Journey to the Knot: 4 and a HALF: Quinn's Newsletter

Dear Quinn,

Happy half-birthday, My Love! I’m writing this letter to you from a cabin in the woods in Missouri. You’re sitting on the couch with Banner and Daddy, and I’m writing away on the computer at Big Cedar Lodge. We are taking a vacation from our everyday life and enjoying some time together after Daddy’s primary election for US Congress. While he is moving on to a run-off election in May, this break is a good time to just unwind, spend some down time together as a family, and just reconnect with each other after months of crazy schedules and being kinda all over the place. I just love my time with you. You’ve gotten to be a little feisty lately – tantrums and arguments and defiance. It seems you get this way every spring, just trying to assert yourself and what you want. Truly, if you look back at the past three springs, you seem to give your defiant side a little test drive. In the toddler class, it was the semester you went around saying, "I'm a bad guy!" and run way ahead of the class. In the two's class, it was trying out some new phrases or defying your teachers, like when Ms. Robin told you to stop singing "Oh My God, look at her butt! Oh my god, look at Alma's butt..." and asking one of the teachers if she was upset she didn't have a penis. This year, it's been being quite silly and loud with your group of 9 boys in your class. At home, you're definitely trying to keep up with Banner's big boy persona.

You’re not afraid to dish it back out to Banner when he treats you horribly. You hit, punch, or kick back – which often leads you straight to time-out, but I’m also kind of proud of you for standing your ground and standing up for yourself. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to do – testing my limits, yelling at me for what you want, and getting pissed off when I don’t let you win the power struggle. Ultimately, you know why Mommy wins or why you aren’t getting your way, but you don’t go down without a fight.

Yet, underneath all this attitude and challenge you present when you want your way, you are one of the most caring, compassionate boys I've ever known. Your empathy for others, your thoughtfulness and generosity do not go unnoticed by so many people - especially me. The time that stands out to me the most is the night Banner was scared in his room. He had accidentally hit me with his knee, and I went out of the room to go get ice, and while he was scared without me there, you were by his side in his bed saying, "You have to be strong. Don't be scared. Just like the cave people, they were brave even when there was a dinosaur roaring at them. They had to be mighty, not like a mouse. They never gave up. Let's practice: 1. Don't be scared. 2. Be mighty. 3. Be strong. Mommy's counting on you. God's counting on us. And every Jewish is scared and crying, God is counting on them. He's counting on you right now. Do you want to hold my hand? Don't go get Mommy. Be strong. Be brave like me." Later, when I told you how proud of you I was for being so kind and helpful to Banner, you said, "I know. I'm a kind person and nice to people. I'm brave too. I'm a counselor like you." Oh, my heart! You really are!

You often put yourself before others - giving Banner or Knox their share before you take yours, letting others have their way or their choice first. You use polite words, usually asking kindly and waiting patiently. In fact, there are times when you have asked me for something - like your morning milk, and I'll be busy with something else but have told you I'll get it in just a minute... when many minutes pass and you are patiently waiting and remind me when I ask you what you need: "Remember? I asked you for my milk." Oh yes! Of course! And there are times when you are quietly finishing your breakfast or using the restroom or getting yourself dressed or looking at a book, when your big brother and little brother are demanding my attention. I'll peek off at you - and there you are just doing your thing, not needing a thing and taking responsibility for whatever you need.

You are joyful most of the time - loving school and being with your friends. In fact, you were upset on Friday when you couldn't go to school to celebrate Ms. Danielle's birthday with her... instead we were leaving for our trip. So, of course you got dramatic and upset, because when you're not joyful, you are in despair - throwing your head back and cringing your face. "Now I'll never get a piece of her birthday cake!" When I try to reassure you, you come up with some reason why it's the end of the world. Like, "But it's your half birthday, and we can get a piece of cake to celebrate YOU!" your response is, "But they don't even HAVE CAKE IN MISSOURI!" with giant tears in your eyes and anguish written all over your face. You can also lose it completely and throw yourself onto the ground - like you did last week when Daddy went into your room to pick out your clothes, you just threw your longer-by-the-day body on the hallway carpet and said, "BUT I WANTED TO DO IT!!" as you sobbed into the floor. Luckily, you easily respond to a hug and talking it through. You just often feel that the end of the world has come and are quick to cry about whatever is slightly bothering you.

The other day while flying kites on our trip here at Big Cedar, you were frustrated that your kite wasn't flying as well as Banner was getting his to fly. You demanded he was cheating and it wasn't fair. I think you believed he was flaunting it (which he may have been), and when his kite came down, you stormed over to it and began trying to destroy it. Banner got angry at you, of course, and then he started pushing you. So, we ended our trip and as you got in the car to head back to our cabin, you wailed, "THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE!"

You crack me up - even when you are pissed and frustrated. Your feelings are worn so clearly all over your face and your body. You are the epitome of anger when you are in a rage - with fists tight and red face with clenched teeth before you pounce on whoever you are pissed at. We have been working a lot on "box breathing" and long breaths in and out. Those help you a lot and you use them VERY nicely. You are a counselor's dream!! Often taking advice and suggestions to help yourself calm down Because you really do want to do better, feel better, know better.

