Last week, I left a play date a tad later than I had hoped to get Banner home for lunch. Since he had woken up much earlier than normal that day, nap time needed to happen on time, so I couldn't really waste time figuring out what to feed him for lunch and decided I'd just pick up something on the way. Luckily, I didn't have to guess what he would eat, as he yelled "Bagel shop! Bagel, cheese!" from the backseat. So, to Einstein's it was! He seemed pretty ready to eat, so we sat down together enjoying our lunch date just the two of us (rather than picking up and eating at home). As I cleaned Banner's face and hands and got ready to pick him up from the high chair, his facial expression told me a diaper change was imminent! I knew I had a diaper with me, but I was pretty sure I had left the diaper changer with the wipes on my kitchen table at home! Annoyed and giving in to the fact that I would just have to make do using the non-soiled part of the diaper to clean him, I began changing him in the front seat of my car. "Oh, wait!!" I thought. We JUST put new wipes in my swim bag, so I was in luck! I could clean that tush and get going! But, wait... no trash can in sight. Crap! (No pun intended.) I was going to have to drive home with that dirty diaper stinking up the car. "Oh, wait!" I thought again! "I have disposable diaper bags in my backseat! Hallelujah!!"
It was in this moment that I realized maybe I AM more prepared than I think. I could recall very easily a time when I didn't have my shit together (again, no pun intended!), and that wasn't so long ago! I started jotting down ideas and things that used to really help me when
Banner was very young in the hopes that I will remember these when I
have another newborn/infant. Then it occurred to me that I'm not the only person who would benefit from this list. I had an idea to blog about best tips for new parents - ideas that have helped me finally get to a stage where I don't feel so isolated, so unorganized, so unprepared! I still surprise myself from time to time - whether it's because I actually AM prepared (like that day last week), or whether it's because I thought I had figured it out but then I realize I don't!
Knowing I'm not alone in this, I decided to reach out to some of my favorite new(ish) moms. I asked them for their best pieces of advice and helpful hints and tips to better help even newer moms and dads. So, without further delay, I present to you a tangible, workable, doable,
NEW PARENT SURVIVAL GUIDE!
(with my comments in italics following the tip)
-Step one: Read Amber's blog! -Keri, mother of three :)
(I had to start with my personal favorite!)
-Buy at least one Arm & Hammer disposable diaper bag dispenser and hook it on to your diaper bag strap (or purse or keychain or anywhere!). Get several refills to keep in the diaper bag or keep in your car. These come in SO handy when you are needing to dump a "dumpy" diaper without stinking the place up! They smell great, are easy to use, and come in fun colors! You can always use a grocery sack, too, but I insist the A&H bags are way easier. Our doctor's office will not allow parents to throw away "poopy" diapers at their office (an idea it took me a while to understand), so with a newborn or young infant, the bags came in handy on several occasions! -Amber (grocery sacks seconded by
Casey, mother of two)
-Take lots of pictures but not so many that you are behind the camera for each and every event and milestone. - Edie, mother of one
(This is always an internal battle for me!)
-Keep music that relaxes or soothes you handy, accessible, already loaded
on your phone and headphones in reach. For the tear filled days (maybe
some from yourself as well) insert the headphones and listen to that
instead of the crying as you are rocking/patting/sssshhing/bouncing/walking/praying. -Casey
-Always pack extra clothes and diapers. This may seem obvious, but there have been numerous times when my son had a blow-out and I didn't have a change for him. - Michelle, mother of two
(I couldn't agree more! And, make sure you change them out for larger sizes as your child grows. I once had need for a change of clothes, but Banner was wearing 9-month clothes and all I had was 6-month clothes.)
