Sunday, May 13, 2012

My First Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day began on Saturday night. We went to my father-in-law's house to have dinner there with family. It was nice to be around everyone, but unfortunately dinner wasn't ready before I had to leave to get Banner home for bath and bed. Sam stayed for dinner while I went home and got some extra one-on-one time with Banner, who did beautifully going down for bed after some snuggle time with me. Sam brought dinner home for me, and then upon my request, he went to get me some Yogurtville yumminess! We watched one of our shows, and off to bed we went - both of us exhausted from the day.
Zaide & Banner

Cousin Natalie & Banner
Love that Banner's face is the only crystal clear part of the photo
Because it was Sunday (MY day to sleep in!), and of course because it was Mother's Day, I got to sleep in Sunday morning while Sam got up with Banner. I slept until about 8:30, and when I got up, the house smelled amazing! Sam was shocked I was up so early (although 8:30 is well past my now-normal wake-up time!), and he asked me to stay out of the kitchen and to go back to the bedroom. So, after some hugs and kisses with Banner, I gladly headed back to the bedroom to rest and relax. About 30 minutes later, my boys headed in to bring me my breakfast they had worked so hard making: bagel, eggs, and hash brown casserole. Yum!
Sam put Banner down for a nap shortly after I started enjoying my breakfast in bed, and after I ate, I decided a little more quality time with my bed was in order. Oh how I have missed just laying in bed for that long - just snoozing, relaxing, not moving, resting, and enjoying the peace and quiet! Around 10:45, Banner woke up and brought me 2 greeting cards and a wrapped gift. The cards were addressed to "Mommy" and to "My OTL" (One True Love). I opened Banner's first and was in LOVE with the card he selected. Then, I opened Sam's card, and I was shocked that I made it through both cards without a tear. I even looked at Sam and said, "And I didn't cry!"

 Then, I unwrapped the gift wrap which had a Willow Tree box inside. I carefully pulled out the styrofoam casing, and as I looked at the figurine inside, I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. This gift was too perfect, capturing the way I feel about Banner and how I want to freeze time with him in my arms just like this. I love, too, how the baby has curls!
After I stopped crying and got ready to go, the three of us headed to the cemetery to pay our respects to Sam's mom. It didn't feel real as we drove the 20 minutes or so to the cemetery. But, as we walked up to where she was laid to rest, a place I had not been since her funeral, a place Banner had never been before, it was all too real. I still can't believe she's not here anymore. I thought back to all the Mother's Day celebrations we've had before - brunches with bagels and blueberry cake, family chatter and jokes being told, all of us making fun of how she was still slowly eating when everyone else was done - and here we were, my first Mother's Day, and Sam's first Mother's Day without his mom. Bittersweet. Ironic. I don't know the right word, but weird is what it is. We took a couple of pictures of Banner sitting near her plot - a plot that has no headstone just yet since it's only been a few months. I know Leslie was there - telling me Happy Mother's Day, just like I know she knows I'm wishing her the same. I thought it was nice to be there paying tribute to her. I'm glad Banner got to go, too, even though all he wanted to do was eat the leaves off the bushes nearby. (While we were there, we also stopped by Sam's maternal grandmother's plot and my paternal grandmother's plot. I "introduced" Banner to my Granny and as we walked away, Banner raised his hand as if to wave goodbye.)

The rest of the afternoon was a typical Sunday afternoon: Banner ate lunch, he napped, I showered, and Sam went to Home Depot. :) Then, we stopped by Cherie & Jed's before heading to Mom's for dinner. Cherie wanted to see Banner walking, so we had to stop there so he could impress! :) At Mom's we played and chatted before Kira & Erick served us all dinner! It was yummy; they did a great job! Mom, Bob, Kira, Erick, Mischelle, Brock, Brycen, Sam, Banner, and I started dinner and Caden & Mara joined us shortly after we sat down to eat. It was nice to enjoy our time together; I just wish we had more time before we had to leave to get Banner to bed on time.... if only he could stay up another half hour or so, that would help so much! Technically, he could, but then our night would be disastrous. Anyway, we exchanged cards and gifts before we left. Mom & Bob gave me a much needed gift certificate for a mani/pedi! Kira & Erick gave me a jewelry box with a picture of Banner and me on the front - and when it opens, it plays "These are the Days" by Van Morrison, the final song Sam and I danced to on our wedding night, and the song that Sam & I danced with Banner to on the night we brought him home from the hospital. I tried SO hard to hold back tears as I opened gifts and read my cards. First I read the notes from Brock, Mischelle, and the kids... that already got me going, then I read Kira's card and was so touched by her card that tears just flowed. Reading Mom's card last didn't help, either. I'm just so in love with being a mom, even the hard times and the hard work don't take away from the love I have for Banner and how fortunate I feel to be his mommy. When others point out this "emotional roller coaster" (as Mom called it in her card) and the possibility that I might actually be doing a somewhat decent job, it just gets to me. I feel like I'm trying so hard to be the best mom to Banner, and most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, so it was nice and cathartic to just get some positive feedback.
Uncle Erick & Banner
Grandma & Banner
Mommy & Banner
Our gift to my mom/Grandma... a throw blanket with our pictures on it!
Brycen & Mara
My two favorites on Mother's Day: my mommy and my baby!
The best feedback, though, is spending a day with my happy, happy boy and then hugging and kissing him goodnight knowing that he is safe, healthy, and happy. I kissed Banner goodnight and thanked him for giving me this day, for making it possible for me to participate as a Mommy today, and then I wished him a happy 1st Mother's Day, too.

Sam & Banner, I love you both so much, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Thank you for making me feel extra-special today and always!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Super Ones (11, that is!)

Dear Banner,
You are 11 months old now. Trite as it sounds, I cannot believe how fast time is flying. I am already preparing for your first birthday party! I have looked back at so many of your first few photos in the hospital after you were born, and it feels like yesterday. You have grown into such a fun little boy, and this past month has been especially fun. You have the most fun-loving, happy, cheerful personality, and I am so happy to know you are happy. I love to watch you grow, learn, copy, play, eat, crawl, bounce, dance, climb, explore, stand, and . . . walk!

