Journey to the Knot: Tradition! Tradition!

When Sam and I met with the rabbi for our pre-marital counseling sessions, the rabbi made a comment that has stuck with me: "Building a family is an opportunity to create what we want." I love this way of looking at the family unit. Traditions help build a family foundation and connection. When my kids are grown, I want them to have fond, positive memories of their childhood. I want them to remember having fun together, to remember feeling loved and safe, and to remember exciting times they looked forward to. I want them to pass traditions on to their children while also feeling free to create new ones. Our family traditions are deliberately thought out. Sometimes we start traditions and wish we hadn't because they are time consuming or require a lot of effort but push forward nonetheless. Sometimes we start something and realize we hit the nail on the head! Sometimes we try something and then decide never to do that again. No matter what, though, I thoroughly enjoy the opportunity to create - not just the tradition but our family.

After listening to the "Traditions" episode of the In the Arena podcast, I made a list of our family traditions as of 2023:

Birthdays

First birthdays - While my kids won't really remember this, it's one of those things we did for each of the boys' first birthdays. Of course we did the traditional smash cake, but we also made a video montage documenting their first year. Also, around this time, Grandma bought the boys' first pair of shoes. I loved that she did this with each of them.

Chair photos - When Banner was one-month-old I took his photo in a couple of different places. Eventually, the one that "stuck" was the beige recliner, and we took photos each month from then on. For a while we took half-birthday photos, but now, we just do once a year.
Blog books - every 5 years, I publish the letters I've written to the birthday boy in a blog book. These include the annual letters I write to them on their birthdays. Their 5-year-old books were THICK! I used to write every month for the first two years of their lives. There were lots of photos, too! I think one of the things that drives this tradition is wanting to capture time and save it for them.

Birthday balloons in bed - this started on Banner's first birthday, bringing balloons into his crib for him to play with. Twelve years later, he still wants balloons, even though Sam has an irrational fear of them. With each birthday, the balloons end up rolling around the house for a couple weeks - which is why Sam wishes we had never started this one!

Donuts and Kolaches - everyone's favorite birthday (and half-birthday) breakfast!

"I Believe" - In high school, this was a thing. So were "walk-down" papers we made for BBYO. In the I Believe, the roasts, or the papers, friends wrote about inside jokes or funny stories. I totally forgot about it until Banner was about to be 3-years-old. I wanted to capture everything I could from that year he was 2, so I wrote an "I Believe" and put a watermarked "2" behind the words. It was my way of saying goodbye to 2, to remembering the things that made up the year he was 2. Then, I did one for Quinn when he turned 1 (with a big "0" watermark). And, a tradition was born! As the boys have gotten older, they look forward to me reading their "I Believe" to the whole family on the night before their birthday. It's a good way to get closure as we say goodbye to that year. Then, it goes in a frame with the previous years' printouts.

Holidays

Hanukkah themed gifts - This one started as a way to streamline Hanukkah and make it easier for me to come up with gift ideas. Each night focuses on a certain value. In no particular order, our nights include: Brother Exchange (thinking of others), Gift of Giving (helping those in need), Choose Your Own (money management and choices), Coupon Night/"Couponukkah!" (mental health and treating yourself), Family Gift (we're a family unit), Party Night (gift of time with loved ones), "I've Always Wanted That Night" (delayed gratification), and Experience (not all gifts are tangible).

Sukkot themed dinners - too much to write, so instead of outlining it here, reread this post!

Heart attacks - On Valentine's Day, we tape hearts all over the kids' bedroom doors. Each heart says something we love about that boy.

Passover seder - Well, this one is a long-standing tradition. The extended family gets together, and seder is laced with traditions passed down from one generation to the next. From the orange on the seder plate to "hail" falling from the ceiling, the kids look forward to the expected - which can sometimes be the unexpected.

Anniversary videos - Our wedding anniversary has become a holiday in our family. What started as a 30 minute surprise for Sam on our first anniversary became a recurring event. Now the video has become more of a "movie" at over an hour in length, and we invite those closest to us to view it with us. The boys look forward to seeing what songs will be in there (songs that inevitably will bring us back in time when we hear those songs years from now), they love reflecting on the funny, silly, sweet moments of the year, and they love to have people over to celebrate with us. It's a huge undertaking, but it's so worth it!

Throughout the Year

Camp Mommy - Each year, I spend one week with each boy to do fun stuff just us. It all started with my need to get Banner out of the house when he was a toddler. Staying home all day was just not easy. It was actually easier to go at least one place each day, so I created a calendar of places we could go, and the summer days were so much more pleasant that way. Since then, I spend the latter part of the spring semester creating a plan for some one-on-one time with each one of my boys.

Co-sleep Sunday - I believe there's an evolutionary drive for kids to want to sleep with their parents. I don't blame my boys for constantly asking if they can sleep in our bed or if we will sleep in theirs. BUT, as their little bodies grow bigger and take up more space, and along with a dog who wants to also sleep in our bed, it's getting really crowded. So, we decided once a month we will give in and co-sleep. To put a stop to the arguing about who sleeps next to whom, we literally have a rotating schedule.

Friday Family Film Fest - Or, "Saturday Cinema." Either way, watching movies together at home is a family tradition where Mom/Dad picks the movie, we eat dinner together in front of the TV, and we make sure our kids know all the classics!

Ice cream after the first day of school - nothing gets kids talking about their day like something sweet!

First & last day school photos - who doesn't like to compare the first day of school anxious, eager, dapper boys to the disheveled, sloppy, excited look of the ones ready for summer?

Lost But Not Forgotten Traditions

Texas/OU Game
Arboretum Pumpkin Patch
My birthday dinner at Kobe Steaks
Race for the Cure
Well-check brunches

There are a few other traditions we might start soon, including No Rules Night a couple times a year. We never know what activities or events will turn into a "thing" in our house. It's kind of exciting to try out new things and just see what happens.We also love the traditions in our extended family. For instance, my kids look forward to the piñatas we will get to bust open at their cousins' birthday parties. The same is true for going to my aunt's house to watch fireworks on the roof on the Fourth of July, hanging at Zaide's house on Memorial Day or Labor Day, debating on whether or not to eat the black eyed peas on New Year's Day, going to Goff's on my dad's birthday, and taking family "tree pictures" and having photo shoots on Thanksgiving Day.