-Always carry wipes. Always. No matter what. No matter how old your child gets. No matter where you are going. Antibacterial or not. Just have wipes, lots of them. I keep them in my glove compartment, my swim bag, my diaper changer, my purse, and the diaper bag (which I haven't actually taken out of my car since Banner was about 14-months-old). I even just put some in Sam's car to make sure he always has some, too! -Amber, seconded by Lauren, Edie, Mischelle, Lisanne, & Amy
-As soon as you are comfortable, leave your baby with someone you trust
and go out...get some fresh air. Your baby will survive, and it will
surprise you how much that break will help your morale. You are still
you, but you are a mom now. Don't feel guilty taking time for yourself. - Lisanne, mother of three
-Always have a bib. Even at 2, a bib is a must! -Lauren, mother of two
-On diapering: I've found it extremely helpful to make sure the inside elastic lining is aligned and pulled out properly after fastening the diaper, kind of like picking the wedgie for the baby. If the inside lining is turned inward, dirty diapers are more able to seep out of the diaper. I noticed poop is MUCH more easily contained if I take the two extra seconds to run my finger along both sides of the diaper to pull the inside edge outward. Also, for boys, I believe Huggies are way better than Pampers - at least in the beginning. Pampers Swaddlers have a "netting" (not sure what else to call it) that always stuck to Banner's skin. . . WAY uncomfortable for a boy's sensitive areas. Huggies Little Snugglers worked much better for us. -Amber
-Set up "play stations" in different parts of your house. The first few weeks and months can feel a bit like Groundhog Day so you don't want to get too bored in your sleep-deprived state of mind. Examples of stations are: bouncer, tummy time play mat, books, baby yoga area, music/singing time, shake-rattle-roll play area with infant toys. You can set these up in different parts of your house or sometimes outside if the weather is right so you don't get too used to staying in one room. -Laura, mother of one (
We did this, too, and it made each day less monotonous!)
-Never buy clothes in advance- you will never match the size and season
at the right time. Buy few clothes as they outgrow them so fast! -Lori, mother of one
-Rinse bottles immediately! Same goes for sippy cups. I can't stand caked on, smelly, rotting formula or milk. Even if it's easier to just throw the bottle in the sink (or diaper bag) and wash it later, save yourself the agony of that awful smell and hard-to-reach-and-remove grime, and just give it a quick rinse. In fact, if you can, carry a small bottle of dish soap/detergent (we love Dapple baby bottle cleaner) in your diaper bag to go ahead and have that bottle ready for its next use. -Amber
-Baby proof your home ASAP. Before you know it, he can open your oven. -Mischelle, mother of two and stepmom to two older children
-You should always have Shout in all major rooms, nursery, playroom,
laundry room, small one for diaper bag. Resolve and Oxi-Clean work
great too! It's a personal preference! Make sure grandma has them, too! - Lori
(While I didn't do this specifically, I definitely agree it's helpful to try to get stains out pretty quickly. I use the products my mother sells from Melaleuca (it is the best stain remover I've ever, ever, ever used - contact me for her information if you want it!). I would use it right after a spit-up or a blow-out to preserve Banner's clothes.)
-On taking care of yourself: Cry. Get it out then move on with your day. Breathe. Take really deep breaths. When you feel sad, give yourself
some breaths, when you are frustrated with your toddlers, allow yourself
some breaths, when you are exhausted, take a few really deep breaths. Stretch. As soon as you get up, or as soon as you set the baby down
even just for a minute, stretch. Standing up, sitting down, leaning
over, work through your legs, arms, joints and neck as you have a
minute, or a second throughout the day. Your body will appreciate it.