Since last month, here are a few of my notes on what has changed:
  • You have two new teeth, bringing the total count to 6. The two new ones are on the top, on either side of the two middle teeth, so you have four on top and two on bottom. Your right side came in first of those two new ones. 
  • You dance. You bounce up and down when music plays. You bend your knees and bob up and down a little.
  • You had another cold, but again, thank God for Mucinex. You hated taking it at night, but once we started giving it to you after a week of a runny nose, you slept much better. 
  • You whistle! You pucker your cute little lips and make a whistle sound, and then you smile, very pleased with yourself. You also like to blow on the whistle on my key chain. One day this month, Grandma brought you up to visit me at work, and the gifted and talented teachers were amazed. One teacher said, "Be sure to write that on his REACH application: 'Whistled at 10 months.'" :) 
  • You play Peek-a-Boo by putting your head down then popping up. You usually do this in the high chair by resting your forehead on the tray then looking up when we say, "Where's Banner?" or "Where'd he go?" You love this, and so do we!
  • You shake your head "no" when we ask you to say "no." I don't think you understand it, but you pair "no" with head-shaking, so we'll take it for now. I'm not sure why we want to teach you "no," but it is priceless when your little head turns side to side. Even better, you raise your little eyebrows when you shake your head. Your expression is so funny, and you usually laugh afterward. 
  • You make a funny little "laugh" that Daddy & I call the "Woody Woodpecker" laugh. It's not your real laugh. I think it's involuntary, but it's sounds just like the animated character. We can't get you to repeat it on demand like the whistling, peek-a-boo, or "no," but it sure is cute!
  • We gave up Prevacid this month! No more reflux medication! This is HUGE! You really don't spit up much anymore, at least it doesn't make an appearance by coming all the way out. You still have reflux, and I can tell that it bugs you on occasion, but you're not spitting up (CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH!?!), and you don't really need the meds. Usually once or twice a day, I notice you cough, and your eyes water, and I can tell that food just tried to pop back up. But, you have managed well. I'm hopeful your body will start to manage digestion a little better, and you will outgrow this reflux altogether.
  • We tried to give up the bath ring this month. You did great the first night on a non-slip pad; you loved the freedom, and I thought it was much easier to bathe you . . . well, until you started trying to stand up the next night. If you would just sit, you would be just fine! We will probably try again soon, but in the meantime, you're back in the ring.
  • You are saying a lot more sounds. I've heard sounds for a, b, d, e, g, h, j, k, m, n, o, p, s, t, u, w, and y. I've also heard /th/ and /tz/. You can give /d/, /s/, and /t/  (and sometimes /g/) upon request. Other sounds, when prompted, are hit or miss.
  • You give kisses like a champ! At one of our play dates earlier this month, you kissed everyone goodbye, and you had kissed two of the girls during our time there. You initiate kisses more, and you smile after I kiss you. Sometimes, you'll stop in the middle of a bottle and turn to me for a kiss. I love that! Thank you!
  • Speaking of kisses, you blow kisses, too! You actually just suck on a finger or two and then pop it out of your mouth to make the same sound as a kiss. It's very unique and creative, and it's your token "blow a kiss" that accompanies a wave. 
  • You have recently started handing me things. For example, you find the remote control or a pen on the floor, and you will hold it up for me to come take from you. I graciously say, "Thank you!" and you seem to be pleased with yourself.
  • We started dairy this month. Your doctor recommended waiting until you were 12 months, but since it was only for behavioral purposes and not for health reasons, we went ahead and started. We first introduced string cheese followed soon by cheddar cubes and then yogurt. So far, so good. Personally, I don't like yogurt as much as you do, but we both have the same love for cheese!
  • You made your first signs this month! You are starting to figure out that the signs we show you have a purpose. Your first sign was "finished/all done" by waving your hands sideways back and forth. Your second sign was "water" made by touching your mouth with an open hand when Aunt Kira was showing you the water dispenser on the refrigerator. 
  • You continue to be more communicative - showing us what you want with a purposeful glance or a point. My favorite thing, though, is that when you want "up" you will pull our hands down with great strength, and sometimes you put our hands on your side to lift you up. 
  • You are much more aware of your own body. You know where your hair is, pulling on it when I use the word. You "close your eyes" when prompted by looking down or squinting. You stick your tongue out and say "Ahh" when I ask you to show me what is in your mouth. 
  • You got your first haircut just a few days ago. 
  • We reintroduced you to "Bear" this month. You used to hold him in your Little Lamb swing months ago, and when you went and made me a liar after your 10-month post last month by not sleeping well through the night for two straight weeks, we had to have some kind of intervention. I think what happened, if I can make a wild guess, is that you were working so hard on figuring out your new walking skills (!) that you were not sleeping well and Daddy and I catered to that a little. After you started walking, we decided you had just learned that we would come to you in the middle of the night. So, we got tough again, told you we would not answer your cries in the middle of the night even though we love you so much, gave you Bear again, and things have been better for the past few nights. I certainly hope we're headed in the right direction.
  • Yes, you are WALKING! I loved watching you figure it out, and I still love watching you toddle around. I hear our lives are about to change. So far, not really. You are one of the fastest crawlers I've ever seen, so keeping up with your walking isn't much different yet. I actually prefer you walking, because now you can just hold Mommy's hand when we are out, and I don't have to carry you everywhere! You've also been cruising and standing for so long now that you've already been able to reach things that you shouldn't really be able to get, so my life hasn't changed much from that perspective either. I'm really excited about this new milestone. I just hope you take your time learning to RUN! :)

Above all these changes, by far the most special has been watching you develop a sense of pride in your accomplishments. Daddy and I can tell that you have discovered what a great feeling it is when you meet a goal, when you finally achieve what you have been working so hard to do, and when you make your own discoveries about the world or about yourself. What an amazing thing this has been as a parent - to watch you grow into YOU! Watching you learn to walk has been the best example of this, as you toddle across a room or through the house and finally land at your destination and smile or say "AAYYY!" And, when you fall, you don't give up. You actually laugh, and you get right back up. As a counselor, it gives me such joy to watch you developing your own self-esteem. As your mother, it gives me such relief and peace to see you loving yourself and all the magic that you bring to life.

I love you so much and feel like I can't get enough of you! You are so squeezable, and I love to just cradle you in my arms when you let me. I'm so looking forward to having this summer with you, just us together each day again. This month is going to fly by, I know, so I'm going to soak up your babyhood as much as I can. You seem like such a big boy, and technically I've been told you are a "toddler" now that you're walking, but you are still my baby and always will be. Slow down, Angel. Mommy's not ready for you to grow up so fast! Enjoy your next month - I know I will!

Love,
Mommy


Sunday, May 6, 2012

Wig-Splittin' Time!

Banner does not have my hair color at all. You'd think I would have a kid that looks more like my youngest nephew with really dark hair, but no, my baby has light brown hair that does not remotely take after mine. He does, however, have the same hair growth that I do - along with my fast-growing nails. He also has both Sam and my curly hair. . . poor guy. It's the kind of hair that looks really cute when it's wet, but the moment it's dry, it's big and frizzy. And, it's the kind of hair you shouldn't dare run your fingers through, or else you've just added to the frizz factor.

So, with unruly, fast-growing hair on his head at 10 months already, Sam and I decided it was time to give in and get Banner his first haircut. Or, as my brother and my nephew like to say, it was time to get his "wig split." Sam was very apprehensive about this decision, but Banner's hair was getting really out of control, in our opinions, and when Mom told us that a woman at the grocery store looked at Banner and asked how old "she" is, we decided maybe a "wig split" wasn't such a bad idea.

We decided to go on Saturday. Well, until I had a semi-melt-down and decided I was the one who wasn't ready. I cut a perfect little curl off of Banner's head and put it in his baby book before we left for the salon, and as I turned to get Banner, I just started crying and couldn't do it. I really wanted to wait until he was a year old, but I also knew his hair was just too long and unruly. But, I wasn't ready, so we agreed to wait another day.

Sunday rolled around, and we made it a priority to get to Cool Cuts 4 Kids. When we walked in, I was nervous that Banner wouldn't sit still for the woman cutting his hair, but the facility was awesome at entertaining him, and he did amazingly well! I had NO idea what to tell the woman when she asked what we wanted - so I just let her do her thing, and really, we just ended up with a trim more than a haircut, which both pleased me and upset me. . . If I was going to go through with the whole emotional decision to get his hair cut before he was a year old, then you might as well have taken more hair to make it look worth it! But, I also don't know how ready I was to get rid of his curly locks. So, Sam and I decided we will go back in about a month or so and have it cut shorter.

Here are a few pictures of Banner getting his first haircut:


Getting Ready!!


The first cut!






