4 and a HALF: Quinn's Newsletter

Dear Quinn,

Happy half-birthday, My Love! I’m writing this letter to you from a cabin in the woods in Missouri. You’re sitting on the couch with Banner and Daddy, and I’m writing away on the computer at Big Cedar Lodge. We are taking a vacation from our everyday life and enjoying some time together after Daddy’s primary election for US Congress. While he is moving on to a run-off election in May, this break is a good time to just unwind, spend some down time together as a family, and just reconnect with each other after months of crazy schedules and being kinda all over the place. I just love my time with you. You’ve gotten to be a little feisty lately – tantrums and arguments and defiance. It seems you get this way every spring, just trying to assert yourself and what you want. Truly, if you look back at the past three springs, you seem to give your defiant side a little test drive. In the toddler class, it was the semester you went around saying, "I'm a bad guy!" and run way ahead of the class. In the two's class, it was trying out some new phrases or defying your teachers, like when Ms. Robin told you to stop singing "Oh My God, look at her butt! Oh my god, look at Alma's butt..." and asking one of the teachers if she was upset she didn't have a penis. This year, it's been being quite silly and loud with your group of 9 boys in your class. At home, you're definitely trying to keep up with Banner's big boy persona. 

You’re not afraid to dish it back out to Banner when he treats you horribly. You hit, punch, or kick back – which often leads you straight to time-out, but I’m also kind of proud of you for standing your ground and standing up for yourself. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to do – testing my limits, yelling at me for what you want, and getting pissed off when I don’t let you win the power struggle. Ultimately, you know why Mommy wins or why you aren’t getting your way, but you don’t go down without a fight.

Yet, underneath all this attitude and challenge you present when you want your way, you are one of the most caring, compassionate boys I've ever known. Your empathy for others, your thoughtfulness and generosity do not go unnoticed by so many people - especially me. The time that stands out to me the most is the night Banner was scared in his room. He had accidentally hit me with his knee, and I went out of the room to go get ice, and while he was scared without me there, you were by his side in his bed saying, "You have to be strong. Don't be scared. Just like the cave people, they were brave even when there was a dinosaur roaring at them. They had to be mighty, not like a mouse. They never gave up. Let's practice: 1. Don't be scared. 2. Be mighty. 3. Be strong. Mommy's counting on you. God's counting on us. And every Jewish is scared and crying, God is counting on them. He's counting on you right now. Do you want to hold my hand? Don't go get Mommy. Be strong. Be brave like me."  Later, when I told you how proud of you I was for being so kind and helpful to Banner, you said, "I know. I'm a kind person and nice to people. I'm brave too. I'm a counselor like you." Oh, my heart! You really are!

You often put yourself before others - giving Banner or Knox their share before you take yours, letting others have their way or their choice first. You use polite words, usually asking kindly and waiting patiently. In fact, there are times when you have asked me for something - like your morning milk, and I'll be busy with something else but have told you I'll get it in just a minute... when many minutes pass and you are patiently waiting and remind me when I ask you what you need: "Remember? I asked you for my milk." Oh yes! Of course! And there are times when you are quietly finishing your breakfast or using the restroom or getting yourself dressed or looking at a book, when your big brother and little brother are demanding my attention. I'll peek off at you - and there you are just doing your thing, not needing a thing and taking responsibility for whatever you need.

You are joyful most of the time - loving school and being with your friends. In fact, you were upset on Friday when you couldn't go to school to celebrate Ms. Danielle's birthday with her... instead we were leaving for our trip. So, of course you got dramatic and upset, because when you're not joyful, you are in despair - throwing your head back and cringing your face. "Now I'll never get a piece of her birthday cake!" When I try to reassure you, you come up with some reason why it's the end of the world. Like, "But it's your half birthday, and we can get a piece of cake to celebrate YOU!" your response is, "But they don't even HAVE CAKE IN MISSOURI!" with giant tears in your eyes and anguish written all over your face. You can also lose it completely and throw yourself onto the ground - like you did last week when Daddy went into your room to pick out your clothes, you just threw your longer-by-the-day body on the hallway carpet and said, "BUT I WANTED TO DO IT!!" as you sobbed into the floor. Luckily, you easily respond to a hug and talking it through. You just often feel that the end of the world has come and are quick to cry about whatever is slightly bothering you. 

