Vacating

Ten years (plus a few months) ago, Sam and I went on our first cruise together. It was the summer after the Bar exam, the first summer we spent living together, and only a few weeks before we got engaged. It was amazing and wonderful. It was my second time on a ship but his first (I had gone with my dad and his family at the end of 2002), and we decided we should keep making plans to cruise regularly because we loved it so much. So, in 2010, we went on a Mediterranean cruise for the first half of our honeymoon, and in 2012, we went on a Caribbean cruise, leaving our 17-month old Banner for the first time. In 2014, our "let's cruise every even year" plan didn't happen since Quinn was so little and leaving two kiddos behind was hard. In 2016, we had Knox, so traveling was even more challenging for us. But, the sea continued to call to me, to us. There's a serenity and peace out there on the ocean, and the wide open vastness of the sky and the ocean with nothing to interrupt it gives me great perspective into how very small we are in this world, how very minor our everyday problems are in the big scheme of things. This feeling is one Sam and I have always wanted to share with our boys, and the time finally felt right to take the trip and make it happen!

2008 (first cruise) to 2018 (most recent cruise)

This past July we took advantage of Royal Caribbean's deals and made the decision to make our trip even more financially manageable by booking before the holidays. It would mean we would have to miss some work, and it would mean the boys would miss a week of school, but Sam and I have a saying: Never let school get in the way of a good education. It means that sometimes there is more to learn outside of a structured, formal setting. The real world is the best place to learn, and I'm telling you, the boys learned SO much this trip - more than they ever could have in a classroom. As a teacher/counselor, I'm probably not "supposed" to tell you this, but man, there's no better way to learn.

We also realized we'd be gone during Hanukkah, a time of celebration and family for us, and we second-guessed missing it at home. But, then we realized, we'd be gone during Hanukkah, and it would be amazing to treat our family to this gift of time together! Instead of our usual theme nights, we incorporated gifts of experience and time into this trip, and we truly VACATED our regular routines to relax and enjoy each other. I have to say, it was very refreshing to not have "stuff" to wrap and spend money on. We did give three wrapped trinkets, but mostly their gifts were integrated into the experience itself. (That was VERY difficult for Quinn, especially, to understand. After a day of excursions or a special opportunity just for him, he'd ask where his gift was later that night and get upset that there wasn't anything to open.) 

So, let me tell you all about the trip! We kept this cruise a secret from the boys until the day before we left. We told them Saturday morning during breakfast before Quinn's soccer game. I knew that Banner would be anxious about being on the ocean (fear of sinking, fear of hurricanes, etc), and I knew that Quinn would ask me every second how much longer until the cruise, so we tried to keep everyone out of their misery as long as possible. When we first told them, there was immediate apprehension (mostly from Banner, who set the tone for the others), but once we showed them a promotional video of our ship, they were really excited. We spent the rest of the day packing and getting the house ready for us to be gone.

Trying to organize chaos

Sunday morning, we woke up bright and early, stopped for donuts, and hit the road to Galveston. The car ride there seemed to go quickly! The boys opened their first gift; each got a new pair of sunglasses to wear for the trip. We watched Short Circuit (a movie I hadn't seen since I was really little - and appreciated way more as a grown up), and Pinocchio. The boys enjoyed their Froot Loop necklaces, and we brought Lunchables for them to eat right before we got to Galveston. I thought I was being silly for bringing lunch, but I'm SO glad we did this.... as the lines that awaited us were riDICulously long. Apparently, there was a 2-hour delay when the ship arrived back at the port to let the guests from the previous cruise off the ship, so traffic was backed up, parking lots weren't empty yet, the check-in process was significantly delayed, and THAT wait was AWFUL! We waited for TWO HOURS in line to check in. With three kids, this was very difficult, and it was during Knox's typical nap time. In addition, there were no changing tables (and no toilet paper) at the terminal. So, when Knox needed a diaper change, we had to get resourceful and lay him down on the bathroom floor on top of paper towels. We were in a sea of people who were anxious to get on that ship already! But, it did finally move and we made it on the ship three lines later (line to the terminal, line to go through security, line to check in).

The 2-hour wait happened in this zigzagging line

When we got to our rooms (connected inside and via balcony), we were pleased to see the Pack-n-Play that was promised us. What we weren't excited about was that Knox couldn't fit in it. It was the tiniest little bassinet size, and when we humored ourselves to try it out, Knox couldn't even lay his legs down past his knees. I was anxious to see how the night would go, knowing he'd have to sleep in a bed for the first time, and with his brothers no less. I knew for sure this would be the end of his crib once we got home. 

And we're off!! Leaving Galveston

Our first dining experience that evening was chaotic. Knox didn't want to stay seated, Banner kept getting out of his seat. Both big boys needed chaperones to the bathroom at different times. Knox was demanding a screen ("I want your phone!") not realizing that I had no service for him to watch videos he wanted to watch. He wanted to drink from the glass the waiter kept filling, instead of the sippy cup I filled from the glass... which led to spills and then crying that he was wet. It was one thing after another, and the boys were all cranky, tired, and irritable. After the Welcome Aboard show, Knox cried to go home. He did not understand that home was not an option miles away from shore at that point. It was all very confusing for him. 