Not much different than before just a little neater!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Nesting in the Kitchen


So, this little family of ours resides in a quaint little home that I purchased over 5 years ago. Throughout the time I've lived in it, I've been trying to update it and make it more livable little by little. I'm always nesting, what can I say? We've updated bathrooms with tile floor (ripped up carpeting previous owners had), we've painted, we've redone the air ducts, we've painted again, we've put in wood floors in one living area, we walled up the old bar, Sam's put a lot of work into the yards, we've redone some lighting in a couple rooms, and we've installed a few new appliances. But, I've always wanted an updated kitchen. This was one of the items on my constant list I have in my head of things I'd like to change in the house... don't you have one of those? I'm sure we all do, and after meeting with our realtors to give us ideas on how we can better sell our home later on, we were told that updating the kitchen would be helpful.

Since I want the use out of it and want to enjoy it a little while it's still ours, we decided to go for it and get new counters and back splash, new stove top (switched from electric to gas), new sink, and a more neutral wall color. Before we knew it, we had a great interior decorator/consultant, and she organized everything! Sam and I (along with my father-in-law's help!!) are accustomed to handling our own renovations and just getting things done throughout the weekends and breaks when we can. Projects typically take much longer when we are doing it ourselves, so coordinating with a consultant who helped us and got the best prices for us was awesome! I used to think it was cheaper to do it all ourselves, and maybe it is... but add up the endless trips to Home Depot or Lowe's and the numerous pieces of equipment we find ourselves needing, I'm thinking we may have saved money! Just a thought. Oh, and add a crawling, cruising infant to the mix and the DIY big projects have just become "DIY-while entertaining/watching/protecting-your-baby-while-maintaining-your-sanity-and-your-marriage"... Nope! Not doing that! So, thank you to SUE for making this big transformation a huge success and so easy for us!

Here are some before, during, and after pictures so you can see our new kitchen!
Electric stove top and low microwave
Blue paint and old sink
Goodbye counters, sink, and back splash!
Counters and new sink - without back splash and without new paint
Counters and back splash! :)
gas stove and higher microwave - you may not be able to tell, but it was raised 2+ inch

And, here's a look at the finished kitchen: 

Saturday, April 28, 2012

In the Quiet Nursery

The past three nights, Banner has wanted to cuddle with me before he goes to sleep for the night. This is a change from a) preferring Sam over me when it comes to most everything and b) typically putting himself to sleep the moment he finishes his bottle and we "brush" his teeth. He has usually reached for his crib and can't seem to get in it fast enough even though Sam and I are still asking for kisses and saying our goodnights. So, these past three nights have been unusual, but I gladly will accept his desire for a little extra Mommy time. I crave him, too, so I am loving his need for me. It might change back again tomorrow, and that's just fine, but I'll take what I can get! :)

Just like when he was 3-4 months old and seemed to want only me to put him to sleep, I've been teary again rocking with him as we cuddle. I gently rub his forehead, run my fingers through his curly hair, graze the crook of his nose, and hold his fingers in my hand, and tears stream down my face. He has his eyes closed, but sometimes they peek open with heavy eyelids as he stares into my watery eyes. I just love him. And, I can't get enough of these tender moments. But, I cry for a variety of reasons.

I have so many thoughts going through my mind as I cradle his body against me. I think about my Grandpa in the nursing home, all alone. I wonder how his mother would feel about him being there day after day with only a few visitors every now and then. I think about how I can't stop time and how Banner's life will whiz by, too, just like my (almost) 94 year old grandfather's has. I think about how this babyhood of his is a blink of an eye in his (God-willing) long life - how he'll be in school before we know it, he'll be graduating, dating, driving, staying out with friends, going to college, joining the work force, having a family of his own, and fighting old age all too soon, and there's nothing I can do to make it slow down. I think about my Grandpa being rocked by his mommy back in 1918, and I think about how one day I won't be in Banner's life. Then, I think about Sam without his mom, and I cry knowing how he just wants his mommy sometimes. Don't we all? Don't we all just want our mommies? So, I think about how in this tender, perfect moment of rocking my sleepy baby to a peaceful slumber, just the two of us, how perfect and timeless these memories are.

I also think about how our children do not belong to us. We do not own them. We can't control them, and we can't protect them from every single thing. I can't be with him every second of his life. In fact, most of his 24-hour day is spent by himself in his room while he sleeps. We parents simply get the pleasure of doing our best to raise our children right, to nurture them in every way, and to guide them to make good choices. We get a split-second in time to have each other and to love each other before it's over. In that moment in Banner's dark room, holding each other in the glider, we are perfectly safe and sound. Nothing can touch us, and maybe just for that second we belong to each other - just for a moment. But, I can't help but mourn and miss his newbornness, his infancy, his babyhood - even though he's still a baby.

The other day, we were working on Banner's walking skills in the living room. He's getting SO good, and I know it will be a matter of days or so before he's walking with much more confidence. But, anyway, we practice often at night, watching Banner walk back and forth between Sam and me. One particular time, a couple days ago, he walked from me to Sam - veered slightly off track, but then corrected to get to Sam's arms. I clapped as tears poured down my cheeks and I struggled to get "YAY!" out of my mouth. There was my baby, walking away from me, and he was doing it so well. Again, a thousand thoughts rushing through my mind: he's doing it!, way to go!, he's getting so good!, look how he corrected and stayed balanced!, he's walking away from me!, don't grow up so fast!, I am so proud of him!, I love watching him!, I love how proud of himself he is, slow down - we're not trying to rush you!, be a baby and enjoy this time!, oh my God, I love him so much! And the tears continued. So many thoughts - so many contradicting feelings. Time is flying, and I cannot believe it.

So, these past few nights, in the quiet nursery, I have all these existential thoughts, and it makes all the stress and chaos of the busy, tiresome day fade away. I soak in his sweet face, his baby smell, his soft skin. I try to memorize the feeling of his body cuddled next to mine. I embrace these quiet, delicate moments because every single day I feel that umbilical cord tug a little more as he gets farther and farther away. And, I cry. I can't hold back the flowing tears - tears of happiness, tears of sadness, tears of longing, tears of missing, tears of missing my own childhood and having MY mommy cuddle me each night, tears of sadness for Sam not having his mommy to cuddle him again, tears of complete and utter love.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

What it Means to be a Mother

We had a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad start to this morning. So, I'm not gonna lie... this post is coming from a place of negativity and frustration on a day that began in complete misery. We had a wonderful evening last night. We enjoyed a family dinner where all three of us ate the same thing for dinner - pasta with meat sauce and vegetables. I love when Banner can eat what we're eating, and I love it when Sam's home early enough for us to eat dinner altogether. We did our typical evening routine, and Banner slept great... until 4:20 this morning. I went to him when his whimpers continued past a typical "stir" from which he can usually (literally) pacify himself back into sleep. When he reached for me and I picked him up, he immediately went back to sleep on my shoulder.  I rocked him for a few minutes, and when I put him back in his crib, he was up again crying full-force this time. I think he was cold... he was dressed in a thinner, cooler material and I was worried that might be the case. Knowing he was very much still tired, I took him back to my bed where we could just snuggle and maybe he'd go back to sleep. Well, going back to sleep was not a part of the agenda. For 30 minutes or so, we tried to get him to go back to sleep. Finally, Sam had HAD it, and he decided it was just time to get up for the day... at 5:15. About 30 minutes after that, I gave up on trying to go back to sleep myself, and I was up for the day at 5:45am. (Even though, really, I'd been up since 4:20.) After that, there was a "discussion" that followed between Sam and me that left me upset, and I hated to start my morning with unfinished business between us. I won't go into details in this public forum, but it was one of those days I hated to have to go to work when I wanted to talk through our "tiff" but I was also delighted to get some space. So, please understand that this post is coming from a place of raw, TIRED, EXHAUSTED emotion.