The other day while flying kites on our trip here at Big Cedar, you were frustrated that your kite wasn't flying as well as Banner was getting his to fly. You demanded he was cheating and it wasn't fair. I think you believed he was flaunting it (which he may have been), and when his kite came down, you stormed over to it and began trying to destroy it. Banner got angry at you, of course, and then he started pushing you. So, we ended our trip and as you got in the car to head back to our cabin, you wailed, "THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE!" 

You crack me up - even when you are pissed and frustrated. Your feelings are worn so clearly all over your face and your body. You are the epitome of anger when you are in a rage - with fists tight and red face with clenched teeth before you pounce on whoever you are pissed at. We have been working a lot on "box breathing" and long breaths in and out. Those help you a lot and you use them VERY nicely. You are a counselor's dream!! Often taking advice and suggestions to help yourself calm down Because you really do want to do better, feel better, know better. 

I am so proud of you, Quinn, for all you are doing! You are quite the fast soccer player - calling yourself Flash as you run down the field as quickly as you can. You are a bit afraid of the ball and afraid to get in the game as much as I know you really want to, but you are not afraid to hustle down the field faster than most of the other players. You are a strong swimmer! More and more you have control of the water and knowing how to maneuver your body through it. You take direction from your teachers at Montgomery very nicely and are encouraged when you get your ribbons for meeting new skills. You know you are a smart boy with creative ideas! You love learning Hebrew and thrive with the vocabulary you learn. You are learning to read and get upset when we run out of time to practice. You have grown so much as a reader in the past several weeks - reading through Dick and Jane books and getting faster and more confident in your skills. You are enjoying writing your letters and have begun understanding math concepts more and more, too. You want me to quiz you on math facts like I do Banner, although you don't quite get everything he does at this point. Oh, and you have the most thoughtful questions - often times in the middle of the night. In fact, here is a sampling of some of your questions and comments you will get out of bed to come address after midnight: "Do boys have to marry girls?" "Are jelly beans real candy?" "I had a talk with God. We talked about fish."

You LOVE mazes, sticker books, and screen time. You aren't a big eater - still wanting to like sweets more than you really do. But when you love something - you take your time eating it. You love your morning milk - and anytime you can ask for more you will throughout the day. You hate to have your toenails clipped, but if it means you get to have them painted afterward, you are more than okay with the pedicure. It's not unusual for you to have your fingers and toenails painted - or at least bits of polish left several weeks later because you won't let me take it off. You still love cuddles. You like our Friday Family Film Fests, you hate to have your hair combed - but if you do let me do it, you have to see a "wave" (curls) to like it, and you still claim you want to be a jokester when you grow up. You make up your own jokes - and they are rarely funny - but you deliver them with pizzazz! You do have a great memory for the jokes you've learned from others or joke books, and those ARE really funny, but I don't think you really "get" them! You love to cook. You won't let me leave the room for the night without singing L'chi Lach. You often mispronounce words, and when I correct you - you laugh it off and tell me that you want to say it how you want to say it - but you secretly like to know the real way to say a word. For instance, you say "ak least" instead of "at least," "lemolade" instead of "lemonade," and all of favorite: "Chifilay!" instead of "Chick-fil-A." You still have the most adorable inability to say your /r/'s - but they are progressing. "Car" is no longer "Cah-ee" - but it's now "Cahh." Your brother is still "Bannah," and you are still "Quinn Wedding!" Oh, I just want to scoop you up and gobble up that cuteness. My little squish!!

So much of you at four is everything I want to bottle up and capture - knowing that all too soon I'll forget the sound of your 4-year-old self, the feel of your baby-soft pudge you still wear on your hands, and the feel of your whole body laying across my lap. You are one sweet little boy, in so many ways. Your bright blue eyes just light up and pull anyone around you right in to your gorgeous face. Your silly expressions and matter-of-factness is too much sometimes. You overuse the word "actually" and it's awesome. You adore your time with your cousins - specifically Nami and Levi and had a BLAST with them during winter break's Camp Gan Izzy. You are so okay with being stereotypical "all boy" one minute (fighting with swords, pretending to be a Ninja Turtle or Flash, aggressively tackling Banner or chasing Knox) and then a "girly" boy - wanting to put my eye-shadow on in the mornings while I'm getting ready for work or sporting your apron to cook up something in your Easy Bake Oven with your pink mixer or wanting to choose a nail polish color pattern or wanting to be a Mommy one day. I love that you know what you want and embrace who you are. I hope that never changes! (In fact, I hate even writing any of that out to draw any attention to stereotypes, but it helps to explain all the various things you are in to and how much I love you for NOT having the idea that you can't be whatever or whoever you want.) 