I am so proud of you, Quinn, for all you are doing! You are quite the fast soccer player - calling yourself Flash as you run down the field as quickly as you can. You are a bit afraid of the ball and afraid to get in the game as much as I know you really want to, but you are not afraid to hustle down the field faster than most of the other players. You are a strong swimmer! More and more you have control of the water and knowing how to maneuver your body through it. You take direction from your teachers at Montgomery very nicely and are encouraged when you get your ribbons for meeting new skills. You know you are a smart boy with creative ideas! You love learning Hebrew and thrive with the vocabulary you learn. You are learning to read and get upset when we run out of time to practice. You have grown so much as a reader in the past several weeks - reading through Dick and Jane books and getting faster and more confident in your skills. You are enjoying writing your letters and have begun understanding math concepts more and more, too. You want me to quiz you on math facts like I do Banner, although you don't quite get everything he does at this point. Oh, and you have the most thoughtful questions - often times in the middle of the night. In fact, here is a sampling of some of your questions and comments you will get out of bed to come address after midnight: "Do boys have to marry girls?" "Are jelly beans real candy?" "I had a talk with God. We talked about fish."

You LOVE mazes, sticker books, and screen time. You aren't a big eater - still wanting to like sweets more than you really do. But when you love something - you take your time eating it. You love your morning milk - and anytime you can ask for more you will throughout the day. You hate to have your toenails clipped, but if it means you get to have them painted afterward, you are more than okay with the pedicure. It's not unusual for you to have your fingers and toenails painted - or at least bits of polish left several weeks later because you won't let me take it off. You still love cuddles. You like our Friday Family Film Fests, you hate to have your hair combed - but if you do let me do it, you have to see a "wave" (curls) to like it, and you still claim you want to be a jokester when you grow up. You make up your own jokes - and they are rarely funny - but you deliver them with pizzazz! You do have a great memory for the jokes you've learned from others or joke books, and those ARE really funny, but I don't think you really "get" them! You love to cook. You won't let me leave the room for the night without singing L'chi Lach. You often mispronounce words, and when I correct you - you laugh it off and tell me that you want to say it how you want to say it - but you secretly like to know the real way to say a word. For instance, you say "ak least" instead of "at least," "lemolade" instead of "lemonade," and all of favorite: "Chifilay!" instead of "Chick-fil-A." You still have the most adorable inability to say your /r/'s - but they are progressing. "Car" is no longer "Cah-ee" - but it's now "Cahh." Your brother is still "Bannah," and you are still "Quinn Wedding!" Oh, I just want to scoop you up and gobble up that cuteness. My little squish!!

So much of you at four is everything I want to bottle up and capture - knowing that all too soon I'll forget the sound of your 4-year-old self, the feel of your baby-soft pudge you still wear on your hands, and the feel of your whole body laying across my lap. You are one sweet little boy, in so many ways. Your bright blue eyes just light up and pull anyone around you right in to your gorgeous face. Your silly expressions and matter-of-factness is too much sometimes. You overuse the word "actually" and it's awesome. You adore your time with your cousins - specifically Nami and Levi and had a BLAST with them during winter break's Camp Gan Izzy. You are so okay with being stereotypical "all boy" one minute (fighting with swords, pretending to be a Ninja Turtle or Flash, aggressively tackling Banner or chasing Knox) and then a "girly" boy - wanting to put my eye-shadow on in the mornings while I'm getting ready for work or sporting your apron to cook up something in your Easy Bake Oven with your pink mixer or wanting to choose a nail polish color pattern or wanting to be a Mommy one day. I love that you know what you want and embrace who you are. I hope that never changes! (In fact, I hate even writing any of that out to draw any attention to stereotypes, but it helps to explain all the various things you are in to and how much I love you for NOT having the idea that you can't be whatever or whoever you want.)

Oh, my Quinn Redding! We are middle children, you and me. We don't want to hurt others' feelings. We are often overshadowed by our big and little siblings. We often want to be the peacemakers, we can snap easily when we are tired of being patient, and we don't want to be the center of attention until we are ready - and then we really want to be the center of attention! I never felt any "middle kid syndrome," but I'm very aware of how difficult it is to parent a middle child now. It's hard to make sure we aren't giving your brothers too much attention and overlooking the meat in this sibling sandwich. You are so self-sufficient at such an early age, and your language skills have always been so far ahead of any kid your age! It's hard to remember just how little you still are. You so want to be your big brother's peer, and you often get lumped in with Banner - allowed to do things he was never able to do at 4. Yet, you love when you can go to story time with Knox, or enjoy a My Gym class with him. It's hard to be the middle kid - not really ever knowing if you're a big kid or a little kid. But I want you to know you don't have to pick. You just be you. You are SO good at that. And no one ever could be you. You are the only one in this universe just perfect for the job!

Months ago you said to me one night, "Why do you always tell me you love me? I already know. You don't need to tell people over and over again! Mothers love their sons, and the sons know, okay!?" My response was and will remain: I will never stop telling you how much I love you. It is my right, my privilege, and my honor to be able to tell you that as many times as I possibly can! So, here goes another time: I love you more than I could ever possibly tell you!

Happy half-birthday, my four-and-a-half-year-old Quinny Quinn!
Love,
Mommy

Your typical face of anguish when you irrationally freak out about something. This is four. I think you were upset that Banner was faster than you getting downstairs - or that "They don't have cake in Missouri!" or "I wanted to go with Daddy to get the donuts!" who know!?!