I've learned in the past 10 months that there are some amazing things that come with motherhood. I was so excited for those things: the smiles, the laughs, the gift of love that surrounds me/us, the rewards of watching my child learn, grow, and develop, and so many precious, tender moments with my baby. And, all of those things are continuing to happen, and I am beyond lucky to have a healthy, happy, funny, smart, strong, growing young boy. But, I have also learned so much more about what it means to be a mommy, and it ain't so pretty all the time. This blog is called Journey to the Knot, and we are on a journey. I'm constantly learning and growing, and sometimes there are growing pains. Today, I felt them. They come and they go, those growing pains. But, today, I was reminded of so many of the lessons I've learned on this journey.

I wanted to comment on some of the lessons I've learned about what it means to be a mother. Yes, these things are also true for what it means to be a father or a parent of anything/anyone, because we all have to grow up, take responsibility, and be the "bigger" person. But, I'm specifically talking now about my experience as a female parent and what it means to be that female parent.

What it means to be a mother:
  • It means giving up time for myself most of the day.
  • It means losing sleep. It means yearning for sleep.
  • It means doing things as fast as possible (changing a diaper, putting on make-up, running an errand, cooking dinner, taking a shower) OR taking an hour to do something it used to take only 5 minutes to do (emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry, running an errand, cooking dinner, cleaning a mess), and sometimes you can do it as fast as possible and it still takes longer!
  • It means getting over my own exhaustion and sucking it up so I can help my baby, and many times, my husband to calm down.
  • It means my house will be a mess. Yes, it appears cluttered and not so clean, but trust me, I did clean, and I keep cleaning, and I keep cleaning, so when you come to my house, trust me when I say it's a lot cleaner than it was five minutes ago. Just come over while Banner is eating dinner, and you will see how much I have cleaned my freakin' house. I'm a mom, and my house is dirty. Get over it.
  • It means learning to be okay with not being the favorite parent sometimes. Even though I was the one who bathed him, fed him, clothed him, calmed him - calmed his daddy even! - played with him, sat with him, carpooled him and sang to him, (need I say birthed him?), he prefers his daddy right now, so I have to suck that up, too, because that's what it means to be a mom.
  • It means being expected to know the answers - to the doctor's questions, to the babysitter's questions, to your husband's questions. When does he eat? What should he wear? What should I feed him? How long should I let him nap? When should he go to sleep? 
  • It means feeling guilty all the time. I've talked with numerous moms, many of them with much older children, and they agree there is a never-ending tug at your heart and your mind each day - feeling like they could have done this better, they could have spent more time, they could have made more money, they could have taught something better, etc, etc. 
  • It means getting spit-up on, peed on, puked on, pooped on, drooled on, sneezed on, etc. and just having to move on. It means wiping tears, wiping snot, wiping a tush, wiping smashed food, and not cringing. 
  • It means high blood pressure and frustration as your baby cries and you can't/won't do anything about it because it's in his best interest to let him cry. I can't hold him while I'm at the stove, I can't pick him up all the time, I have to force him in the car seat, I can't let him play with the knife he sees on the table, so he'll just have to cry if he doesn't like everything else I'm trying to do to make him happy in that moment (distraction, funny face, another toy, a sweet voice).
  • It means learning to be the communicator with your husband. It means learning to work harder as a team to keep your marriage. It means having to have more patience with each other. It means you actually need to be a partner with your partner, and sometimes you'll be the only one who remembers that.
  • It means spending countless hours of the day frustrated and annoyed because you didn't sleep, you fought over stupid crap with your husband, you miss your baby while you are at work, you didn't get enough done at work but you can't wait to get home, you're tired and fatigued but you have so much to do, the list.goes.ON.....
But, it also means none of it matters at the end of the day when you are putting your sweet angel to bed. None of that matters when you are getting a drooly kiss from your baby who then lays his head on your shoulder. None of it matters when you feel his soft hand squeeze your finger. Because, what it means to be a mom more than anything is just to love. To be patient and to love. And, I am, and I do.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

A Stay-at-Home Day

So, yesterday I posted about my typical day while working. Well, today, this is my typical day while at home with Banner...

6:52am I am awoken by Banner's crying in his crib. I'm glad he slept well through the night, and I'm glad I got to "sleep in" 45 minutes from when my alarm would typically be sounding on a work day. I quickly pee before going into his room. It's Saturday, which means it's my day up early with him. Sam keeps sleeping.

6:53-7:00am Change Banner's poopy diaper. He's squirming and pissed off, and he seems to be looking for Sam. I'm getting annoyed and wish I could crawl back into bed. I am trying to talk sweetly to him and help him stop twisting, but he's still pissed off. I'm trying to not let the poop still on his bottom get onto the changing table like yesterday. Today, I am successful.

7:00-7:15am Make a bottle. Feed Banner 7 oz while he grabs for my glasses. I try to dodge the grabs while still talking sweetly to him and letting him grab at my lip instead. He scratches me. Crap, I need to cut his nails today. Now that should be fun!

7:15-7:25 Let Banner play in the closet in his room while I enjoy not having to move from the glider. I hear him pooping. I let him finish and gain the strength to change yet another poopy diaper. I don't really care about the poop, it's the incessant twisting and contorting that bothers me. I will have to wrestle my son again less than 45 minutes into my day. He wails when I change him. No distraction is working. I feel bad that Sam is trying to sleep and Banner is screaming. But, I finally get his tush clean, and there's a new diaper on him now.

7:25-7:35 Let Banner play more in his room. I watch silently as he gets into the drawers and cabinet of his dresser. He seems very pleased with himself. I try to cajole him out of his room so he can go eat his oatmeal, but he has no interest in following me. I just sit outside his room watching him more. He's letting out pleasant shrieks of joy while cruising around his dresser and crib.

7:35-7:45 I make and feed Banner his oatmeal. He's in his high chair looking around the room. It's pretty quiet.

7:45-8:00 I take advantage of the fact that Banner is content in the high chair. I offer him a couple of small toys and wheel him next to the sink so I can hand wash 6 bottles.

8:00-8:10 I'm getting hungry, so I pour myself a bowl of cereal. This means I will have to offer Banner some Cheerios. I sit on the floor of the kitchen trying to eat without spilling as Banner climbs on me and reaches for my bowl. I finally finish, and when I go to rinse my bowl in the sink, Banner pulls up on my pant legs. My pajamas are starting to fall off of me as he keeps pulling on me. There I am, 8:00 in the morning, being "pants'd" by my 10 month old. Awesome.

8:10-8:50 We go play in the playroom. I turn on the computer to check email, but I never actually get to that point. Banner is reaching for the computer, so I put it aside and get on the floor with him. I feel guilty for not giving him more attention. I turn on the TV and put it on Wonder Pets, a show with singing, animated animals. It's about how they save the "Beatles" - a bug rock band that is trapped in kelp in their yellow submarine. I find it entertaining because they keep referencing the real Beatles. Banner really isn't interested and cruises around the room with the occasional beating on the television screen and turning the volume knob on the speakers. I have to keep redirecting him, and dammit, he's interrupting my cartoon watching! ;) I finally decide it's getting close to his nap time, so I should try to cut his nails. (I like to wait until he's sleepier so he fights me less.) I pull him up on my lap and start trying to snip away. I get one hand done thanks to the distraction of a highlighter marker. I get two fingers done on the other hand before he starts freaking out, planking his body in full force to resist my efforts. Luckily, this is when Sam walks into the room, and he helps me distract Banner so I can cut the other three nails.

