• Cuddles as you fell asleep as a newborn - especially when you slept in my bed with me at the hospital.
• Sleeping in our bed as a newborn (because you had a cold at 2 weeks old, and I needed to have you right next to me)
• Watching you babble to Banner the first time - on the couch while Daddy held you both
• Rolling over for the first time on New Year's Day at Grandma's house
• When you started reaching for me
• Your first real bath with Banner
• The first time you "creeped" on the play room floor... you inched across the wood floor pulling your body with open hands
• Saying "hi" to Banner for the first time ("Haaaa")
• Rocking you (back) to sleep midnap, lines on your face, sucking sounds on the pacifier, both of us in our favorite places. I tried to go get my camera in the den while keeping you asleep on me. We had rocked for an hour, but it seemed like only 20 minutes.
• Laying on the playmat with Levi and our hands were all held together (Levi was 2 months old; you were 7 months)
• Playing a "game" in the glider when I say your name and you would wait until I said it twice before turning to me with a smile and then turning away again as if to say, "Do it again, Mom!"
• Giving open-mouth kisses again and again. . . I called this "making out"
• When I got back from my trip to Austin to see Sage & Trey graduate. I came into Chuck E. Cheese's for Colby's 4th birthday party, and when you first saw me, you did a double take and then immediately reached for me and gave me a kiss. My heart melted!
• Your first time to swing at the park - it was way too cold - Daddy and I had no idea a cold front had come through, and we felt awful with you in a short-sleeved onesie and probably freezing your little tushy off! It was a short trip, but you seemed to enjoy it!
• Dancing with you to "Through Heaven's Eyes" when Banner was watching Prince of Egypt
• Eskimo kisses and giggles in the glider before night-night at 8-months-old
• Chin kisses/sucks
• Gummy, open-mouth kisses
• The way you always fold your wrist toward the mattress whenever you go to sleep - you've done this early, early on - and you still do it to this day. Your arm twists so the back of you hand is on the sheet, and then you pull your elbow up a little so your wrist is bent and your fingers are in the air a bit. 
• Cuddling and rubbing faces on the couch at 6:30am at 10.5 months old
• Morning cuddles in the glider, and morning massages while we try to pass the time between taking your Prevacid and the 30 minutes before you can eat your first bottle
• Watching you practice walking by toddling to Banner
• Swimming with you - you kicking your legs up and down
• Our first night to give you only table food - we were at Gattitown and you ate EVERYTHING!
• A few days before you turned 1... I rocked you to sleep for your morning nap and had a hard time getting up to put you in the crib because you felt so safe, warm, snuggly, PERFECT in my arms 
• The morning of your birthday - waking you up with balloons and "Happy Birthday" with Banner and Daddy

Happy First Birthday, Quinn!

Dear Quinn,
A year ago, I waddled into the OR, worried, anxious, excited, nervous, giddy, and trying my best to stay calm as I braced myself for the next few minutes that would change my life - and yours - forever. As the doctor administered my epidural on the operating room table, I breathed deeply and felt you squirm and jab inside my belly for the last time. I spoke to you (in my head), telling you, "Hold on, Baby. This is going to be rough for the next few minutes. It's gonna be bright, it's gonna be loud, it's gonna feel weird. But, Mommy's here, and I can't wait to hold you. Soon you'll be in my arms. Soon, I'll see your sweet face. Just hang in there. And, enjoy these last few minutes to yourself - just us." The doctor was running late, so we all waited and waited in the freezing OR for what felt like hours. Really, it was only 20 minutes, but that's a long time when you're anxious and can't feel anything below your chest. I just kept talking to you as I tried to keep myself calm - and I wanted you to be calm. I can still remember these moments like it happened earlier this morning.

I was worried about my little family of 3 and how adding a new baby would change it. I was not sure how I was going to handle a newborn and a toddler all at the same time. But, when you were born, all of that worry disappeared, and there you were. You were amazing. You were a chubby-faced little nugget, and you were my sweet baby right away! You peed on the nurse (& Daddy!) at least 5 times. You were pink and had dark hair and eyes I was sure were going to be brown. You cuddled so nicely, and my favorite thing to do with you was snuggle in the hospital bed with you.