Your mind will clear a little. Your breath will even some. Talk to someone. You aren't alone. You aren't the only mom thinking it. Talk. -Casey
-The three best pieces of advice I got when Banner was about 3 weeks old were (from a mom of three boys): it's okay not to listen to the doctor on every single thing, wear your baby as much as possible, and go somewhere alone every now and then - and let Daddy gain some confidence in his parenting skills. As for the doctor part - well, I needed someone to give me permission to listen to my gut in those early days. This friend, who uses the same doctor I do, told me that our pediatrician has a rigid feeding expectation; in fact, he has a reputation for that among the moms who use him. He wanted Banner to go 4 hours between feedings at night starting at 2 weeks old, and my baby was hungry! He would wake up at 2.5-3 hours sometimes, and I was trying to follow the doctor, but I was feeling like I was failing my son. This friend helped me know it was okay to deviate from the doctor's schedule if it wasn't working for me. The "wearing" Banner came in so handy when I needed to get things done around the house, but my kid wanted me to hold him ALL the time! Honestly, there are times even now (when he's 2 years old) that I still wish I could wear him! Take advantage of being able to carry your child hands-free! And, as for the leaving Baby with Daddy early on - well, we both needed that! Sam learned to trust himself, I learned to trust him, and I needed to get away! He didn't need me breathing down his neck watching, guiding, fixing, instructing, etc. So, this was awesome advice early on - and I plan to continue to follow it with Baby #2. -Amber
-Don't forget to ask questions. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Your true friends will never laugh and will always make good suggestions that you can play with. -Gretchen, mother of one
-For comedic relief, tune in to Nick Jr's "Nick Mom" - which starts at 9:00 every night. I watch on occasion, and it's pretty funny. They have stand up comedians, documentaries, and other "mom" shows, and even the commercials can be funny. If anything, I am able to see my struggles are universal and the daily grind of raising a kid really can be hilarious! - Amber
-Write it down. Don't stress yourself keeping track of everything in a fancy way at first. I love
Maybooks and have one for each kid. They are small, sturdy and cute - perfect
for jotting little milestones or memories as I see them and then
documenting it "officially" later. -Casey
-Always tell your children the truth, and don't make up funny names for private parts! -Lauren
(As a counselor, I 100% agree with this! We also don't laugh at body parts. Banner learned the word "penis" and "vagina" long before he was a year old, and they are not "bad" words or inappropriate in our house. These words are treated no differently than "arm" or "knee.")
-Invest in a video monitor. It is worth every penny and will pay for
itself in times you can check it instead of stand outside doors or peek
in and risk waking. We have loved our Summer video monitor and had great
customer service when we were replacing the large video screen after 3
years of use! -Casey
-Boppy Newborn Lounger was a must for us (since nap nanny is no longer
around!!). -Edie
-Have date nights. Happy couples=happy kids! -Mischelle (seconded by Casey who also suggests at-home date nights if getting out of the house is too stressful, as it was when her youngest child's medical issues kept her and her husband housebound for a while)
-Sign up for an
Amazon Mom membership. It's free, and the first three months of your membership include free two-day shipping, as well as 20% off diapers and wipes, which can be delivered right to your door through a Subscribe & Save offer. We love Subscribe & Save! I never have to buy diapers or wipes at the store; they come directly to my house, and I get to control how often they are delivered. We get our Overnite diapers, regular daytime diapers, wipes, Diaper Genie refill bags, and we used to even get our formula delivered from Amazon Subscribe & Save. -Amber
-Set a consistent bedtime routine that you would like your child to keep
at an older age, like bath, brush teeth, bed time story, then good
night. - Mischelle
-If pumping -- the hands free bra saved my life! - Edie (
Even though I only pumped for two weeks, I agree with this. I plan to take it to the hospital with me this go 'round!)
-Stop comparing. Stop competing. Stop judging. Stop doubting. You are an expert on your child. Start believing that. -Amber (seconded by Edie, Lauren (mother of two) and Kelly (mother of one))
- Add 30-45 minutes of time for each kid you have to get ready to go/leave the house. -Lisanne
(Oh, man! Lisanne has three kids! I'm in shock at how much time it takes to get out the door with only one child - great advice! Bowing down to Lisanne!)
-Don't be afraid to turn guests away...the beginning is so overwhelming
and if you aren't up for company or guests, it could only make it worse.
If they offer to help fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, etc. - take
them up on it! -Edie
-Find a baby carrier that fits you well - Moby Wrap, Ring Sling, Bjorns,
Ergonomic, the list goes on. Everyone has a favorite, everyone has a
reason, try them on in store and pick one that fits. You will get use
out of it, especially when you have more than one kiddo! -Casey
-Don't over read! I have a friend who reads a new parenting book every
few days and so many theories in her head have confused her and more
importantly, her child! -Anonymous
(Agreed! I definitely read a lot in the beginning, and still do from time to time. But, I also think it's important to choose a theory, program, plan, philosophy (whatever you wanna call it) that is right for you and your family and tweak it how you want. Not everything is a science. I also think it's important to know WHY you are doing what you're doing so it makes sense to you - then you can buy into it better and STOP reading everything else!)
