Here We Go Again!

About 7 weeks ago, Sam and I opted to have my blood drawn by our maternal-fetal medicine doctor to check for chromosomal abnormalities in our 11 week old fetus. We had decided that even though insurance wouldn't fully cover this particular test, we wanted to know for sure if our baby was "chromosomally healthy" (a term I made up). We were not offered this test when I was pregnant with Banner; we were given statistics of his chances of having Downs or Trisomy-18, etc., but we were not given a clear-cut answer "yes" or "no" back in "those days" - yes, only two years ago. For this pregnancy, we had more options available, and we wanted to take that opportunity. Since we would only have to wait about 10 days for the results of the blood test, which would also tell us the sex of our baby if we wanted to know, we decided to let the MFM doctor go ahead and make a gender prediction based on the almost 12-week-old body structure. We had this same prediction at Banner's first trimester screening, and although the sonographer and doctor have a 95% accuracy rate, they were wrong with Banner - telling us he was a girl. For 8 weeks, we thought we were having a girl, and I really had a difficult time once I found out that she was, in fact, a he. I had bonded with my girl, imagined my life with my daughter, and thought about only girl names. But, when we saw that "turtle" on the screen with Banner, both Sam and I were shocked, and it took some getting used to the idea that we would have a boy not a girl - and it certainly made picking a name a bit more challenging after having our minds made up for our little girl.

But, THIS time was different. We went into it with eyes wide open - kind of like I think we will enter into parenting this new baby! We were more prepared for a wrong prediction and didn't get our hearts or minds set on any one gender.  This time around, they predicted "boy" right away. We all could see exactly what the doctor was seeing/explaining to us. And, about 8 days later, we got a phone call with the blood work results. The nurse told me that the blood work was 99.4% accurate that we were having a baby boy.

Sam and I were fully prepared this time around! And, when we had our second trimester anatomy sono today, we were not at all taken by surprise when we saw yet another "turtle" on the screen - indicating that our baby was a boy for certain! We had already shared this news with our families and close friends - sending this short video to them. We decided we wanted to have Banner go "visit" his Bubbie at the cemetery to include her in the exciting news that she was going to be a grandmother to yet another grandson. It was emotional for us to "share" this news with her and to be at her graveside when sharing the news with everyone. She won't get to meet this grandchild, so the least we could do was have her help us make our announcement.

Of course we had dreams of Banner being a big brother to a little sister, of getting to experience being a parent to a boy and to a girl, of using the name we had chosen for our daughter, but we were ecstatic that this baby was healthy and growing. Our biggest challenge is going to be finding a name for this kiddo! If you've read my previous posts, you know I put quite a bit of (over)thought into this decision. :)

We are mostly so happy that Baby Boy J (BBJ#2) is healthy, strong, growing, and doing well as we finish the first half of this pregnancy. Having a boy again will be awesome from a financial standpoint! We have just about everything we need thanks to hand-me-downs from Banner, Caden, Brycen, Colby, and Nami! Most kids born into this family are boys, so BBJ2 will have plenty of older male cousins to play with! In fact, he's the 4th boy of 4 grandkids on Sam's side of the family, and he's the 9th boy of 10 great-grandkids my Grandpa would be meeting if he were still living!

But, yes, there's a part of me that wishes I could control what sex our children are. It's really one of the only things in life we have absolutely no control over - unless you spend a fortune selecting a gender during medical procedures before conception, which I'm not sure I believe in. As a favorite first grade teacher says, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit!" Which is true. I only want healthy, happy kids! But, one day, I'd love to experience what it's like to have a daughter, to mother a girl, to watch my boys play with their sister. Sam and I would both love to know what it's like to braid hair, paint nails, have a tea party, have a kid who will watch Annie with me, and watch dance recitals in our living room! While I'm completely stereotyping and fighting with the grad student inside me who is beating me over the head with a stick right now for even typing those words, I just want to know what it's like to dress a girl, to see more pink in the house, and to read about Barbie or Cinderella - and not trucks and trains!

Don't get me wrong - I've learned a whole lot from raising Banner this far. I can name all types of vehicles with their technical names, I am finding the joy in letting my boy get messy and dirty as he explores the flowerbeds, and I'm learning to love tripping over Hot Wheels and Batmobiles. The thought of having two boys is both scary and wonderful. Banner will have a best friend, a great playmate, and a partner in crime. But, Sam and I question how much energy we have for two energetic little men! Sure, I bet playing house, finding spilled nail polish, losing bows and ribbons, and playing beauty shop over and over again would get old after a while, too. I try to think of these things when I am saddened that we don't/won't (yet?) have a daughter.

I've joked with my mom about how I'm this strong woman with feminist values and opinions and no daughter to share them with. But, quite honestly, maybe that's what God has in mind for me. . . to share these values with my sons, to make them amazing men who care deeply for girls and women and who seek equality for themselves and their female friends. I keep thinking that God only gives us what we can handle, that He knows what is best. And, I also keep thinking that there is no way I'd ever trade Banner in for that girl I thought I was bonding with. So, BBJ2 is exactly right for our family. He's a welcome addition who I can't wait to meet! We already love him so much, and we're so incredibly blessed to have seen him today - healthy and growing just right! I can only hope and pray that he stays that way.

In the meantime, we are preparing Banner for a baby brother. We are reading books about babies, talking about "Banner's baby," and considering other ways to make this life-change easier for big brother. Banner has heard BBJ2's heartbeat a few times and says, "Heartbeat" when he hears it. He is gentle with his baby cousin, Nami, when we let Banner hold him for a moment. He's well aware there is a baby in Mommy's tummy (although he doesn't understand that one day he'll actually meet this baby!).

As for me, I'm surrounded by amazing women who are the mothers to two (or more) sons. (Mischelle, Lissa, Robin, Marla, Gayle, Aunt Karen, Hilary, Casey, Julia, Laura, Jill, Misty, Sharron, Rebecca, Lindsay - just to name a few of the "sisterhood of the brotherhood.") They remind me that brothers are the best, that two boys are twice the fun, that boys just LOVE their mommies. I'm honored to be among these women who are outnumbered in their homes and surrounded by more testosterone than any woman should have to endure! And, I'm so so so in love with my Banner Boone and his little brother already! Boys or girls - it doesn't really matter. The smell of my sweet boy waking up from his nap, the feel of his tender skin against mine, the sight of his adorable smile, the sound of his angelic voice, and the taste of his sweet kisses - well, that about does me in! Because - Oh My God - I love my baby and know that his gender matters not to me! So, I say - here we go again!! Bring on the joy that is having a baby boy!