Fast-forward 12 months, and you are now this very white little boy with blondish hair and possibly the bluest eyes I've ever seen. So, I was wrong about the eyes. But, you have always been a cuddler, and you've always been my little love. You are shy and sensitive, sweet and quiet. You are a flirt, though! You know how to charm people. You are smart and curious and love to experiment with new toys and items you can get your hands on. You are easily redirected and pretty obedient (at least for now!). Everyone always talks about what a good baby you are, and they are right! You are pretty easy and go with the flow - at least while you're awake. (When nap and bedtimes roll around, you can be a bit more challenging - either taking a while to get to sleep or waking up too soon or too many times during the night, but we're working on it!)

I can't really believe that 12 months have come and gone, and now you are one full year old! You are still very much my baby, and you always will be. But, as Daddy and I have seen this month, you are also very much growing up and becoming a little boy! So, what are you up to now??

-You're WALKING! Right at 11-months old, you started walking pretty well. You had been taking steps, but around 11-months, you became more confident and able to take off whenever you wanted. Now, you're an expert, getting up and down on your own and getting around fairly quickly. You still walk like a drunken sailor and your arms held high, but that will change soon!

-You "wink" at people. If someone winks at you, you will close both eyes very tightly. You even know the word and will do it on command. It's probably my most favorite trick you show off. :) You can also blow kisses (usually by putting your whole fist in your mouth and then pulling it out).

-If you hear music of any kind - singing or a commercial with a little ditty or music coming through a speaker at the grocery store, etc - you will bounce to it. You love to dance!

-Last night, you had your last bottle of formula. We offered some whole milk yesterday and you were skeptical. But, starting today, it's all whole milk from here on out. Sorry, kid, but that formula was ridiculous expensive!

-You still have no teeth. One day, son. One day!

-You got your first pair of shoes from Grandma just yesterday!

-And this past weekend, you got your hair cut for the first time!

-You have major separation anxiety still. Hoping this subsides since I accepted a temporary part-time job and you'll be spending more time away from me! You cry when Daddy or I leave the room. You cry when Banner leaves the room. You sometimes just cry to be held. You have cried for over an hour at Grandma's when I left to teach my sign language class. It's awful. I feel so sad for you, but I appreciate that you want to be with us. I miss you when I'm away from you, too!

-Something seemed to "click" this month. I just feel like you are so cognitively and linguistically aware of what is going on. You seem so much more of a participant in our daily conversation and routine - even though you're not talking yet. I don't know how to explain it, I can just tell you are way more aware of yourself and of us and of what's going on.

-Just today, you've been saying, "Mama" a whole lot and looking at me when you do it. Although I'd say your first "word," is "No" (pronounced "Nahhh!"), maybe this is a close second? We'll see how long it lasts and if it really means me!

-You get PISSED! You have a temper! Whenever we have to take a toy or item away or play time is over or something just doesn't go your way (like we have to close the freezer or the dishwasher), you will sit down and wail with great passion and raging fists. I hate seeing you like that. I hate that you get SO upset. On the other hand, I like seeing you have strong opinions and a very clear way of telling me "Mommy, I WANT THAT!!!" But, sometimes, you scream with such passion that I think you'd feel better if you could cuss me out!

-We saw your ENT again yesterday. While you aren't "better" with your laryngomalacia (still congested a lot of the time, seemingly sick a lot, loud breathing, snoring, night-waking, etc), we decided to give you some more time to mature before doing anything more about it - like a sleep study. We talked about your night-wakings, and I asked the doctor if I should let you cry-it-out instead of going to you. He instructed to keep doing what we're doing (going in and soothing you or rocking you back to sleep) because "you shouldn't let a baby with breathing issues cry for long periods of time." So, while we may be creating a behavioral issue and one big monster of a sleep problem, you will breathe better if we answer your cries.