"Lighting" the first candles on the menorah

Loving chicken noodle soup -
which he's been offered MANY times at home but would never try

Knox Morgan

That night of sleep was HORRIBLE. Quinn was super-excited to sleep next to Knox (who we put in the middle so he wouldn't fall out). He would not give Knox his space in the king bed. He kept scooting too close to him. Banner kept getting up to go to the bathroom in OUR room, leaving the light on, flushing those awfully-loud toilets. Knox got up a couple of times, and then we finally pulled him in to our bed. The boys were up by 6:15 that morning. Some vacation! As you can imagine, we were almost dreading the next 6 days given the chaos our first day on the ship had been! Luckily, things got better.

Monday was our first "at sea" day. After breakfast, we went up to the mini golf course. It was windy, but the boys had fun just goofing off up on the top deck. Then, we dropped Quinn and Banner off at their respective kids club areas for a bit. Knox, Sam, and I walked around the ship a little bit, and then it was another frustrating afternoon for Knox who was not allowed in the pools we went to because he uses a swim diaper and is not potty-trained. I knew this was going to be a problem before we went on the trip, but I wasn't aware of how small the baby splash area was. Asking the boy who is used to keeping up with his brothers to stay in a small secluded area was not registering for Knox. It was so infuriating for him and for us, so I took him back up to our room for a nap while the big boys played in the water. That night, we had our first formal night. It was fun to see my little boys all dressed up. We got a lot of looks as we walked to dinner - so many people commenting on how cute my three boys are all dressed in their little suits. After dinner, we went back to our room to "light candles" on our LED menorah and the boys got to open a gift of personalized M&Ms (that I had been saving for them since my trip to Vegas' M&M World). After changing into pajamas, I took Banner and Quinn to see a juggling, hula hoop, acrobatic performance by The Great Dubois (Viktoria Grimmy was one of the performers, and she was in The Greatest Showman, which the boys thought was super cool). That night was a little better sleep-wise, but the little devils were still up long before 7:00am the next day.

To get him to REALLY smile, I said, "Look, there's (best bud) Landon!!"
When he realized I made him look, he gave me this face.

Then he gave me this face.

Persomalized M&Ms from M&M World Vegas

On our way to a show - in PJs!

On Tuesday, we docked in Cozumel and went on an excursion to Playa Mia beach club. It was PERFECT for us - a little bit of beach, a little bit of pool, a little bit of splash park, and Knox could do all of it! There were water slides for the big boys, a great lunch for everyone, Snow Cones, Icees, lockers, and showers after. Thank God for the showers, too, because as we were getting ready to leave, I went to change Knox's diaper - not knowing he had pooped in his swim diaper. It was a messy, sandy disgusting diaper all the way up his back. (Yum. I know.) But, I was able to wash him without embarrassing us all. Luckily, the attendant in the bathroom was super helpful disposing of the gross diaper and cleaning out the shower for us. We got back to the ship in perfect time for Knox to nap, and Sam took the big boys to the kids club while he went to the gym. During my time in the room, I was supposed to be relaxing, but when I went to look for my cell phone, I couldn't find it anywhere in our backpack. I tried to call the gym to ask Sam if he knew where it was or if he had it, but I couldn't reach him there (I must have called too early, and the man on the ship phone trying to help me locate Sam couldn't find anyone by that name). I spent two hours rummaging through everything, calling the excursion desk, trying to get an outside line to Playa Mia from the ship, retracing my steps, pretty certain I must have left the phone near the showers when I was distracted by Knox's icky diaper incident. Sam finally came back to the stateroom, and he pulled it out of the very front pocket of our backpack - that I for some reason did not even SEE! I was so relieved - because, well... pictures!! That night, we saw an amazing rendition of Saturday Night Fever on board. We gave the boys their first Cracker Jacks boxes... because Knox is obsessed with the song "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." And, while I stayed back in the room with Knox, Sam took Banner and Quinn to see Christopher Robin poolside. 

