Journey to the Knot: Happy First Birthday, Knox!!!

Dear Knox,
Happy BIRTHDAY!!!! My little love, we met one year ago today, and I can still vividly remember the first moment I saw you! The only baby I got to see come out of my body, of course I remember it so well and wish I could do that again and again! What a high that was, and by far one of the coolest moments of my entire life. Hard to believe a whole year has passed and how much you've grown, changed, endured, overcome, and celebrated with all of us!

As the past few weeks came to a close, I have been on "memory mode." I've been soaking in so much of you at this age and stage, just knowing that you are (most likely) our last baby. And, the time of you being a baby is quickly passing us by! Hitting this big birthday milestone is big, and all the personality that has come with turning ONE YEAR OLD is big, too! Oh I so want to bottle you up and freeze time so you just stay this happy, joyful, curious, innocent, and sweet! You are one smart cookie, and you are learning so much every day.

I've learned from being a mom to your big brothers that the details of your babyhood will slip away from my memory. The sights, smells, sounds of your infancy will soon be lost, so I want to take this opportunity to tell you about EVERYthing about you at ONE year old:

-You usually sleep in until about 7:00-7:15. You usually stand up and walk around your crib for a few minutes in your long sleep sack, looking more like a dress on you as it drags across the crib. You suck on your 3-4 pacies, or you throw them out of your crib, seeming to love the sound of the drop on the carpet. By the time you're ready to have us come get you, you are chatting sweetly with coos and "lalala"s while you stand at the rail patiently waiting for us to enter your dark room with a good morning, "Hi!!" You answer us back with a sweet, high-pitched "Hiiiiii!"

-You have your first bottle, usually draining it quickly while you try not to be distracted by Banner and Quinn jabbering away or debating with us about what they want for breakfast. Sometimes you like to just walk around and hold the bottle yourself, but inevitably, this ends poorly with formula dripping and streaming all over the floor. I still love to cuddle you on the couch while we snuggle up and watch BabyTV or Yo Gabba Gabba. You smell like sweet sugar. Your hair is fine and drapes your scalp with a smooth shine. Your hair is getting long and needs a cut, but I am not ready for that. Your sweet curls and tamed hair is not quite like your big brothers' hair was, so I'm curious to see what happens when we let it grow.

-You go to Grandma's twice a week, you stay with BeeBee once a week, and I'm with you on Mondays and Fridays. You don't mind any of this. You love all of your caretakers. You don't like Daddy or me to leave, but you are quick to be distracted and find something fun to do.

-Mostly, you enjoy just wandering around, seeing whatever is going on with everyone else. Your favorite activities are: taking all the empty containers out of the recycling bin in the pantry, getting into the cup/bowl drawer (even though we finally put a child-proof lock on it, if your brothers leave it open, you want in there!), pretending to do whatever your brothers are doing (like writing on the easel or play on a computer), dragging pieces of the doctor kit all over the house, try to reach the remotes, taking the folded laundry off the couch (a great motivator to actually put the laundry away!), playing chase and screaming when I'm about to "get you", and dancing!

-Banner and Quinn have been very into the Just Dance! app, and they love to watch bits and pieces of the Trolls movie. You do what they do. You laugh when they laugh. You clap when they clap.

-You sign "more" in your own way (touching an index finger to your other palm) which I JUST learned you did today when Grandma showed me. You sometimes sign "finished/all done" by shaking your hands over your tray.

-We think you might be cutting a new upper tooth... I'll look again tomorrow. You'll probably cut that one on the same day Banner loses his first tooth! (Gotta keep an even number of teeth in this house, huh?)

-Anytime anyone says "Good job!" you will clap. Anytime anyone says, "Where's Knox?" in that sing-song voice, you will start to play Peek-a-Boo with them. And sometimes you initiate the game, pulling a towel, burp cloth, or blanket over your face/head and popping out with a smile as we say, "Where'd you go?!" or "Peek-a-boo!!"

-You are also very into copying your brothers noises, especially raspberries or squeals.

-Along those same lines, we've noticed that you copy me when I blow on your food to cool it off. So, we took your lead and started teaching you how to blow out your candles. Once Quinn gets silly and starts blowing raspberries instead, you do the same - forget the lesson! We'll see how our efforts have paid off on Saturday at your party!!

-You love when I hum or sing in your ear. It often helps keep you quiet as we wait for a waiter to bring our food when you are fussy or anytime after 4:45pm when the witching hour starts and all you want is to be held until dinner time.

-Whenever you know someone is leaving, you start blowing the kisses and walking toward the door. You like to let them out the door, watch them get in their car, and then wave bye-bye as you shut the door slowly.

-You take two naps each day - one around 9:15 and another around 1:45. You sleep for anywhere between 1-2 hours. After each nap, you take a 5-7 ounce bottle.