-You love to eat. For the most part, you will eat anything we offer you. Perhaps your favorite food is bananas. You also love to hold your own food and try to suck on or take small bites: apple, graham cracker, corn-on-the-cob, mum-mum, for example. Teeth sure would be helpful, but you don't really seem to need them!

This morning, we celebrated your big day with a balloon party in your crib! Daddy, Banner, and I walked in with balloons and quietly started singing "Happy Birthday" to you while we showered you with balloons. I was worried you'd be afraid of them, but you wouldn't get out of your crib once the balloons were all around you. You LOVED them and were all smiles! What a fun way to start your day! Then, Daddy and Banner went to get donuts, and when they got back, you got to practice blowing out your candle (after another round of "Happy Birthday!"). You know how to blow and will do it on command, but I think you were too mesmerized by the flame on the candle to blow hard enough - plus we had to move the donut hole away from you to keep you from burning yourself, but all-in-all, you gave it a good try! Banner decided he would help you blow it out! Then, you got to eat your own donut hole for breakfast. The rest of the morning, we just hung out after Daddy left for work and Banner left for school. We got a few fun pictures of you with your balloons, and then, we headed to get Banner from school.

Last night, I told you what an amazing addition you've been to our family. I whispered how grateful I am for you, and I praised you for what a trooper you've been this year: going out in the freezing cold just to get Banner to school, tolerating the wretched heat during swim lessons and park dates, waiting your turn all the time, and getting knocked down and pushed around by your older brother and cousins, and hanging in there through all the congestion and ear infections and colds. You've been through a lot this year, and while it hasn't always been easy, you have hung in there and made it a successful year! I'm forever impressed with you - your growth, maturity, intelligence, development, and (my favorite), your affection.

Quinn Redding, I love you so very much. I wish you a very happy first birthday. May your life be filled with many, many more amazing birthdays surrounded by friends and family who love you and wish you the best every day. May you be happy, feel loved, be healthy, and know Mommy is always here no matter what - loving you fiercely! Happy 1st Birthday, My Love!

Love,
Mommy

Your last picture as an 11-month-old

"Happy Birthday!"

Just chillin' in the crib!

A little blurry, but I love this one!

Wood Anniversary

5 Years! Hard to believe our little marriage is growing up so quickly and would be headed to Kindergarten this year! Ha! :) What a big milestone this is for us! 5 years of a partnership that is really much older than 5 years, but for all intents and purposes, we're 5 now!

Each anniversary, I like to reflect on where we were last year. And, last year, we were on the verge of big life changes - Quinn was only a couple days away from birth, Banner was still getting used to his big boy bed, and we had no idea what life with two kids was going to be like. Our life got a little more stressful this year, but our marriage got a little more solidified, stronger, sturdier. So perfect that the traditional gift and symbol for this 5th anniversary is wood.

Wood is strong yet can still be bent and shaped. With great care, polish, and refinishing as time goes on, it ages beautifully. It begins with trees that grow tall and develop root systems far below the earth, far deeper than we can ever see. Like a beautiful piece of hickory, the more knots and grains, the more beautiful it becomes. This symbol is perfect for this particular point in our lives. So, what did we do to celebrate?

Well, we're busy around here these days. We're swamped with little boys' needs, and we're trying to plan a 1st birthday party. But, we definitely "carved" out some time to celebrate us! My mom kept both boys overnight so we could enjoy an entire evening together. (Thank you, Grandma!) Banner was so excited to get a sleep-over at her and Papa's house, he even turned to Quinn when I told him where they were going and said, "Quinn, are you SO excited to go to Grandma and Papa's house for a sleepover!?!?!" as if Quinn had any idea what was going on. Once they were settled, we headed to Kenny's Wood Fired Grill. We picked this restaurant because a) we had a generous gift card to use there, and b) it went along with the "wood" theme! :) We ate amazingly delicious filets, and then we decided to go to a movie. We saw The Giver, a movie based on the book both of us had read years and years ago. We ate ice cream, we took our time, we talked, we laughed, we didn't have to cut up anyone's food! It was a great night out!