-Don't give up on veggies or any other kind of food your kid may not have liked at first. Each day is new, and his taste buds are constantly changing. -Mischelle
-When your baby gets shots, it's okay to bring a favorite lovey or paci to help soothe him. Another plan of action is to always leave the room the shot was given in as fast as you can. A change of scenery takes that pain away faster. And, have your baby dressed (as much as possible) and ready to go before the shots are given for faster evacuation. -Amber
-Say No. If it doesn't work for you, your baby, your family, their
schedule, say no. You don't have to go on every outing or playdate.
You don't have to go to every family event. If it is going to make
things harder on you right then and that is just too much, say No.
There will be another opportunity. -Casey
-As much as I can't stand having to think about food
all.the.time
with my little guy, it's a must when planning your outings. I wish I
could tell you the number of times Sam has left the house with Banner on
his own and come home with a cranky kid because he refused to take a
snack or sippy cup of water with him - even on a quick trip to Home
Depot or the grocery store. ALWAYS take snacks and keep some in the car
for emergencies. Always have a cup for water or milk. This goes for
infants, too. If you are formula-feeding, always carry a back-up
"on-the-go" formula packet and a bottle of unopened water in your diaper
bag. You never know when that doctor's appointment will last too long
or you get stuck in awful traffic, etc. Oh, and, I also try to plan
grocery trips in the middle of snack time - so Banner is less annoyed at
the time he's in the cart. -Amber
-You will get LOTS of unsolicited advice so take everything with a grain
of salt, especially from people who don't really know you. -Edie
-As you have read through this list, you may have noticed there's lots of advice about always having this or that with you at all times: wipes, change of clothes for baby (and for you!), bibs, formula, water, snacks, etc. When Banner was very young, we didn't use the typical diaper bags you see a lot of moms and dads carrying - we didn't even use the one we had registered for and received as a gift from my mom and sister. We used a heavy-duty backpack with many compartments. We took that everywhere - for the first 5-6 months or so. It had everything in there from an extra bottle to extra shirts for Sam and me (due to our baby's incessant reflux and
spitting up at any moment) to hairbands for me to toys to pacis to burp rags galore! It was awesome! Eventually, we didn't need all of that, and we switched to the regular diaper bag. And now, with a two year old, I really only carry a small diaper changer with a pocket for my wallet and cell phone in the front. I don't even carry a purse. When our second child is born, we're definitely going back to the backpack for a while. Do what works for you and make it easy! And, every evening, take a few minutes to reset and reload it so you won't spend forever trying to simply
get out of the house! -Amber
-I'm not gonna lie: the first months are the most difficult. The first 3
months even worse! It does get better, and you do start to find your new
normal/routine in your new life. -Lori
(She summarized two blog posts in a few sentences! Read all about it here and here.)
And then, for all those moms who need a reminder that things really will be okay, that you don't have to be such a control freak (like me!):
-I'm a little bit of a hippie when it comes to parenting - so I kinda do
my own thing - I never read books or blogs (with the exception of
Amber's). I don't have a diaper bag. I always forget to bring much
needed items - sometimes food, water... I don't have a fancy stroller
and never did. My kids wear used clothes. They eat Mac and cheese almost
everyday. I started potty training them at 9 months. I rarely put shoes
on my kids to play outside (that drives my husband crazy). I don't
apply sunscreen or bug spray daily. But somehow I'm managing to raise
triplets - go figure! I would just say: consult with good friends and
drink wine daily (oh, and play Bob Marley to dull the screaming of three
two year olds). - Laura, mother of triplets
As you can see, even in the midst of a chaotic new lifestyle, a huge life change, you CAN make it work, it will be okay, and you will get the hang of motherhood eventually. You'll become an expert on your child, you'll navigate your way into getting more sleep, reading your child better, and finding a balance in your life again. But, in the meantime, I hope some of these tips will help you settle in a little easier. Let me know what strategies, techniques, tips, and advice you can offer to new moms. Leave a comment!