First time in the ocean

Snow Cones

On Wednesday, we had a later arrival to Grand Cayman, so we were able to enjoy breakfast on the balcony before we tendered to the port and decided what we wanted to do that day. We had tried to sign up for an excursion beforehand, but the one we wanted was full. So, we went to the island "winging it," and I'm so glad we did. The only place I really wanted to see was the small town called Hell. One of my songs with Quinn is "I'm Gonna Stand By You," by Rachel Platten. There's a line that says, "Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you," so I wanted to literally walk through Hell with him. I would dance with Quinn to this song, hold him and rock him a couple years ago when he was having a lot of anxiety and worries about school and life, and I have explained to him since then, that no matter what, I'm here for him and will be with him every step of every way. As he's gotten older, he knows that this song is such a perfect song for parents to sing to their children. I wanted to make it a literal memory for him, and so as silly and funny as a town called Hell is, I wanted this serious memory for us. So, we found a two-hour tour that would take us around the island and include going to Hell. It was significantly cheaper than the excursion offered by the cruise, and we learned a LOT about Grand Cayman. We saw the Governor's House, went to a dolphin encounter (but just watched, much to Banner's disappointment), tasted rum cakes, bought some fun Hell souvenirs, and sent a couple of postcards from there, too.  That afternoon, while Sam stayed with a napping Knox, I took the big boys up to swim again. That evening, during dinner, our assistant waiter, Karma, asked Banner and Quinn if they wanted to come dance with him and the rest of the wait staff during dessert. They had fun teaching Karma to floss, and Karma taught the boys the Macarena. Then, we were off to an ice skating show that started off pretty boring but got really good at the end. Finally, after this active day, we "lit" candles again and opened a family gift of Hanukkah Pajamas! We had fun jumping on the bed and then taking pictures of all of us. We took one of my favorite pictures that night.

Governor's House
We learned that Cayman is a British colony, so the Queen appoints a Governor

The town of Hell

"Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through Hell with you.
Love, you're not alone. I'm gonna stand by you."

We sent Grandma & Papa and BeeBee & Zaide some postcards from Hell.

Feeding the chickens some Cheetos that a tour guide handed the boys

He was pretty proud of this new hat

Eating Rum Cake

Banner spotted a hermit crab.

At the Dolphin Encounter, the boys enjoyed these parrots

Quinn chose this shirt himself.

On the tender ride back to the ship.

This boy and his soup.... closing his eyes with each bite

Our waiter, Idege

Our beloved assistant waiter, Karma

On Thursday, we docked in Jamaica. Our excursion was to the Blue Water Beach Resort. The sand was way different in Jamaica - a smaller, more powdery grain was more fun to build with than in Cozumel (which seemed more like kosher salt). It was more like kinetic sand. Banner befriended a lifeguard there named Orlando who taught the big boys how to make sand balls. He also taught Banner about the Jamaican dialect and taught him some words, too. He learned how to say "Hello/What's up?" -- "wagwan," and "See you later," --- "layatah." A few of my other favorite memories from this windy day was when Knox decided he wanted to lounge for a bit and rest like a girl we saw a few lounge chairs away from us. I wrapped him up in his towel, and he just rested peacefully for quite a bit before lunch. Also, Quinn's hair was AMAZING in Jamaica. The curls, the color, the texture - it was like it wanted to be in Jamaica. When we returned to the ship, I napped Knox while Sam took the big boys back to the port to shop. They bought swords and had their names chiseled into the wooden blade. Later, while waiting for that evening's show, we attended a Karaoke event. Banner was inspired to give it a shot, even though he was nervous. He asked to sing "Grenade" but when it started, he missed a word in the first line and freaked out. He gave the mic back to the crew member and ran off the stage and began crying in Sam's arms. My heart broke for him. Quinn was not supportive at first, saying, "That was not good AT ALL!" I quickly hushed him, and when he realized Banner was really embarrassed and upset, he changed his tune to supportive brother with, "Banner, at least you got up there and tried! I couldn't even do that!" Sweet boy, he was so upset he blew it. He plans to ask Aunt Kira for some pointers on how to get in front of an audience and sing!

I made this little sand creature. 

Banner's selfie with Orlando

These boys really liked their new friend, and we did too!
We had a built-in babysitter. He got a nice tip for it, too!

Quinn went up to these kids and said, "Can I help?"
They put him right to work, and the boy in the white top made sure everyone was included.

Banner found this sea urchin.

Quinn's hair was awesome in Jamiaca.
I think his hair wants to live there.

Nothing better than an afternoon nap on a cruiseship

"Color Bridge" as named by Knox

Ensaymada

"SO GOOD!"

Friday was our second day at sea, and we had some special gifts for each boy. I surprised Banner with an All Access Tour of the ship. I was super excited for this - not just to learn about the "behind the scenes" stuff, but I thought Banner would really enjoy all the cool stuff we would get to see and hear about. Unfortunately, Banner was bored and didn't really appreciate the tour -- at least not at the time. Since then, he is really glad he got to see and do everything we experienced that morning - a tour of the kitchen with a sous chef, insight with a head waiter of his perspective of his job, an explanation of how food is delivered and stored in the ship - including a few minutes in the freezer - and learning random facts like how many eggs (90,000!) are put onboard each week, how many line items on the spreadsheet the man in charge of ordering food manages (40,000), and how the ship is prepared for hurricane season (ordering 3 extra days of food during that time each week), a tour of the engine control room, and finally a stop at the bridge where the First Mate allowed Banner (and ONLY Banner!) to sit directly in front of him and take charge of the ship for a few seconds - long enough for me to capture a couple pictures. Banner later realized how very cool this was for him - and how very jealous the other guests in our group were. Banner also got to ask the question he'd been wondering from day one: what happens to the poop and pee when you flush the toilet on the ship. The answer: the water gets treated and cleaned to be reused - and the waste gets burned and released into the sea in a "helpful to the sea" way when far from land.