Then, we headed home to watch our annual anniversary DVD I finished making just that morning. Last year's video was 59 minutes. This year's is 60. I'm proud of myself for managing to only go one-minute longer (especially given we had another child in the mix this year!). I know I say this every year, but I LOVE making these videos. It can be stressful and time-consuming, but it is SO worth it. It's a great way to review our year together and watch our kids grow up. I also love sharing it with our friends and family who help us live this amazing life. We had wet eyes throughout the video, and when it was over, we made a few observations. We reflected on how neat it is to see this village we live in helping each other, celebrating each other, lifting each other. We loved seeing the mix of people together, a picture of Erick holding Marin, a picture of Logan feeding Quinn, a picture of Kira adoring Landry, a picture of Brock tickling Banner. It's just sweet to see the love and the adoration that surrounds my family and that we feel towards our loved ones. We're excited to share this video with them tonight!

I hope I spend the rest of my life making these videos for Sam. I hope I spend the rest of my life with this man by my side. Happy Wood Anniversary, Sam! I love you more than you could ever know! Here's to 5 more!

Journey to the Cast

This past Saturday morning, Banner was playing around with Sam and Quinn just like they always do on the weekends. Banner was standing on the black arm chair in our den. Sam was leaning up against it on the carpet. Banner was jumping from the couch on to his daddy's back, and he did it several times without a problem. I watched, thinking it was a perfectly safe activity since he was literally a couple inches from his father's back which he was leaning on and jumping onto. Then, Banner did it one last time. This time, though, as he landed the two or three inches onto Sam's back, he wailed. Through tears, he told us that his foot was hurting. We couldn't see any visible markings (scratch/scrape), but he insisted he hurt his ankle. We asked if he could move it, and he could, but once he put any weight on it, he said it hurt more.

Sam was supposed to meet a friend at the park after getting some items we needed for our first soccer practice that was coming up in a few days. After a few minutes of shopping, it was obvious that Banner could not walk well on this foot and was truly hurt. Sam called me and we decided he needed to cancel their park plans and try to get Banner to the doctor's office, which was just around the corner. Luckily, he caught them before closing early after a few Saturday hours. The doctor did a few mobility tests and then said that she thinks he may have twisted a few ligaments, but otherwise, he seemed okay. She told us to call her on Monday if he was still limping then, to use Motrin for pain, to help him get off of his foot with rest, and "take his lead" when it comes to activity (since kids seem to listen to their bodies better than adults listen to theirs). So, we did. We let him play at the splash park that afternoon at a friend's birthday party. We let him go meet and greet his new soccer coach at the park with his new teammates.

And the next day, he was the same. Although, he was crawling a lot to get around faster and to avoid limping. By the end of the day Monday, when things hadn't improved, we let the doctor know on Tuesday morning. She said we should take him to the radiology clinic to get an X-ray. But, we kept thinking that if he could walk on it, and even jump or run when he wanted, surely he didn't have a broken bone. An X-ray would only be able to tell us that, not that it was sprained or twisted or bruised. So, we didn't really want to unnecessarily spend money on a test that would tell us what we thought we already knew. I even took Banner to the school nurse at his preschool to check it and get her opinion. She agreed it was most likely not broken.

And, lo and behold, when we finally decided to get the X-ray on Wednesday morning (before soccer practice later that day), the X-ray showed no break or fracture, and the radiologist agreed - no break or fracture. So, with that information, we allowed Banner to participate in his first soccer practice that afternoon. He limped through it, like he had everything else since Saturday, and he walked with his toes pointing outward, but he never complained or said he was in pain. We continued to give Motrin to control the very little swelling we were seeing, and we iced it every now and then, but that was it.

