Life with Two

A few months after my best friend had her second baby, Sam and I visited her in Houston to meet our newest "nephew." We had to meet this little guy, see how his big sister was doing in that role, and find out what life with two kids was like. At the time, Sam and I did not have children. We had only been married for about 6 months, so Banner and Quinn were "just a glimmer in our eyes." But, I asked my friend if it was more difficult to have one child or two. She told me that going from no kids to one was definitely more challenging than going from one child to two.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. I thought for sure she would tell me that two kids was harder because, well, who can't handle just one kid?? Especially her. This is a woman who has been around kids her whole life - just like me - babysitting, getting hired (on the same day as me!) as a preschool camp counselor for numerous summers in a row, working in preschools throughout college, and teaching before having kids. So, how could a woman with a lot of kid experience think having just one kid was harder than having two? I just didn't get it.

Now ... I do. She was right. Having a life free from raising a child is a totally different lifestyle. You can do your own thing, have your own time and schedule, do whatever pleases you at most any moment throughout the day. Once you have a child, your whole world changes. After the transition of adding a child to the mix, you are never the same. You are now responsible for someone else's life and well-being 24/7. That is not easy. I knew it wouldn't be - but THIS hard - could never have imagined. Sometimes I look back at my pre-parenthood days, and I wonder just what did I think would be so hard if I didn't recognize HOW hard. What's weird, to me, is that everyone told me I wouldn't remember life without children once I had them. You know what? I totally do!! What I don't remember is what I thought would be hard - and whatever I thought, I was off . . . WAY off. I couldn't have known how life-altering it is until I actually had a child of my own.

So, she was right. Having zero children and then having a child in your life - it's a life-changing thing. And, ever since Quinn was born, people have been asking me what it's like with two. Obviously, everyone's opinion may differ from mine, and those with more than two (or with twins or triplets) may have a totally different perspective, but MY answer is this: it's so much easier going from one child to two children than from none to one - just like my best friend said. However, I would only agree with that emotionally and mentally. You know what to expect, your life has already been drastically altered. You wake up early, you don't go out as much or stay out as late, you're limited on alone time, you already know how to multitask like nobody's business, and you know so many little tricks from your previous experience.

But, physically, it's harder. When Quinn is crying to be put down for a nap and Banner is in the middle of lunch, I just can't be in two places at once. Quinn needs me in his room in the glider, Banner needs me next to him while he's eating. Or, when Quinn is taking FOREVER to go to sleep for the night, and I need to get Banner's bath started (when Sam won't be home until late), then I get frustrated on knowing who to attend to. I don't want Banner's schedule thrown off while Quinn is screaming. Or, when I'm just about to tiptoe out of Quinn's room after he finally falls asleep and in Banner runs yelling and shouting with loud toys. . . and now Quinn's awake again. Perhaps the hardest learning curve has been that Quinn needs to eat right at or near the time I need to take Banner to school (or pick him up). It's just a little more of a juggling act to wrangle, quiet, appease, and settle both of them at the same time. There's more planning and thought that goes into balancing life with two.

Of course, the closer in age your kids are, the less likely you are to be able to leave them unattended while in the same room together. I absolutely cannot turn my back while Banner is in the same room as Quinn... lest I find him trying to feed Quinn his Hot Wheels or pick him up. If I'm washing dishes or making dinner, I make sure to have Quinn right next to me (if not ON me). And, as long as both boys are awake, at least one of them will be joining me in the restroom when I need to go. :) As amazing as Banner is with Quinn (loving and accepting and playful), I just can't trust that he won't unknowingly hurt his little brother. I've seen him try to feed him lots of things, try to sit in the bouncer with him, or even hold his hand in a not-so-gentle way as he says, "Mommy, look! I being gentle!" And when they are NOT in the same room, it's probably because one (or both, please!) is sleeping, and the goal is to keep one from waking the other. (God bless those of you who have kids sharing a room!)

And, there are guilty feelings -which I knew to expect (and yes, I DO remember my mother telling me about this part! Hi, Mom!), but I didn't know how it would manifest itself. Letting Quinn cry for a bit while I spend some time with Banner. Or, snapping at Banner for barging in to Quinn's room to ask me a question about a puzzle just as Quinn is falling asleep. Or, planning activities during winter break when Banner needs OUT of the house yet Quinn needs to stay IN the house. I'm learning, and I'm working it all out - but some of the difficulty is just thinking through my day and how best to avoid some of these situations to avoid hurting Banner's feelings, frustrating Quinn, and/or contributing to my guilt.

So, there's less sleep and less "me" time now, it's financially a little more taxing, and there's more to keep track of (have they both pooped today, or when did they each last eat?). But, all-in-all, I agree that 0 to 1 is way harder. This transition to two has been mostly seamless and easy. I'm lucky that Quinn is a pretty easy baby. Some people tell me that they don't really think Quinn is easier, but rather that I am just more confident, more laid back, and more knowledgeable. While all of this is true - and I have a better sense of where we are headed and how "this too shall pass" (and usually pass all too quickly!), I really do believe that credit is due to Quinn. Not all parents have an easy second child. In fact, I can name several of my friends who would tell you that their second babies were way harder than their first. So, I AM lucky that Quinn is so easy.

I find that time is flying even faster this time around. I cannot believe that Quinn is 3 months old this week. 13 weeks. Where has that gone? I remember feeling like we'd never make it to 6 weeks with Banner when the quiet baby I brought home from the hospital suddenly woke up at 2 weeks and didn't stop crying for weeks if not months. I think Banner's current schedule helps me feel like the days are flying by - there's a set routine already in place that Quinn just naturally falls into. The days fly - they do not drag. I feel like there's never enough time to give each boy as much attention as I want. But, we are still having so much fun, and by the end of each day - I'm exhausted, I'm ready to have some time to myself (and with Sam), but I'm SO, SO in love with my boys and with this life with two kids. Sometimes I miss the days with just Banner, just having that precious undivided time with him, but watching him with his little brother, watching Quinn's eyes light up when he sees me, hearing those little giggles, watching him learn something new, hearing Banner ask me to tell him a story about "Banner and Quinn," and awaiting a brotherly friendship to develop - it's all so exciting. So far, I'm kinda diggin' this life with two!