8:50-9:05am I whip up some cake batter while Sam helps me entertain Banner. I want to try to see if I can make Banner's birthday cake on my own or if I will need to just buy a cake. We still have 8 weeks before his party, but I can only use my weekends to tackle the errands/chores to make his birthday a success! Yes, I'm trying to be proactive... I know I'll still end up being behind when the date actually arrives because that's just how it is.

9:05-9:15am I try to clean as quickly as I can because now Banner is late in getting down for his nap. We say goodnight to Daddy, turn off the lights as part of our nap time routine, and I'm wrestling him once more on the changing table before we start his noise machine and lullabies. I rock him for about a minute, and then he's reaching for his crib.

9:15-10:40am Banner naps. Sam leaves to go take my car for an oil change. I brush my teeth, take the cake out of the oven, and blog this post. It's very quiet. I am loving nap time!

10:40am I hear Banner in his crib. I see on the video monitor that he is standing up then sitting down. He lays down again. I give him a few moments before going to get him. Maybe, just maybe, he'll go back to sleep.  I decide to go ahead and get his bottle ready for when he does wake up. I stare at the cake on the cooling rack and wonder when I'll be able to experiment with the icing. As I walk back to the playroom to check the video monitor, I stare at all the toys strewn about on the floor, the laundry that is not put away (from last weekend!), and the itty bitty nail clippings that are on the coffee table now. I cannot stand the mess, and I have a friend coming over later. But, I'm too damn tired to do anything about it when 10 minutes from now, it will look the same freakin' way! Well, maybe I will clean up the nail clippings. That's just gross.

10:45-11:10am  I get lucky! Banner went back to sleep.  I get on Pinterest to remind myself what to do with the cake I'm going to experiment with later. I take a few moments in the kitchen to start my project icing the cake. Randi texts me to tell me she liked my post yesterday. I had her cracking up. She tells me if I stayed at home I'd want to have sex more often. Now I'm cracking up. Something to ponder...

11:15am Banner is officially up from his nap. I change his diaper. This time, it's much easier. I don't have to wrestle him. I get him out of pajamas and into his clothes for the day. I also put eczema lotion on his splotchy spots. It's flaring up again. :(

11:30-11:45 Feed Banner a 6.5 oz bottle. He seems hungry still and keeps grabbing for the empty bottle, so I go pour another 1.5 oz. I offer the bottle, and he won't take it. He just squeezes the nipple...yep, that's my boy, just wants to tweak a good nipple.

11:45 Sam comes home from getting the oil change. I show him what I've done so far on the cake. Then we discuss how we're going to manage to keep the icing from melting when it's scorching outside 6 weeks from now at Banner's birthday party at the park. In the meantime, I ask Sam to give Banner some lunch while I clean up the mess I made with the cake.

12:10 Sam is cleaning Banner up from his lunch - which is mostly on Banner's shirt sleeve. I ask Sam to change B's clothes while I go slap on some make-up, and throw some clothes on.

12:30 I met my goal - I'm ready to go when Sam is also heading out the door to go to a work meeting (yes, on a Saturday... I'm not pleased). Sam straps Banner in the car while I grab the diaper bag, my phone, my wallet from my purse which I only use on work days, and set the alarm. Sam is wrestling Banner to sit down. They are both frustrated. I'm somewhat thrilled that this is happening - I love when Sam gets to see what I'm dealing with all day without him around and why I can't stand when he's not here on days I had planned to be together (like when he goes to the lake with his dad or goes to play football with the guys). Yes, I'm thrilled this is happening. . . like the other night when Banner was throwing his food all over the floor while I ran to get a haircut. Sam was freaking out when I got home, and therefore, so was Banner. "He's throwing his food all over the floor!! I don't even know how much he's eaten!!" Sam stated wildly. "I know. That's what he does with me," I replied. "And he won't keep his freakin' bib on!" he snapped. "I know. That's what he does with me. I just leave it off," I said calmly. "And he rubs his food in his hair!" he said, obviously irritated. "Yep, that's what he does," I replied - - - Mission APPRECIATION accomplished! :) Thrilled.

Anyway, Banner and I head out to Office Depot and Buy Buy Baby for a few things that would take me too long to get during the work week, so I'm headed to get them now. Luckily, they are right next door to each other! Great plan or what?

12:50 We're at Office Depot. It takes me 2 seconds to locate what I need! YAY! Go to check out, and Banner is slobbering all over my car keys. I take them away before the cashier can see the string of drool falling to the floor. I throw the keys in with the bibs in the diaper bag, hoping they will absorb some of the saliva. I walk next door to Buy Buy Baby and strap Banner in the front of a cart. He's content while I get a few items. Then, I head over to the clothing section - we need shorts for this boy! It's too damn hot out there for all his winter/spring pants. We never had a winter - pisses me off for three reasons: 1. My hair needed a break from the humidity, 2. My allergies needed everything in nature to die for a short time, and 3. Banner's sweaters, sweats, and long sleeved things didn't last him very long!  So, here we are in the clothing section. Banner is pulling on all the tags he sees, then grabbing the clothes which have now come off hangers and puts the tags in his mouth. I fight him on a couple things, then decide, what the hell. . . you're technically supposed to wash the clothes before you dress your baby anyway, so I figure a little drool on someone else's clothing will come out in the wash, right?

1:15 After we check out, I buckle Banner back in the car and head home as I commend myself on great timing before B's second nap. It's all about the planning. I love when plans go well. I savor this rarity. On the drive home, I have an epiphany about how to keep the icing from melting... gotta remember to tell Sam about it later.

1:25 Back at home, and I offer Banner a few sips of water before getting him ready for bed. He drinks a few sips from a straw then spits out the water. The floor is wet, his shirt is wet, and my pants are wet. It's only water, it's fine. Time to get ready for nap. I sing to Banner while on the changing table... this doesn't work. I play my "Freeze" game with him where I move around and then freeze randomly while saying "freeze." He loves it, he laughs, he lets me diaper him for a minute, and I look like a freakin' idiot.

1:30pm Banner naps again. I blog more on this post, and I look around my house still a complete mess. I wonder what to eat for lunch. Instead of eating, I buy tickets for my friend and I to go see Titanic in 3D tomorrow afternoon. I'm excited I'll have some time with my friend and for Banner to spend some alone time with Sam! Sam calls around 2:45 to tell me he's on his way back from his meeting. He's stopping at my mom's on the way, though, to grab her paper cutter so we can work on our invitations for Banner's birthday party. I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet for a few moments. . . catching up on emails and paying a couple bills.

3:05pm Banner is sitting up in his bed. I go make another bottle. I play a round of peek-a-boo through the crib slats... we both LOVE this. Banner's giggles are priceless. Then, another diaper change... by now, you get the picture and know how that goes. Then, he eats about 2 ounces of his bottle. He's distracted by the toys around the room, mostly the remote control, and he wants to get down to play. He mostly walks around the coffee table for about 15 minutes or so, at which time I call Sam and ask where he is. He says he got side-tracked talking to my family at Mom's house. I know how easily this happens, so I don't give him crap, but come on already!