The bakery... purposefully built small so bread would have to be made fresh daily

Engine control room

Photo of the ship being built in Finland

Banner's very fast panoramic attempt on the starboard side of the ship

Waving to the first mate who let Banner steer

DreamWorks parade... we finally found the dragon Knox is always talking about

Mommy, by Knox

Quinn, by Knox

Later on Friday, Quinn and I went to the Cupcake Cupboard to take a decorating class. Quinn has loved to bake and cook since he knew what the kitchen was, so this was definitely something he was pumped about! He got to learn some new skills decorating 6 cupcakes. He followed directions very well, and with only minor help from me, he decorated these cupcakes completely on his own.

Photos before dinner

Quinn saw this backdrop and wanted pictures... saying,
"I want my picture taken by myself first."

Pirate Quinn, getting picked up from Kids Club

Friday evening was our second formal night, and while standing in line for photos before entering the dining room, the photographer asked if we'd be interested in a black & white photo session after dinner. We thought that sounded interesting and joined Amy, another photographer, later in the studio. The entire photo shoot was about 15-20 minutes - super fast - but definitely chaotic with a silly, excited Knox and therefore silly and excited Banner and Quinn. The boys were all over the place, laughing, saying silly things ("DOBIE!" for no apparent reason, and telling Amy her name was really Lucy), unable to sit still, constant moving while Amy was trying to get their attention... it was a disaster. There is no reason we should have gotten ANY good shots, but they turned out really good, and the next day when we saw the images, it was hard to choose from the video montage that Amy put together. We landed on these images.

On Saturday, we began mourning our trip already, taking advantage of our last day at sea. We started the day with a character breakfast experience, where the kids could order from a fun menu and meet Shrek and Puss in Boots. Then, Sam and I dropped all three kids off at their respective kid zones, and we enjoyed 3 hours just us. We made an appointment with NextCruise and explored booking another cruise for just us, and EEEK, we already booked another one for next year! Then, we went to our room to begin packing without the boys there... best decision to get organized without the chaos of three kiddos. Then we got the boys, met with Amy to see the photographs, and then enjoyed an outdoor lunch at Johnny Rockets. While Knox napped, Sam took the boys ice skating. That night was a PJ party at Adventure Ocean (the kids club area), so the boys wanted to go there and eat dinner with the other kids. Sam and I decided to sign Knox up for dinner in the Nursery, so we could enjoy our last dinner in the dining room by ourselves. Unfortunately, we got a call to come pick Knox up an hour into his stay because he was still crying on and off and wouldn't eat his dinner. (I'm pretty sure being there at night threw him way off, and he wanted to be with us.) We were glad we got to at least finish our meal before we had to get Knox, though. From there, we went to a Michael Jackson game show where we scored 16/20 naming MJ songs from a short snippet of each song. Knox enjoyed dancing to the songs - many of them he knew also. We picked up Quinn next, who wanted to attend the last show of the week, a performance by country music singer Nathan Osmond. Knox was ROCKIN' it during that performance, and probably entertaining and distracting the people around our seats more that he should have been, so we left half-way through. I put both little boys to bed and Sam went to get Banner. They stopped for a treat on the way back to our room, so Banner got to stay up pretty late that night. His bedtime seemed to get later and later during the week, and he was really enjoying the flexibility we offered him in the evenings.

Fun DreamWorks Menu

 Of course, the boys slept in the next morning... the one morning we needed them to wake up before 7:00 and they were difficult to wake. The entire trip, they were up long before 6:30, but nope, not the one day we needed them up. What is UP with that!? Why is it that every weekend, Banner is up at the crack of dawn, but come school mornings, he can't get his butt out of bed?! Our vacation was no different. They were dragging... they did not want to leave and talked about how they had so much fun and were so glad we went on this trip. They were excited to go home, though, knowing that a family Hanukkah party awaited them that afternoon. After one last meal at Windjammer, we had such helpful boys who helped drag our bulky bags down each deck stairway. They did awesome keeping up with us in the lines to disembark. And, the drive home, they did great for as well. It seemed to go much more slowly going home, but they enjoyed watching Field of Dreams and Into the Woods. The only disappointing part was when I had to share with them that the family Hanukkah party had been cancelled due to illnesses in almost every branch of the family at home. Cousins had missed school, aunts and uncles were on meds, grandparents were tired and fevery, so it was best to cancel - but we were really bummed about it. We did stop by Grandma and Papa's house just for a short bit after Knox napped at home... in his crib! My concern that he'd never sleep in his crib again quickly vanished when he laid right down and slept without even asking for a big bed. Wheeeww!