Then, Thursday morning came, and when Banner was limping and "cruising" along our furniture the same way he had when he was 9-months-old, we knew soccer practice had been a bad decision. We had been told to call the pediatrician (again) if Banner was still limping on it on Thursday, so we called, and they made a referral to an orthopedist. We kept Banner home from school that day because we really needed him off his foot all day. Keeping an active, rambunctious little boy off his foot is a challenge for anyone - we didn't want to ask his teachers to have to deal with that, so I did (and Grandma did, too!).

Sam made an appointment with an orthopedist who could see us Friday/this morning. I waited at home with Quinn who needed to nap, and an hour after the appointment time, I received this picture via text:

Then, Sam called me, and I answered saying, "Okay, I see the boot. What'd the doctor say?!" He said, "Um, that's not a boot. That's a cast." So, I looked closer, and was immediately confused. He gave me the scoop, including telling me that Banner picked the black cast, what a trooper Banner was, and all the rules for the next four weeks - and the four after that. I still had some questions, so I called the doctor myself, and here's what I learned:

Banner has a (suspected) fracture in his left distal fibula. It was not seen on the X-ray because it's in the growth plate. The orthopedist has the advantage over the radiologist by being able to examine the patient and palpate the ankle. Based on Banner's tender areas and where he pointed that he was hurting, the doctor knows there is a fracture (but it's "suspected" because you can't physically see the fracture). Because the fracture is on the growth plate, Banner will be reevaluated months after his cast is removed to make sure there are no long-term effects. So, for now, we wait and hope that his ankle heals normally. He'll be in a cast for 4 weeks, and at the end of September, he will hopefully have it removed, and then he'll have to "take it easy" for 4 more weeks. (SO... so long soccer for this season. Poor guy was SO excited about starting the sport and learning how to play from Coach David.)

We've only survived one day of the cast, and I can already tell it's gonna be a bitch. I'm hoping Banner can learn to sleep in it, that he can learn to keep the cast shoe on (which helps him walk and keep the cast from breaking), that he won't use it as a weapon much longer, and that he can learn to get his underwear, pants, and shorts on over the cast. Without a shoe on his right foot, he's pretty lopsided and walks very unevenly, so there's that issue, too. And, swim lessons start back up in a couple weeks, and we'll see if we decide to trust the airtight cover that we bought so he can still participate (tonight's bath was quite a fiasco with that thing, so we finally just gave in and gave him a bath in the kitchen sink... while Quinn had the whole bathtub to himself - my, how we've switched places in this house! Seriously - Quinn starts walking, and Banner stops. Banner's in the sink for baths and Quinn's in the big tub!?) But, perhaps the most challenging task will be keeping him out of the sandbox on the school playground! It worries me that he'll get that sand stuck down in that cast for the next month! OUCH!

So, that's the story. Basically, it may be a LONG 4 weeks for this boy - and for his parents, neither of whom ever had to wear a cast! This is all new territory for us, so wish us luck!

miRAcle

I've avoided writing this post for a while because I'm so terrified of "jinxing" my good fortune. But, I also want to reflect a little bit on what I think about every day.

Quinn is almost a year old. I can't believe my baby won't be such a "baby" in a few short weeks. There's plenty more to say about that, but that's for a different post.

Today, I want to talk about how Quinn turning one-year-old makes my body feel and how much I've been reflecting on the past year-and-a-half. I feel amazing. I really do, and not a single day passes when I don't think about what a "miRAcle" my boy is to my body.

Almost exactly 13-months after Banner was born, I had my first RA flare. I didn't know that's what was happening at the time, and I spent a lot of money and time and an unnecessary surgery trying to figure out what the hell was happening in my right knee. A couple months later, I had a diagnosis of "pauciarticular seronegative rheumatoid arthririts." It basically meant that I had rheumatoid (as opposed to osteo-) arthrititis in a few joints even though my blood work was not showing a positive RA factor. My rheumatologist wanted to try anti-inflammatory medications (NSAIDs), but when none of them were helping, he was ready to move to DMARDs - higher power medication (rather than using the drugs that I'd been trying which, as a friend once said, "are like spitting on a fire"). Because those medications are harmful to pregnant women and/or a growing fetus, I was adamant that I shouldn't start these more serious drugs when Sam and I wanted more children - and probably sooner than later. So, with this new knowledge, we began trying to conceive. My doctor gave us 4 months to try to get pregnant before he would insist on starting medication. I was a bit worried about this because we took 5 months to get pregnant with Banner.