3:50pm I offer Banner the rest of his bottle, this time distracting him by letting him play with the remote control while eating. He finally finishes his bottle. Sam walks in slightly after 4:00. We say hello, and I hand him Banner so I can start cleaning a little. Banner and Sam go check the mail while I start the vacuum. They are gone long enough for me to vacuum 2 rooms. As I predicted, they stayed outside a while to visit with our neighbors across the street - a nice, old couple who idolize Sam.

4:30-5:00pm Sam and I put Banner in "the circle of neglect" that is the Exersaucer (thank you, Randi) while we clean the kitchen and dining room. We are resorting cabinets and drawers after having our kitchen remodeled a little (stay tuned for a post on that!). Banner is delightfully helpful by being patient and cooperative lounging in his circle.

5:00-5:20pm Sam talks on the phone while I start a load of Banner's laundry. (Saturdays are his days, Sundays are for Sam's and my laundry.) We have family play time in the den. We marvel at Banner's standing abilities. We try to entice him to walk to us. Our efforts fail, but we are still having fun, especially when Banner "dances" to the music on TV (thank you, Toddler Tunes!).

5:20pm Banner's diaper is really wet and needs a change. I have changed 100% of the diapers today, so I hand him off to Sam to let him experience the joy of the changing table. I head to the kitchen to figure out what Banner will eat for dinner.

5:30-5:55pm I get a text from my friend that she's not able to come over after all. Bummer! I was going to offer her some of the cake project! Sam and I eat a piece instead. :) I feed Banner. He doesn't like what I'm offering - a chicken, pasta, veggie combo... I was just giving it a shot, he hates pureed meat. He wipes his tongue off with each attempted bite and then finally stops opening his mouth altogether. I give him apple & mango rice combo, and he eats every bite. Sam warms up some veggies for him, and he does great with these before throwing them on the ground when he's done. I finally give him a few pieces of tortilla while "hiding" the chicken/veggie puree in the tortilla bites - he has his own mini "tacos!"

5:55-6:05 Sam cleans the dishes, I clean the boy and the floor and the high chair. I get a text message from my principal about the project I've been working on. Looks like I'll be working on this project again tonight or tomorrow.

6:05-6:40 I blog more on this post while Sam plays with Banner. He's rolling around with him on the den carpet while Banner holds the Wii remote and stares at it incessantly. He laughs with Sam and seems to like the rolling, but he's really into that Wii remote that eventually ends up hitting Sam in the face.

6:40-7:15pm Bath, bed routine. Final bottle, brush teeth, and goodnight. Banner passes out right away!

7:15pm Sam makes dinner while I fold laundry.

8:15pm After dinner, we clean, and then I work on Banner's invitations; Sam is in the garage on the rowing machine.

9:15pm Sam comes in to help me with the invitations. Sam gets lucky because I'm done!

9:30pm Just about time to go to sleep for the night. Maybe I can squeeze in a quick shower. I'm spent, but Sam wants me to be able to say again during this hour "Sam gets lucky." . . . We'll see. Lucky for ME, tomorrow's my day to sleep in!

Friday, April 13, 2012

A Typical Day on the Job(s)!

Incredibly LONG post below:

I recently read an article about a woman responding to the question of what "Stay-at-Home-Moms" do all day. That woman was responding to this article on the Washington Post website. It had me wanting to write about what I do all day while being a working mom. As a working parent, I feel like I get a chance to know what both jobs would be like - only I'm not a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) every single day (at least not yet). I was for the first five months of Banner's life, though, and maybe I will be again some day, but I feel like this particular work year has given me a good view of what it's like to work and to stay-at-home. Reading the SAHM's schedule, I felt overwhelmed at the thought of having a toddler and a baby and was thankful that is not my situation (again, at least not yet). It's hard enough to go anywhere or get through the day with just one child; those of you with more than one child, God bless you! I hope to be a parent of more than one child eventually, but for now, I'm just enjoying that I only have one kiddo to look after! So, getting back to my original idea, I'd like to write out what a typical working mom schedule looks like (at least for me):

5:20am I hear Banner cry out in his crib. I look at the clock and pray he'll go back to sleep on his own. This time, he did. (Other days, he may need help going back to sleep or maybe that ain't happenin'.)

6:05am My alarm goes off. Yes, that five minutes matters. In fact, I probably snooze my alarm until 6:15.

6:15am Hop in the shower, start getting ready for the day. I'm thankful it's a "jeans" day at work because I didn't have time to go get my dry cleaning yesterday, and so I have nothing else professional-looking to wear.

6:40 Sam gets up to shower. As he turns the shower on, he says, "He's up." Crap... I have to go change and feed Banner while I'm in the middle of fixing my hair. I go into Banner's room and play a quick game of peek-a-boo through the crib slats. He giggles and bounces up and down with excitement. This makes my day, so it's so worth a few extra moments. I change his diaper, a surprise poop to start my day! He wiggles all over the changing table, I get frustrated and try to hold him down while trying to change him as fast as possible. I'm singing to him, making all kind of entertaining noises, and he's still fighting me, contorting his body in every direction to get out of my hold while I'm trying to keep his feet/legs/ankles out of the poopy diaper. His poopy butt hits the changing pad cover, so now I'll have to change and wash that. He's got a snotty nose (in the midst of cutting a tooth), so I try to suction his nose, which pisses him off, which then pisses me off, so I give up and decide to get over the goo in his nose, which is now on my shoulder from him hiding his face from me. So much for my shower.

6:50am I start Banner's bottle. He does well for about an ounce, then he's twisting and turning all over me, more interested in wanting to crawl around to get to his bookshelf to empty all of its contents onto the floor. Forget the bottle. I have to get ready for work! I pick Banner up, put him in the Pack 'n Play in our bathroom, and finish straightening my hair. Sam plays peek-a-boo with Banner from the shower.

7:00ish I head to the kitchen for some cereal, finish packing Banner up for the day, finish packing my lunch, and give Banner a few Cheerios while sitting topless on the kitchen floor with him. He grabs at my cereal bowl numerous times while I try to distract him with his own food. I leave the fridge door open so he can play in the fridge while I can digest a few more bites of cereal before I have to go finish getting dressed... I gave up trying to dress myself completely until the moment before we leave - I got sick of being spit-up on.

7:05 Sam grabs Banner from me to help him finish his bottle.I try to get as many dishes in the dishwasher while Banner is distracted from trying to get IN the dishwasher.

7:10 I head to the bathroom to finish dressing and to brush my teeth. I turn off the straightener, and look at it 1000 times to remind myself that I did, in fact, turn it off and unplug it; now I won't have a panic attack in the middle of my 11:00 meeting wondering if the damn thing is off or not.

7:15 Sam is getting antsy waiting on me. "Can I put him in the car yet?" I scramble to get everything Banner and I need for the day (my phone, my rings, my car keys, my lunch, his clothes, his medicine, and Mom's out of formula, I need to bring her a couple bottles of that). Sam puts Banner in the car, I grab my shoes, turn off all the lights, and set the alarm. I tell Sam goodbye and that I love him 1000 times. We wave to Daddy.

7:18 I call mom while backing out of the garage. "We're on our way!" Then, I sing to Banner: Skidamarink and You Are My Sunshine are favorites, along with any other random song I make up like, "Here we go to Grandma's house, happy as can be..."

7:35 We arrive at Grandma's house. I get Banner and his clothing/medicine out of the car, he wants to play with my keys as we go up the walk. He's drooling on them and has my car key practically down his throat. I leave my purse in the car with the hopes that I'll only be at her house for 5 minutes saying my goodbyes. 10-15 minutes later, I'm trying to leave her house slowly walking away from my sweet boy who is "about to wave!" I look like an idiot walking backwards to my car, waving my hand with a big grin on my face, as I say, "Bye-bye! Mommy loves you. Bye-bye. I love you! Bye-bye...."

