Parenting with My Partner

Sam and I have been best friends for close to 16 years. We've been through a heck of a whole lot together during that time. When you get married after knowing each other for so long - and after dating for that long - you think you'll know how to handle anything that comes your way. Well, that's true for most things, but there are several things that have happened in the past couple years that we've just had to bank on our relationship and the love we have for each other to get through - like Sam's accident or grieving the sudden loss of Sam's mom. Parenting is yet another area that we have had to put our faith in each other and our love in order to make it through each day (and oh so many nights!). You really don't know what kind of parent you're going to be until you are one. (Man, I couldn't even begin to count how many times I've said, "I'll never do that with my kid" and HAVE! I swear I was a better mother before I had a baby!) So, how can you know what kind of parent your partner will be or how well you will parent together?

After almost 13 months of parenting with Sam, I thought I'd write a review of how we are doing as parenting partners. There have been some awful moments in the past year when it came to being a team - times when we lost sight of our goal and got too wrapped up in being right or in our frustrations. Most of the time, those moments were due to lack of sleep. (What was that rule again? You can't be held responsible for things said or done in the middle of the night?) But, other than the handful of moments that made me furious, made me cry, or had me running to MY mommy, parenting with Sam has been awesome.

It's such a gift to be able to parent with your best friend. My absolute favorite is the look we often give each other across the room (or table) while we are watching Banner. Whenever he makes a new discovery or does something cute or funny, whenever he says a new word or attempts a new food, Sam and I will glance at each other as if to say, "Are you seeing this?! Isn't our boy so amazing!?!" I don't know what he would say about my eyes, but when I see Sam gazing back at me, I can feel the love just oozing out. I can hear his eyes telling me, "Oh my God, I love this kid! We made this kid! I love you so much!"  In these brief, deep looks, nothing else matters - and nothing else exists. Not even Banner, which I know sounds weird, but that look just brings me back to "us" and to loving one another. Of course the look is about Banner - and the never-ending love we have for him - but it's as if time just stops and this living, breathing child in front of us is a tangible reminder of our friendship, our love, and our devotion to each other.

We have learned so much this past year. In the middle of an "off" or "awful" night (respectively, the ones where Banner cries in the middle of the night, or the ones where he won't go back to sleep at all) when we've done everything we know to do, we've learned to just hold hands and hope Banner can soothe himself. When one of us is edgy or frustrated, the other adjusts accordingly to be the more patient parent. When we need a break or to walk away because Little Angel isn't being one at the moment, we've learned to take over for each other and be okay with needing space and time. We've learned it's so important to respect how we each relax - he doesn't make fun of my blogging, pinning, crafting, or cooking, and I don't give him grief for taking his only day a week to sleep in to go fishing with his dad. We've also learned that a good movie on a Saturday night or cuddling on the couch any day of the week is still fun - and really good for us.

We've kept this baby of ours alive for over a year, and we managed to do it without killing each other! I know we still have a lot to learn as Baby Boy starts to stand his own ground and challenges us more and more. I know we're only at the beginning of this journey, but I'm proud of us so far. I am definitely not ready for a second time around yet, but when/if we are blessed to do this song and dance again, I think we might just be okay. Every day is a chance to improve and perfect this team we're on together. We just have to remember we are a team - and we're on the same one. There are times I would have given us a "C" many, many months ago, but we have bounced back really well, so after a challenging year of learning to communicate, to listen, to trust, and to compromise, I give Year One a solid "A."