So, we've been home for a week now, and we've settled back in to our normal, but we have new experiences to talk about, new memories to reflect on, new lessons learned and jokes to laugh about. Quinn fell in love with chicken noodle soup (even though I've offered it to him countless times prior to the trip). I fell in love with ensaymada, a fluffy, creamy, sweet Filipino bread. Sam and I got a break from politics and never once saw Donald Trump's face for over a week! Knox showed us how adaptable he could be to schedule and routine changes and how he could bounce right back to his norm. We have the inside jokes from our cruise director, Mark, who ended every announcement with "Bing Bong!" and wanted guests to give shouts out that they were in attendance at shows with "Wikki Wikki Wahhh!" Banner will remember forever how to make sand balls that don't fall apart.  School and work waited; laundry, dishes, cleaning, and cooking didn't pull me away from my family; daily newsfeeds and newsreels and news tickers didn't distract or dishearten us. We were present with each other. We truly got out of our space where soccer and swimming and Sunday School and clients and homework and schedules and paperwork rule our lives too often.

On our last night of the cruise, Sam and I took each boy onto our balcony. It was VERY windy, and it was getting VERY cold the closer we got to Galveston. But, we made a point of taking each boy out there wrapped in our arms to see the sea one last time. It was dark but the white crest of each wave could be seen in the moonlight or with the glow coming off the ship. We told them to remember the water, to remember how peaceful it is out there on that big ocean, to remember the stars and how dark and vast the sky is, how nothing else interrupted the horizon. One of my favorite memories was snuggling Banner, both Sam and I holding him on either side, kissing his cheeks between us, all wrapped up together in the chilly wind. I told him this was my happy place, the place I went to when I was stressed or when I needed to calm myself. I told him how happy I was to finally have been able to share it with him and to have him with me in my place of serenity, where I'm reminded of just how small we really are in this great big world. I will remember that balcony cuddle forever. I sure hope he will, too. But, even if he doesn't, I know they had a great time. As we walked off the ship the next day, Banner said to me, "I was worried when we first got here, but now, I like cruises." And, Quinn waved to the big ship as we drove away from the port saying, "Goodbye, ship! See you next time we take a cruise!" Oh, I can't wait til that time gets here!!

2.75: Knox's Newsletter

Dear Knox,
Two and three-quarter years-old today. My heart feels so full, yet so heavy. I can literally feel my baby getting grown up, watching you outgrow your 2T clothes, waiting for you to transition from a crib to a bed and from diapers to underwear and from pacis to no pacis, hearing those intricately long sentences flow from your mouth, and witnessing the developing friendships and real PLAY with your buddies at school. As much as I absolutely adore all these "big kid" developments, I just want to continue to cling to your babyhood longer. Three seems so big already, and I'm certainly not ready.... will I ever be??. . . for these years to pass so quickly.

So, in order to capture you at this age, let me tell you all about YOU at this very awesome age:

-You can't decide if you want to be a big boy or a baby. You ask to be rocked, to be carried laying horizontally ("like this" you'll show me), to be called "little boy" when I say "big boy." You go into baby talk some times ("ma-ma, eh, ehhhh, ma-ma" as you go limp or cling to my leg) and you crawl around on the floor like a baby saying "goo goo, gah, gah" playfully. But, then there are those times when you want to do everything by yourself and frustrate all of us with your persistence in doing something a certain way that is doomed to fail.

-However, you may have THE best coping skills of all my children. When you get upset, you will get still and limp. Your head drops slightly, your eyes get heavy and eyelids droop a little. If you're near the couch, you'll lay your upper body on it and be as still as can be. It's like the disappointment or frustration or sadness has taken all your energy, and you are not willing to fight. You're definitely in "freeze" mode. Daddy and I have talked about how mature it is that you don't fling yourself around or throw a tantrum, but instead you definitely get our attention by us wanting to console you. You just need a little bit of time, and soon you are communicative and able to turn your attitude around. When you get angry, you very clearly let us know, "I FUSTATED!" or "That makes me MAD!" Daniel Tiger has really helped me help you breathe through it with songs like "When You Feel So Mad." I also hear you saying things when you're annoyed or irritated like, "I sick Quinn," which means "I am sick and tired of Quinn." And you don't like it when either boy is misbehaving or not listening: "I talking to you, Banner!!" or "Don't DO that, Quinn!" And if those two are fighting with each other, you will assert yourself and try to intervene, usually yelling at them and trying to help stop whatever is going on.

-Speaking of your brothers, they both adore you. You sometimes get sick of their attention. Quinn wants to love on you all the time, but you are not always a willing participant. I will coach him on what to do if you don't want to hug or kiss, and once he asks you or says, "Knox, I want to kiss you. Let me know when you're ready, " you usually say "Okay, I ready now" only a few moments later. You simply want to be respected, and no one can blame you for that! You don't like it when the boys take things from you without asking, but once they ask, you are willing to oblige usually. They forget that you are a REAL person with REAL feelings, and they have taken advantage of your innocence for too long. You're definitely not putting up with that any longer! They used to be able to sneak your Halloween candy away from you, but not so much anymore! They used to be able to trade you a toy to play with what you had, but not any longer!