Oh, my Quinn Redding! We are middle children, you and me. We don't want to hurt others' feelings. We are often overshadowed by our big and little siblings. We often want to be the peacemakers, we can snap easily when we are tired of being patient, and we don't want to be the center of attention until we are ready - and then we really want to be the center of attention! I never felt any "middle kid syndrome," but I'm very aware of how difficult it is to parent a middle child now. It's hard to make sure we aren't giving your brothers too much attention and overlooking the meat in this sibling sandwich. You are so self-sufficient at such an early age, and your language skills have always been so far ahead of any kid your age! It's hard to remember just how little you still are. You so want to be your big brother's peer, and you often get lumped in with Banner - allowed to do things he was never able to do at 4. Yet, you love when you can go to story time with Knox, or enjoy a My Gym class with him. It's hard to be the middle kid - not really ever knowing if you're a big kid or a little kid. But I want you to know you don't have to pick. You just be you. You are SO good at that. And no one ever could be you. You are the only one in this universe just perfect for the job! 

Months ago you said to me one night, "Why do you always tell me you love me? I already know. You don't need to tell people over and over again! Mothers love their sons, and the sons know, okay!?" My response was and will remain: I will never stop telling you how much I love you. It is my right, my privilege, and my honor to be able to tell you that as many times as I possibly can! So, here goes another time: I love you more than I could ever possibly tell you!

Happy half-birthday, my four-and-a-half-year-old Quinny Quinn!
Love,
Mommy

Your typical face of anguish when you irrationally freak out about something. This is four. I think you were upset that Banner was faster than you getting downstairs - or that "They don't have cake in Missouri!" or "I wanted to go with Daddy to get the donuts!" who know!?!

But you quickly turned back into your joyful self!

Happy Half!

FLASHBACK through the last 6 months... some of my favorites:

Fishing on Zaide's boat

Mother/Son Dance

Yesterland Farm

You with your class Shabbat friend, Puppet

Great Wolf Lodge

Candlelight

Block Walking for Daddy's campaign

First thing in the morning - I was getting ready for work

Hanukkah

First ice skating 

Open House at your school

Women's March in Dallas

Giggles Galore at Bath Time!

Club FOUR year old!

Road Trip Tips

We are not big travelers in my family. I don't like to be far from a normal routine or from familiar places with young kids, but as my boys have gotten older, I'm ready to start venturing out more and more if we are able. I've also learned that I'm more stressed out than I need to be when we go on trips, and my boys usually end up doing just fine. However, being well prepared with lots of activities and snacks definitely helps make the trip run more smoothly for everyone. So, before road trips (we've only taken Banner on a flight so far), I do a bit of research and have an arsenal of things to occupy my children's time. The fun starts as soon as the kids are in the car, so the more I have to offer, the better the trip will go. For all of you expert travelers, you probably know way more than I do, so please leave comments or ideas for me and others to learn from! NONE of these ideas are my own. I just do a lot of "Googling" a week before a trip and start getting ideas together based on what I know will work for my kids. I'll try to find the links to the sheets I used for this most recent trip, but if I can't find them, just do a Google search for the item and so many will come up.

We started our trip with a discussion of the Rules of the Road. My friend, Tobin, told me about how her family does this before each trip, and I liked it and borrowed it! More often than not, they forgot these rules, but once I reminded them - especially of the teamwork rule - they made better choices.  Another idea I used was reviewing a laminated map of where we were going. I made a front/back lamination so the boys could see the big picture and the zoomed in image of where we were traveling and how we would get there. This helped a lot with the "How much longer?!" and "Are we there, yet?!" questions. I showed them the U.S. map, where Texas is and where Missouri is, and then we flipped it over to see the route we were taking, and how we would go through Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and then finally end in south Missouri. They liked knowing where we were... "Are we in Arkansas yet?" or "Are we still in Oklahoma?" That also helped coming home!

Inside the binder is a list of a variety of activities... I tend to forget what I have once I'm actually in the moment! Each printed page is in a page protector, so the kids can write in dry erase on the pocket and not ruin the paper... and then I can reuse! Each kid has his own paper, too. I took this picture after I had already used the pipe cleaners --- I gave each boy 10 pipe cleaners to construct whatever they wanted with them. I kept them in a page protector, but they've been used now! :)

https://www.makeandtakes.com/wp-content/uploads/Road-Trip-Scavenger-Hunt-Make-and-Takes_color.pdf

Download this game for free here.

Link HERE for this Scavenger Hunt

On these dot pages, just get some garage sale dot stickers or even dot paint if you're feeling brave, and let them dot away on the actual paper.