-You usually eat a great lunch OR a great dinner - usually not both. You still LOVE chicken. You have tried egg and cheese this month, and you're not a fan of either one in isolation. But, you've had cheese other ways and love it (mac and cheese, grilled cheese). You also completely enjoy teething on apples and pears - which helps us keep you quiet for a bit while we finish a meal and you are fussy to get down. Once you see that pear or apple, you are delighted to slobber all over it in peace.

-Throughout the day, we hear various "words" which help us communicate with you. You reliably say "muuuh" for "more," "uuuh" for "up," "bahh" for "ball," and "heh" for "here" as you hand us something. BeeBee and Grandma are both working on having you say their names - which is pretty funny to see them get so excited at the two-syllable utterances that show you are trying! You know I'm Mama but aren't consistent at using my name. You definitely know Dada and call him by that name, but not very often.

-You are enjoying your big boy baths with your big brothers. My three men in a tub! You sit in the middle of Banner and Quinn in your little ring, and you're starting to really play with the boys more. As soon as it's time to get out, though, you immediately start waving to them and blowing kisses and saying "buh-bye."

-Then, after wrestling you on the changing pad and trying to keep you distracted with songs, toys, and anything else that keeps you from rolling off the changing table while I diaper, lotion, and pajama you...you and I get our special time together in the glider. You take your last bottle of the day, usually very well, around 7:15-7:30pm. It's quiet. We just hold each other as you drink, and I try to memorize that "suck/swallow/breathe" sound you make as you enjoy your bottle and the way you play with your paci in your fingers. We take a short break to turn off the light and turn on your projector, and you take the last ounce or so of your bottle before you let me know you are ready to sleep. You just want to cuddle. I sing "You are My Sunshine" a couple times, and sometimes, I cry. Mostly in the past couple weeks, as you approached this big birthday, tears will drip down as we just lock eyes and rock together, belly to belly. I gently massage your body, and you get still and your eyes get heavy. I whisper "I love you so much" in your ear, and I ask if you're ready to get in bed ... unless I think you'll fall asleep in my arms which has become more rare in the past month or so - and then I savor those sweet moments! Then, I lift you into your crib, hand you the rest of your pacis, and you will "lay keppe" and soothe yourself to sleep quietly and peacefully.

Knox Morgan, with every step toward toddlerhood and boyhood, I have felt nostalgic for your infancy. While I'm thrilled to save money and not offer you formula any longer, the mere shift to whole milk is a sign that you are growing up. We bought our last jugs of formula last week and have been using up all the powder we have left, trying to "milk" (pardon the pun) every bit of it as long as we can. Soon, we'll drop one bottle at a time. You aren't needing me to rock you to sleep/nap anymore. We pretty much have to put shoes on you every time we leave the house now. You no longer only want to swing at the park; you want to slide down the slide and climb up it, too. We switched you out of your infant seat and into a convertible car seat just two weeks ago. You are exploring your world - opening cabinets and drawers and climbing up the coffee table and lounging on your own little chairs and reaching up onto counters and tables. You have made peace with not being a baby anymore. I will too, I promise, because ready or not, you woke up this morning a ONE-YEAR-OLD, and according to my weekly BabyCenter email, you officially switched from my "Baby" to my "Toddler." Geez... all overnight.

And, this morning, we celebrated your special day with balloons (a recent favorite) and bothersome big brothers bouncing around in your crib! You were all lit up with smiles and giggles - not afraid or minding at all! We took a few pictures after singing "Happy Birthday" and playing for a few minutes, and then it was time to go to Grandma's house because I had to scoot to work. Once I got home, we took your monthly photo in the recliner, and again, you got to play with your balloons against the backdrop of a crying Quinn and a frustrated Banner who didn't want to help Grandma and me capture your fun photos. But, this is your life. A loud, chaotic smorgasbord of noises and people and activity all around you, while you happily go about your own day. Those two older boys have been sugared up on post-Valentine's-Day candy, and they are wild and crazy with demands and requests and refusals. But, you... you, my little Baby Love, you are a happy-go-lucky little boy who just goes with the flow until it's close to nap or after 4:45pm, and then you simply want to be held.

This whole year, I've told everyone that, when you're (supposed to be) awake, you're awesome! You have the best personality and fit right in with our family. As you've gotten older, and you've learned to soothe yourself back to sleep and to sleep through the entire night without needing our help, you have gotten even more awesome. You seem to "get" us and the world around you. Today, you even came up to me while the boys were watching the "party mode" version of Trolls and wanted a "high five" when the movie said to high five. You are one very cool little boy, and I am so very lucky to be your mommy. Like always, today was full of smiles and laughter. I see such joy in your eyes, and I wish you a lifetime of that joy and happiness always!

I love you, my sweet Baby Love!
May you have many, many, many more happy birthdays!
Love,
Mommy