Journey to the Knot: Leaving Darion

We've lived at our new house for about 2 and a half months already! I've been meaning to publish this final post about our last few days and nights on Darion Lane, but time and life -- it just keeps going too quickly for me to settle for a minute to breathe and reflect. And, perhaps there is a part of me that keeps putting off the reality of saying goodbye to a home I loved so much. It's true I wanted to move for years! But, the timing was never right, or we were waiting for the market to be what we wanted, or the idea of having to "show" our house was exhausting. And, then suddenly, time fell into place and circumstances became perfect. We had certainly outgrown our cozy home, and with three boys who continue to acquire more things, take up more space, and want some elbow room, we knew it was time. The hail storm in March was a blessing in disguise; we were able to get a new roof, new gutters, paint some, etc, and it would (mostly) all be done in perfect time to list the house and get Banner situated before he started Kindergarten. It was "now or never," so to speak!

In addition, the more memories I made on Darion, the more connected I became, and the less likely I would be to ever move. I love that all three of my boys were brought home from the hospital there and spent those endless days and nights of newbornhood in that quaint set-up. I love that I rocked all of those babies in the same nursery. I love the memories we all created, and that I have countless images in my head of my little ones so small in every room and space of that house. But, I'm also glad I still have a baby in my new house, that my boys are still in the thick of their youth with myriad of memories still to be made in a new home.

And, I LOVE our new house. I do. At first, I was tentative and reluctant to like it - especially when, upon closing and showing the boys their new home, we had an A/C leak that marked up the downstairs kitchen ceiling WHILE we were there - only hours after signing the papers! What a horrible welcome it was; but I've come to see it as the house's way of saying, "Whatcha gonna do about THIS?!" as a test of how committed we are to taking care of this new part of our family. Our home. Yet, it isn't home just yet. There are days when I long for my home only four minutes away. There are days I feel like I'm just visiting someone else's house, and I'm ready to go back to my own place. But, with time and updates and energy spent on fixing up this awesome house, I think we are settling in quite nicely, and one day, hopefully soon, it will feel like home.

So, as I go ahead and make this a formal goodbye, I want to reflect on our goodbye to our home:

Banner and Quinn had been counting down the days - for better or worse - til the move. We were packing endlessly, and eventually when it came down to the wire, random items were being tossed in unorganized boxes just to get the job done already! Our garage was full of boxes and furniture ready for movers. Our clothes were ready to be lifted off the closet rods and schlepped over to the new house with the help of several amazing friends.

Closing day, a Friday, went very well. Banner and Quinn were in camp, and Knox was with my mom, so Sam and I were able to go to closing all by ourselves. The bittersweetness of the whole meeting was the joy and pride I felt in selling my own home, the house I had bought all on my own while simultaneously fearing we were making a huge mistake. What if the new house was a dud? What if our happiest days are behind us in the only home we've ever known as a family?

Those feelings quickly went away as we got back home and tried to get ready to move (we had the weekend to complete the move and had to fully be out by Monday). We picked Banner up from camp and went to our new house to show the kids around. It was awesome. They loved it - the stairs were a favorite! They liked the big open rooms, seeing their bedrooms for the first time, having their own bathrooms, and being able to see Banner's school on the other side of our alley. Other than the A/C leaking (which I shouldn't down play; it was a HUGE problem for me and continued to be a problem as the dripping water that made a mess on the ceiling also wreaked havoc on the brand new carpet the following morning! I'm not sure I've cried like that in a long time!), things were great.

The move went very smoothly - even with high temps at the very end of July! I was a trooper in the heat I hate so much! :) The last night at the house was Saturday night. I measured the boys one last time in their nursery closet. We bathed the boys altogether in their bathtub. There were tears as I put Knox down to bed (actually at nap, too, earlier in the day). It would be the last night I put a baby to sleep in that room, in that house. I sat between Banner & Quinn's beds shortly after that, holding each of their hands in mine, wanting to soak in that moment forever. Both my big boys in the same room, in the room they learned to sleep in big boy beds, in the room they learned to be room mates in - room mates they may never have again. Sam and I weren't overly emotional that night really - - that would come later.

Sunday was moving day. It was chaotic but structured. It was fast but long! It came and went, and later that night after the kids were asleep at Grandma & Papa's house, Sam and I went back to clean up. I've never cleaned that house so well. Completely empty, it was easy to vacuum and sweep. And, I felt like I wanted every last bit of dust and dirt to be captured, like it was the last mitzvah I could do for this house, to let her shine the way I knew she could and had been wanting to since my kids were born! I remember vacuuming feeling like I couldn't clean enough. In each room, I reflected as the vacuum hummed loudly. I could recall the voices, the smiles, the laughter, the hugs, the hand prints, the tantrums, the love making, the stories told, the kisses, the tempers, the lengthy talks, the shows watched, the friends over, the mistakes, the arguments... the stories that lived in those rooms were ingrained in my head. I was sweating while I wiped down cabinets and counter tops, cleaned toilets and faucets... But I felt like I couldn't leave anything untouched.

On Monday, again, we picked Banner up from camp and went back to Darion to say our final goodbye. We prepared a letter for the new owner, arranged some colorful flowers for her and her boys, left a welcome gift for her (a mezuzah) and for her boys (an art project), and set out the keys, remotes, and manuals for the house and appliances. Then, we asked the boys to walk through the house with us to make sure we didn't leave anything. I wanted them to see that we had taken ALL of their things with us (at least so if we ever lost anything during the move, they wouldn't think we forgot it at Darion). We checked every last cabinet and closet. And then, I took a few pictures of them in their empty rooms. That's when I started to tear up a little. I walked in to my bedroom one last time, and the boys followed Sam and me. Sam and I hugged silently, and that's when Banner asked to take a picture of us in our room. And he did. Quinn wanted to know why I was crying, and he made silly faces to try to cheer me up. Sam and I were both teary, and we told the boys that we were going to miss that house, that we loved it there and that's where we became a family so it would be hard to leave.

Then, Banner and I walked Sam, Quinn, and Knox to the front door because his car was waiting out front, and we were going to lock ourselves out of the house. We stood in the entryway just hugging for a while. I could tell Sam was pretty emotional, and I knew exactly why. "Your mom?" He nodded. "She's with us. She knows where we're going," I reassured him. He nodded. We cried. And, with that, he walked away from the house.

Banner and I locked the door, and then Banner and I hugged in the den. In between the play room and the den, Banner teared up as we rocked. He said, "Mommy, I'm going to miss living here so much." I just held him and told him how I would too, but that we had a lot of new memories to make in our new house. And, just like a 5-year-old boy - he was over it pretty quickly! We were leaving the garage moments later for the last time. As I reversed into the alley, I could only feel that we were leaving something behind, like we had forgotten something. But, I knew we hadn't. It was just that we were leaving Darion.