Journey to the Knot: Finishing 3's

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I'll start with this: my big boy finished the 3's class today!

I have so many emotions to share, and I'm not sure what order to go in. We've had a good year this year. Banner had a fairly small class, a class of 12 kids that eventually ended in 10 (one moved away, one switched schools). And, he also had a teacher leave in the middle of the year. But, Ms. Hedy was consistent for him, and Ms. Michelle, who happens to be my 3rd cousin, took over when the other teacher left. Banner made some great new friends, and he developed a lot of new skills and concepts that I know he will continue to build on in the coming year.

Banner has always felt at home at this school. Through Mommy & Me with me a couple years ago, then the 2's class, and now the 3's class, his school is just that: he literally used to call it "Banner's school." Aunt Kira works there, Mara and Caden and Miles went there. And Quinn has come to know it as his school as well, just recently pointing to it when we pass it saying, "School? School?" And, when we leave, he gets upset because he wants to stay longer.

But, today was our last day at this building. Sam and I made the decision to move our boys to a school closer to us and significantly more affordable (not cheap at all, just significantly more affordable: I can actually send two kids to our new school for the same price it would be for just Banner next year if he were to stay - even with financial support). I've heard nothing but wonderful things about the program we are enrolling them in, and the community is amazing. So, while I wish they could continue on where they feel "at home"with familiar teachers and a familiar building and new and old friends, I know they will be just fine next year. Leaving, though, isn't easy, and for me, there's simply the fear of the unknown - especially as we head into a lot of new changes for next year (Quinn in school, me working part-time, new school).

Sam and I decided to tell Banner about the plan for next year on the night before the last Shabbat of this school year. We wanted Banner to know it would be his final Friday there. I was nervous to tell him - not sure how he would take the news considering he adores his school. But, the conversation could not have gone better! We were talking about Quinn having his last Toddler & Me class that day, and then we started talking about how Quinn would be going to school next year. We talked about how many more days of school Banner had (5, at that time), and that's when I took my opportunity. I told him that next year he would not be going to that school anymore, that he would be going to where he went to camp last summer. I shared the names of some of the kids who go to that school who he adores, and he lit up. He stood up from the table, threw his arms around me, and said, "Mommy, I always wanted to go to [there] for school!" Tears filled my eyes, as I held him close, both embracing his excitement and not wanting him to pull away to see me on the verge of losing it. I was emotional because I wasn't sure that he understood what was really happening - that he would not return to the school he knew, to the people he loved, to the friends he'd made. I was emotional because it was also the first step towards our new normal next year.

And, today, we officially made that first big step - saying goodbye to what we know for now. I drove through the carpool lane one last time, and as we approached the front door, Banner said, "I want you to walk me in." Very unusual for him because he loves carpool - even wanting me to drive him through it when I need to walk into the building for Quinn's Toddler & Me - or if I simply just wanted to walk him in. So, this was different, and I jumped at the chance to walk him in one last time. He was a bit clingy before I left, and I worried he was going to be upset when I actually left. I just kept focusing on him having one last chance to play with his friends in his class or to play with the school toys, and he was fine. Quinn, of course, wanted to stay!

At the end of the shortened day, when I finally found a parking spot in the overwhelmingly crowded lot, Quinn and I made our way into the classroom where 2 other friends waited with Banner. As we went to say goodbye to Ms. Hedy, she said, "Now is when I start to cry." She got down on her knees and said to Banner, "Thank you for making me laugh this year." She held his face in her hands, and then I got a little emotional, so when she and I hugged goodbye, I teared up - really not expecting what was coming over me. But, it's who I am, so I let it go. My baby was finishing another year of preschool, he's growing up, and this woman was his caretaker this year. She nurtured my child, helped him and loved him and taught him in my absence, and she seemed to sincerely enjoy him. I thanked her for everything this year, and as we grabbed Banner's backpack and made sure there was nothing left in his cubby, we headed towards Aunt Kira's room to say goodbye. But, first, Ms. Hedy said, "Banner, let me see those dimples one last time," and my boy lit up, holding his cheeks for her.

Banner and Quinn feel quite at home in Aunt Kira & Nadine's classroom. So do I. But, this time I knew it was like the end of a chapter in our lives, when we would see Aunt Kira nearly daily. I know it's unusual for kids to go to school where their aunt works, but in our family, this has happened again and again. Caden, Mara, Banner, and even Quinn (once a week this year), all got to be at the school where Aunt Kira teaches. And, I was Caden & Mara's school counselor for 3 and 2 years, respectively. So, perhaps we are a bit spoiled to have family members be near us at school, but I'm okay with spoiled when it brings a bond that is so unique and special. Banner got to sit with Aunt Kira for most every morning assembly, which happened 2-3 times a week in the past two years. That's a lot of hanging out with each other. And, selfishly, it was always so nice for me to just pop in and chat or check in on my little sister. We know that won't be the case next year, and it's just going to be different. Kira and I have really enjoyed watching Quinn and Levi be able to spend so much time together this year, too; and it won't be like that next year. There's a bit of a feeling of being torn apart. But, I'm glad we had this time. We had a great groove going with Aunt Kira, Levi, and Grandma while I took on sub jobs this school year. Not that those times are ending - it's just going to be different.

So, when it was really time to leave, Kira and I both had tears in our eyes. And, I hugged Nadine and didn't need to say much as we embraced. I just . . . kinda cried. :) Then, Kira told Banner how much she has enjoyed having him be at her school. She also told Quinn how much she would miss him and Levi playing together. And, then we made our way out of the classroom and down the hallway while Kira said, "I'm going to miss seeing you all each morning and sharing my days with you." I couldn't turn back. I just nodded, and then I thanked God no one saw us leaving! :) My eyes were burning, and I was trying to keep them from tearing. Luckily, the heat and trying to wrangle my dawdling boys helped distract me, and that was that! We were in the car and on our way to meet Daddy for lunch. When I called him from the car, I hadn't even said anything when he answered the phone saying, "Just take a deep breath." And, when we arrived at the restaurant, Banner got out of the car and greeted Daddy with, "I'm in Pre-K!" That's right. Just take a deep breath.