We were lucky and got pregnant with Quinn 2 months later. When I visited my rheumatologist again, I was thrilled to tell him I was 10-weeks pregnant! At that time, though, I was still experiencing joint pain and fatigue (although the fatigue was hard to tell if it was due to being pregnant while taking care of an active toddler!). My doctor said that 1 in 3 women start to feel better during pregnancy, and that if I were one of those women, I'd start feeling better at about 14-16 weeks. Thankfully, I was one of those women! Somewhere in that exact window, my body rejoiced by feeling some freedom from joint pain and swelling. And, I kept feeling better and better! Seriously, what pregnant woman feels better the bigger her belly gets? I was feeling so great, and mentally, I was enjoying the freedom it brought. I could play with Banner, get on and off the floor with ease (minus the awkwardness that a growing belly brings). I could bathe him, dress him, lift him... it was amazing.

And, once Quinn came, my body stayed calm! I have weird inflammatory reactions to things every now and then, but my joints are awesome. I'm not flaring, I'm not fatigued, I'm not achy or flu-like. It's truly a miRAcle. :)  But, as the first couple months passed, I worried that my symptoms would return. At a check-up with my rheumatologist when Quinn was only 8-weeks-old, he told me that if the RA were to flare-up again, it usually happens around 14-16 weeks after delivery. So, I waited, terrified, for those weeks to approach, and when they passed without event, I was relieved!

I've been in "remission" for about a year and a half now, and I am beyond grateful that my body is doing well. Even if symptoms return (and God-willing they won't!), I am so appreciative that I've had this long break from the pain. It's awful pain. I remember it well, and I will often think about how my life would be if I were still hurting like that. I "fly" Banner on my feet, and he likes to stand on my hands while I raise him high above me while laying on my back. Quinn likes to come over and roll around on the floor with me after he sees Banner doing these fun things. I am the mommy I want to be. I can run and chase my boys, I can lift them up high, I can dress them, bathe them, get on the floor and be on their level with them. I can take them shopping and not ask for help. I can carry them - both at the same time! - and all of their things. I can dress myself and dry my hair and rock a fussy baby in the middle of the night. But not a moment goes by when I don't appreciate those actions. I do not take them for granted. And, I never will!

Sure, as we approach 13-months postpartum, I worry. My anxiety is raised a bit. I've talked with my doctor about the "what-ifs" and the "if/thens" and he assured me that we can tackle any pain, but that would involve big-time meds. I sincerely hope that is not the case, and I hope I only ever see my doctor again in passing at some store or movie theater ... but, I do worry. My friend, Amanda, over at All Flared Up, was recently published on Healthline, writing about 29 things only someone with RA would understand. Luckily, I don't know a life with a lot of the things on her list because I only suffered with the diagnosis for a short time. But, man, I can empathize, and some of the items on her list, I totally get and am so thankful that I'm not experiencing. I have a new understanding for people with invisible illnesses and constant pain. I was one of them for a while, and I can't help but feel so lucky that I'm not right now. The thought of remission ending makes me terrified. I don't want my boys robbed of the physically-able mom I've become for them! I don't want to go back to that hell I was living in - the hell that my body was.

Sometimes as I rock Quinn at night, I thank him. He brought reprieve to my achy body. He brought peace to the prison that it was. And, even though he's a miracle just by being him and being here, my sweet boy made me a better, healthier mommy for him and for Banner, and for that he's my "miRAcle."
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For more information about RA, visit this post I wrote a while ago, or go to RA Warrior's website (Love her!). And, something I contributed a year ago was published on Health Monitor's website! Check it out! :)