Monday, April 9, 2012

Top 10!!

Dear Banner,

Today, you are 10 months old! You are more "boy" than "baby," but to me you will always remain my little angel baby, and I want to ring in your 10 months of life outside the womb with a list of 10 awesome things about you at this age. So here goes:

1. You have four front teeth: two on bottom and two on top. You may even be cutting some upper side teeth pretty soon! You have curly hair that grows so fast; Daddy won't let me cut it until after your first birthday. While I think you could use a trim, I am loving your little locks! Your eyes are still very blue. And, when you smile, you and your deep dimples light up the room!

2. You are in love with your daddy. You much prefer him right now, and that's okay with me! I've had my turn before, and I know my turn will come back around, but I love watching your excitement when you see Daddy first thing in the morning or when he gets home from work. You say "Dada" or "Da" much more than you do "Mama" or "Ma," but as long as you're working on that "M" sound, I'm fine with that!

3. Speaking of "Da" you seem to know what you are talking about. You say "Daw" for Theo, Aunt Kira and Uncle Erick's doggy, and you say "Da" for Daddy. At least it seems that way.... You say "Ma" more often when I'm around, too.

4. You LOVE your grandma! Your days with her are fun for you, and you never cry or complain when I leave you there each work day. I'm so glad you are happy where you are, and I am positive this is the best thing for you. She is teaching you so much, and you are developing a bond with her that I sometimes get jealous of (like when you want her after you fall or hurt yourself even after I've arrived back from work). I understand, though, she's a great lady, and she's so good at being a mommy and a grandma! I often feel like Grandma is my safety net, making sure you're getting everything you need that I forget or am not good at. You and I are both blessed to have her in our lives!

5. You are getting over the baby food we keep offering. You love finger foods more than anything, but you don't know when to stop shoveling it in your mouth! You hoard it in your mouth and forget to chew or swallow, and it terrifies me that you're going to choke, but you seem to know what you're doing - most of the time. I continue to offer you only one or two pieces of something at a time, but you hide that food so well, all of a sudden, there's bits and pieces of food just hanging out in your mouth! Regardless of the shoveling, you are an amazing eater. You seem to like most foods. So, what are you eating these days? Well, we introduced beef, chicken, turkey, and beef hotdog as well as cantaloupe, honeydew, and oranges. You don't like the pureed version of meats, so I try to cook what I can for you. You love meatballs, teriyaki chicken, and Grandma's crunchy chicken so far. Carbs are still your favorites, though: crackers, bagels, pasta, graham crackers, Cheerios, tortilla, etc. You are certainly our child!

6. You are standing up all by yourself these days. You are an expert cruiser - walking your way around furniture, the walls, people's legs... you just want so badly to get around on your own and are doing everything you know to do to get where you want to go! This hasn't changed since last month, but the standing is new. Especially when you have something in your hands to distract you from your standing abilities, you stand even longer. Once you realize you're standing, you want the safety of a hand or table, or you slowly lower yourself to the floor. You've taken a few steps on your own, but this doesn't happen enough for me to say you've officially taken your "first steps." Yes, your Mama is hard on you - I'm not going to say it until it's repetitively true, so keep trying, Sweet Angel. Those first mastered steps are within your reach if you will just believe in yourself, trust yourself, and go for it! You totally have the ability, the strength, and the coordination, just build that courage and you'll be off with me right behind you! (Or at least trying to keep up with you!)

7. When we cheer for you, clap, or say "Yay!!!" you light up and say, "EEEEHHHH" or "AAAYYY" forcefully, like you're trying to join us in the excitement! It's your way of saying, "Yay!" with us. Daddy and I first noticed this a couple weeks ago when playing with the shape sorter tool kit that Zaide got you for Hanukkah. You are especially interested in it these days, and when Mommy helps you find the right shapes, and then you push the shape through, we clap and cheer. You started joining Mommy with your "yay" one day, and when you did it again while Daddy was there, we were certain you were celebrating with us. Now you do it all the time, and it's a fun little way for us to know you are communicating back with us, that you are understanding our excitement, and that you want to participate! I love this!

8. You love a good game of chase! Again, this hasn't changed much since last month, but you love anything that creates suspense and a "sneaking-up-on-you!" What HAS changed is that you initiate it sometimes. You'll start crawling away from us, and you look back at us (usually Daddy), as if to say, "Well, aren't you gonna come get me!?!"

9. Speaking of that look, you are getting so communicative these days. Pointing, reaching, looking at what you want with intent, vocalizations... it's our window into your thoughts, and I just want to say THANK YOU! I'm desperate to know what you are thinking, and I've been craving getting to know what you want, what you're thinking about, what you like since before you were born. Thank God you are starting to give us more information! Mommy doesn't do well with the unknowns, so the better you can get at this nonverbal communication, the better off we will all be! So far, you're getting to be a champ at it! We're still signing to you, but I know we should be doing it more often. We're pairing words with signs for "more," "finished," "eat," "water," and a few other things, but soon I hope to add in more now that you seem to be "getting it."

10. Oh, I hope I'm not about to jinx anything as I write out the next few sentences. Typically, I boast about what a great sleeper you are, and then, BAM! you stop sleeping! So, here goes nothing....(why do I feel the need to pray right before I type these words out??): You are such a great self-soother. No more tears at nap time or bed time, and that's been true for a long time. You are great at putting yourself to sleep and (most the time) back to sleep. There are some awful nights every now and then, and when those nights hit, it's truly awful. It's like you just want to play and have no interest in sleeping, but if Daddy and I just let you try to work it out and leave you in bed, you cry and get really ticked off. But, those nights are (God hear my prayer!) so rare. Naps are leaps and bounds easier than ever before, and I don't dread them the way I used to when you were younger. I just read your sleep cues and start our nap routine, and you gracefully (and sometimes gratefully) put yourself to bed. While I miss rocking you to sleep and just cradling you in my arms, I love that you are so self-sufficient! Last night, though, when Daddy had to work late and it was just you and me for the bedtime routine, you let me rock you a bit (you do seem to be becoming a little more cuddly in those first and last moments of your awake time). We stared at each other and, yes, because I am your Mommy and because I loved that moment so much, I cried. Your eyes got heavy, and you reached for your crib after gazing at me with intermittent long, heavy blinks. Then, I slowly put you in your bed, and you slept your typical 11-12 hours! Thank you for sleeping; thank you for that moment!

Banner Boone, you light up my life in so many ways! I kissed your little hand tonight after saying my usual "Goodnight" messages to you. I closed my eyes, and I felt your tiny fingers in mine. I kept your hand at my lips for a few seconds, trying so hard to memorize how your soft, tender skin felt against my kiss. I miss you already, but I can't wait to know you more! Such a weird feeling to be so nostalgic for the past but so excited and unable to wait for the future. I constantly feel guilty that we do not spend enough time together, and I even get annoyed at myself for having to run errands or do chores when you are with me and awake. I want more time with you. There is never enough time! I love the times we just get to sit and play together, when I get down on your level and can look you straight in the eye and connect with you. I love when we can just look at each other and love each other. Oh, my little doodlebug, I hope you know how much Daddy and I love you. I hope you can feel that.  Thank you for bearing with me these past 10 months as I figure out what the hell I'm doing. Every day I hope I'm doing it right, and every day I hope you don't blame me if I'm not. You deserve the best mommy, so I'm really trying to give you everything I know to give! You are an amazing little boy. Just keep on being you, my son. I love you so much! Happy 10 months!

Love,
Mommy

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