-Speaking of Halloween, you were STOKED for Halloween, and you haven't stopped talking about trick-or-treating since then (over two weeks ago)! You dressed up as DJ Lance Rock and Brobee - alternating costumes at various events we went to (My Gym Halloween party; block party at one of Quinn's friend's house; trick-or-treating and a visit to Chuck E. Cheese before the rain ended Halloween night). You were a little bit obsessed with the Brobee hat - wearing it all weekend before Halloween. But, then again, that's not surprising... you ADORE your Yo Gabba Gabba friends! You even sleep with a Brobee doll most nights.

-Sleep... that's another topic. I don't like to EVER write about what a good sleeper you are, but in the past several months, you really have been. You love your pacis, your lovey, your Brobee, your stuffed kitty, your blanket, your sleep sack, and the routines we have in place - "wash my pacis" (demanding I rinse all three pacis before you to sleep), "rock me," "water please" especially if you didn't get any after brushing your teeth, "can we sing?" and if I sing a song you don't want, "Nope; not that one."

-You now want to say goodbye to everyone in your class and get upset if you didn't get to say "Bye Zolly!" or "Bye Asher!" You run and chase them at school and want to read books with them. One of my favorite things I hear is your friends calling you, "Knoxy! Knoxy!" This simple but loving nickname is heard throughout the classroom as your friends and teachers want your attention or want you to join them or hand you something, etc. I love how loved you are by all those who know you!

-Every girl you see is "sister"... pronounced "sistuh." I think this is awesome given you don't have one and aren't getting one - but you will point to a girl and say something like, "That sister is playing over there," or "That sister is in my way!" or at the gym play area you'll say, "I was playing with the sister." I will correct you and say, "Oh, that girl?" and you will agree, "Yeah, that sister." Even older girls - women - are sisters.

-You've had your first official swim lesson at Montgomery last week. You did GREAT! No tears, and you were excited to finally have YOUR turn to swim.

-Some of my favorite things you say are: "volerume," (as in "turn up the volerume," probably because you say it like you're going to say "Valerie" first - your teacher's name), "dinosoy," "roy" (as in "roar!") "fustated," "wittle" (little), "it's not fair, mommy!" "Bridge up/Bridge down!" (when you raise your bottom up/down for a diaper change), "Mommy, something startled me!" and "Wanna see my cool trick?!"

-You had your first public singing performance of the school year today for the annual Thanksgiving show. You did better than the last few shows of your toddler class year, but you still suffer from stage fright! You do not like being up there with everyone staring at you. Poor boy, you get that from Mommy, and it breaks my heart to see you so uncomfortable up there. :(

-I still absolutely love our one-on-one days we have together this school year. Just last week, we went to Play Street just the two of us and then had the best lunch at Souper Salad where you ate and ate and ate so nicely. "Tell me a story, Mommy," you asked in the middle of our lunch. "Tell me the story of Goldilocks." And when I started telling you, you began taking over for me. You have such a great imagination and a phenomenal memory.

-We have no idea who this is or what this is, but you talk about someone named "Phono" and you crack us up when we drive down the street and you will point to a random house and say, "Phono lives there." The next house comes, and you'll say, "Phono lives THERE!"

-Things you love: My Gym, going to the gym with mommy/daddy, kolaches, Danimals, candy, Sukkot dinners, pizza, dancing. watching YouTube on my phone, jumping off high places, anything Gabba related, Damon, Zolly, Asher, Hayla, going to Grandma's house, BeeBee, being with Mommy, when Daddy lets you watch a DVD in his car, wearing your rain boots, Chuck E. Cheese's, baths, pretzels, wearing a mask or a superhero cape or dressing up like any superhero, your pacis.

Knox Morgan, you are such a delight to live with! You are one special, verbal, active, sweet little nugget, and I just adore how perfectly you are growing up. You have mixed feelings about getting older, as do I - but I can tell you want to keep up with your big brothers and enjoy the privileges that come with not being a "baby" anymore. You're a good listener, a quick learner, and a fun friend. I love watching you with your school friends at Tot Shabbat or at events like today after the Thanksgiving feast when you were running all over the social hall with your buddies. I love how snuggly you are first thing in the morning and how perfectly you fit in my arms. My favorite time of day with you is rocking you at night before bedtime, singing with you and cuddling just the two of us.

Let's both just promise to enjoy the next 3 months of your 2-year-old year. Threenager-hood is just around the corner, and we will navigate that together beautifully I'm sure (at least I'm hopeful!), but while you are still my not-in-the-least-bit-terrible two year old, I'm going to savor every moment... even the hard ones.