7:50 I speed to work, knowing I'm already 5 minutes late. Parents are in the staff parking lot dropping their kids off, so I have to wait until they get out of my way before I can actually park my car. They know not to do this; I watch to see which kid gets out of the car so I can turn in the parent who is now making me even later. It's Caden & Mara (my nephew and niece) getting out of the car - well, crap, I'm not turning them in! So, I just walk in with them, not caring now that I'm late.

7:53 I walk into the building wondering which teachers I'm going to pass as I make my way through the hallway with the children already arriving for class.I'm wondering which ones of them have already turned me in for being late - every.single.day! "Good morning, Ms. Harker!" I say, as I pass the library wanting to duck and cover out of embarrassment that now I'm one of THOSE teachers who can't get to work on time!

7:55-8:15 Get my work day going. Start computer, check emails, check voicemail, help with morning announcements, help with a crying first grader in the office who is with his mother - who is also crying, get my paperwork ready for the day's meetings.

8:15-9:05 I start the day with a planning meeting with 6th grade teachers and my principal. We talk about student groups for testing, a situation with a handful of students and their awful attitudes, how I'm in charge on Monday when my principal is out with the honor society/service organization kids at convention, and what comes up on the Internet if you "Google" one of the teachers... We can't stay on topic in this conversation, and my eyes are burning from allergies. I struggle to keep them open.

9:05-9:55 I run a 504 meeting.

9:55 Email/scan/copy paperwork from the 504 meeting to the appropriate individuals.

10:00-10:40 Grade level placement meeting to decide what to do about a 3rd grader who may need to be retained.Stare at the baby brother the mom had to bring with her to the meeting, wondering why Banner is 10 times bigger than this kid who is 2 months older than him. Try to concentrate on the meeting and not on the baby. Make suggestions in the meeting that are really good suggestions and get "kudos" from my principal, while trying not to stare at the baby who is babbling just like Banner, playing with Mommy's keys just like Banner, chewing on the stuffed elephant from off the conference room shelf just like Banner would have done, and I'm holding back wanting to offer to hold the baby.

10:40-11:00 Call my mom to check on Banner. Talk to him on the phone hoping no one can hear me outside my office door as I say, "Hi, Baby! Did you have a good nap? I miss you....." Ask what she's giving him for lunch, is his nose still runny, does she see that top tooth yet, did he nap well, what are they up to the rest of the day, etc.

11:00-11:25 Check the state assessment testing boxes that have arrived. Organize them neatly then lock them up in my office cabinet. Then, return phone messages and emails.

11:25-12:00 Meet my lunch bunch group, trying to remind them of their table manners while they burp, slurp green bean juice, and mix their chocolate milk with their mashed potatoes... this has nothing to do with the reason they are in my group, but they are making me sick so I have to set the rules.


12:05-12:35 Lunch in the lounge, enjoying time with my work friends - glad I actually get a lunch break, knowing without a doubt I would not be getting a) lunch or b) time to actually talk uninterrupted with friends if I were a SAHM.

12:35-12:50 Try to work on organizing small testing groups for state assessments... then get interrupted by a teacher who needs me to come help a child who is throwing the contents of his desk across the room (at least it wasn't his desk this time!), so I head to go calm him down

12:50-1:00 Make a plan with the angry child, get him back to class. Remember to send out my career day email reminder, get side-tracked working on the guidance schedule.

1:00-1:05 My principal calls me to ask for help with some sixth grade boys. She needs me to come talk to them. I'm on my way....

1:05-1:30ish I sit in my principal's office and wait for her to be ready to meet with the boys. She gets side-tracked with an important call, then we talk with the secretary about calling another school about a student we cannot locate (perhaps he has enrolled at their school without withdrawing from ours). A student from ISS is called up to the office for me to counsel, and then it's too late to call the 6th graders.... My principal is now working on another task, so I head back to my office.

1:30-1:50 Back to trying to organize testing groups, training materials, etc. Get a text from Randi, which makes me happy. We're trying to schedule a play date for this afternoon, which means I'll have to hurry out of Mom's house when I get Banner... that never works out well. But, I tell her I'll try to get to her house as soon as possible. Then, a student comes in my room and asks if she can talk to me. . . we visit for a bit...

1:50-2:05 After the 5th grader returns to class, I get back to testing planning. Email the teachers about the proposed gifted/talented testing dates, return a parent phone call about tutoring, and set up a peer mediation.

2:05-2:35 Work with the special education teacher to double check 504s and IEPs for kids who get accommodations on tests. 

2:35-3:00 I finally meet with the sixth grade boys and the principal. While I'm meeting with them, I'm wondering if Banner will ever show the disrespect these boys have shown, I worry. I work, and I worry.... thanking God the bell is going to ring soon!

3:00 Bell rings. My door is open for Academic Recovery Hall for students who need to catch up on their missing assignments. I have 5 students. For 45 minutes, I try to keep them on task while they ask to 1. get a drink of water, 2. go to the bathroom, 3. run to their classroom because they forgot something, 4. go ask their teacher a question, or all of the above. Finally, the 3:45 bell rings, and I get those kids out of my room so I can run to get my baby! But, before I leave, I pee for the first time since before work started.

4:00 Get to Mom's, already running a few minutes late so we can make it to Randi's for a play date. Hurry to change Banner's diaper, again trying to do it as fast and creatively as possible while he's twirling all over the changing table. Grab all of his stuff to take home, thank my mom 20 times for watching him, and then try to get him in the car while he eats my keys again.

4:20-5:40pm  Play at Randi's. We talk about the kids' sleep schedules, their teeth, their eating schedule, their milestones, our breasts and what bras fit us, our bodies and how they've changed, and my last blog post.

5:40-6:00pm Internally cuss at every driver I see on the road as I try to get home to feed Banner. There are way too many cars on the road, and I just want to be home already. This drive is taking way too long.

6:15 Meet Sam at Jason's Deli, a last minute decision since we're running so far behind. I place the order and plop Banner in a high chair. Moments later, Sam enters, and we all start to enjoy a nice meal that I didn't have to make tonight! I'm more excited that I don't have to clean the floor, the table, the high chair... we only have to clean the boy before we go! On all other nights, I would be picking up the bits of veggies off the floor that made my dining room into a garden. This was a treat, indeed! Relaxed and enjoying some family time out, we head home.

6:55 Sam and Banner go check the mail while I have 30 seconds of alone time (that I spend quickly cleaning out and reorganizing the diaper bag) then it's time for bath!

6:55-7:25pm  I bathe Banner while Sam gets the evening bottle ready. Sam also sets the stage for after bath - diaper out, pjs out, eczema meds/cream, and iPod ready to go... While Banner's in the tub, he learns how to shake his head "No!" I try to "brush" his teeth with the washcloth like I do every night, and he shakes his head. I laugh and say "Oh, no? I can't brush your teeth?" He laughs and keeps doing it. Every time I say "No," after that, he shakes his head. I call Sam in to see Banner's new trick. We laugh, and then together, we get Banner ready for bed. I try my best to distract the boy with all sorts of games, jingles, tickles, funny faces, stuffed animals and other toys, and any silly motion that will get his attention away from rolling over while Daddy diapers, lotions, and pjs Banner. I comb his hair flat, and Sam and I laugh at our little boy with wet, slick hair who now looks like "Adolph." Sam gives Banner a bottle. I go put on MY pjs and get the video monitor to set out in the den. Then, I turn on the sound machine, turn on the iPod with lullabies, and kiss Banner goodnight. Sam rocks him for about 10 seconds before Banner is reaching for his crib as if to say, "Put me in there, Daddy. I'm ready to get to sleep!"

