My Little "Night Out"

About a month after Banner was born, Sam insisted that I get my cranky, tired butt out of the house shortly after dinner one night. I remember it very clearly. It was July 11... yes, 7/11, which is why I remember the date. I drove around in Sam's car (which is actually my "old" car), windows down, blaring music, and heading to . . . Target! Yes, a mother's heaven when you just need to get away. I headed to the baby aisle and skimmed through a few chapters of a sleep advice book, trying to decide it it was worth it to buy it (which it was) and whether I'd actually really read it once I got home (which I did). I then headed to 7-Eleven for a free Slurpee, my absolute favorite drink, and when I got there so late at night, they were no longer serving free slurpees - in fact, they were sold out of my favorite flavor. Disappointed and annoyed, I decided to continue to just take advantage of being baby-free in my car at night, rolled down the windows again, blared my music, sang my heart out, and drove. It brought me back to my high school days, and immediately I was in tears. I just cried and cried as I sang. I needed that. I needed that time to myself, that time to be just ME, to breathe and soak in my free space - the hot summer breeze blowing through my window, my hair tickling my face, my spirit lifted.

This is such a special memory for me. I love how Sam knew just what I needed. I love how I was able to reconnect with myself - by myself. I love how refreshing it was just to get out alone for about an hour. And, tonight, for the first time since Quinn was born, I had a very similar experience. It wasn't as powerful - mostly because I'm used to this feeling a little bit and I know how to better manage my time as a mom now - but it was amazing nonetheless! I basically just told Sam that I was going to be the one to run a couple quick errands after Banner went to sleep. I went to Babies R Us and Walgreens, and it was the nicest, calmest little outing. I had the funniest little thoughts going through my head as I drove and as I walked the aisles of the store: How annoying is it that Babies R Us coupons exclude practically everything in the store? We saw a coupon this evening for 10% off all feeding items... and the fine print excluded all food, snack, and drinks. I think it's hilarious. I thought about how calm and peaceful the stores are at night and how much nicer everyone is - drivers, store employees, other customers. I wondered if it was a good idea to spontaneously drive the four hours it would take to just show up at my best friend's door and ask her to hop in my car to sing our old favorite songs at the top of our lungs like we used to. I wondered if I should blog about all this. :)

I enjoyed the slow pace of the stores, the breeze of the now-fall air in my car (well, in Sam's car again - but my "old friend" I used to drive throughout college and grad school and everyday until Sam's accident the year before Banner was born), the loud music blaring, the ability to just belt out my loudest notes as I listened to any familiar song that came on the radio, the little tears that sat on my eyelids as I reconnected with myself. I thought about my sister and singing with her in the car. I thought about how in love with Quinn I am. I thought about how, even though our hospital bills are outrageous and they piss me off to no end (the whole insurance crap and what a scam our whole system is!...), my boys and I are healthy and thriving, and I feel so blessed. And, when I got home, I felt rejuvenated, refreshed, and ready for yet another sleepless night. :)