I love you, Baby Love!
Happy three-quarter birthday!
Love,
Mommy

P.S. I wanted to add this a few days after posting... today we had your parent/teacher conference, and Ms. Valerie and Ms. Hani told us a couple of poignant things. One was that you are like the "police office" of the classroom - helping monitor the rules and making sure others are obeying them (not in a negative/tattletale way, but in a helpful way). They talked about what a bright, smart boy you are, how you give them great hugs, how they are full of love for you and will have such a hard time letting you go to new teachers next year when they will have been your teachers for more than half your life by then, and how you've mastered all the objectives they've had for your age group. Not one item went unchecked by them. But most important to me, was that Ms. Valerie said in the Thanksgiving song your class sang, she specifically wanted you to sing the first line, "Thank you for the sun so bright," because you do just that: "He lights up the room. He is such a bright light." Oh, my heart, she is so right!

You randomly said, "I need to call my Bubbie," at Play Street.

 At our fun lunch date last week:

Taken at school - right before the Thanksgiving song. There you are being the helper "police officer!"

Trumped

Dear Banner, Quinn, and Knox,
The world is changing, and it's a volatile place. I try my best to shelter you from the stress the world is feeling right now, but I also want to document how I'm feeling about the country we live in at this tumultuous time so you can later look back and get my (and Daddy's) perspective about this time of great change. Each of you was born when Barack Obama was President. Our 44th President of the United States was the first Black person to lead our nation. I remember the night he was elected and how much pride I felt that our country elected someone who looked different that the previous presidents. I remember feeling such love and such hope. I'm not the most political person, but I do have strong opinions and beliefs that often shape how I raise you all. The longer Daddy and I are together, the more we seem to agree on a lot of issues, which makes it easy to raise you to feel the same way. We believe in acceptance of all people. We celebrate differences and respect our friends and family who aren't exactly like us. We empathize with those who struggle more and are well aware of the privileges we have that others don't simply because of our skin color, our able bodies, our sexual orientation, our gender identities, our economic status, and our education level. So, even if we don't face the kind of discrimination others do, we stand up for those who do and want to see everyone treated equally.

The 2016 election and campaigns leading up to it were grueling for those of us following the drama. When it came time to vote, it was both very simple and very complicated all wrapped into one. Both major party candidates were horrible choices. So, it was hard to even know if we SHOULD vote. But, if I had to pick a person to run our country, it was easy to pick the one with the most experience who would represent our country well and not run us into the ground. While there was controversy and conspiracy seemingly tainting Hillary Clinton's reputation, there was no proof that she had done anything wrong really. Her background and stance on so many issues made it easy to vote for her - the first woman presidential candidate to represent a major political party. Daddy and I agreed we couldn't believe anyone would vote for her opponent, Donald Trump, and felt confident that she would be a better leader. We were sure Hillary Clinton would be the 45th President. You guys were too (well, Knox was too little to talk or know what was going on, but Banner and Quinn were plugging for "the lady" because she "seemed nicer and the man wasn't nice.") We were certain we'd wake you up on November 9th with great news that President Hillary Clinton would take office in a couple short months.

Much to our devastation, we were wrong - as were most Americans across the nation. Polls had predicted a Clinton win, but they were very wrong. Driving to work the morning after the election was the saddest drive. The country felt different. I was in a state of shock and mourning, along with many of my co-workers. It was a sad day for so many people, while others were celebrating a feeling that they had finally been heard, that they were not "invisible" anymore, that their candidate won much to everyone's shock. What bothered me more than the Trump victory was the feeling that I didn't know my fellow countrymen and women, that I was in the minority believing that Trump was corrupt, prejudice, illogical, selfish, misogynistic, homophobic, anti-Semitic, that his ideas were scary and completely out-of-touch with the current times we live in. I felt betrayed by Americans who supported Trump because we really hadn't heard his plans, he was not forthcoming with the people, he was a threat to what I believed in and the world I had been raised in.

I felt somewhat better later learning that the popular vote went to Hillary Clinton, and Trump only won the electoral vote. The way the President is elected is done by a mathematical equation that doesn't always align with the way the majority of the citizens vote. Crazy. I know. But, in some alternate universe, it's supposed to make sense. (!) But, the weeks that followed proved that I was right to be afraid of the President-elect. He was appointing despicable people to his Cabinet. He was using social media in a childish, immature ways and seemed to be so easily insulted whenever anyone spoke ill of him.

As time passed and his Inauguration took place, even more negative news filled our daily lives. First of all, his Inauguration speech was laced with rhetoric that painted the current America with a dark brush and did nothing but repeat his typical campaign speeches. He spoke of "American carnage" and how "America's infrastructure has fallen into despair and decay" and the "sad depletion of our military." He dragged the past presidents who sat directly behind him through the dirt and insulted the work they had done. In the next day and following week, while feuding with the media about the crowd size at his Inauguration, he signed executive order after executive order that enraged most people I know. While he seemed to be speaking for "the forgotten men and women," he was completely disregarding a great deal of those who never felt forgotten. Most of the people who support him are uneducated and seem to think that this evil man that they elected would actually CARE about them and make things better for them.