7:25-7:35 Banner cries. This is unusual, so Sam goes in to try to soothe him.

7:35-7:50 It's my turn to try to get him to sleep. He doesn't, though. Instead of calming down, Banner is experimenting with shaking his head. He is giving himself whiplash practicing his new moves from the bathtub.

8:00-8:25 I go back in to Banner's room and try to soothe him again. This is very odd for him not to sleep right away, so I'm getting concerned, but he finally stops crying, and passes out! I think we just had too much fun at dinner and at bath time that he didn't want to say goodnight!

8:25-8:45pm Sam is in the garage talking on the phone. I blog, check email, and pray Banner sleeps through the night.

8:45-9:45 I start working on a project my principal asked me about before I left work. I told her I would work on this after Banner went to sleep. I hope it won't take long because I am spent! An hour after working on the project, I realize I can't finish tonight and need more information for the surprise she asked me to work on for the teachers...

9:45-10:00 Time to get ready for bed, thank goodness! A new day starts again tomorrow, bright and early with my baby boy. Tomorrow is Saturday, and it's my day to wake up early with Banner so Sam can sleep in (I will get my chance on Sunday - God bless Sunday!). Here's to hoping B sleeps through the night well so I can, too!

10:35 Sam comes to bed and wonders if we're going to have sex tonight. I roll over and keep sleeping. Sorry Sam... maybe tomorrow. Or the next night. Or the next night. Or the night after that.

And, wow, I'm impressed if you're still reading! Tomorrow I'll post what my day is like at home with Banner all day. G'night!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

ZZZZZZip it!

Disclaimer: Soap box moment. I'll step on it, then I'll step down.

Right before Sam and I got married, I posted about unsolicited opinions. As I wrote in my post at that time, I knew there would be more opportunities throughout my life for people to give opinions and pass judgments when they were not requested, and I knew parenting would be an obvious time for this to occur. So, don't think I didn't already know that as I write a few reflections about how I cannot stand this!

I'm a school counselor. I have the opportunity to give my opinions about how a parent is raising his/her kid at numerous times. I pride myself on the fact that I recognize I am no expert, and I remind parents who DO ask my opinions that THEY are the expert on their kid(s). I would never presume to know what is best or ideal in any given relationship, situation, or home because I am NOT the expert on parenting THAT child. What I am an expert on is MY child, at least as much of an expert could be on knowing a person. So, when others tell me how I should be, what I should do, what is best for Banner, or anything related to these topics, it really gets under my skin.

I am very open and willing to hear others' ideas when it is warranted and when I ask, because I know we can all use ideas, suggestions, solutions, etc when we are willing to hear them. But, when I don't need the advice or your two cents, I'd really rather not have them! Just letting off a little steam here, just bear with me.

The reason this all is coming to a head right now is that this past month, we have gone out a couple of times at Banner's bed time. Banner is a great sleeper, but we have done such a great job with his bedtime routine, that he needs that routine. Alter it even a little, and he just won't do as well. Once, Sam's sister tried to put him to bed - after following his routine with perfection, but because it was not Sam or me doing the routine, he would not calm down for her. Another time, we went out with Banner past his bedtime and tried to put him to sleep at someone else's house. That was a disaster as well. Both times, we prepared for this situation, and we took two cars in case our prediction that Banner would not sleep was correct (as it was both times). Yes, this sucks. Yes, it's something we need to work on, but yes, we know our kid, and time after time, he will not sleep unless WE put him to sleep in either his crib at home or at my mom's house. He's very picky about this (at least since he was about 3-4 months old), and while I wish it were different, I'm very glad he sleeps well when the routine is implemented.

This all started when Banner was about 4 months old. The first time was when we tried to go to the fair with some friends, and it happened again the night of my sister's engagement party. Another time, it happened with my brother, when Sam and I went to do some shopping for Hanukkah. It's very frustrating, but that's just what happens. This particular month, Sam has been the one who has left our events to go be with Banner. Both times, I was left to answer the questions about where Sam had gone. Both times, I was met with a variety of responses - all of which included what we needed to do instead. We should let him cry, he's going to learn to be manipulative this way, he needs to learn to adapt to our schedule, we need to be less accommodating to him, and my favorite... "if I were there, I'd get him to sleep." (This last quotation was from a person Banner does not even know.)

What really bugs me is the feeling of having to defend myself to these people. I am the parent. I'm the expert. I will choose how to handle these situations. And, if I don't ask for your opinion, don't give it to me. I don't tell you how to raise your kid - and I don't give suggestions unless I'm asked, so please do the same. If I want your opinion, I'm happy to hear it at that point. I am not bothered by our routine and our situation. When Sam and I are bothered by it, we talk to each other, and maybe (just maybe) we will ask your opinion. Otherwise, just stay out of it.

I know it's not just me thinking these things, so I'm speaking for lots of people. I wish I could give more examples, but I don't want to betray any confidences or get anyone in trouble, so I'll leave it with that. But, this is an ongoing problem we parents have. People telling us how to feed our kids, how to keep them healthy, how to make them behave, how to get them to sleep, how to teach them, how to handle friendships, how to scold them, how to dress them, what to do when they're sick (even though the doctor gave completely opposite instructions), whether or not to work, whether or not to do daycare or camp or classes, etc etc etc.

I often hear, "When ___ was a baby, I did ___ with him/her." The problem with this is that the opinion-giver may be remembering when her son/daughter was 2 months, not 10 months. She may be telling me how she got her son/daughter to sleep when he/she was 4 years not 4 months. And, the only consistent thing about kids is that they change every day! What worked at 2 months with Banner certainly doesn't work now. So, I'm constantly having to relearn him. My "expertise" is in the making all the time, and I have to give myself some credit that a) this is hard work, and b) what works today will not work in a few months. I'm very willing to hear what you have to say if I ask, but if I don't, my frustrated self will only be annoyed that you think you know my kid better than I do. How is that possible? Yes, we may all have suggestions for each other, but I feel that they should only be given when I'm needing it.

Here's the bottom line: no baby is born with an instruction manual to hand to his/her parent. Every parent is trying to figure it out with each child he/she has. Every child is different, every parent is different, every situation is different. The best thing you can do when you have an opinion is to keep it to yourself. And, if you absolutely must get it off your chest, try asking a question, try asking if the mom or dad wants an opinion, try listening, try empathizing. Remember you are not THE parent, even if you are A parent. Remember what it feels like for other people to tell you how to do YOUR job. And, if you just aren't sure if your opinion is warranted, then don't offer it. From all of us new moms (and not-so-new, I'm sure), thank you for understanding these requests! As Jill Smokler (aka "Scary Mommy") writes in her Scary Mommy Manifesto: "I shall never claim to know everything about children other than my own (who still remain a mystery to me). I shall not preach the benefits of breast-feeding or circumcision or homeschooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business." And, it's none of yours either!

Another Great Read

Got this post from my friend earlier today, and I have to say I love the honesty behind it. I don't think I'd ever call my child a bad name like the woman does in one of the stories here, but I do like her sense of humor. Read on....
Thanks, Gretch!

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46942778/ns/today-books/t/confessions-scary-mommy-honest-look-motherhood/#.T4cGUtnheLI