Link HERE for these Alphabet Cards

And Link Here to this spring dot printable

Another great find was the Dollar Tree cookie sheets. Each boy had his own cookie sheet to hold the papers for him or do activities on. They're  small and magnetic and work great!  The Dollar Tree was awesome for the paddles, mini MagnaDoodles, bubbles, and some shower caddies to help organize all their loot and snacks/lunch. We also checked out some of the Playaway sets from the library - and just brought headphones for the bigs to use while Knox tried to nap. Dollar Tree also sells window clings - usually seasonal stuff - so I bought some St. Patrick's Day clings and let the boys decorate their back windows however they wanted.

(Magna doodles, shower caddy for each boy, dry erase paddles, and puzzle making)

I created some activity bags a LONG time ago but never really used them. They came in handy this trip! Velcro popsicle sticks, lacing cards, magnetic letters, and some little books Knox loved.

Good ole activity books are always a hit, as are simple coloring books and crayons.

And, of course, when all else fails, a good movie will definitely help calm everyone! I did some research on something like the Top 50 movies kids should see and great movies for young kids, and I got some great results. I used the local library to request these DVDs and had them hold them for me so I could just run in and out in literally 2 minutes with my stash a couple days after I requested them. I LOVE our library! These 10 movies kept us entertained during our trips there and back, and gave us two movie nights while away, too! We didn't get to three of them yet - but we still have a lot of spring break left!

That pretty much sums up our road trip activities. Oh, yes, and the Froot Loop necklaces, made with love by Mommy and Daddy, are always a hit if you wait as long as you can and give them at like the worst point on the road - when everyone is cranky and getting sick and tired of our tight quarters. 

Silly boy . . . but see the window clings in the back?

HAPPY, SAFE, & PEACEFUL TRAVELS! :)

(And don't forget to share your ideas, too!)

The Non-Voting Majority

The outcome of the 2016 presidential election was essentially won by what is now known as "the silent majority." I remember such a feeling of sadness and mourning on November 9, 2016, when we awoke to the nightmare that Donald Trump had won an election that, by all logical conclusions, should have been won by Hillary Clinton. She was a better candidate in so many ways. Not perfect, but exceptionally better. Never has there been a more qualified candidate than Hillary Clinton; never before has their been such a disgusting candidate as Donald Trump. So, how did this tragedy happen? How did Trump win an election that was against him on every level?

That is the question so many Americans are still asking themselves. Whether there was any collusion or meddling in the campaign or in the election doesn't really matter. The gut-wrenching feelings I had on the drive to work the morning after Election Day were real, are real, and they continue to linger. The feelings I had were of disappointment in fellow Americans. The feelings I had were of great disgust that anyone could have supported his candidacy at all. I knew people were, but a majority? I realize Clinton won the popular vote, so in essence, I'm right that MOST people who voted did vote for her. The electoral college is outdated and not helpful in this situation. Still, how did THAT many people vote for this clueless buffoon? How did THAT many people fall for his empty promises that only had HIS best interest at heart? Most everyone I knew was voting for Clinton, with a few exceptions I still can't wrap my brain around. I remember driving to work trying to find a news station on the radio to hear more about what people were thinking, because that day seemed so gray and dreary, so cold and surreal that surely the rest of the country was in mourning, right? Much to my frustration, the one station that wasn't currently taking a commercial break must have been a conservative station where callers, mostly white males, were reporting overwhelming joy and relief at Trump's win. They were touting the satisfaction that they were finally "being heard," they finally "had a voice." That voice that was being heard, in my strong opinion, was one of supremacy, hatred, xenophobia, ignorance, misogyny, intolerance, and quite frankly, stupidity. This is not the America I have lived in all my life. This was not the nation I wanted my children to grow up in and feel love toward.

Trump's victory is America's downfall, and that has been attributed to what has become known as "the silent majority." Well, this just down-right pisses me off. I don't believe that majority of our country shares Trump's philosophy, if you can even call his ridiculous rhetoric a "philosophy." (After all, he rarely makes a cohesive point, rarely uses a vocabulary greater than that of preschoolers, and contradicts himself on a near-daily basis.) I believe the votes for Trump were cast because he was a new face in politics, because he wasn't Hillary Clinton, because they couldn't bring themselves to vote for a woman, because he spoke to these people at their level.