Throughout the next year and a half, Daddy and I would continue to feel consumed with the ongoing negative information that we kept hearing. From the early days of his presidency when he signed an immigration ban to the more recent days when he nominated and supported a Supreme Court Justice who seemed unfit for the job, we have seen people rise up and speak out, and we continue to feel inspired by the turn-out of protest after protest. We've seen women (and men) march on Washington the day after the Inauguration. The sheer numbers of these crowds lift me up. But, then there are the Trump supporters who keep bringing me right back down. I'd love to just tune it all out, and I do when you guys are around. But, I NEED to know that I'm in a safe place, that my children are in a safe place. And I'm not feeling that way right now.

What I teach in my job as a school counselor and what I teach my three beautiful babies is being destroyed. Acceptance, love, respect, empathy, listening, care... it's all being slowly taken away. This is NOT the American way, and if this country is going to continue in this direction, we are going to have to find a new country.

Yet, this is the country our ancestors came to in the hopes of a better life. We have to continue to fight for what is right. With an upcoming election - in just two days - I'm hopeful things will turn around. I'm hopeful our "ripe for civil war" nation will calm down and go back to being the great nation it once was. Interestingly, the only thing that would "Make America Great Again" (Trump's icky campaign slogan), would be if he weren't president anymore.

History has seen the outcome of a tyrant who alienates its people. We will not let this happen again. We will not let this happen here. It's because of these feelings that we took a high dive into the deep end and started working with our local Democratic party to DO something. Daddy ran for Congress, and although he didn't win, we met some amazing people along the way who share our values. We learned a whole lot about our area, about how to be political activists, about what everything means and how to get more involved. As we speak, neighbors from around our county are in and out of our home - picking up block walking lists, picking up literature to drop off at homes of those who haven't voted yet, grabbing phone bank lists to reach out to people who didn't participate in early voting, and running the numbers of analytical data to best know how to get people to vote in Tuesday's election.

Something big is happening, boys. Something scary and something big.

Like so many of my friends and family who seem to share the same sense of morality and worldview that I do, we can't understand others who feel that Trump is handling his job well. It's unnerving, unsettling, and frightening that there are actual people - even some family members -who support the president or feel that we should give him a chance. My philosophy is that he's lost his chance because he failed to ever earn it. Those same people feel that we (the people who feel and think similarly to Daddy and me) are overreacting and are being "sore losers." This is not so. I have every reason to want Trump to succeed. I very much wanted that - for you three. If we have a failing president, we have a failing country, and therefore, your futures are at stake. So, of course, I never wanted him to fail. But, every passing day when he makes choices for the citizens of the country - and even others around the world - I have a gutterul reaction and feel angry, outraged, and called to action.

I want you boys to grow up in a world where it's not okay to bully others who are different. I want you to know that words matter, actions matter. I want you to have a leader who is competent - and mentally stable. Mr. Trump is not a man to respect in any way. I never thought I'd have to tell my children not to respect the president, but he has made a mockery of the title and the office he holds. Those who support him - well, I won't go there - but I simply don't understand how anyone could think he is doing a good job or is admirable in any way, shape, or form. He lies, he says the news reporters are the enemy of the people, he makes up "alternative facts," he makes fun of others, he doesn't condemn or call out acts of discrimination, anti-Semitism, or racism, he has a fear of people from other countries, he thinks he is greater than everyone else, and most recently he calls himself a "nationalist" which lunatics hear as a call to action to harm and hurt others. I simply can't understand or wrap my head around the fact that so many people still stand behind him simply because they are unwavering on one particular issue while giving up on deeper values (like our Jewish friends who believe only Republicans support Israel aren't willing to change their votes... yet their support of this clown means sacrificing their core Jewish values where it counts at home). Those who support his agenda make me physically ill.

I know I've said a lot. But, I want to end this letter to you three by telling you how very proud I am of YOU guys! As Mommy and Daddy have stepped out of our comfort zone to do what we feel is right for our community and our country, we have often brought you along for the ride. You didn't have much choice in the matter, and we want you to know how much we appreciate that you didn't (okay... rarely) complain. You've gone with us to vote, you've block walked time and time again, you've gone to rallies and community parades and fairs and picnics, you've gone nights and nights and nights without Daddy and occasionally without both of us to tuck you in at night, you've gone on marches and walks and worn campaign shirts to school, you've had strangers-to-you in your house for campaign meetings, and you've helped put out and then gather road and yard signs. You've spent so many hours of your free time doing things that Daddy and I think are important when maybe you didn't. So for that I want to thank you for being troopers!We hope you understand that what we've done the past two years has been BECAUSE of you. We hope that you are learning from us how to step up, be loud, and stand for what you know is right.

We hope all of our - and your - hard work WON'T be "trumped" on Tuesday, but even if we don't win this election, we have moved the political pendulum quite a ways! Change IS coming, boys. I want you to remember to VOTE. I want you to remember you CAN make a difference. I want you to remember what it feels like to do the RIGHT thing.

I love you so very much,
Mommy