The Bitch Next Door

Disclaimer: Poor language, bad attitude, and violent ideation below. For mature, understanding readers only.

Why is it that the only time this damn neighborhood is loud is when my baby is trying to sleep? I mean the ONLY time! Does the whole neighborhood have access to the video monitor feed and can, therefore, tell when Banner is about to nap or to go to sleep for the night? It's like they know and then decide, "Hey, now's a great time to start my lawn mower, or cut down trees." All of these noises are way too loud, louder since Banner was born, louder when he's napping, and only happening when he's sleeping! Doorbells, helicopters, children screaming outside, car motors, horns, car alarms, the ice cream truck, airplanes, sirens, and all kinds of lawn appliances.... they've all gotten louder, right? Worse than any of these damn noises and disturbances is the damn bitch next door. Yes, Sam and I cannot stand the woman who lives next door to us - her 3 pre-teen boys are loud, her boyfriend drives a motorcycle that he loves to rev up (yes, only when Banner is sleeping), her pool/spa makes unusually loud noises, and her children throw any random item over our fence throughout the week. However, the bitch I'm referring to is truly the dog in her backyard. This dog barks at any hour of the day and night for extended periods of time without any consequence. No one lets her inside, no one tells her to be quiet, and she continues to disturb my household.

I found a movie-maker website (xtranormal.com) to use with my students at work. Before I used it for instructional purposes, I had a little fun with it while I was exploring all the tools I could use. When it came to adding dialogue, I had even more fun with this website. I created a video for Tracy, the owner of the house next door. Oh, Tracy! If only you could see my video, read my blog, or even speak to me when you see me... I would let you have a piece of my mind. I wish I had the nerve to publish this video and send it to her, or at least print out this blog post and leave it on her doorstep! Here's what I wrote for the dialogue in the video I was just goofing off with:

"Hi Tracy. My name is Amber. I am your next door neighbor. I wanted to have a little chat with you. Ever since you bought that damn dog, my family cannot sleep. I absolutely cannot stand her incessant barking every f*c**** day and every f*c**** night. I have an infant child who tries to nap during the day, but your God-forsaken dog keeps him up each day. At night, she barks so loudly, that I cannot fall asleep. And, first thing in the morning, your dog wakes us all up. Please let her in your house to bark the minute you hear her bark - because she is waking the whole damn neighborhood. If you do not do this, I will call the police and file a complaint against you. If you continue to ignore my requests, I will shoot your dog with a bee bee gun. If that doesn't work, you may come home to find your dog missing, as I may cut a whole in your fence to help her escape before I shoot her dead. Thank you for your time, you worthless piece of ___."

Okay, so I was angry when I wrote it. And, just so you know, I don't have any real plans to hurt the dog or help it to escape, but I can dream, right? You have to understand that this woman and her three children moved in right before Sam and I got engaged. We were so welcoming to her; we brought her fresh cookies and brownies, we introduced ourselves, and Sam has even offered to help her in the yard a couple times early on.  She has never been nice to us, leaves her garbage can in the middle of the alley, allows all of the above-mentioned behaviors of her children, and she never acknowledges us when we are outside in the front yard. She's a bitch, just like her damn dog. Oh, and did I mention that she got the dog right after Banner was born? It's like she knew that was the one thing she could do to keep pissing us off. Get a dog that barks all night so that the very few hours we could TRY to sleep when Banner was not awake, we couldn't.  And, don't get me wrong, I actually really like dogs. (No, I never want to be a dog owner, but I do love dogs! Yes, Brittney, I said I love dogs!) This is the reason I would never really harm the dog, but I cannot stand bad dog owners who don't work with the dog to stay quieter for the whole neighborhood's sake.

Honestly, Banner sleeps through a lot of this noise that, in my opinion, never existed before he was born! And, all of these noises are like 1,000 times louder when he is asleep. I know it's really my problem. I'm worried it will wake him so I can't relax, when he really does just fine. But, when that dog barks at 3:00am, and it wakes me up, I don't care if Banner is awake or not, I am so ready to walk over to Tracy and give her a piece of my mind. Maybe one day I'll have the nerve to walk around outside when Banner has one of those awful crying nights - maybe, just maybe, I'll sit on her front porch just holding my crying baby. Then, she'll get a taste of her own medicine when she wonders what is going on with that loud, crying baby and (what she will refer to as) "the bitch next door!"

(If you like this topic, read more about Heather's perspective when her 1st daughter was a baby.)