But, I don't believe a silent majority voted for Trump. Instead, I believe a nonvoting majority let our country down. So, I'd like to talk about this major problem in society today. People have put their lives on the line to earn us the right to vote. People have marched, protested, starved, been beaten so that we can have a say in our government. Yet, too many people don't even exercise this right. I've learned that people really do have great opinions, they do want to see change, they do have awesome ideas. The problem is lack of motivation to get involved, laziness when it comes to getting out to vote, failure to engage and educate themselves on the candidates and the issues. Specifically, Democrats just don't get involved.

Early voting has begun, and while the Democratic turn-out in our area is significantly increased - a statistic that I am giddy about, we still turn out only half the voters that the Republicans do. Where are the people? What is so hard about taking 10 minutes to run in to the local library to cast a ballot that will take like 30 seconds to complete? Are we really asking too much of people? Are 12 days to vote not enough opportunities? I realize that polls close by 7:00pm, but geez... 7:00pm!! (And open on weekends too!) I realize you have kids. Take them with you! I realize you gotta get home and get dinner on the table and the kids have soccer practice and need baths and have homework and don't feel well. Plan around it! I know it's raining. Take a freakin' umbrella; you won't melt. If I can do it, you can too!

The silent majority didn't elect Trump, the non-voting majority did. If you didn't vote, I blame you for our current state of affairs. I get being undecided. I don't get being apathetic. I know what I'm writing could be offensive to some. I apologize if you don't like what I'm saying. I hope it will motivate you to GO VOTE. But, it won't. You'll just sit back and let others take charge of your rights, change the America you know and love into something unrecognizable, and enrage you to want to vote in the next election - which you will avoid when it really comes down to it. You'll get too busy or too lazy or too uninformed.

Did you know that Republicans are banking on Dems to not show up? Did you know that Texas has its gubernatorial election on off years, when there is not a presidential race, BECAUSE they depend on a lower voter turnout? It's a smart move to keep Republicans in office. They know that Democrats won't bother to show up. This is a huge problem! I've come to see that motivating Democrats to go to the polls is like trying to cheer on an obese sloth with ADHD as he attempts the Boston marathon while walking backward in molasses. COME ON, Dems! We know you're out there! Stop thinking about it, and just go VOTE already! (And, don't vote in the Republican primary JUST to vote against an incumbent or unattractive candidate. Smart tactic, but it rarely pays off, and now you've identified yourself as a Republican.)

The non-voting majority is okay with the status quo. You think someone else will take care of the problems. You don't really face the problems, anyway... at least that's what you tell yourself. You're white, you're well-off with a car and a roof over your head and plenty of food on your table. Your kids go to a decent school, you know how to advocate for your kids, and have means to access whatever they need. You have access to healthcare, and you even go to the most expensive doctors in the area because you would settle for nothing less for your family (nor should you). You have no major student loan debt since your parents were able to pay your college tuition. You are heterosexual, able-bodied, cisgendered citizens who were born in this country. So, you feel that you don't really NEED to go vote. After all, it's such an inconvenience, just like volunteering to help campaign with your good friend who is running for office. (Not to mention, you are really sick and tired of my political posts and just can't wait for the damn election to be over already.)

I hope I'm wrong. I hope you'll get involved. I hope you'll realize that your vote is a chance to speak up and speak out - whether the vote directly helps you or not. Perhaps your vote will help elect officials who care about others, who listen to the people, who want equality and justice for everyone. Perhaps your vote will make our schools safer, make immigrants feel more welcome, help families stay together, allow women to make their own choices for their bodies, and ensure quality affordable healthcare for every man, woman, and child. Perhaps your vote will put people in office who want to help parents take care of their children, assist others with paying off student loan debt so money can more readily flow into the economy, or ensure protection and freedom for everyone no matter how they identify themselves. Your vote may speak for Mother Nature and conserving our environment. Perhaps you can be a voice for those who can't afford to get to the polls or are too intimidated to do so. Most importantly, your vote could be the one that determines whether or not respect and acceptance are restored in the moral fabric of this country I so desperately would like my children to see united once again.

I hope you'll explore your options. You google your recent medical symptoms, but not your local candidates. Change that. Call your local political party office and find out more; look up voter guides in your area. Look for road and yard signs when you're out and about, then go home and look them up! Find out who will be on the ballot, and even if someone is running unopposed, VOTE for them. Find out what propositions will be on the ballot and decide what you'll support or not. Make a plan to vote. Take a friend with you. Congratulate yourself on participating in democracy and not being part of the non-voting majority.  Let's make that majority disappear! You DO have a voice. A collective voice that, when utilized, speaks volumes and cannot and will not be silenced.